It is a lovely poem about nature. I always wondered why birds of prey don't hang out next to bird feeders. I have seen a hawk grab an oriole from one before. It was gruesome.
I'm discovering that poems don't need to rhyme. But I don't like poems that don't make sense. Yours does.
I read your poem, but I don't quite understand it. Let me try too.
The butterfly did not look back as it flew away
(Adulthood and independence?)
The caterpillar just watched as the butterfly flew away
(I have to imagine that this sentence isn't to be taken literally because the caterpillar can never see the butterfly fly away because it's the butterfly. Maybe it is a child that doesn't want to grow up? Or see their carefree days as a child be over with adult problems.)
And the butterfly did not look back as it flew away from the caterpillar and did not look back.
(I don't know if you meant to repeat 'did not look back' twice or not. This might mean that as adults, we must move away from our childhood, spread our wings, and fly. The extra did not look back, accentuating the growing old.)
I think I get it now, after dissecting the poem, line by line. It's about growing up and giving up Christmas presents, birthday presents, mom and dad paying the bills, and rent. Even though flying is great, just once in a while, I'd like to be the caterpillar again.
This was a nice story. It's a little out of my wheelhouse, storywise, but entertaining. My cousin's mom was like this, and those children got beat almost every day. My aunt usually always had a reason, unlike the mother in your story. It seems a little callous of his aunt to say that right in front of everyone, almost like she wanted to be heard.
Nice short story. I enjoyed reading it very much. I live by Lake Michigan, and we have had many a person drown from getting pulled out. Even if you know how to swim, fighting that undertow is hard.
The words "in the boiling ocean" I thought were wrong and should have been "in the roiling ocean," but then I looked up the word boiling, and one of the definitions meant "fiercely churning or swirling."
I enjoyed your eye for detail. I, myself, prefer more conversation in a story than descriptive text. But that's just a personal preference and not necessarily negative about your story.
The story is interesting: a dragon and her killer falling in love, or is it a chemical reaction of lust? Never heard the saying cock stand before. I might steal that.
Thank you for your story that masquerades as a poem. Life is full of sickness and good health. We need to remember both and not take either for granted.
I like the following part the best:
A wise individual told me something in anger & strife:"
That before I try to teach others, that I follow my OWN advice."
Great story. I always wonder how werewolves and vampires could have a long-term relationship. You would think if they stayed in one spot for too long, they would get caught easily with DNA evidence now a thing.
The sentence of "What if I told you that what happened to her was an accident? That I caught sight of her running and lost control."
An accident? That's like saying someone jammed their stomach twenty times into my knife"
Thank you for your poem. Simple and easy. I'm really not sure what "A wicked spectre's miles away" is exactly, but I can bring some ideas to my mind. Starving families without food, the world is racked with strife and a society that wants more than it needs.
It was wonderful. It was easy to read, and I got enjoyment out of it.
I had to think about the meaning of the last sentence for a while. I'm American, so Amilcar is an unusual name. I had to decide if it had more meaning than what I read. If I wrote, "I think the story of Noah's life was a bit boring. But it did have a nice arc." You won't get it if you don't know who Noah is.
The statement "Two days later he was back, and his friends asked him why." Did they ask him why he went to the desert or why he came back? The punch line told me it was "Why he returned."
So maybe it should be, "Two days later, he was back, and his friends asked him why he returned."
Here is a suggestion to make it easier to read:
“Oh, the one sat in front of the old oak tree? should be
"Oh, that man sitting in front of the oak tree?
“And you were going to leave him sat here, infatuated with a poor old oak tree?” should be
“And you were going to leave him sitting there, infatuated with a poor old oak tree?”
I'm not sure if it should be changed, but I'm new at this.
Thank you.
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