With that behind us, I'm not sure what this poem means. That is, as if poetry needs meaning.
The phrase "Know it's for the better" always denotes in my head a negative connotation.
Never said in a positive state. "You won the lottery? Know it's for the better." You're right. It's for the better. It is redundant when something good happens, and you use that phrase.
Negative state: "You left an abusive relationship? Know it's for the better." Even though you cry, and it hurts, it is for the better. (Even though it doesn't feel like it)
So, if I had to guess, this story is about those two breaking apart. My guess could be wrong.
It kept my attention to the end, even though not many things occurred.
A bus that breaks down would find accommodations for everyone. Sleeping in a refrigerator box was a little far-fetched. Of course, it is a fictional piece, so I shouldn't harp on it too long.
The font makes the name look like Mamie instead of Marnie.
The story was quite entertaining. My wife always yelled at me to shut up when I watched Sci-Fi movies and pointed out the faults. "Just don't think," she would say.
I can relate to gaining weight and being told to stop what you like and do what you don't so you can live longer and not do what you like. Seems a waste of time to me. Maybe stop doing what harms you, every other day to begin, and then slow down later.
Just a small thought on my part. Thanks for your story.
This was a wonderful story, and I enjoyed it a lot. Our lives are all precious and they have a mercurial plight to them. Wonderful things and bad things happen everyday to everyone.
The story flowed well, and I agreed with all your sentiments.
I know you wrote this long ago, but I still enjoyed it.
There's always a place in this world for everyone, whether it's the place where you're sitting while the water gurgles in your ears or the sun basks you with its rays. Some people keep looking to the other side for something better, but then they realize it's not the place you are at but your own attitude.
For example, I live in an idyllic place full of trees, water, birds, and beaches. I work all day in this blissful, bucolic wonderland and hate it. It gets busy, traffic gets bad, too many people. Some would say I live on the other side, but my other side is your side.
Thanks for the story.
Some of your sentences are run-on, but I got the gist.
Maybe tell me what kind of water it is? Brook, lake, pond, fish pond? Is the table at their house? Her parents' house? or a restaurant?
Amusing story. I had a brother who liked to play tricks on me, and his favorite was always getting me in trouble with stores. He turned out okay, though.
The story was short and was easy to read. I would have liked more descriptions of the characters, but it was a short story.
I understood that Jimmy wasn't a good person, being in prison and all. At least the two other brothers had each other.
You wrote a fine article, and I appreciated the subject.
I also believe that a college prepares a student for the real world. Education is fine, but the ability to feed yourself, be on time, and do your work helps the student learn more basic skills in life.
Opening your mind to new items is great, but some parents, not all, like to instill morals and values into their children at a young age so they can grow up well-adjusted. This helps them in the long run.
Overall, it was a fine article; I could picture it on a news web page.
Enjoyed your overly grandiose story of an alternate reality, Rudolph. Who can say it couldn't be this reality's Rudolph? It doesn't matter; the story was right up my alley. I would have enjoyed the story more if it was less of an encyclopedia article and more of an interview with Santa's point of view.
The writing was good and easy to understand. I read so many stories here; the big words are shoved in there haphazardly. I call it the "Baby Kangaroo Syndrome." If you have ever watched the TV show Friends, Joey used a thesaurus and changed every word in a letter to its synonym without ensuring it worked. Hence, he changed his name from Joey to baby kangaroo.
Thank you for your story. I found the subject of the story good. The grammar and word flow worked perfectly, and I read through it quickly.
I thought it might be a short story, but having a Chapter Title and no "short story" written I have to add some comments about plot points.
Reading about "the ghost" without a name and giving Sophena her powers because she was worthy was hard to believe. You have four short sentences about them being together. I didn't feel they had become good friends or anything.
It seemed contrived when people blamed her for wanting the old maid's inheritance. She wasn't related, and it didn't seem they knew each other that well. It was never established.
I know it's fiction, but a flash of light and Sophena receiving all the powers of the Sorceress she didn't know very well was a letdown. Seems like it was an easy conveyance of power without her earning it. She kept returning to learn, but it still felt forced.
You should create more of a bond between the sorceress and Sophena. You should also give the sorceress a name. She should introduce Sophena to magic while she is alive.
Instead of being handed the power, she should learn some while alive and finish her lessons from the ghost in the woods.
Of course, this is your story; you can write it however you want. Please don't take my comments as negative because my demand for stories might be different than yours and other people's.
Keep writing.
This sentence didn't make sense:
"Sophena knew now how get to the source on her own"
Interesting beginning of a slice-of-life story. It's not my genre, and I loathe them, but your writing was good. It has a good word flow, and I understood what was happening to the forty-year-old woman.
Keep up the writing, and enjoy yourself.
(It's hard for me to write a review on a well-written story when I want to scream out loud that this is a story about putting new shoes on and changing your whole attitude so you feel good about yourself (Good), and then you include a love interest that doesn't act upon those changes, but on his own timorous attitude (Bad).)
Thank you for the story. I enjoyed the wording and flow. I know it's been some time since you wrote this, so I won't suggest any typos or anything, not that I found any. I do question some parts of the story from anecdotal reasoning (because I'm male and introverted) as to why finding out her boyfriend was gay would be so detrimental. I would imagine making someone gay would hurt your self-confidence, but a person who is questioning his sexuality shouldn't elicit such a response from his partner when he finds out. I have to imagine there's more to the story than just that one incident to kill yourself. Over all it was a good story that kept my attention.
Being an older man, this is not exactly my type of story, but I stayed with it. The wording is fine, and the story moves along.
A fish man who knows sign language? Creating a means of communication that looks like sign language would be better. You know, hand beckoning or holding your hand to your mouth for eating. At the end of the story, when she signed his name, I imagined a horror film where the person's name was eight characters long, and as the protagonist screamed, they signed all eight letters before running off. It's unbelievable.
I also imagined that Adam could not sign back at the end with his web fingers and bulging eyes.
We never did find out why he had a limp when he had legs. Was it because he wasn't used to it?
Don't take my criticism of the plot to heart. My wife says I always ruin sci-fi shows with my screams, "That can't happen in space! Sharknado 3 is stupid!"
I enjoyed the story very well. It was entertaining and kept my attention. I felt that if I had been in her place, I would have taken off as soon as I opened the door, and there were two guys in there.
I applauded her for her courage. But I feel it takes a little away from the story when she's not walking into a safe place at the beginning. You do a good job keeping her safe by keeping Chapman's demeanor nice. Horace probably should have stayed a little reticent. But that's me, and don't you take it to heart. I enjoyed the story.
The story has a few contradictions:
He sent a letter because he doesn't have good internet, yet the correspondence before was online. having communicated only through a series of online correspondences
She saw pictures of the house online, but when she got there, she didn't know what the house looked like and guessed it was the one in front of her. "It is the only house in sight, therefore I assume it is Silas’s"
and then is later contradicted again. "house resembles the pictures online completely."
Retirement? It's hard to get rid of the feeling that you need always to be somewhere. Does it sink in and feel good? Maybe. The alarm clock doesn't make a noise anymore, but you still wake up. It's like a snow day, where you wake up early and find out you don't have to go to school. That's what I feel retirement should be. Thank you for the poem.
I'd like to visit Iceland. I enjoyed your poem. I live in northern Michigan, and it seems like Iceland is the same. Fish, Lamb (Not Horse), sandy black beaches, and Northern Lights. Being a year old, I hope you made it there and enjoyed your vacation or trip home.
A wonderful start to a story. I wondered if the mice were actually part of the human world or a world totally different from Earth. One tries to guess what Mr Duffle was there for. I keep thinking it was to tell them they were out of money. Whatever happened to that salesman? He got bored and walked away.
I loved this poem. I can picture a field of ghost cows. Would I be scared? I don't think so. The rhyming was nice, and the wording was great. I go through many of these Read & Review stories, hitting skip several times. I'm glad I ran into yours.
It was a 'lovely' poem about the Grim Reaper, coming to the surface during Halloween to kill more people (maybe ones that aren't on his list?) and bringing their souls back to hell.
Scary. Most books I've read make the Grim Reaper out to be a solitary creature. Would his peeps be demons or devils? Either way, it's interesting.
Thank you for your poem.
Not sure if this was supposed to be put or out.
Fixes:
All of hell would break put
All of hell would break out
I enjoyed the poem/short story. If something like that ever happened, I would hope I would live on the light side, or it would be a long trip to the other side. The poem was easy to read and had a nice story to it. Thank you very much for writing it.
It's a poem that tells me how just one thing that changes would affect all of us on Earth.
This review is hard for me. I liked the writing and the "sort of" scary parts, but it left me with questions while reading it. Not a question, like, who did it? What with the doll? More like, what's going on?
Since it's a short story, I know you can't include every little detail. It started well but then went a little off the rails when a woman who was scared of a house because of the voices explored a known scary location like an attic. The only thing worse would have been a basement. To me, I needed a reason she would go up into the attic. Voices told her? Did she need to do it? How about a door with a secret staircase that leads there?
The doll also seemed like a bad story plot. She found it, and all it symbolized was that the little girl had it in her hands. Maybe when she died? Or was it just hers? And how did it get to the river all of a sudden? Was it never there in the attic?
The man found peacefulness in the house. At least in the story, it felt like he was oblivious to everything. A wife missing is not peaceful at all. It wasn't established in the story that he heard anything, so "the Echoes of the house faded" is out of place.
If I were to receive a note like that with the wording "We're okay," I'm sure it would be a lifelong ambition of mine to hunt for my wife.
I know some of these answers are left to the imagination. I like things to make sense, even if I am a little damaged in the brain. Don't take any of the questions I asked as a bad thing. It means I read the story and liked it. I need a little closure, that's all.
Thank you. I'm sorry if I rambled on. It's just my way. I've written my stuff over so many times because of questions like the ones I asked you, and that's funny.
I like your story. I've always played the devil's advocate about teachers because I had a bad one in 6th grade. But that was only 1 out of the 100s I had from 1st grade to College.
My son is twenty-one right now and in college. His younger years at school were easy, and A+ all the way. He headed for University with a chip on his shoulder, thinking it would be easy. He returned with B and C's, the first he had ever had. "These classes are so hard," he said. He's in his third year now and doesn't have time to play video games or go out with friends. He studies all the time and is getting better grades.
Nice story. It was short and sweet. The worlds flowed together, and I enjoyed it. I have never had broken bones or a dislocated shoulder, but I had done a lot of stupid things when I was young, mostly by my brother's dares.
Scaring him by taking him to the hospital might still work nowadays, but he won't be the only one who learns a lesson. The parents would get the hospital bill and then learn what a lesson is!
Thank you for the story. The sentence structure is a little too bunched up to read well. The story has an interesting plot and should be expanded.
I'm not really a fan of spoiled princesses' becoming heroes stories, being a shounen-manga reader, but It did keep my attention.
Here are some corrections for you: "born the Kingdom Scholar did not detect any presence of magic. However...."
"born the Kingdom's Scholar did not detect any presence of magic. However..."
She hesitated, unsure how hoe to continue She hesitated, unsure how hoe to continue
I'm not sure who said this and why. Is this a thought of Lillian from the present or the future? "There isn't much to say about her. She later plays a bigger part in the plot where the female lead tries to gain her favour, but she was easily won over with sweets. She's just a spoiled princess."
I'm not sure what the question was for Dani to answer. Dani had answered with a shrug.
The last few sentences kind of confused me. Does Dani's description of the manga Lillian read, portends her world in the future?
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/troyizen
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.23 seconds at 3:03am on May 08, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
