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Rated: E · In & Out · Other · #819237
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*Penbl* Author: Joe Nelson          [May 8, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Fantasy :: Dark :: Action/Adventure
*Penr* Details: Looking for some feedback on the beginning of a dark fantasy novel.

 Bray  (GC)
Dark Fantasy about a group of watchmen who arrive too late...
#2249380 by Joe Nelson

*Penbl* Author: often wrong sung          [May 8, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Dark :: Nature :: Contest Entry
*Penr* Details: I was feeling a bit bleak when I wrote this for a comp that no one else bothered with. with nothing to compare it to, I don't know, it might be a decent poem from me

  extinction  (E)
The human gene puddle is way too shallow,
#2249998 by often wrong sung

*Penbl* Author: willy          [May 8, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Romance/Love :: Comedy :: Other
*Penr* Details: A short poem with a twist and I hate to have anything in my portfolio which has not been reviewed

 Move Over, Rover  (13+)
An Ode To A Old Love
#2241820 by willy

*Penbl* Author: Princesisto          [May 6, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Tragedy :: Foreign :: Death
*Penr* Details: Does it make you want to read other stories about this character? Why or why not?
If you have any professional points to make about the writing: they are welcome.
No sex or foul language but there is a graphic description of a murder that may disturb.
  [Short Story]

24 Hours Back Home  (GC)
Her idol murdered. Democracy lost. She'll be a star, yes . .. to face down the darkness.
#2248528 by Princesisto

*Penbl* Author: Victory Seeker          [May 6, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Dark :: Fantasy :: Horror/Scary
*Penr* Details: Hi there,

I'd greatly appreciate feedback on this prologue for a novel in development.

Does it have a hook?
How can I improve it?
Has it got potential?

That's what I'm hoping to find out, please.


  [Short Story]

 Knight in Damnation - Prologue (Teaser)  (GC)
A teaser for a novel in development. One must lead where doom is certain and hope is lost.
#2249253 by Victory Seeker

*Penbl* Author: B.Peers          [May 6, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Dark :: Death :: Tragedy
*Penr* Details: Please critique this beginning of a book. I especially want to know more about dialogue and text flow. Thank you!

 Making good people cry  (18+)
A girl wakes up in the body of another who committed suicide.
#2249910 by B.Peers

*Penbl* Author: Perhaps          [May 5, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Relationship :: Psychology :: Philosophy
*Penr* Details: Free your mind

 Shaman's Trance  (E)
What if you are not alone in your meditation?
#1942416 by Perhaps

*Penbl* Author: Perhaps          [May 5, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Community :: Cultural :: History
*Penr* Details: Inside knowledge

 Serpent lies...  (E)
How do you begin to explain something so reality shattering?
#2110735 by Perhaps

*Penbl* Author: lezismore-with 2021 vision          [May 2, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Emotional :: Family :: Drama
*Penr* Details: This is a rewrite of a story I have in my portfolio. I am trying to rearrange this story in a more logical reading order. Any feedback would be appreciated. Thank you.

Odyssey of a Prodigal Stepson CH 01  (13+)
This is a rewrite and replacement of the present story. Jamie has problems with bullies.
#2249596 by lezismore-with 2021 vision

*Penbl* Author: Christianna          [Apr 29, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Crime/Gangster :: Drama :: None
*Penr* Details: This is an updated version of the second chapter of my book. Looking for all feedback to improve the story and prepare the entire work for publishing.

 The Bank Heist Heroine Chapter 2  (E)
Second chapter of the book I have written
#2249411 by Christianna

*Penbl* Author: Christianna          [Apr 29, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Crime/Gangster :: Drama :: None
*Penr* Details: This is an updated version of the first chapter of the book I've been trying to edit and possibly publish. Any and all reviews are welcome. Don't be afraid to be critical because I want this book to do well once I can finally publish it.

 The Bank Heist Heroine Chapter 1  (E)
First chapter of the book I have written.
#2249410 by Christianna

*Penbl* Author: Roseille ♥          [Apr 28, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Fantasy :: Sci-fi :: Thriller/Suspense
*Penr* Details: I know first chapters carry a lot of weight since they're a reader's first introduction to a story, and I'd be extremely grateful for unfiltered, honest feedback on this one!

The Wayside - Chapter One  (18+)
By the time Tory Arknett hears the clacks and the crack of whips, it’s already too late.
#2185648 by Roseille ♥

*Penbl* Author: often wrong sung          [Apr 27, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Medical :: Health :: Environment
*Penr* Details: I want people to have a read of this in the hope that some of these ideas might get passed along

 camp covid  (E)
2247815 2244186 reworked
#2248903 by often wrong sung

*Penbl* Author: GaelicQueen          [Apr 27, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Ghost :: Family :: Detective
*Penr* Details: Chapter 2 - Secrets of Stone Lodge. Submitting a chapter at a time over the next several days. Please review for syntax, pacing, and interest. Thank you.

 Chapter 2 - Secrets of Stone Lodge   (18+)
Taking the Long Way Home
#2249248 by GaelicQueen

*Penbl* Author: GaelicQueen          [Apr 27, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Death :: Ghost :: Mystery
*Penr* Details: Secrets of Stone Lodge, Chapter 1. A cozy mystery. Please review for content, pacing, syntax and interest.

 Chapter 1 - Secrets of Stone Lodge  (18+)
Visiting Uncle Jim
#2249247 by GaelicQueen

*Penbl* Author: Chris Breva AKA Marvin Schrebe          [Apr 27, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Business :: How-To/Advice :: Military
*Penr* Details: I am thinking of starting a long-term residential rehabilitation and treatment program for veterans called Rehab for Vets. Check out this page and give me some feed back. I am doing research!

Rehab for Vets  (E)
Seeking input
#2249240 by Chris Breva AKA Marvin Schrebe

*Penbl* Author: RobPeters39          [Apr 26, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Friendship :: Relationship :: None
*Penr* Details: I tightened the structure and the wording. Hopefully it flows a little better.

 Search Your Heart  (E)
A plea to a friend to not make a mistake by getting involved with the wrong person
#2249193 by RobPeters39

*Penbl* Author: Annette          [Apr 25, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Fantasy :: Action/Adventure :: Drama
*Penr* Details: Fantasy story of about 3,400 words. I could really use ideas for a better title. Also, if you could let me know how the fantasy aspects of the story work or not.
  [Short Story]

Twigs  (18+)
An elven woman has to overcome obstacles to keep her baby alive.
#2249124 by Annette

*Penbl* Author: RobPeters39          [Apr 25, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Romance/Love :: Other :: Other
*Penr* Details: After issues with paragraphing, can it be reviewed again? Thanks

 What the Heart Wants   (13+)
A minister with a secret has to navigate difficult congregants.
#2206103 by RobPeters39

*Penbl* Author: Ari Lox          [Apr 25, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): History :: Relationship :: Regional
*Penr* Details: Is the story clear? Did you read it quickly? If you quit it, why?


Decision in Ireland  (13+)
A story occurring at the turn of the 19th century, inspired by musings on genealogy.
#2243930 by Ari Lox

*Penbl* Author: Isaiah Ramirez          [Apr 20, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Community :: Educational :: None
*Penr* Details: Just want some feedback on this piece

 COVID-19 and Minority Communities  (E)
How communities have been hurt by COVID-19
#2248791 by Isaiah Ramirez

*Penbl* Author: Philinblank          [Apr 17, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): None :: None :: None
*Penr* Details: A short attempt at a poem.

 The end  (E)
a poem about life. I guess.
#2248576 by Philinblank

*Penbl* Author: Sidney D.          [Apr 14, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Arts :: Personal :: None
*Penr* Details: Feeling stuck and would appreciate any suggestions on diction, flow, style, etc.. Thanks!

 Emily  (E)
"La Toilette (or Morning Sunlight)" Richard E. Miller 1914
#2248415 by Sidney D.

*Penbl* Author: Alextrax52          [Apr 10, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Sci-fi :: Supernatural :: Fantasy
*Penr* Details: The sequel to my (surprisingly successful) first story is nearing completion. Go and check it out and as always honest feedback please

 Attack of the Blobwoman 2  (E)
While a police commando investigates her case Carole plans a rampage through London
#2248047 by Alextrax52

*Penbl* Author: willy          [Apr 9, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Horror/Scary :: Psychology :: Food/Cooking
*Penr* Details: A man finds a way to repay his wife. Please tell me what you think of this story and particularly how it can be improved.
  [Short Story]

 Joe Tries A New Recipe  (13+)
Joe has to choose between his wife and his four friends
#2246224 by willy

*Penbl* Author: Ari Lox          [Apr 6, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Psychology :: Scientific :: Philosophy
*Penr* Details: Essays can be tough sledding. I converted this one into a dialog to convey a difficult point about thinking. Does the form help you to stay engaged with the subject matter?

Almost Gate at the Coffee Shop  (13+)
I converted an essay to a dialog. Does the dialog keep you reading?
#2247908 by Ari Lox

*Penbl* Author: Ria Lu          [Apr 2, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Sci-fi :: Other :: Other
*Penr* Details: Requesting review for the first chapter of a sci-fi novel I'm making. Do you think it's good enough to catch you as a first chapter? Feedback is greatly appreciated.

 Sinang: Prologue  (E)
Prologue of a near-future sci-fi novel following the missions of the culture ship, Sinang.
#2247620 by Ria Lu

*Penbl* Author: Alextrax52          [Apr 1, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Sci-fi :: Supernatural :: Fantasy
*Penr* Details: Finished my first story. I would appreciate it if people could give me feedback

 Attack of the blobwoman   (E)
Carole dreams of being an eating machine. Could some outer space goo make it a reality?
#2247379 by Alextrax52

*Penbl* Author: The Puppet Master          [Mar 31, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Romance/Love :: Political :: Religious
*Penr* Details: I rewrote the ending to this and would like to know if it works. Thanks.
  [Short Story]

 Love in the Time of the Pandemic  (18+)
Unusual love story in the COVID era
#2227575 by The Puppet Master

*Penbl* Author: Rakkit          [Mar 28, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Sci-fi :: Technology :: Action/Adventure
*Penr* Details: Short story written for a contest. This is my first venture into this genre. It was a fun write!
  [Short Story]

Quiver and Arrow  (18+)
Quinn searches for their sister in the city that never dies
#2247333 by Rakkit

*Penbl* Author: Charlie Carrol          [Mar 24, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Emotional :: Romance/Love :: Other
*Penr* Details: Stream of conciouness/monologue style. Any reviews or opinions would be greatly appreciated :)

 playing poker  (18+)
stream of consciousness about being stuck between people
#2247059 by Charlie Carrol

*Penbl* Author: vesteria          [Mar 21, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Writing :: Drama :: Family
*Penr* Details: I would like some feedback on the interaction between all three characters, please. If something does not make sense, will you please let me know? Thank you. This is a short story fiction piece.
  [Short Story]

 The Beer Lesson  (E)
A 14-year-old boy learns to not take his grandfather's beer.
#2246876 by vesteria

*Penbl* Author: EW          [Mar 17, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Action/Adventure :: Fantasy :: Folklore
*Penr* Details: Just wanting to get a feel for...well how people feel.
It’s an unedited rough draft, so expect errors. You can correct if you’d like, but I’m much more interested in hearing if this is a story anyone would even like to read!

 Knights of Cedar Hollow  (13+)
After monsters attack their village, a new breed of hero must set out to save the world
#2246661 by EW

*Penbl* Author: Rustika          [Mar 13, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Dark :: Psychology :: Horror/Scary
*Penr* Details: Looking for feedback - the good, the bad, and the in-between. Or just any thoughts the reader would feel like sending my way.
  [Short Story]

Locked Up  (18+)
Those fears can really get in the way.
#2233933 by Rustika

*Penbl* Author: ruwth          [Mar 10, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Contest Entry :: Biographical :: Personal
*Penr* Details: I tend to write nonfiction. Obviously, there is a bit of fiction in this story but the person these reading glasses introduce is real. It is me. Please give this tale a bit of a critique to help me improve as a writer. Thank you...

 An Introduction . . .  (E)
An introduction by a pair of reading glasses. A contest entry for "What A Character!".
#1851522 by ruwth

*Penbl* Author: Rturner19936          [Mar 5, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Fantasy :: Action/Adventure :: Dark
*Penr* Details: Any comments would be appreciated

 After Tomorrow  (13+)
First chapter of a book I have started. Any feedback would be good.
#2245896 by Rturner19936

*Penbl* Author: BariRandom          [Feb 28, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Sci-fi :: Business :: Cultural
*Penr* Details: I'm looking for honest reviews for my latest short story about a robot (android) in business. I would love to hear what you think.
  [Short Story]

Emotionally Overloaded  (13+)
An unreliable robot tries to make a major business decision.
#2245533 by BariRandom

*Penbl* Author: Alana Lenore          [Feb 28, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Drama :: Friendship :: Dark
*Penr* Details: I'm tackling my first big project, beginning a novel. The novel is semi autobiographical and I want to avoid being "too close" to it, making it something that only sounds compelling to me.

 Novel Elevator Pitch  (E)
Looking for constructive criticism. Is it interesting enough?
#2245528 by Alana Lenore

*Penbl* Author: Andrew W          [Feb 28, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Action/Adventure :: Fantasy :: Contest Entry
*Penr* Details: Looking for feedback on content more than spelling and grammar.
  [Short Story]

 Mermaids vs Unicorns: A Prelude to War  (18+)
Short Story for the Whatever contest
#2245234 by Andrew W

*Penbl* Author: B.Peers          [Feb 27, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Dark :: Tragedy :: Other
*Penr* Details: Honest reviews, please!

 Loving this beast will kill you pt.1  (GC)
A girl recounters and walks around in her past
#2245316 by B.Peers

*Penbl* Author: Andrew W          [Feb 27, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Adult :: Drama :: Thriller/Suspense
*Penr* Details: Looking for feedback on content more than spelling and grammar.
  [Short Story]

 One Night Stand  (13+)
A short story for the Whatever contest.
#2245235 by Andrew W

*Penbl* Author: BariRandom          [Feb 26, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Death :: Nature :: Dark
*Penr* Details: I would love some feedback on this pieces I wrote for a Writers Cramp competition. I'm pretty proud of it, and am looking to get better.
  [Short Story]

 Winter and Spring  (18+)
A girl who hates spring and loves winter.
#2245303 by BariRandom

*Penbl* Author: S.z.kamoonpuri          [Feb 25, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Inspirational :: Nature :: Self Help
*Penr* Details: 2245155
Plz read and comment mine and i will read yours too.

Part 1 How to destress in modern life  (E)
Natural tranquilliser blessings with God's creations
#2245155 by S.z.kamoonpuri

*Penbl* Author: Joto-Kai          [Feb 23, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Supernatural :: Romance/Love :: Fantasy
*Penr* Details: A double-dealing temptress-demon faces a tragic end if she sticks to her emerging value system. Will it all be for naught? As the angel warns her, "That would be... not worthwhile."
  [Short Story]

 Vivianca's Crossroads  (13+)
Will she finally destroy the one thing she risked eternity to possess?
#2071935 by Joto-Kai

*Penbl* Author: AskMyName          [Feb 21, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Friendship :: Emotional :: Personal
*Penr* Details: Okay so, I did some intentional tweaking and molding of the tempo of this poem. Not my first time, but definitely my most ambitious so far by a lot.

I'd like to know where you sped up and slowed down as you read, places you almost stopped, and changes.

 I Suppose It Makes Sense  (E)
Poem dedicated to a friend of mine. Ridiculously pretentious IMO. Used whence hence thence
#2244801 by AskMyName

*Penbl* Author: RickyZ          [Feb 20, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Fantasy :: Action/Adventure :: War
*Penr* Details: Also for those just entering this story, here is the beginning along with the current progress. Several changes have already been made, yet I'm always interested in any additional ideas, feedback, and suggestions you may have. Enjoy.

 The Lady and the Thug Part 1  (18+)
Sergeant Ordell defends the honor of a noble lady -- perhaps too roughly
#2233048 by RickyZ

*Penbl* Author: RickyZ          [Feb 20, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Fantasy :: Action/Adventure :: War
*Penr* Details: For those of you who have been following along since the beginning of this series, welcome. And for those who are only just now entering this story, also welcome. I'm continuously interested in any and all constructive feedback and suggestions. Enjoy.

 The Lady and the Thug Part 7  (18+)
Richard arrives at Fort Vasbrook, and receives a warm welcome.
#2244334 by RickyZ

*Penbl* Author: Redtowrite          [Feb 19, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Drama :: Action/Adventure :: Emotional
*Penr* Details: I have edited this piece several times and would like an honest review. Thanks so much.

Angels in Satan's Playground  (18+)
A widow endangers her own life while providing help to those who are down and out.
#1358365 by Redtowrite

*Penbl* Author: TristenKozinski          [Feb 18, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Fantasy :: Sci-fi :: Action/Adventure
*Penr* Details: First two chapters of a full novel I would like beta read. 120k total WC. Fantasy/sci-fi, ocean world, female protagonist dealing with PTSD-related trauma. Action with light mystery elements. GP reward for these chapters and full novel. Price negotiable.

 Stormflower  (13+)
Ocean world, Female lead with PTST related trauma. Action with light mystery elements.
#2244600 by TristenKozinski

*Penbl* Author: Rewrite          [Feb 17, 2021]
*BookStack3* Genre(s): Fantasy :: Sci-fi :: Other
*Penr* Details: Looking for help with my writing in all areas. This is a Flash Fiction piece with the prompt: Something Boring into Something Exciting. I could really use your review if you don't mind. I'm trying to learn what areas I need to work on.
  [Short Story]

 The Visitor  (E)
Flash Fiction for prompt: Something Boring into Something Exciting
#2244547 by Rewrite

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