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 |   My journey through (and beyond) the valley with Cancer as my companion. |
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Dear Friend: This is not a Blog about writing! (I already have one of those.) This is a blog about a journey I am taking with illness. I have recently been diagnosed with Cancer. My goal is honest therapy as I progress through, and beyond this new reality in my life. I hope that, somewhere along the way you will find some words that will help you too. While this is, in fact, an interactive Blog, I hope that you will scroll slowly down this page. For you see, the front of this Blog IS my journey. The entries are conversations that are held along the journey.Yes, there is a lot on it--before actually getting to the Blog entries. But, I hope that by the objects and words which appear before the Blog itself, you might come to understand just a little bit about me, and my journey, and some truly amazing friends who have agreed to journey with me. I hope that you, too, will choose to accompany me on my walk--through the Valley. I invite you to join me, and discover the wondrous truths, meet some truly amazing people, and share those "memorable" moments this journey will undoubtedly present. Come along, won't you? In His Care, ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Would you like to help me help others? I found this amazing organization, and I am proud to be a sponsor. I hope you will check it out. It's called The Network For Good.  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "RISUS OMNIA - INCRUMENTUS PER DEDECUS - SAPIENTIA PER DAMNUM" ("Every thing is funny - Growth through humiliation - Wisdom through loss") ~Leunig~ The hilltop hour would not be half so wonderful if there were no dark valleys to traverse. ~Helen Keller~ "If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people." ~Virginia Woolf~ ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "There is strength in truth." ~The Barton Family Crest~ ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” — Helen Keller, American social activist, public speaker and author (1880-1968) I have moved the list of my thanks for those who have helped to make this little Blog so very special. I hope that you will take a moment to read the list, growing every day, and let these fellow travellers along this journey know that you appreciate the contributions they make to our walk together.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Please feel free to click on the Blog Rings icon below to be transported to some of the very best of the Best Bloggers around WDC. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** If you are new to WDC, or to our Blogging community, I highly recommend the monthly edition of "The Blogville News". Feel free to click below, and let Scarlett   know that a Blogger sent ya!Hey! We've started a Christian's Blog Ring on WDC. Click on the logo, and join us! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Budroe
 Ring LeaderI have three publications at the moment. Here is a link to purchase my latest one. Buy a great read, and help a fellow writer out, Okay?  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Early tomorrow morning Sara, her husband and I will travel to Illinois one more time. We will move the remaining few pieces of my existence there here to Tennessee, and I will become a "Volunteer". There is a lot in my mind, and on my heart about this, and I will surely write about it later. My thanks, love, admiration, and blessings to all I have known there. I love you all. Until next we meet, I remain faithfully, In His Care. Budroe |
Okay, so this is getting ridiculous!!  Yet, I did actually take note that the earth did NOT implode upon itself, the mountains have not moved, the Sun still rose in the East, and I have yet to win the Lottery. Status normal. I love you Dad. Thank you for the blessings You bestow upon me, Your Kid. I love You, too. Until next we meet, I remain faithfully, In His Care. Budroe |
| I'm serious about this "every day" thing. So, while I will have a post later, I just wanted to get this second day painted Blue! Sometimes, that's all it takes! Dracula, and two opening movies this weekend are on the horizon for me. I personally do not care for them that much. But that's okay, really. I get lots of screams and hugs along the way. I don't know what Sara thinks of that, but she seems to bear up well! LOL The blood sugar is whacky. Yet another modification or several on the prescriptions, and a doubling (Plus!) of Insulin are the deal of the day! That means about 72 hours of close monitoring, more sticks, and a generally unhappy patient. Patience, Dad? Please? Until next we meet, I remain faithfully, In His Care. Budroe |
| Umm, not so much. Today, I renewed my membership for another year. Okay, this is going beyond reasonable, into the land of the unimaginable. I'm so going to get into trouble for this! So, today begins the renewal campaign for 2011. It cannot fail, as I am committing to myself that I will not use my funds again for this membership. In order to do that, I am going to have to commit to this site, and my writing success in the next year. There are some pretty important (to me) activities that bear my name on here. One of them is this very blog. We'll see. But for now, the year is perfect. 100% blogging. We shall see what we shall see, shall we? Indeed we shall! Until next we meet, I remain faithfully, In His Care. Budroe |
| I feel relatively sure this is going to be a series of articles. There's a lot to say about what I have learned. Sad to say, most of it is not good. Some of it, however, is very good. If there is any comfort in this report, it is no more than saying I am neither the first, nor (sadly) the last person to arrive at this point, especially after years of learning, spending, and trying. There are some truly despicable individuals purporting to be successful Internet marketers. You might well have seen some of their work. I believe I've seen it all. Of course, I know that is not true, but I really do believe I have seen every "usual" technique used by those of less than sterling character in the IM game. Several years, several companies, and several thousands of dollars later, I have learned a few things.  "Special Deals" aren't. There is no such thing as a "Free Offer" on the internet. This is marketing, folks. The purpose of such offers is to separate you from your money without knowing it. Sad to say, it is entirely TOO effective. There are approximately 1.5 million Internet Marketers online today. I am one of them. Most of those I have met are upstanding, credible, and integrity-driven marketers. They have told me what people and deals to pay attention to, and more specifically which ones to stay away from. There are some real scumbags in this business! I am NOT one of them. That makes it tougher on those of us who aren't in that club, but that's alright. We have our own club. Some of the names on that club's roster would surprise you--but not so much as those whose names are NOT on that list.I've discovered some really superb opportunities on the internet. Some of them, I have presented to you over the last four years, but not all of them. Some have been brought to my door by members of this very community. There is a large Internet Marketing presence in WDC, which only makes perfect sense. Marketing in this industry requires a huge commitment to effective business writing. I'm one of the good guys. That's not the "quick way" to internet riches. I'm alright with that. Internet exclusivity is one of the foundational benchmarks of all my future business. I'll do it ethically, with integrity, or not at all. Marketing is one piece of that business, and I've had to swim through some gutters to get my education. That's okay. At least my education is well-rounded. I have also found some amazing teachers, and even a few (3) mentors who are giving me some excellent counsel. Not so bad. If only the benefits administrators, and a few docs could choose to do things that way--live would be so much better. But, again: some do, while most do not. I can live with that, as long as I am one who does. Until next we meet, I remain faithfully, In His Care. Budroe |
| According to my calendar (as verified by my mailbox today), one week from today will be my fourth anniversary, or birth day at writing.com. (Thanks for the gift, SM and SMs!) That just can't be! The very first person to acknowledge my existence on this site, debsey was my first believer. She became a very dear friend to me. Closely behind her was a man who would become her husband. The third is still a major force on WDC, and a very, very dear friend. Her politics don't suit me. Her faith suits me to a Tee! On most things, Kenzie  and I usually agree, because they are things of substance--of life, and the living of it. She has been my friend, my very vocal supporter, and my mentor for these four years. My goodness, the list would go on and on. Check out my page above of Thanks and Thanksgiving for just a taste of the folks who have loved me here. From SM and SMs, Grandma Jane, to the latest follower of this very blog, WDC was a haven of rest, and creativity for me. Lest you get fearful, it still is and will, I hope, continue to be for a very long time to come. There have been some terribly difficult moments, as well. The community sometimes forgets its place in the real lives of the very real people who populate this site. I forgive, yet will never forget how very dangerous "friends" can be. Apologies have been made. Life moves inevitably forward. This weekend, I will complete what will be my last move of my life. If my records are still trustworthy, this will be my 75th move in my lifetime. There are several important reasons for this particular move that deal with real life issues. They all did. My Aunt Jena used to tell me that one of my gifts was the gift of gab. But, she understood something about me that very few others really ever did. It was, she said, my wandering spirit that was my greatest gift. It comes along very rarely in its purest and best form. To her, this was the true wandering spirit. in my life. She lived vicariously through many of those travels, because they took me to places she and her family knew very well. She found it to be a very powerful gift, and made me promise to always use it well. I believe I did. I love you, Aunt Jena, so very much. Thank you for YOUR gift to me. This is, you see, a post about first believers. I have had many in my life. Have you? Can you bring to mind those who unfailingly believed in you? Were yo a first believer for someone else? That's a very dangerous business, you know. Real life teaches you to be cautious and doubtful, skeptical of others and their words--especially when their actions do not support them. I found a first believer within moments of joining this site. I was a first believer OF this site, and have struggled sometimes to remain a citizen in good standing here. It's really not easy, as those of you who have been here a while will surely attest. Yet, it was always worth it in the end. So much of my life, and surely most of the recent "stuff of substance" has occurred with this Blog as a looking glass. The good and the not-so-good have lived out here. Hundreds of fellow travelers, and thousands of comments that have struck the soul of so many here have flowed along this journey. Because of Debbie, this Blog began. It was a challenge, a dare. It remains a challenge today, yet the community of friends along the journey continues to grow. I am grateful for that, as well. There has been a great bit of writing created during these four years. Even just today, I learned that one of my works won 2nd place in a month-long short story contest. I can't wait to read the winning work, and the other entries. The group is FMS . As many can tell you, this group is a true blessing to our community. That my story was selected to secure second place is a wonderful acknowledgment of the story. That this group did so blesses my soul. There will be more contests. I might even enter some of them with new words. This community has taught me so many things! One thing I've learned is that life in the real, and writing.com are NOT necessarily mutually exclusive. In fact, integrating one into the other is a requirement for those of us who call ourselves writers. It requires care, selection, and balance. Right now, virtually everything in my life is out of balance. I am aware of this, and am working to level things off--with the unending support, care and love of Sara, her family, and her friends who have gathered themselves to me in a community of love and support. (That's really just an excuse for them to love up on Sara, who just HATES acknowledgment for her selfless acts of care-giving to me! It is conspiracy that I love to be a part of!) WDC was the nexus which brought us back together after a 35 year hiatus. I'm here, with her care, because of WDC! Tell me who my first believer has been these four years? Writing.com has been my first believer. This community has affirmed my existence, and made my contributions worthy of note. This community has shared its collective wisdom, skill, and craftsmanship with me at a mere request. I've not met either SM or SMs, yet I count them among my first believers--my friends. It has not been an easy journey for them, either. Unknowingly, and unwillingly, my membership here brought sadness to THEIR doorstep. Thank you for being here for me. I would not be here if not for your loving kindness, patience, and direction. You have brought two new lives into this world who know that, no matter what, they are completely and totally loved. That is not just ALL a parent can do in the life of a child. But, it certainly is the first and only thing ANY child needs to know: everything else (believe it or don't) is just small stuff. To my friends, and faithful fellow travelers along the journey, we have come upon a milestone. Four years. Is this true? Yes, and I am grateful for it. It is well past the 18 months I was given to live in November, 2006. No, Dr. N. I am NOT done! Not yet. To those whom I have seemingly harmed by my existence, I do humbly apologize and seek your forgiveness. I have forgiven myself, even when innocent. What you choose to do as to forgiving me is none of my business, yet there it is. Can this possibly be? Probably not if you confine your belief to the natural laws of the physical world, no. Yet, for the whole of my life, I have been the exception to the rule. I just would NOT have it any other way. I am by no means an innocent, believe me. I've laid my share of sadness, shame, and frustration along the path of my life. I have a belly button, too. As you already well know, I am the belly button kid! It's been one hell of a ride for four years, hasn't it? Here's to four more! Until next we meet, I remain faithfully, In His Care. Budroe |
I haven't gotten many reviews on it, but the ones I've gotten so far were fair, and constructive. I was hoping that if you weren't doing anything for the next five minutes (no, REALLY! It IS a little piece!), you might give it a looksee and tell me what you think about it. It's for the monthly FMS Writing contest.
It's been busy around the Chateau of late. Not feeling so great, and working way too many hours for way too little return. But these are the building days, you see. It takes a lot to deadlift concrete bricks into place. But, that is the idea around here as we prepare to bring a website of several live in October. Of course, it was an absolutely gorgeous day here along the mighty Duck River, just South of Nashville. (One more trip, and it will all be moved! That's this weekend's agenda!) I'm incredibly tired of late. I've been re-balancing my meds, my insulin, and my life. So far, it only seems to have made for a very weary Budroe. So, I'm slaving away here at the keyboard, trying to stay in touch with those things that matter. I apologize for the lack of blogging. I'll make it up. I hope you have a completely legendary Autumn where you live: it's setting up to be a dazzler here, I think! Until next we meet, I remain faithfully, In His Care. Budroe |
| Throughout our lives (if we are very lucky) we cross paths with people who become terribly important to us. The circumstances matter, but not much. We somehow discover that our paths have joined, and the footsteps taken leave footprints of a different color, hue and texture. We don't mind. Shortly after moving into public housing, I began to "hear" things about the residents of my building. I didn't know them, and felt pretty bad about what their "friends" were saying about them when (of course) they were out of sight. One of the things those who really know me best would say about me is that I do truly despise very few things in this world, and gossip is in the top three of my list. In public housing, however, gossip is the currency of trade. Status is determined by, if not volume, certainly at least in quality. What an oxymoron: "better" gossip. There were two distinct "cliques" in my building, and I was in neither. I preferred it that way. I am solitary in nature, and private of person. I need not the approval of strangers. I need left to myself. I'll come to you when I'm ready. I don't much care for "pushy" people. One of the pushiest people I had consistently heard about was a grizzly yet frail lady named "Mildred". (Yes, that is her name.) She liked nobody, gossiped about everybody, and pretty much "ruled the roost" of our public housing building. The way she spoke of, and to anyone would make you believe her mouth and brain had never met. She couldn't complete a thought, it seemed, before it was very definitely flying out her mouth. What you thought of her words were of absolutely no interest to her. I as warned to steer clear of Mildred. She would, they said, chew me up and spit me out without so much as a second thought. I saw an elderly, lonely lady (all 90 pounds of her-80 of it mouth!) who seemed to just want to be left alone. She did Bingo on Monday nights with some other ladies in our building. She was known as a "cook's cook". She grumbled a lot-out loud. For more than two years, we never spoke a word. Somehow in that time, we forged an agreement. Mutual silence, with no acknowledgment save our eyes as we passed. It worked. Sara had learned of the "Mildred" alerts and, not understanding them, went along for my peace. "You know what is wrong with Mildred?" Sara asked me one day. "Sure!" I responded knowingly. "Mildred's hurt, and lonely. Mildred needs a real friend." "Why won't she be one, then?" "Because you have to pass Mildred's test. No one has." "Test? What test?" Sare queried me. "The friendship test, Sara. Mildred needs desperately for someone to get into her personal space, to move beyond all the gossip, and give her a big hug, and not regret the act. The friendship test." "Bud, you're crazy!" "Perhaps, but I AM correct. You want to test my theory?" That's usually good for a 20 minute lecture on how it is never wise to "dare" a hillbilly. See? It's not just me! "Sure! It's a stupid theory!" So, we did. One at a time, because two would be a herd, and Mildred would freak out. So, the following evening, I went downstairs to our lobby where both "cliques" (while separated, of course) were socializing. True to form, Mildred sat alone in a space between the two groups. I went over and sat down beside her. She did not approve. I did NOT care. "What do YOU want??" "Nothing." "Well why don't you go somewhere else and sit. This is MY place!" I laughed, genuinely. "Your place? Are you serious, Mildred?" Suspicion loomed within her eyes, and some sense of shock and insecurity came over her. "How do you know my name" I couldn't help it. I laughed--again. "Mildred, everyone in this town knows your name. I just thought I would meet the person behind the name." "Well, if you're selling it, I don't want any. If you're giving it away, I don't have need of it. I don't know what your story is, young man, but I am NOT interested. Go away." The lobby was quiet. Both cliques were silently, knowingly watching. Yes, here was another snack to be sacrificed at the altar of Mildred's acidic viterperation. It should be at least a few moments entertainment. "But, Mildred. I'm ill, and all alone here. I really need a friend. I was hoping you would be my friend, It looks like you are the only honorable person here. I'd just be ever so sad if you wouldn't be my friend, Mildred." Honesty and humility, in a Bud "dose" can be lethal. "What makes you think I want to be your friend? I don't even know you!" "Yes, but Mildred, I know you! I need a true and loyal friend, and you are just the person to be that friend. You may have all these biddies fooled, but you don't fool me. I don't have a lot of time to argue about it, so I have decided you are my friend. Alright?" She did the one thing nobody had ever witnessed. Mildred laughed. Her entire frail frame shook. Her eyes sparkled. She clapped her hands in glee. "Go on, get back upstairs to your apartment. You are a crazy man!" I hugged her, in public, with jaw-fracturing results. She smiled and hugged me back. I may have made two separate camps of enemies, but I knew I had just made a friend. A real friend. An honorable, loyal and true friend. Our friendship grew, and Sara became Mildred's "special girl". (That basically means, of course, that I was newly equated with three-day-old trash) "Why don't you GO somewhere and leave us girls alone for a while, Bud?!" *sigh* Mildred loved Sara because Sara is completely lovable. But, Mildred LOVED Sara because Sara cared for me. Sara had lost her very best friend on the same day I got sick. Her mother had been within range of touch for almost every moment of Sara's life. Boy, were they friends! Rightfully so, too. Her Mom was one of "those" Moms, who neither knew or acted her age--usually. It had been a difficult and terrible leaving for Sara, and her grief was just too strong to overcome at times. Then came Mildred. Mildred of the lost children, the lost husband, and lost identity. Sara and I (but especially Sara) would sit for hours and listen to what came pouring out of this wonderful spirit. She came to my door once to deliver "a little something I cooked up" (Homemade Apple Dumplings, mind you!) at 6:30 one evening. She left after midnight! Sara and Mildred did much healing together. Mildred had taken Sara on as a friend, and as a "project". "That girl is entirely too good to have that much pain, Bud." "I know." "We'll just have to fix her up, that's all there is to it." "Yes, Mildred." With a shake of a determined head, the healing hands went to work. What work they did. Mildred also healed much of my pain, too. I want to think we all healed a bit from our friendship together. Of course, Mildred's was a most remarkable story that kept us entranced for many hours. She knew our story, and believed it good. She was absolutely no saint, Mildred. But she was a vibrant, living lady of class, style, and elan who gave much more than she ever asked of anyone else. We spent her birthday with her in the hospital last December. Mildred was also, you see, a very sick lady. We had a party (her 81st) they are STILL discussing on the ward! She was in the hospital a long, long time. Her daughter stayed with her. We spelled her daughter. They talked. We played cards. I do believe to this day Mildred would have relished a cigar and a visor. That's Mildred, okay. Mildred passed away last evening, at home. I feel so grateful for having known her. She was my true friend. She was a guide and a mentor. She healed parts of me that nobody can touch. Now, I must tell Sara. God help me. Until next we meet, I remain faithfully, In His Care. Budroe |
| I followed this link today , as I always do. I doubt I should have. It is rich with content, and some extremely accurate reporting. Unfortunately, it all seems to be bad news today. That's pretty rare for this volume. My prayers are with my east coast brothers and sisters as they work very hard to dodge a Hurricane. The calendar looked so pretty, all black. *Sigh* Well, at least the trend continues. I have STILL not made a solid blue month. For those of you who are visiting from the Christian's Blog Ring, I hope you will leave a comment--even a footprint. (  is good enough to count!)I am busy setting up a company, editing three courses of online learning content, and editing two different book projects. Online marketing is just so very cool, but it is so darned labor intensive. I spend many hours day getting that all set up. I'm looking forward to seeing your name on my Blog--soon. Stay well, safe and happy. Welcome to September. Happy birthday Vickie B (1), Kenneth C.(2), amy beloved friend Amber (5), and my neice Tracye (10). I remain, as always, In His Care, Budroe |
| I got a note from my friend Jen Dillon this morning. Jen happens to be the sitting Executive Director of the National Democratic Party. She wanted me to know that Vice President Joe Biden will be speaking to the National Democratic Party Convention in Saint Louis, MO this morning at 10AM EST. (Approx. 20 minutes from now.) For those who are like-minded, there will be some important points made. For those of the party opposite, it's JOE BIDEN! Regardless of how you line up politically, you KNOW it's going to be worth watching! :) Budroe |
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