Someone said I should have a blog. Should I?.. well, here it is...
|I used to no
But now I don’t
I deserve yes
I used to no
But now I don’t
I’m not sure
I used to no
But now I don’t
I used to no?
I used to no
But now I know
I used to no
But now I know
The Asking Boy... thinking that 'Yes' is a magic word
ring a young man's future
Dark foil wrapped
hopes are chosen
inspire sugared memories
lays shattered on the cacao floor
Ten thousand bittersweet sighs
for what might have been
and what still...
The Asking Boy - (watching too much Food Network television these days)
Sleeping in the bedroom again was strange and unfamiliar; we hadn’t slept in the same room for over two years. That night, I slept on ‘her’ side of the bed. I really don’t know why.
At dawn, I woke up and something wasn’t right. I felt.... a presence, and a pinch on my upper arm... it was quite strong. Someone was pinching me!
It got a bit stronger, and then I realized what it was. It was her. I was on her side of the bed, and she was telling me to move over. Almost as if she was saying… ‘Move over, you idiot...“
I said aloud - “Theresa....it's time to go. You don’t need to sleep anymore.”
The pinching immediately stopped.
I have not felt a pinch again.
It’s my side of the bed now.
-The Asking Boy (realizing that it's time to go mattress shopping)
|She went to the funeral home alone, and chose the room, the flowers, the music
She selected the vessel, and the inscription we were to remember her by.
She visited the restaurant, and told the owner about the party for her sister.
She wrote a letter to her financial planner, giving him instructions.
She gave me a two page list, going over it twice, making sure I understood.
Then, the cancer began its final push towards death, and she surrendered.
We all followed directions - played our roles, just as she told us to.
She didn’t tell me to cry for her.
So I haven't.
|I saw what I wanted
I saw what was needed
I saw hypnotic attraction
I saw places to touch and heal
I saw magnetic desire
I saw mouth watering perfection
I saw the peace of softness
I saw places to focus my love
I saw the pleasure of my future
I saw no disease that can bring death
I saw the beauty that I dream of
I saw happiness living inside my soul
I saw only... love
-The Asking Boy – (Wondering when he will be able to see again..)
|When wants and needs become one, God has spoken. - Anonymous
The Asking Boy would like to know…. Is there truly that much difference between wants and needs?
Notice how close the two sets of definitions are;
noun: anything that is necessary but lacking ("I tried to supply his wants")
▸ noun: a state of extreme poverty
▸ noun: a specific feeling of desire
▸ noun: the state of needing something that is absent or unavailable ("For want of a nail the shoe was lost")
▸ verb: be without, lack; be deficient in ("Want courtesy")
▸ verb: have need of ("This piano wants the attention of a competent tuner")
▸ verb: feel or have a desire for; want strongly ("I want to go home now")
noun: anything that is necessary but lacking ("He had sufficient means to meet his simple needs")
▸ noun: a condition requiring relief ("She satisfied his need for affection")
▸ noun: a state of extreme poverty or destitution ("A general state of need exists among the homeless")
▸ noun: the psychological feature that arouses an organism to action toward a desired goal; the reason for the action; that which gives purpose and direction to behavior
▸ verb: have or feel a need for ("Always needing friends and money")
▸ verb: have need of
▸ verb: require as useful, just, or proper
I ponder at great length about wanting and needing. If any of you have read Paulo Coelho’s ‘ The Alchemist’, you will know that a central theme in the story is wanting and needing…
"When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it."
I change it for myself just a small bit…
“When you want something, all the universe conspires to bring you what you need”
My life has been a constant reminder of this quote, I’ll give you an example… I wanted a biological child in my life. My wish was to find someone for my heart, and from the love that grew there, bring a new life into the world. What I received, though… was quite different. My wife was unable to have children, and so our path changed, and we adopted my little girl from the other side of the world; Siberia, in Russia What I received is what I needed, and that was the baby who became Hayley Anne.
Wanting one thing, and receiving another, is a recurring theme for my life.
I wanted a biological child, and I received the soul I needed
I wanted a love, and I received inner strength
I wanted money, and I received a job where I am surrounded by money that is not mine
I want peace, and I have received a vision of peace
I want love again, and I have received hope
Asking for what I want and receiving what I need is a destiny that I cannot change. But considering how close the definition of want and need are - is there truly that much difference between the two? And if they are that close… well, then, how can I explain that my life has been filled with what I need, but not what I want?
-The Asking Boy (thinking he needs to consider the quote, "Be careful what you wish for...')
The Alchemist: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Alchemist_(novel)
Quotes from The Alchemist: http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/The_Alchemist_(novel)
|Patience is the greatest of all virtues. - Cato the Elder (234 BC - 149 BC)
A handful of patience is worth more than a bushel of brains. - Dutch Proverb
I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end. - Margaret Thatcher (1925 -
I received a wonderful gift this week. The picture in the header of my blog was presented to me by a wonderful soul that I have never met, yet, she has shown her kindness to me over the miles that exist between us. Iowegian Skye, thank you so much for the lovely gift of the photograph…I think perhaps that the magic of WDC is one of the things that draws everyone here together. That photograph is magical.
I have a number of interpretations of the man standing on the top of the bridge… He could move in a number of directions, and there has been some discussion as to whether he is turning to go back, or turning away. There is a figure in the distance, just visible, and I prefer to think it’s his love, and he is turning to her, moving to get closer to her. Any moment he is going to break into a run, grab her in his arms, and tell her how long he has been waiting at the top of that bridge for her to arrive.
Of course, he could also pause for a moment and jump over the side into the imagined water below. But, that is not what I am asking for..
The first thing I felt after seeing the photo for the first time was… calm. I am not ashamed to share that I cried a bit, seeing my nickname pasted under a figure that so clearly was me, standing at a precipice in life, ready to move forward and take the next step.
I studied at that photo for hours, and now the feeling that comes to me when seeing it is ….patience.
I am destined to have patience… I have it, given the right circumstance… but sometimes, it eludes me.
I awoke this morning without patience. I have a number of fun things to do this weekend, and I have a feeling that the memories of the next few days will live with me for the rest of my life. I can’t wait for the day to start, so I can begin to experience the happiness that I anticipate. I am daydreaming of what is to come. I have lived this weekend in my mind, and if the reality is 10 percent of what I imagine… it will be incredible.
And, so.. today’s musical soundtrack for my new lovely photo;
I wish it would get here.. I wish she would get here.
I’ll be waiting, right at top of that bridge… do you see me there?... that’s where I’ll be.
-The Asking Boy (anxiously patient)
|Another Blog site had an Open Call for all bloggers to share their thoughts on love to all the universe. The call hit home for me this past week. The week has been trying for my heart, and it will be a difficult one to remember years from now.
I have realized of late, that I have not truly known love yet in my life. Oh, I thought I did... I convinced myself that it was love, gave all I had to prove it, but it wasn't real. It was one dimensional, lopsided. Real love is more.
What Love means to me?
Love means being forgiven before the words "I'm sorry" finish leaving your lips
Love is holding hands in bed
Love means feeling empty when she's not there
Love is encouragement
Love is a family meal, carefully prepared
Love is a pile of folded laundry
Love is a beautiful poem, written only for me.
Love is a Sunday afternoon, sitting together, doing nothing.
Love is a hug, just because you were standing there.
Love is thinking she doesn't look that different from the way she did when you first met.
Love is forgetting your own pleasure for her own.
Love is the best kind of friendship the universe ever created
I wish that one day, I will know Love.
Is it okay to pray for love?.. that seems selfish....
Can you ask for love?... I'm all about the asking...
I wish I knew what love is.