I just started journaling over the last couple of years...and yes I would love to ask my journal this question, and most of all get a answer back. Very well written and a easy read as well!!
I really enjoyed reading your story, a very belivable one!!...a lot of emotion was conveyed in it. A sad story about being to afraid to step outside of our (her) comfort zone...never taking a chance, instead of taking a leap of faith, only seeing the difficulties that lie ahead...anyway I really like how you ended it!! :)
Wow...extremly well written, and the words that were used conveying "A Cry for a Child", well chosen! I honestly can't find anything wrong with this poem...I belive it conveys what you wanted it to convey!! I would encourage you to keep writing!!
A sad but beautifully descriptive written poem, if that makes sense. The only thing I would consider changing is the line that says For you was my air...I would personally think that For you were my air...sounds better. Other than that I love the way it was written and the way you have it aligned on the page! I would encourage you to continue writing!
A beautiful love letter of unrequieted love! This letter also speaks to me, because I've experienced some of the emotions...feelings that you've talked about in it. Even to the part of one day giving them all your paintings, drawings, and love letters...mine would be journal entries/writings.. :) I think in experiencing this, that at least for me my "unrequieted love" was the person who touched me in the part of my soul, and that it opened up the creativity in me...experiencing these feelings was what got me writing!! I would encourage you to keep writing!! ps I noticied on the second to last paragraph, third line down, the sentence "My love for you is not one of possession it is one or (thinking right here instead of or you meant of) pure adoration. Have a great day!!
The first line of your poem "a poem about the people you can't rid yourself of fast enough"...."Judgement and imperfections leave a bad taste in my mouth"....confused me a little.Why? Is it because you feel this way about youself or is the poem about someone else, and if it is, I think it's rather a harsh judgement of someone, even if it is you. Because the poem is in essense casting judgement on the person that it's talking about. Although in rereading the last line "now you ridicule exactly what you hate about yourself".. I do want to add that some of the things in the poem did speak to me....I am one of those people who smiles, laughs etc...and sometimes it really is true that I don't feel it, but I also know that trying to be a positive, optimistic person...the more you do it, the more it overtakes the person (me in this case) that may be dealing with the everyday things of life that aren't joyful. If you were to look at my facebook, you would only see positive things posted...because I try my best to be that person, although I don't always feel that way and sometimes feel depressed, unhappy with my life. For me, I guess I keep the negative feelings, unhappiness to myself not in trying to make people believe that my life is wonderful, but in the belief that spreading it has no purpose other than to bring other people down. Or to make other people maybe feel that happy that I'm not...I'd rather have them think my life is wonderful than to have people gloat that my life isn't always a bed of roses. Overall your poem is very thought provoking....something Good!! Keep writing!!
First off I want you to know that I really enjoyed reading this story, and that it held me captivated until the end. I really liked the commentary that you had running through the story as well. I think your a very good writer. One of the other things I noticed was some spelling errors, so I would encourage you to go back and reread your story and make some corrections to make it even better! Keep writing, because you are very talented!!
Wow...wonderfully written, and it brought me to tears!! I can believe that it won first place...it's a wonderfully written story!! I truly hope that you continue to write and that someday I can write as well as you do!!
....and only if he could confess his love, but then it still might not be returned, which is very sad and heartbreaking as well. Very well written and the story of the poem is very well conveyed. Keep writing ;)
First off I really like your poem...I would like to say that I am by no means a expert on writing them, although I have found I like to write them. In the second sentence, I didn't understand why you have black written in that line, at least in it's placement of the word. That may be exactly how you want it to read...just giving you my take on it. My suggestion would be Lying in this dark room, thinking of this letter....or lying in this black room, thinking of this letter...or if you were wanting to leave it...lying in these rooms, black, thinking of this letter. Also the second line in the second paragraph, depending on what you are trying to convey might sound better as "A first kiss my lips feeling you....or A first kiss your lips feeling me...other than that I love it...I think my favorite line in this poem was, "Without a first night you can't start forever". Whatever you do...keep writing, the sentiment of love can be felt in this poem!!
I really enjoyed reading this. It was a very easy read, and quite erotic as well. It held me captive from the beginning to the end. Very imaginintive as well! I loved it!! Hope you keep writing!
Wow...I really love your poem...I think my favorite part was was the last paragraph...and the very last sentence just made me go wow, with the beauty of that thought! I hope you keep writing!
I like your poem. I actually decided to read it because my husband and I talked about moving sometime in the next year. He asked my feelings about it, and needless to say I started to cry thinking about leaving all my friends, although he assured me that I would be able to make new ones. Anyway it did hit home with me. I did notice that some of your i's need to be capitolized and the sentence after the puppy should say follows me around instead of follow. Please keep writing!! ;)
Very good advice, and I do believe that being optimistic and sharing a smile could improve our world. I did find two errors...the fifth paragraph down, second line you wrote an others, I'm thinking you meant anothers and the second to last paragraph, second to last sentence instead of starting I would say "start" raining smiles....ps I wasn't looking for errors but these just popped out at me. :) I do think smiling and being positive can change someones world just as being grumpy or saying something negative can cause someone's day to take a dive. I've written a poem myself about Smiles...check it out!
Loved your story! I'm probably not the best person to find puctuation errors...I need to take a refresher course in it first. I really did like the story, it was very inspiring and maybe will inspire someone to not be boxed into a role that they don't want to be boxed in. My only question would be is there a was to spell out more clearly the class names...or is B. Mus. the class name. Sorry although I'm in my 40's, I never went to college so I guess that part was a little confusing for me, other than that...loved it!!
I really enjoyed reading your short story. It captured my interest and had me waiting for the next line. I liked how the story took off right away, and also the surprise of the beautiful teenage girl. Which had me wondering if she was just a hallucination. The way you ended the story though, put doubt in my head that it actually could be a true story. So I did enjoy the story, but I hope that it was only a story!! :)
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