Hello,
I stumbled upon your story by "READ A NEWBIE" feature.
Story is straight forward and you put suspense in last which makes readers to hook for rest of your next work.
But there are grammatical mistakes(No offence). But don't worry I will point out some below.
* Don't use comma after this sentence use full stop(.)- I peek one eye open to see where my alarm is,- I peek one eye open to see where my alarm is.
*I feel my hopes and dreams of further slumber be extinguished when the door to my room begins to slowly open- I feel my hopes and dreams to sleep further is extinguished when the door of my room opened.
*In comes Max, my oldest brother,- Not "oldest" use "elder"
* When he finally makes it besides my bed,- It is "beside" not "besides"
* Max knows that a way to make me forgive you is totally with food- forgive whom? please vomit "you" in this sentence.
* use comma in dialogue before the quotes not full stop.
* sweet looking, good looking- use Hyphen(-) like, Sweet-looking, good-looking, wrath-filled eyes.
*I faced the glares, whispers, and pointing all day and had no clue beside the clear fact it had something to do with me being from Crescent- it is not beside but, besides.
I pointed some there might be some other too. But don't worry, I will suggest you to go for Grammarly website. It will certainly help you to point out most of your mistakes.
Have a nice day :)
-winformal
Hi,
"Sometimes we laugh by remembering the days we cried, and we cry by remembering the days that we laughed"
that's the world.
nice work . Things you contrasted is well written.
The person who had success is also the person who was mocked, ridiculed and felt hopeless at some point.
your every line is motivational and help enough to hold the rage which will fuel our desire.
hello,
I love the way how you contrasted the preceding statement by very next following statement. But I am unable to guess what will be a terrible gift that is gifted by a grand mother to her grand daughter.
Hi Adira,
I stumbled across your story by newbie feature. I must admit I am not good at checking grammar mistakes. I admired how you featured the house neither lengthy nor short. I must talk about title "The Forbidden Secrets" but I didn't find any secrets. I think this is just starting piece of your book. I must wait to read until you bid your "forbidden secrets" on portfolio D:
hello,
I was still sitting alone
after 20 years being divorced
after reading this line i thought protagonist is being divorced continuously from 20 years
correct me if am wrong
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