I really liked the story and your immagery was excellent. You do a good job at showing and not telling. I kept wondering how it would end ... and only very near the end did I start to guess.
I really like the story told here ... is there an allegory lurking between what was written and the memory? It does leave me wanting to know more. I did have a little bit of trouble getting into the rhythm ... with the rhyming within the last 4 lines of each stanza. For me, it evoked some of my own memories of "houses past."
This is a really cute poem and after reading some of your uncle's poetry, I can imagine how you will miss him. I'm new here and even as I read this, he's IMing me with helpful information.
Very well written. It is a testament to a better way to live. I liked how you started with your own experiences in school and then built up to the rewards of living more freely than most people ever think of doing. I sometimes wonder if others have experienced similar rewards but have failed to recognize them.
I am so excited that you posted something. The poem is wonderful. And, this is how you gain GPs (gift points) ... when you begin to review others' work, they will usually review your portfolio and many times send gift points to encourage and support you and for the quality of your work.
This is such a good story ... I could see it unfolding. I think with some minor editing you could do something with this. I don't know how familiar you are with recent western movies. TNT produced one a few years back called "Purgatory." If you haven't seen it, try to rent it. It's an awesome movie and from reading this story I know you would love it. The most recently produced a movie called "Monte Walsh." At least I think it was TNT. And for the life of me I can't think of the star actor (though I can surely see his picture in front of me). Anyway, he helped produce the movie and made sure the sets were realistic. Try to see if you can rent this one. It may be too new. Then again, I wouldn't be surprised if you already have seen them. I plan on checking out more of your writing when I have a little more time.
This was a good read ... nice and tight, lots of action but some good editing would make it much better. There are some spelling, punctuation and gramatically errors that can be easily fixed. I got confused in the 2nd paragraph ... it seemed to waffle between 1st and 3rd person point of view ... who is the "he" referred to. Also ... it's cavalry ... that's an important error to correct as it kind of takes away a little credibility from you the author. I liked the ending ... Doc Holliday. You might want to give a few more clues regarding Doc ... his coughing, etc. alluding to his health ... or not. I look forward to checking more of your work.
It's good to see someone who has a career goal. I think writing sites are good but there are some other things you may be able to do to gain more experience. I'm a former journalist/photo journalist. While in junior high and high school, I got involved in the school newspaper and taking journalism classes. That helped me a lot when I moved into the journalistic field. While I started at the bottom rung, it was the volunteer work I did after high school that provided enough experience to get into the field. I was a civilian who worked for the Army. They sent me to one of the most difficult school the Army offers (to both civilians and military) ... The Defense Information School. I attended a basic 10 week course and as I progressed in my career, returned to for other courses. If I read your post correctly, you want to become in journalism AFTER you become a news broadcaster. I believe you need journalism experience as beginners must research and write their own stories. You do have an admirable goal and I wish you well. If you have any specific questions, please feel free to email me.
Harry,
I didn't want to read this poem ... my mother died a little over a year ago and recently grief has washed over me again, fresh and new. I also know what it's like to be there when a mother dies ... I was alone with my Mom. She died of cancer and we brought her home the last 6 weeks of her life to care for her. I feel I was privileged to be with her ... and as in your poem, my mother heard me. Thanks for sharing.
I agree with you ... pets give unconditional love. I'd like to see this in the form of a short story, maybe. Although I'm not sure how marketable it would be. Still, people LOVE their pets ... they've discovered the truth.
You captured my emotions as I write about nature. I've posted one poem so far, although I'm much more into fiction (short stories and novels). But it is the setting here in the southwest that always becomes a character ... either a major player in the suspense, or a minor one in the reflection of personalities. I KNOW the joy of muse ... and I'm filled with a sense of wonder and awe as I see it in nature.
Another awesome poem that brings nature to life in words. Nature and the world around me always inspires me in my writing ... so much show that nature has become characters in some of my writing.
The feeling this poem evoked in me was comforting and safe.
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