The Rubbish Realm

Interlude 4b

(Etherealorister continuation)
Excerpts from Chapter 1 from My Life, An Autobiography, first edition, author listed as The Benson Himself (otherwise known as Benson Clarke), a transcription of a fireside tale he would tell often (supposedly)
So, you want the story of how I stole the bracelet Etherealorister from the stuck-up council, singlehandedly defeated the Emperor, saved the world, and set up a new one? It's a long story...
...you're still here? Well, where shall I start...
I had a boring childhood which none of you want to hear about. You hear me? None of you. Zero. Zip. Nada. It was boring. Sure, I burned down our house three times, once just for fun, even without being an anger affinity, but naw, nobody wants to hear about that. Not even you.
I didn't do anything in my teenage years either. Well, fine, I joined a cult posing as a stealth affinity, captured a city with hand grenades, and almost burned my hometown down with an alcohol fire (unrelatedly, I promise), but you don't want to hear about that. That'd take too long.
No, you want to hear of my glorious singlehanded takedown, and for that, we'd better start outside the Council's chambers.
There I was, listening in from outside the room through the windows, bored out of my wits after the second hour of useless debate and quandraries over what to do and who should have the artifacts and such and such and so and so and such and such again, when I had a brilliant idea (as I so often do) - I could take the artifacts myself and defeat the Emperor, saving them from themselves and their indecision. A brilliant idea, and one worth implementing immediately. But of course, they wouldn't just let me walk away with it. I had to take action... something I excel at.
I quickly picked the lock on the door (practice makes perfect) and snuck inside, my knack for posing as a stealth affinity coming in handy. They never saw me coming as I scaled the wall effortlessly to the second floor, noticing soon afterwards a stairwell that would have functioned just as well. I took that to the third floor, being a connoiseur of common sense.
From the third floor, it was easy to see the bracelets, sitting on an altar in the very front. A few people glared at me, but, with my spiffy suit jacket, likely assumed I had just gone to the bathroom and was, in fact, supposed to be there, even when some people noticed the door wasn't shut... and that the lock was broken. Nevertheless, widespread panic spread throughout the room as people milled about, keeping anybody from exiting - and making possible my gradual path to the front of the room, starting by going back down both flights of stairs.
However, my brilliant plan ran into but one problem - the panic calmed down before I could reach the front. I stole somebody's seat about two-thirds of the way into the room and pretended I belonged there before setting back to work. I needed a new idea - and fast. But the resources at hand were very minimal, and the uproar was unlikely to happen again, although I certainly kept my eyes open for one... and as I wasn't supposed to be there, it wasn't as though I could easily start another one and remain secret.
And lo! Another sparkling idea came to me - fire. Fire is always the answer, especially in a room full of anger affinities. Any punk worth his salt keeps flint and steel in his pocket, and finding some cloth and a little oil wasn't hard. All I had to do was light the joint on fire and get away with the artifacts. It seemed almost too easy, but who was I to complain?
I dumped the oil on the cloth, then scraped the rocks together as quietly as I could, sparks flying slightly, brushing against the chair in front of me (which did not light on fire, unfortunately), and suddenly, the oil sprang to life with a bright flame. Quick as a flash I held it up against the carpeted chair in front of me, lighting that as well, before lighting the one behind me and tossing the rag lightly away. My hands were blistered from the flames, but that was a small price to pay for the commotion that ensued.