This is an excellent piece. I was intrigued by the way the rain changed in importance and reflected your character's emotions during various stages of their life.
It flowed well and painted the whole story in such few words, coming full circle at the end.
Thank you for your second entry in the "Invalid Item"
Good choice again as a country/folk piece and congrats on recording it. Hope you manage to sell it in the future.
The verses are inspirational and play a part of a biographical piece, but I would class it more as a love song full of hope and inspiration.
The chorus is good, but I maybe you could have differed it slightly, as the imagery is too close to the verses. Something that would keep the imagery but change the repitition a little.
I think you've described me well here... I can relate well to your thoughts and passion for writing, as I'm sure others will when they read this piece.
The imagery is very good. The emotions you feel about writing came over strongly.
The piece flowed well and gave good examples and descriptions.
This piece definitely would be great as lyrics. I could here it as a up tempo country song for some reason.
The main character is shown to be a tad lost, but also a little cynical about love, after this experience.
The third stanza, line two, shows that he would still like to get back with his estranged love.
The rhyming worked well here, though in some lines, it interupted the flow slightly.
The overall impression of unrequited love came through strongly!
Well done!
Frankies Girl
For you're the one, I always adored. I think it would flow better as ..I've always adored...
If you wanted to change this to lyrics, you could add a chorus; maybe you could play with the imagery of the rain, and allow the theme to flow throughout the poem a little more.
You have clearly given good background information as to why God is on your side, and in the second half of the poem, confirmed it with strong affirmations of your belief.
It flowed well and point your point across clearly and inspirationally.
My only suggestion would be to separate the poem into variou stanzas, which would hightlight each your meaning more.
Thanks for sharing.
Well done!
Frankies Girl
Suggestions:
He has given me the breatplate I think you have a typo here...breatplate?
Whitch strengthens me! Typo. Should be ...which...
You need to rate your intro and poem. At the moment they are both blank.
I loved this one! Being a very big cat lover, I recognized all the cats I've had in this poem. You've definitely gotten inside the head of cats in general and described their typical character (just the way it should be) perfectly! I sometimes wonder who is more human or even more intelligent! lol
Unfortunately, I can no longer own any,... did I say that?..I meant share an abode with them, so I thoroughly enjoyed reading this piece, which brought back fond memories.
This poem dedicated to your best friend,is absolutely beautiful.
You have allowed me to see all the special things this friend means to you and the way she has helped you discover yourself. She has brought the best in you and is there through 'thick and thin.'
It sounds like a marriage....but best friends have that impact sometimes.
Good luck with your writing and thanks for sharing this inspirational piece.
Frankies Girl
ps. In stanza 3, line 3 You proves that I’m not second best{(/c} you have a typo. Proves should be proved.
Check where punctuation and capitalization could be improved to enhance the piece further.
Maybe you could utilize your last sub genre description to attract more views.
I think you've done an excellent job describing menopausal symptoms, and I'm sure lots of women and men at that, will be able to relate to it and smile too.
The flow was good and the descriptions vivid.
A well deserved second place in the contest, and you followed the riddge to the T...or is that M?
I loved your opening line, which opened up the way for line two and the lover's connection. Reading on though, I found the end of lines 2 and 4, to be a slightly forced, making the rhyming uneven; which spoils it a little.
In line 5 I would take out the second 'they' as it throws the flow and is unnecessary.
Reading the rest of the poem, I liked the imagery, but found it a little 'staccato' at times. You might also consider the capitalization in each new line, which is not always correct.
An overall interesting interpretation, which with a little editing, can be turned around into something really special. I would be willing to review again, if any changes are made.
First of all, I like your title, which expanded a little on the prompt you chose.
The poem itself depicts the ups and downs of friendship in general, but also does tribute to the old Irish Saying you have chosen.
You have definitely studied friendship well, and I like the positivity throughout the poem. The end lines are inspirational too.
Well done! Good luck in the contest!
Frankies Girl
Observations:
Be true to your self Yourself is one word.
Maybe you could have another look at your sub genre descriptions. You have another option available, and I'm not sure why you've used holiday as one? Is it because St. Patrick's Day is a holiday?
Unfortunately, your piece does not qualify, as it hasn't used any of the prompts in the title or in the lyrics. It is also classed as a poem, with no chorus etc. I will review the same and hope to see you again in Round 3.
The poem conjures up powerful imagery, and gives good descriptions of past times and memories.
The flow is good, and the stanzas even. The final message leaves the reader hanging a little, as the question is aimed at Mark, and left unanswered. What did all those experiences do for both of you?
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