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 |  A continuation of my criminal blogging behavior. |
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IN THE WRITING.COM DISTRICT COURT FOR THE DISTRICT OF MICHIGAN Criminal Action No. 96-938-2 WRITING.COM Plaintiff, vs. Melissa is fashionably late!  Defendant. ************************************************************************ REPORTER'S TRANSCRIPT (Trial to Jury - Volume 222) ************************************************************************ Proceedings before the HONORABLE The StoryMaster  , Judge, Writing.Com District Court for the District of Michigan, commencing at 8:49 a.m., on the 5th day of April, 2007, in Chambers C-234, Writing.Com Courthouse.PROCEEDINGS (In open court at 8:49 a.m.) THE COURT: Please be seated. The jury has informed that they have arrived at their findings and recommendation. I caution all present to avoid any reaction to these findings and the recommendation, either audibly or visibly. And if anyone violates that, we'll have to remove them. Obviously, it will take some time to read these findings, as the recommendation is the last thing read; so please be careful and comply with this request. We'll return the jury. (Jury in at 8:53 a.m.) THE COURT: Members of the jury, have you arrived at your special findings and recommendation? JURORS: Yes. THE COURT: If the foreman will please hand that to Diane , who will hand it to me.Members of the jury, you will please listen to the reading of your Special Findings Form A. These findings apply to all 1184 counts. Under Section I, Obsessive Ranting: The defendant intentionally ranted without ceasing for multiple blog entries. Answer: Yes. Section II, Repeatedly Beating A Dead Horse The deaths or injuries resulting in death occured during the commission of an offense under 18 Writing.Com Code Section 844(d), flogging a horse until death. Answer: Yes. Section III, Unnecessary Use of Curse words The defendant used language to be found offensive during multiple occurences and showed no regard for taste or appropriate expression of emotion. Answer: Yes. Section IV, Boring Daily Recounts Death or injury resulting in death occured during the commission of an offense under 22 Writing.Com Code Section 413(c), recounting daily activity to a point of extreme boredom. Answer: Yes. Section V, Pointless Entries The defendant shared needless details of her life via multiple entries, often multiple times in a row. Answer: Yes. Section VI, Contradictory Statements The defendant often confused her readers through contradictory statements. Answer: Yes. Section VII, Recounting Toilet Actions The defendant needlessly reflected on bathroom activities. Answer: Yes. Section VIII, Overdramatization Of Insignificant Things The defendant made several mountains out of single molehills. Answer: Yes. Section IX, Overreacting To Meaningless Gestures The defendant showed a propensity to fly off the handle for actions deemed appropriate and helpful. Answer: Yes. Section X, Unnecessary Temper Tantrums Death or injury resulting in death occured during the commission of an offense under 18 Writing.Com Code Section 312(a), throwing a temper tantrum in a public forum. Answer: Yes. Section XI, Cruelty Towards Animals, Superiors, Peers, And Inferiors The defendant showed no regard for life in general. Answer: Yes. Section XII, Repeated Bad Grammar, Spelling, And Opinionations The defendant shows no respect for her college education. Answer: Yes. Section XIII, Mitigating Factors (1) Melissa is fashionably late! believed herself to be in the right each time she commited one of the 1184 counts. Number of jurors who so find: 0.(2) Melissa is fashionably late! received encouragement and support from others to commit each of the 1184 counts. Number of jurors who so find: 4.(3) Melissa is fashionably late! is a reliable person in work and in her personal affairs and relations with others. Number of jurors who so find: 7.(4) Melissa is fashionably late! is a patient and effective teacher when she is working in a supervisory role. Number of jurors who so find: 5.(5) Melissa is fashionably late! is a good and loyal friend. Number of jurors who so find: 12.(6) Melissa is fashionably late! is a good mother and wife. Number of jurors who so find: 10.Recommendation, XIV: The jury has considered whether the aggravating factors found to exist sufficiently outweigh any mitigating factor or factors found to exist, or in the absense of any mitigating factors, whether the aggravating factors are themselves sufficient to justify a sentence of life in prison. Based upon this consideration, the jury recommends by unanimous vote that the following sentence be imposed: The defendant, Melissa is fashionably late! , shall be sentenced to a period in prison not shorter than 18 years and not longer than life.The Special Findings appear to be signed by all jurors and dated April 5, 2007. XV. Certification: By signing below, each juror certifies that consideration of race, color, religious beliefs, national origin, or sex of the defendant or the victims was not involved in reaching his or her individual decision and that the individual juror would have made the same recommendation regarding a sentence for crimes in question no matter what the race, color, religious beliefs, national origin, or sex of the defendant or the victims. Apparently signed by all jurors and also dated April 5, 2007. Mr. Foreman, was these and are these the jury's special findings and recommendation: JURY FOREMAN: Yes, they are. THE COURT: And so say you all? JURORS: Yes. THE COURT: Section XVI. Sentencing Melissa is fashionably late! , the court finds you guilty on all 1184 counts of blog criminal activity. You are hereby sentenced to life in prison, with no chance of parole for a minimum of 18 years. Court is in recess. (Recess at 9:37 a.m.) ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
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| So, according to the broker everything has been straightened out about my work history. I had to write a letter to FHA explaining why I didn't work from Jan. 2006 - Dec. 2006 (other than the obvious lack of a job market in Kalamazoo) and my explaination was good enough for them: That being that my husband and I had decided to have me stay home with Ethan, and then I decided to go back to work, which isn't a lie. We're supposed to be going to sign the closing documents today at 4 pm. I'm really hoping no monkey wrench slips in to spoil the day because this morning I already woke up feeling ten times lighter. There are so many positives to this refinance and I'm glad. * We will be with a lender who does electronic transfers, rather than having to rely on snail mail to get the check there in time, which it hasn't a few times. * We are getting about $1000 cash-out from the refinance three days after closing. That will enable us to put a new door in the front of the house (yay for even less draftiness and no longer having a warped door!) and pay off my current hospital bills (if only to not have them when the new ones come in in about 2 months). * Since we're switching lenders, we'll also get an Escrow cash-out because our current lender won't work with the new lender to roll over the current fund. It would have been nice if they had because we would get more immediate cash-out, but we'll be seeing our entire year's fund of $2400 and change in 30 days after closing. * Since we're not closing before the 1st of July, we don't have a July house payment. That's $900 in the bank that I consider to be immediate cash-out. * Also, since we're not closing till the 1st of July, the new lender has to overestimate the payoff for the 1st of August, so with about $32 of daily interest that we won't have to pay for almost 20 days, that will give us another $640 refund along with our Escrow refund. * Even though our house payment is going to be about $80 higher per month, we are going to be paying off all of our credit cards that incur a higher interest rate than that of the loan. That's going to be about $200 per month that we're saving in just credit card bills, along with the fact that one of the credit cards we're paying off is a 32% interest rate!  That's going to save us about $80 a month in interest alone! The other cards that are getting paid off don't have nearly the interest rate this one does, but it's still higher.* I'm excited to be cancelling 5 credit cards in the next week!  * We'll actually be able to have a savings again and make some improvements that we've been waiting to make when we have the money. All I have to do is make it until 4 pm, then life will be on a fast track to being back in a realm that is controllable. Hell, yes! |
Good Lord.  Now the lender is being pissy for the refinance. Apparently, I have no work history reported on my credit report, so therefore it doesn't exist to them. I just faxed them a copy of every damned W2 I've ever received in the past 7 years to show them that I do, indeed, have a stable work history prior to working for Kalamazoo Public Schools and then TekSystems in 2005. Hell, I worked for Quantum Resources from 2001 - 2004, and before that Bob Evans almost consistantly even though I had other jobs along with that one that I didn't stay at as long. How in the hell could I have paid off half of my student loan if I didn't have a job, and if I didn't have a job, how in the hell could I have collected unemployment? Sometimes corporate policy makes absolutely no sense. Regardless of the fact that I was unemployed for almost an entire year before I found a job, I have one now, and will continue to have one until we either don't receive the grant anymore, or I quit for some stupid reason, and I don't see something like that happening anytime in the near future. For crying out loud, just give us this freaking loan so that I can stop raging and acting so crazy, and I can enjoy the rest of my pregnancy free of money worries. That's all I'm asking for, and it shouldn't be so damned difficult to do that. I guess I could always say that all of those years slaving away at Pharmacia/Pfizer were just a dream. One could only wish! LOL! |
| I sort of talked to him yesterday. He knew I wasn't happy with him when I left his office yesterday. I barely said 3 words to him and made my visit short and to the point. He had to leave to go to an appointment in Portage, so he walked me out to the van and tried to talk to me then. I didn't say much, he tried to give me a kiss, I turned my head so he could only kiss my cheek. "I'm sorry if I've been an ass," he said. "I've had a really shitty day." "I don't care if you've had a shitty day. That doesn't give you the right to treat me like shit. If you keep it up, your day is just going to keep getting shittier because I'm going to be shitty right back at you, and you don't want to deal with my shit." (Yes, I used that word enough that I got sick of it in just that 30-second period. LOL.) So I went home, after letting him kiss my cheek again. After Ethan went down for a nap, I took a shower, then got on the computer. He started IM'ing me over MSN, trying to be all sweet and make me not upset with him anymore. It didn't really work. When I feel like it, I can hold a grudge for a very long time, and he knows it. So he starts to act different until I drop my beef, and then he starts up again not long after that. I told him last night that I didn't expect him to change who he was, but I wanted him to think with a little bit of concideration to my feelings before he started speaking. I don't care how he talks to the guys at work. I don't care how many f-bombs they drop around each other, how they treat each other, or even the names they call each other. I am his wife, and at the very least I should not be treated like I'm just "one of the guys." He should feel comfortable letting loose with me, but not how he has been lately. I told him that. Then I told him about how I've started to feel more and more numb everyday, that the therapy is helping with the anxiety and coping with it, but it feels like he doesn't see me as me anymore. He sees me as this person who, since she can't get around as easily or do as much as she used to, is not worth being treated on the same level as she used to be. Like I'm some verbal punching bag to take his frustrations out on because, for some reason, he thinks I can deal with his emotional stress better than he can. I know that he has a lot on his plate, too. I know that he needs me to support him as much as I need him to support me. I know he likes special things, too. I thought, since he was talking about it the other day, about calling the barber shop across the street from where I work. He said to me that he's always wanted to go to a true barber shop and get a real shave, with the hot towel, straight razor, and everything. I'm going to call and see if they offer that service (most only offer haircuts now-a-days) and how much it is. Then I'll go there after work and buy some kind of gift certificate or something so he can go get one. It isn't much, but it does show that I listen to him and that I realize he likes the little things as much as I do. I mean, it's just a shave, but isn't having someone else do it for you sort of like a woman getting a manicure or pedicure or facial or something? I can't expect him to do nice things for me if I don't do nice things for him, too. Plus, I love to surprise him. It'll make me feel better about how everything is, even though it won't be anything extravagent or over-the-top. |
| I'm just feeling really sad all of a sudden. We got the approval from FHA for the refinance pending two letters that my and Jason's payroll had to submit and Jason and me to sign a form that hadn't been completely signed. I called Jason to let him know that I would be coming after I get out of here, once I receive the fax with the paper, to get him to sign it and then he could fax it to them from his office. He got all pissy, and beligerent and just became a plain asshole and started bitching about how long it's taking for this refinance and how this entire process has been a pain in the ass and how he's sick of dealing with the Mortgage broker. In the first place, he isn't even the one who's doing the work; I am. I'm the one fielding all of the calls, writing all of the letters, dealing with all of the people, to get this thing done. All he has had to do is sign his name a couple of times and his work has had to provide a few bits of information. His accountant at work has been giving him a bit of a hard time about it, I guess, which isn't my fault. It's her fucking job to do all this payroll shit, so she should shut the hell up. Anyway, I was talking to my boss about the fact that we seem to do nothing but bicker the past week, and that I know it has to do with our lack of extra curriculars in the bedroom. I told her that I felt like he expected me to just lay down and spread my legs to make him feel better, and that I refuse to feel like I'm being used that way. Then I told her about the last time I actually felt like he cared about how I felt and wanted me to feel better instead of like a ball of nerves. It was just after Ethan was born, and I hadn't gotten him to latch on for three days straight, had had to give him a bottle to feed him, my milk supply wasn't keeping up with his demand, and I just felt like an absolute failure. I was standing at the kitchen counter, cutting some vegetable for dinner and crying because I felt like I just couldn't keep going anymore. He walked up behind me, wrapped his arms around me, and gave me comforting kisses on the back of my neck. I felt myself just fall back into him and he held me up and I felt like everything else in the world didn't matter because he was passing his strength on to me. There was nothing sexual about it, he was just making me feel human again. He doesn't do that kind of stuff anymore. She told me I needed to tell him that that's what I needed, for him to hold me up a little bit more than he has been, to stop making me do all of the stress carrying and worrying. To do things without some kind of intention behind it, other than to be my husband and make me feel like he's there to help carry me when I need it. And I really do need it lately, if only because I'm just tired and need to feel supported instead of like a burden and generally worthless, not only through his actions, but also in my own head. I truly understand what the "honeymoon" period means in marriage, now. After that phase passes, you stop doing the things that your spouse appreciates only because you've taken for granted the fact that your spouse is there. It's true that I'm guilty of the same thing, but is it too much for me to ask him to be the one to bring some of that back first? I miss all of the fun we used to have, all of the spontaneous things we used to do. It's harder to do them now, sure, because with kids you have to plan and find a babysitter and all that, but there's nothing wrong with leaving me a little note in the morning or sending me a random email during the day, just to know he thinks about me other than when he wants me to give him sex. I didn't realize how much I missed that kind of stuff until Jon and I were talking about it today. How sad that a little bit of money problems are doing this to us. I know everything will be OK, but it's really making me sad that over time, you stop doing things just because and only do them when you have intentions of getting something in return. |
| I can't wait for this refinance to go through. Then I won't have to listen to Jason's snarky little comments everyday. Me, today: "I have to go to the chiropractor when you get home from work today. I can't lift my left leg again and I've got a headache up the right side of my head again." Jason: "I'm glad you can gain comfort in a $20 copay that we don't have to spend." I didn't say anything for a minute, because my initial response wouldn't have been very nice. Jason: "I guess your family struggling doesn't stop you from being selfish." Me: "Alright you DUMBASS, I haven't had a copay for the chiropractor since MARCH when we got in the car accident because the FUCKING headache is a remnant of the whiplash injury I sustained and Andy hasn't closed the auto case out yet BECAUSE of that." Jason: "Oh." Me: "I'm sorry, you're not a dumbass, but don't assume that I've become this irresponsible, selfish person overnight." All this because last night I told him I was craving a homestyle chicken sandwich from Wendy's. When he told me we couldn't afford to go buy any fast food, I said, "I know that. That's why I haven't gone and bought it. I don't need your approval or disapproval to spend $5 on a sandwich. If I felt like it, I would go get it anyway." He took it as my saying that I don't care about our money situation, what I want is what I want. What I had meant by "if I felt like it" was that if I felt like throwing off the budget, I would have gone and gotten one. But I didn't, so I didn't. I wish I could just want to have sex, already. He's going to keep being snarky until his balls aren't blue anymore, and I'm not going to give in just to placate him. I'm not into feeling like I'm used for sex, and I'm not going to have sex until I feel like it. Of course, the snarky comments and general feeling of being nagged don't help me want to have it anymore, but if he hasn't figured that out by now, I doubt he ever will. |
| My day has actually gone pretty well, but I want to complain. I don't feel like talking about anything nice. My sciatic is pinched and I can't lift my left leg at all. I just ate some tater tots because it sounded good and now I feel like I'm going to throw up. I'm tired, I want to take a nap, but I'm waiting for Arbor Mortgage to call me back so I can find out what the hell the guy wanted when he called this afternoon. My feet hurt and my ankles are actually a little swollen. My son won't lay down in his bed and take a nap. I don't understand how babies are the ones shaken all of the time when two-year-olds are the ones who really try your patience. There's nothing that says love like screaming at the top of your lungs, "I said get in your bed right this minute! It's nap time!" after having your toddler open and slam his bedroom door for 5 minutes straight. Try to ignore it all you want, but that is fucking annoying. My nipples hurt because I'm starting to lactate and the nursing pads I have are cheap and irritate my skin. It's really hot outside. I felt like I was going to die just driving home from work because the AC in my van was having a hard time keeping up with the heat. And now to add solutions to some of these complaints, so I can stop having them to complain about: I would go to the chiropractor for my sciatic, but my regular guy is out of town and the guy I go to for backup never has any openings, so I'll get Jason to give me a backrub later tonight. In the meantime, I'll do my exercises with the exercise ball to open my pelvis up a little and take a hot bath. I'll let my stomach settle down and not eat BK Cheesy Tots ever again. I'm going to wait another 5 minutes, try to call the guy again, then go take hot bath from above. If he doesn't call while I'm in the tub, then I'm going to sleep after that or else I'll be SOL with getting a nap. The aforementioned bath with help with the swelling and foot pain, and if it doesn't, not only will J be giving me a back rub, but he'll also be giving me a foot rub. He's stopped slamming his door for the time being. This is the only one that's a hard solution, other than I won't really shake him. Spankings from me don't work with him, mostly because I don't have the heart to give him a spanking that hurts. I'll get some new nursing pads at some point. In the meantime, the hot bath will help, too. I'm going to stay inside in the central air. Then I avoid this nasty heat - at least for the rest of the day. OK. Now I'm off to do what I said. |
| I know he can't understand how I feel because he can never feel what I'm going through, but it frustrates me to no end when he starts to criticise me because I don't do this or that. Not to mention that he does the whole mixed signal thing: - He yells at me for going downstairs because it puts a lot of strain on my back and knees, then criticises me for not helping with the laundry. Our laundry room is downstairs, so how am I supposed to do laundry if he doesn't feel comfortable with my going down the stairs?! - He has said that he doesn't want me lifting anything heavy. By heavy, he has defined it as anything over 15 pounds, which lighter than my midwife's 20 pound restriction. Then, he criticises me because I ask for help to carry/lift Ethan from one place to another. He weighs 30 pounds which is twice his pound limitations and 10 pounds more than my midwife's! - He stomped around calling himself Molly Maid this morning, and then when I told him to go out and watch Ethan so I could do something, he complained because I "interrupted" him in what he was doing. - Yesterday, he mentioned the fact that we're still paying $10 a month for the ababyslife.com website and I haven't been updating it for almost a year now. I went out there this morning to actually do an update, and he complained because I was "playing on the computer." For real, I'm about ready to go postal on him and he won't like it. Either you want me to do something or you don't. If you want me to do it and I can't, don't criticise me for it. I wish that he could see what it feels like to be pregnant for just 10 minutes, and he would have so much more sympathy than he does. And then he wonders why I get so wound up and stressed out. Well, how am I supposed to not stress out when he pulls shit like this. I think most of his problem is because he wanted sex last night and I told him no. He didn't even bring it up until almost 10:30 and by then I was too tired to have any interest. You know what? I don't even want to have sex in the first place when he makes me feel like this. The very first thing on my mind is not intimacy when I feel like a burden and a nuisance. The first thing on my mind is telling him to shut the fuck up and go masturbate because that's the only way he's going to find relief. I've been up since 3 o' clock this morning because Ethan had a nightmare. Once he wakes up like that, it's nearly impossible for me to go back to sleep because my brain won't turn off once it's been turned on. Then he was up again before 6 am because of another nightmare. We brought him back to bed with us, and he wouldn't go back to sleep. Jason, of course, snored away for a good hour while I struggled to get E to just lay down and be quiet because I wasn't about to get up and play at 6 am. So not only am I tired, but I'm grumpy, and I'm not going to take any shit from anyone. That includes the asshole who has spent a good portion of his morning bitching about everything I'm not doing, and then bitching when I start doing stuff because someone has to watch Ethan. Well, what the fuck do you want me to do? Get my stuff done or watch the kid? If watching the kid is so goddamned easy, then he should be glad to take the break. Alright. I think I'm done bitching now. Anything else I have to say would just continue to be repetitious and pissy. I hate being this negative, but goddamnit, his negativity is starting to wear on me. |
| J and I went and saw Pirates 3 at the new(er) movie theater downtown tonight. We hadn't been to that theater before, and they had the best matinee prices, so that's where we went. It also helped that it was the closest to J's parents' house, where E was while we were at the movies, of course. It was a really nice theater, great amenities, and concesssions, while expensive, were a lot larger than other theaters. The small popcorn was more like a medium everywhere else. The nachos were bigger than I could possible eat for 3 movies, and the large soda was enough for three people to sip off of and still have enough left over for another movie. With the $5 ticket price apiece, and the concessions, our total night cost $23.25, which isn't bad. With going to the movies downtown, there's usually a parking fee to pay, but the theater validated so your entire evening was free, no matter how long you stayed downtown, which was good, because at $1.10 an hour for parking, you have to draw your customers with incentives. Pirates 3 was a good movie, although I got a little confused about the multiple Jack Sparrows there for a while. I mean, I could understand why they were there in the Locker, but not when he was on the Dutchman or whatever. I just took it as he was a little nutso and left it at that. It was a long movie for a pregnant woman to sit through, at 2 hours and 45 minutes, but I made it through and went to the bathroom only once, and that was really more to stretch my legs than anything. All in all, I give our evening 5 out of 5 stars, and the movie 4 out of 5. I really enjoyed the first more than the last two, and the fact that they're already talking about a 4th kind of put me off. But Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow is a match that will never be bettered. I'm never a big fan of sequels, but this one has kept me coming back. The next movie I hope to see will be with my friend Richelle. We want to go see 1408. I don't know if we'll be able to manage it with her busy schedule, but James Sanford, our local movie reviewer, said that it's really well done and John Cusak played one of the most convincing roles of the summer. That has to say something, I guess. |
![Merit Badge in Erotica
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For keeping dobbers up everywhere.
[chicka-bwoump-bwoump-chicka-bwoump]<-- I don't know how to spell cheezy background music. LOL](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/genre-Erotica-560.gif) ![Merit Badge in Science Fiction
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For surviving the lobotomy, and almost being coherent. *^*Wink*^*
You are one of science's greatest triumphs!!](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/genre-Science_Fiction-1700.gif) ![Merit Badge in Creativity
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For your astounding ability to make a burp into a symphony! (or taking color out of a picture, and promoting it as brain surgery.)](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/general-Creativity-2180.gif) ![Merit Badge in Fantasy
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What a gloriously imaginative world you live in. I never knew intelligence was gender related until I began following your teachings.
This dimwit is indebted forever. *^*Pthb*^*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/genre-Fantasy-600.gif) ![Merit Badge in Friendship
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You are the only person I know concerned about my thinking pea. ROFL If that's not a good friend, I don't know what is. *^*Wink*^* Thanks for making me laugh!](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/general-Friendship-650.gif) ![Merit Badge in Comedy
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Because you're every bit as pleasant as pickle juice in a paper cut! hehe I LOVE your humor! Thank YOU for being you.](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/genre-Comedy-200.gif) From my LiveJournal, 1/7/2004 (http://melissa-w.livejournal.com/49632.html): The first badge was given by me on 06-01-03 and was a serious one. LOL Creativity - "To someone who has helped inspire my muse, lift my spirits, and make me smile. Thank you for being you." Second badge by Micah - 06-03-03 Comedy - "Because you're every bit as pleasant as pickle juice in a paper cut! hehe I LOVE your humor! Thank YOU for being you. " Third badge by Micah - 06-04-03 Friendship - "You are the only person I know concerned about my thinking pea. ROFL If that's not a good friend, I don't know what is. Thanks for making me laugh!" Third badge by me - 06-04-03 Comedy - "You make me laugh. Need I say more? (I really couldn't figure a wordage that made sense surrounding thinking peas.) LOL" Fifth badge by Micah - 06-04-03 Fantasy - "What a gloriously imaginative world you live in. I never knew intelligence was gender related until I began following your teachings. This dimwit is indebted forever. " Sixth badge by me - 06-04-03 Mystery - "I'm here to teach you, young grasshopper, about all of the many mysteries of a woman. This badge is to remind you of that, always. " Seventh badge by Micah - 06-04-03 Creativity - "For your astounding ability to make a burp into a symphony! (or taking color out of a picture, and promoting it as brain surgery.)" Eighth badge by me - 06-04-03 Children's - "To the bestest 7 year old that I know! " Ninth badge by Micah - 06-09-03 Science fiction - "For surviving the lobotomy, and almost being coherent. You are one of science's greatest triumphs!!" Tenth badge by me - 06-09-03 Spiritual - "I almost gave you the Horror/Scary badge, but I thought you needed a little prayer for your eyebrow problem instead. I hope you get them fixed!" Eleventh badge by me - 07-09-03 Community - "Well... the community can't exist if the world doesn't revolve and the world doesn't revolve if the universe doesn't move and it can't move if you're not in the center of it! Thanks for being the center of the universe, Micah. It really helps keep Writing.com together! " Badge twelve (I dunno how to spell 12th offhand LOL - twelfth? twelth? twelvth? bleh I can barely say it now. hehe) by Micah - 07-12-03 Erotica - "For keeping dobbers up everywhere. [chicka-bwoump-bwoump-chicka-bwoump]<-- I don't know how to spell cheezy background music. LOL" Thirteenth badge by me (a serious one again) - 09-23-03 Success - "An A+ for effort! Your thoughtfulness and sharing nature helps others in ways you'll probably never know. Thank you for sharing your sunshine with the sun-depraved! ((((Micah))))" From my LiveJournal, 1/25/04 (http://melissa-w.livejournal.com/53000.html) My ribs are still sore from laughing so hard. Yes, I know the way that I say laugh is funny to you. LAUGH LAUGH LAUGH... can you hear me now? ROFL Seriously, it's really hard on you when one of your best friends lives states and states away and there's nothing you can do about it. Of course, it would probably be a world disaster if we were ever in the same room together. We would probably just giggle and giggle and never be able to say anything because we'd be giggling so hard. And the funniest thing of all would be that I'm not even high. You might be, though. ROFLMAO We'd be two goofy, giggling assholes who are the only ones that get the joke. They say laughter is good for the soul. That must say something about me 'n you, because all we do is laugh when we talk to each other. It's not on purpose, either. It just happens that way. I'm glad that you happened to cross my path one day, almost a year ago. I couldn't imagine what my life would be like without the laughter you bring me. Thank you for being you. I miss him a lot today. I haven't talked to him in a long time. I hope he's doing OK, but I know that in all reality he probably doesn't even realize how long it's been since we last talked. I read a whole bunch of comments in my LJ and a bunch of blog entries in his LJ that made me laugh out loud today. I miss those days. I miss him. |
| I just got done talking to my friend that I've known pretty much my whole life. She's getting married next week on Saturday and I'm doing the photography for the rehearsal/ceremony/reception as a wedding gift. So I gave her a call today to find out the specifics of the ceremony, etc. We started off our conversation as most normal people. "Hi, how are you doing?" She said to me. "I'm doing great, how are you?" "Dude. I broke my hand yesterday." "What?!?" "Yeah. I fell up the damned basement stairs and broke my hand." Damn. That sucks. Getting married during what is expected to be one of the hottest weeks of the year, wearing a cast to your elbow. At least she broke her right hand. It leaves her left hand open for the rings. I asked her if she got a cast that coordinated with her wedding dress. She told me to basically STFU. Then she asked me if there was anyway I could make her hand look non-casted. I said, "I'm good, but not that good."  |
| When Anthony and I broke up, I was desperate. I couldn't understand why he didn't love -me- and why I wasn't worthy of -him- and his love. I felt broken, bruised, and worthless. I felt like life as I knew it had come to a screeching halt. I didn't want to move on, because I felt like I couldn't love anybody else as much as I loved him. I woke up everyday, went to work, and lived life in a fog. All I had to do was finish the semester for college and then I could try to pick up the pieces of my life and put them back together. Every new day seemed to be more painful than the last for a while. Some of those days, I would wake up crying because I was alone. If I didn't wake up crying, I would go to sleep crying for the same reason. I hated being by myself because I hated myself. I hated looking in the mirror at the person I had become. He had made me hate myself because he had told me so many times in the past year or so that we'd been together that I wasn't worth loving. He said things to me that a man should not say to someone he claims to love. After living in this fog for a period of a month or so, it finally started to lift. I found out that it really wasn't that bad to be by myself. I actually began to enjoy my "alone time" and that I didn't have to share anything with anyone unless I wanted to. I loved that friends could stop by whenever they wanted and I didn't have to be considerate of anyone elses' time and space. Most of all, I didn't have anyone there to tear me down on a daily basis, so my self worth started to build back up. When I finished my last day of classes that last semester, I was a completely different person. I had drive - and focus - to accomplish something in life. I already felt a sense of accomplishment in just finishing school. My confidence started to rebuild itself and I realized that I was several things that I had been made to think I wasn't: beautiful, intelligent, motivated, and independent. But at the time that Anthony and I were breaking up, life felt hopeless. I felt worthless. Each day was a struggle. Being alone seemed like the worst punishment in life, when it was actually a blessing. Being alone gave me the time and ability to come to know who I am, what my goals, hopes, and dreams are, and what I want to make of myself. The moral of my story is that sometimes a situation might seem destitute and grim, when in all actuality it is a blessing in disguise. Life will move on. It is possible to pick up the pieces and get back on track. The only person who can hold you back from that, at this point, is you. We are all our own worst enemies, sometimes, because we try to hold onto and control that which isn't controllable. If it doesn't want to be held onto, don't try fighting it. It will only make the pain worse, not better. |
| Nothing makes you feel worse than feeling like you're making your own child cry. Ethan's been fighting going to bed the past few nights. He says he's scared. He doesn't say of what he is scared, but nonetheless he says he's scared. I thought maybe he's sensing the new baby's arrival and it's making him nervous, but either way it's distressing when my child is standing at his bedroom door screaming at the top of his lungs like someone is trying to kill him. So, I've been trying to make sure we stay consistant with his bedtime routine, hoping that maybe that little bit of consistancy will make him feel more secure, but he wasn't having any of that tonight, either. He did well with the story, with saying "night night" to everything in his room, with laying down and playing the "I love you" game. Everything was good until we walked out of the room, and then he started screaming for us to not leave. Usually, when he does this, if we give him about 10 minutes, he'll calm down. He didn't tonight. He just kept screaming. And screaming. And screaming. After 25 minutes, I couldn't take it anymore, so I went back in his room and sat on his bed. I talked to him calmly. I reasoned with him. I told him that Mommy and Daddy are just outside his room and that there was nothing to be scared of because we wouldn't let anything happen to him. I played the "I love you" game with him again, sat with him for a few more minutes to make sure he was calmed down, and then got up to leave. His face immediately crumpled and he started just sobbing. My heart shattered into about 1,000 pieces about then, but I stood firm, told him Mommy and Daddy would be right outside and that I'd leave the door open. Then, I left. He sobbed for a few more minutes, and now he lays quiet and calm. J peeked around the corner a few minutes ago to see if he was asleep, and he isn't, which is OK. I'm just glad that he's calm and in bed. I can't take listening to him cry in terror. I don't know what else to call it. It's the only time I've ever heard him cry like that. J thinks he's scared of change, which makes sense. Everything in our house is so routine driven. We do that because the security is supposed to make things easier for Ethan, but any small deviations from that routine really seem to throw him off. It could just be that he's two and there's so many things changing for him right now. He's becoming more independent and that scares him. We've told him about his Baby Brother and he seems to know there's a baby in my belly. I doubt that he realizes exactly what this is going to mean for him, but he obviously knows that his life is going to change as a result. He can probably feel the stress that Jason and I are carrying right now due to the financial situation, and I doubt that that helps, either. I just hope that this is a phase. I don't want to have to try to fight with him when the baby comes. I don't want him to feel insecure about Mommy and Daddy, either. We both love him and we both plan on making sure that he feels like we're still there for him as much as we've always been. But damn. I'm exhausted from staying calm and being reasonable. It's something I'm not used to. lol |
| Unfortunately, I have nothing earth shattering to report for our anniversary. Jason woke me up sweetly, whispering "Happy Anniversary" in my ear while snuggling up to me for a few minutes before he left for work. I got up, took a shower, and went to work myself. Then I came home from work, put Ethan down for a nap, and laid on the couch until J got home from work, wherein I've continued to lay on the couch like a lazy slug and do nothing whatsoever. I'm tired of having heartburn from every little thing I eat. My midwife has suggested I eat more yogurt to help with the heartburn. Something about the cultures will help prevent my digestive tract from refluxing and making me feel like I'm going to vomit. The only problem is that I can't afford to buy any yogurt until tomorrow. So I get to have heartburn for at least 2 weeks straight. On a positive note, though, a friend of the family sent us an anniversary card with a check for $25 in it, so we will be able to go to the movies afterall. Sure, we could be practical and use this money to buy yogurt and a couple other food necessities, but it isn't often we get two windfalls in a single week to help us get through until the next payday. I did forget to mention that, didn't I? We had that little bit of money that I put into the bank the other day. All of that change. Then I went to work yesterday and checked our office mail to find that my mileage reimbursement had already come back. So we had another $34 and it was good because I needed to put another $10 (or 3 1/3 gallons) of fuel in my tank. So, in spite of all of my negativity, God is good and He provides when we don't know how we're going to make it. If I didn't have my faith that everything will work out OK, I don't know how I would make it without having a nervous breakdown. My van could be on E and Jason and I could have to be carpooling in the Cavalier without AC that is nearly impossible for me to get in and out of right now, but He made sure that we would make it through this week. Granted, the school owed me the money, but I submitted the reimbursement form only a week and a half ago, and it usually takes them a month to actually provide the reimbursement. And yesterday I mentioned that I wasn't sure if we were going to be able to do anything to acknowledge the fact that we've managed to stay married AND in love for four years, with all of the hardship we've had to endure that would cause strain beyond repair in others' relationships. He provided again, by inspiring this friend to send a check rather than a gift card like she normally does. I have to be greatful. This week could have turned out much worse, but it did not. And for that, I am thankful. |
| Four years ago tomorrow, I said the two most important words of my life. They were each comprised of a single syllable and together contained only three letters. Little did I know that two short, succinct words would forever change me as a individual and my personal motivation. Little did I know that three years ago tomorrow, I would be forever changed again, when I would go on my first wedding anniversary trip while pregnant, and not know it. Little did I know that two years ago, my life would never, ever be the same as I experienced my first year of parenthood. Little did I know that last year, my third year of marriage, I would be looking forward to giving birth not long after my anniversary this year. And here we come to tomorrow. Jason and I will have been a couple for nearly 6 years. We'll have been engaged for 5 years. We'll have been married for 4 years. We'll have been parents for 2 1/2 years to one little boy, and 33 weeks pregnant with our second son. We'll have been through job losses for both of us, unemployment, debt over our head resolved twice, hoping we can afford to spend a little time alone this weekend at the movies or something, and still in as much love, if not more, than we were the day we got married. For as much as I bitch and moan sometimes, I would never trade my husband for anything. He is a hard worker, a responsible person, a compassionate human being, a loving husband, a sacrificing father, a provider who doesn't complain. He is more than I could have ever wished for in a person who I could spend the rest of my life with. I hope in another six years, I can say the same thing. I hope that we continue to work for each other as the years pass, and that in 21 years we still can't imagine life without the other. I don't know where in life I would be right now without him. I could never see a life without him. Happy anniversary, honey! I love you!  |
| Ethan cracked me up before I left work this morning. Other than the frustration of having him wake up at quarter to six from a nightmare, he was playing in the kitchen when J's Mom came. He had one of his "wee-ums" (his name for monster trucks because that's the noise he thinks they make) in each hand and crashed them together. "Oh.... my.... GOD!!!" Jason's Mom laughed for a minute and then said, "I don't know if I should be laughing because we certainly don't want to encourage that. I wonder where he got it from." A few minutes later, E had pooped in his diaper, and my MIL took him into his room to change his diaper, and she goes, "Oh, my God, does that stink!" I think she answered her own question. |
My adorable little boy:    And One Hot Momma:   That is all. You can stop 'ooohing' and 'ahhhing' now. You can also stop drooling, too. I know I'm the shit, but damn! Wipe your chin! Uhm... I don't want to sound conceited. Please don't take it that way. |
| This money situation we're in for the next couple of weeks is tight. I don't know how we managed to get ourselves into this situation, but we have, and I'm trying to figure out the best way to get ourselves out of it without having to borrow money from the parents until the refinance comes through. First of all, we're about $62 short in the checking account for this week. I have $10 in my PayPal account, so I sent that over to our checking account, but it might not make it in time for the two pending checks, so I can't really count on it for this week. I bought a $12 part for J's car last week that he ended up not needing, so I'm going to return it for a refund and put the money back in our account. That still leaves us with $50 that we have to come up with to prevent having a $25 overdraft protection fee added to the mix to make us even more worse off next week. I have 1 more paycheck for the month. Luckily, it will be a higher check because of the extra hours I've been working for the grant and the extra hours for the events. I also put some hours on the web page, so those will go on my next paycheck, too. The only problem is that I won't see it for 2 more Fridays. Jason has 2 more paychecks for the month. He has overtime coming on the next paycheck, but that usually ends up screwing us over because he gets a bigger chunk of taxes taken out when that happens. Thankfully for the both of us, he gets paid weekly, so we will see about $550 on Friday. Between the two of us, we still have about $1500 to get through the month. I'm going to have to make the car payment ($366), the bimonthly car insurance installment ($190), the trimonthly garbage disposal bill ($55), and one credit card payment ($20). That leaves us with $866 to put towards our July house payment in the event that the refinance doesn't go through before then, and $34 for fuel, groceries, and 3 weeks worth of living. But where does that leave us with the -$62? Well, I have the $12 part, so that will take it to -$50. Jason had $13 in cash, I had $3 in case, that leaves us with -$34. We have a change jar that is supposed to be Ethan's, but I've rolled up this morning and found that there's about $65 worth of change. That puts us to $31 in the black, which gives us $10 apiece for our fuel tanks to get us through until Friday and another $10 just in case. I really hope we can get this refinance done soon enough to not have a July house payment, which will leave us with $800 extra next month to put into our savings so that we'll have some extra cash to flow us through my maternity leave, which has been scheduled to take place until October 1. With the refinance, we'll have all but 3 credit cards paid off. I decided not to pay them off because right now they're 0% and will be 0% through at least the end of the year, which with the budget will be feasible to pay them off before the 0% runs out. They're all under $500, so it's very adventageous for me to not roll them over to a 7% interest loan. We'll also get about $2000 cash out to make some improvements to the house. We originally wanted about $400 to finish adding the second bathroom in the basement, but it won't add enough equity to the house all by itself to absorb some of the cost of the refinance (I have this thing about the house being valued at $10,000 or more than we owe on it and the second bathroom will only put it at about $8,000). So, the plan is this: $400 for the bathroom, $250 to finish the hallway (needs trim around the doors and along the floor), $400 to put ceramic tile in the front room and the kitchen, getting rid of carpet in 2 rooms where the carpet has the most stains (and seriously, who puts carpet in rooms where there will be food being prepared/eaten?), $600 for a new front door This ought to raise the value of our house by about $12,000 total, giving me a little of the cushion that I need and leaves us with another $350 to add to the $800 in savings to get us through until October 1. If we have any of that money left over once October 1 hits, we're going to apply it to our car loan to help it get an early payoff. The interest for the car is higher than the interest for the house, so it makes sense for us to do that. When I go back to work, that starts our normal budget, which will allow for a little bit more spending than the maternity leave budget. Once we get enough money in savings to pay off a credit card, it will get paid off. Since they're all 0%, it won't cost us more for me to do it that way. Jason gets his Christmas bonus about the middle of November. I plan to use 1/2 of it to put towards one of the credit cards and the other 1/2 to put towards Christmas presents. Our Christmas budget will be tight this year (only about $200 for everyone's gifts), but I'd rather have one tight year so we can spend more in the future. Besides, both of the kids will be so young that they won't care if we buy them 10-$2 toys or 1-$20 toy. We're going to have to use our tax refund to pay off at least 1 more credit card, maybe the third if we have enough money. The only problem is that there's an old tree in our back yard that's about 100 feet high that has been struck by lightning 3 times in the past year. It needs to come down, or it will come down on our house, our pole barn, and our neighbor's house. Granted, insurance does pay for damage in the event the tree falls, but it would fall on our bedrooms, and I'd rather not take the chance it fall while we're sleeping. I'd rather pay the $1500 to have the tree cut down and removed than risk being squished in my slumber. Anything left over from the tax refund will go towards the purchase of the last 3 windows that need to be replaced and then if there's anything left over after that it'll go into savings. The last thing I have planned for the year is Jason's fiscal-end-bonus. It will pay off the very last 0% credit card, if it still exists. The rest of the money, plus a small amount from savings, will be used to tear the front porch off the house and rebuild it. It's crumbling and falling apart, but isn't an urgent thing because the crumbling and falling apart is only cosmetic and not structural. Somewhere in there, I would like to repaint the kitchen and the living room. I'm thinking that our 2009 tax refund will be spent revamping the bathroom (new tub, paint, drywall, tile, etc.) I want to add a whirlpool tub, but I want to wait until we don't have to charge it. I just want to become more responsible with our money. That means if we can't afford something, we don't do it. I'm hoping we'll be financially secure enough by the time I'm 32 to be able to talk Jason into 1 more kid. I swear, the third time will be the charm for a girl.Either way, we both need to grow up with our spending habits and focus more on paying our bills first, feeding our tummies second, and then saving in the event something happens, because something always happens. I'd rather have the extra money to pay to fix my car or take a trip somewhere than to live off our credit cards because instead of being patient and waiting until we have the money, we always want it now. So the rule of the year, the real resolution, is to not use any of our credit cards for the next year, until we can hopefully get ourselves into a situation where we don't need them at all. We already plan on canceling most of them, but even the emergency ones (the Home Depot, Lowe's, and the $600-limit Capital One) could be a temptation when we want to buy ________ and don't want to wait until we have the money. Yes, it's all boring, but I'm so stressed about it right now. I hate this. I hate this feeling of treading water and hoping that I don't sink. |
| This baby wants way more space than I have to give. It's not like I can make my mid-section longer than it really is, although growing another 2 or 3 inches would be great. He keeps pressing himself against my diaphragm and making it incredibly difficult for me to breathe. I've been awake on and off since about 4 am, trying to get myself in a position where he can stretch out as much as possible while still allowing me the pleasure of comfortable breathing. I still have two more months of diaphragm squeezing. I still have two more months of this extra weight. I seriously don't know how I ever weighed 200 pounds comfortably. I can't even handle an extra 20. I probably could if it wasn't all concentrated in one area, but I still don't know how I had an extra 60 pounds on my body and didn't feel achy all over. With just the 20, my hips hurt, my back hurts, my knees hurt, and I can't even breathe. Unfortunately, I'm feeling extra whiny this morning, and I am not apologetic for it. I want it to be August 8 already so I can have had this baby and have him healthy and at a normal weight. I don't want to be miserable and uncomfortable for the next 2 months, but I will if it means that we'll all have less stress and pressure in the end. I know feeling discomfort when I breathe and actually not being able to breathe are two different things, but in the middle of the night, when all you want to do is sleep, the two are almost synonymous. I've never done well when I don't get a lot of sleep while pregnant. I'm cranky and bitchy and I have stuff I need to get done that I don't feel like doing. The whole world can kiss my ass, as far as I'm concerned. I want to be able to breathe without trouble so that I can sleep without trouble. That isn't going to happen until August, though, so if I happen to bitch about it once or twice in that time, bare with me. If you can't bare with me, then kiss my ass. You'd be bitchy, too, if you were uncomfortable and tired. |
I'm so tired today. We got an extension on the grant submission because other school districts were having problems with the MEGS system. So their misfortune is our gain, and we were able to draw out the process even longer than necessary.  There's so many requirements to this submission. Your narrative has to be revised, and they want track changes turned on so that they know what you changed. You can only have 15 pages to your narrative, and ours was 15.5 by the time I left work today. I had a feeling that it wasn't the change tracking making it that long, but my boss insisted it was until I proved her wrong. So by Monday afternoon, we have to cut a half a page out of the grant. You can also have 15 attachments to the narrative, each allowed to be up to five pages long, so I tried to suggest that any data collection information could be made into an attachment. For the most part, this was already what we'd done, but we have cumulative numbers and percentages in the narrative, too. I don't know what I'm talking about that much, though. This is the first time I've ever taken part in writing/revising a grant submission, so it's all Spanglish to me. I won't say Greek because I understand some of the process, but that doesn't mean I can explain it to anyone else. lol We're working on the refinance. It'll raise our house payment $130 a month, but will eliminate all of our credit card debt and still leave us with about $350 a month to live on, not counting my income. With my income, it will give us about $1000 extra a month to play with and put into savings. Our plan is to cancel every single credit card as soon as they're paid off so that we can't put ourself in this situation again. We're going to leave one with a $600 limit open in the event of a catastrophy and give the card to his Mom so that we can't use it unless it is a catastrophe. In the meantime, we have no money to make it through until next Friday already. Thankfully, we don't need any groceries and we have all of the supplies for the windows. The only thing we will need is gas in the car, and it will be one of the last purchases on the now designated catastrophe card, and that's only $15 to get us by until next Friday. Once this thing gets done, I'm going to sit down and make a budget and stick to it. Since there won't be as many bills to worry about, it won't get as overwhelming for me, and we will be able to stick to it. I'm going to make sure I keep a tight reign on the checkbook and not purchase something on impulse. No money on scrapbooking stuff unless it is really something I need to get a project done. No money on anything indulgent unless all of the bills are paid and there's extra money to play with on top of the money I'm requiring to go into savings every week once I go back to work from my maternity leave. With $1000 a month after bills, we should be able to spend about $150 a week on diapers, groceries, and fuel for our vehicles. I want to put $25 every-other-week into our joint savings and $12.50 every-other-week into each of the boys' savings accounts. That will give us $50 a week to play with. Some weeks, we might not spend it. Others, we might decide to go out to dinner or breakfast or something. I just want to make sure that we can sometimes splurge, so long as we're not dipping into savings or something. I do not want to get into this situation ever again. I hate this hand-to-mouth crap.  I'm supposed to be packing up my scrapbook stuff so that we can revamp the room, but I'm too tired. I might end up going to bed at the same time as my grandparents. |
| I don't have time to go to work, go to the doctor, go to Wal*Mart and get your new khakis, go to the post office, and be home in time for your Mom to be able to run her errands, too. Can you take the house payment to work and have Denise set it up to be overnighted, since we both forgot that it needs to be paid? Seriously, my life is supposed to be slowing down not that GOTR is done, but J is expecting me to pick everything back up and do it all without help. It isn't possible, and it's not like I asked him to do something that requires anymore time out of his day than normal. He gets all stressed out and freaks out on me at 6:30 am, when I'm just waking up and groggy. I wrote the damned check, put it all in an envelope, all with bleary eyes. The only thing he has to do is take it to work and ask his secretary to have it overnighted so that we don't have to pay the $40 late fee. He came home from work last night with an attitude. You know, I can understand that his job can sometimes be stressful, but my job is stressful, too! I don't come home and treat him like shit because I've had a bad day, so why does he think it's OK to do the same to me? We're getting our house reappraised next week because interest has dropped a point and our house payments can go down substantially a month if we can refinance for 6% instead of 7. We bought windows to put in in April, and they still haven't been put in. I asked his Dad if he could help him put them in on Saturday, and J freaked out on me. "I GUESS THAT I GET TO HAVE ANOTHER WEEKEND SHOT IN THE ASS!"  ..."You've had the windows since April and haven't done anything with them. They're sitting in the basement, and will sit in the basement until I make you put them in. We want the house to appraise for as much as possible and the only way that will happen is if we take said windows and use them to replace the ones that are falling out of their frame, which is why we bought the damned things in the first place." They sure in the heck don't raise the value of this house sitting by sitting in the basement, and I want to try to get enough cash-out that we can pay off at least 1 credit card so we can cancel it. That may even out the house payment in the end, but it will get rid of a $200-per-month bill that we can't even really afford to pay when we want to keep our utilities on and be able to put fuel in the car at $3.00 per gallon along with eating 3 squares a day. The whole point is that I shouldn't have to talk to him like a 5-year-old at 6:30 in the morning. "I'm not going to speak to you until you drop your attitude and talk to me like a human being." It's one thing for me to have to remind him of his tone after a long day of work (which I had to do yesterday), but it's another for him to not even have started his day yet and already be wound up for a day he hasn't even gone through. Besides, I wouldn't have to go buy him a new pair of khaki pants if he hadn't gained 15 pounds in the last year. I ought to tell him to suck in his gut and wear the size 32s. If he gets new pants, he may think that it's OK to keep gaining weight. I'm not discriminating, I just don't want him getting fat! |
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