Regardless of any intent otherwise, there are days that I simply must be a patient. Yesterday was one of those innocuous days. Nothing much turned into fatigue I am still feeling.

I went to the Clinic, and spent five minutes having blood drawn. Then, a nearly hour-long trip to see the Sleep Doctor and her people. It was an hour, most of it on a bed. It wore me completely out. By the time I got home, all I wanted was to sleep! I still feel exactly the same way more than 24 hours afterwards. I know why this happens. I should expect it, but it always takes me by surprise.

I'm pushing hard, on several fronts these days. My energy level is not the greatest, but I still need to get things done. Writing is a large part of the "things" that I require of myself each day. I do live alone. I have a homecare worker who is in the house every weekday for about 4 hours. I can't tell you what a blessing THAT is. At least my little apartment is clean. Well, cleaner than I could make it, that's for sure. Pills, diet, rest, exercise, and purpose-driven living take their collective toll on the capable people of this planet. I'm really having trouble realizing that what I could do only a little while ago seems nearly impossible now.

I'm being really stubborn about it. History tells me this is not the best choice to make, healthwise. Yet, if nothing, I am consistent. I can tell that, in a large degree, it is me that is driving the boat here. But, I am afraid I am driving the boat unsafely. I have Sara to try to keep my enthusiasm in check. Ya wanna guess how THAT'S going? Ha! As if! I am unintentionally making a lot of stress for her while she tries with utter futility to get me to rest, get off the machine more often, and give myself a break. I have this "time" thing going. I have to get it done now, while I can. What a circle!

If you can, choose to take a few moments to do absolutely nothing today. It could have drastic impact on your tomorrow!

In His Care,

Budroe
 

I was perusing today. Yes, I know, I'll wait. Let it bless yer hearts! Out in public, n everything! I have no shame!

It seems that, somehow, EarlyHours has his computer infestd with an information-seeking, slightly neurotic (but completely friendly) circuit board named VA, or Vigilante Angel. I KNOW!!

It seems he's been locked up in this computer, or the WDC site for some eight years--all the way back to the stories dot com days! Well, all of a sudden this AI thingey is runnin' loose all over the site, making a real hash of things! Seem he likes reviewers--and Blogs.

If you get the chance, you really should get on over to his site. He's one of the good ones, y'all. Say a Howdy!" to 'im, and let him know that we aren't entirely prejudiced around here, okay? No, really, CC, we ain't! Blink....blink. Ahhh SWARE!

Vigilante Angel .

Better yet, get OUTSIDE his computer, and say hello to the "other" part of the act, EarlyHours . I dare ya!
 

Hey!! Ya got two of 'em yesterday! Gimme a break, already!

A bit testy, is he? Mayhaps but methinks mayhaps he is merely feeling the fatigue of living any sort of life with purpose these days. It's been a while, you know. I'm nearly 8,000 words into the novel (3,125/day to meet the goal I have set.) and I know how it will end, but as for who will make it to the final page...no idea.

This book has been difficult to get to, but just a ton of fun when I finally get there. But, distraction has ruled the day. Marketing ideas and other things have really kept me walled off from the world, and the book. It's just one of those days.

Tomorrow is a medical day. I get lab in the morning, and then it's off to see the sleep center folks. I use an assisted breathing device now at night (or whenever I sleep, actually) called a BiPap machine. It's a doozy, I tell ya. I've got to explain something to you, so you will understand the "patient behind the mask", here.

As a professional truck driver, I abhored anything which took away my total concentration from my primary task: driving. I did not wish, want, or voluntarily accept any situation that would make me more comfortable while I was driving. (Well, the air conditioner/heatin system, but I'm just sayin'!)

Remember those old war movies, where the bomber pilots were at a gazillion feet, and they had to wear masks for hours on end to breathe?

Yeah, it's like that. What makes it more fun is that you are supposed to put the mask on when you are ready to sleep! Are you kidding me? Strap a five-pound assisted breathing mask onto your schnoz, and feel the rapture of air being forced into (and out of--ergo, BI Pap) your lungs--like it or don't. I'm not talking just a little friendly, helpful assist here, either. The pressure I'm on now is the strongest pressure available on this machine! They had to give me a special one before because it was the only machine available that could deliver the pressure I require! I had them change the pressure after seven days of no sleep! New machine: same thing. Max pressure in--and out--while sleeping. Distilled water chambers are filled to moisturize the air. Mine is set on its highest setting to avoid "cotton mouth" in the morning. I'll tellya: there's just nothing quite breathing in (involuntarily, I might add) a tropical rain storm. Where'd they get the technology for this thing, anyway? This is like "water bording lite!"

They have these cards that are just like credit cards. They store all the settings for you, and then document how much you actually sleep, and how the machine helps you breathe in and out--every day. When the need changes or the info fills the card, you just take or mail them into the provider, and you get a new card. Presto Changeo!!

Right now, I'm thinking I would dearly love to slap that sucker on my face! I'm all kinds of tired. We hoped this would help my constant fatigue. So far, it hasn't. The only noticeable difference for me is that I hear virtually nothing with this contraption strapped to my head--except the machine helping me breathe.

You know what that's like? Well, I'll just tell ya! You like apples?

It's like being conscious--while you are on a respirator. That's exactly what it's like.

How you like THEM apples?

Yeah, I definitely gots me some breathin' issues. No surprise; we saw this one coming back in '06. Right about the time I get my head all lined up to get some quality time with maybe even a little bit of a new life, I lose the use of my legs. Now this!

Since I can't do anything about the damned machine, I'll write about it! Harrummph!

In His Care,

Budroe
 

In one hour (my time), the National Novel Writing Month for 2009 will begin. In many parts of the country, and around the world, it has already begun. I hate those people. We re-set our clocks one hour tonight. I appreciate that for the first time in a long time. Usually, I appreciate the return of the stolen hour. I had to wait for it longer this year but this time I don't mind so much. I'll get those early starters back, I will.

I have no idea how. 50,000 words are, for me, a promise. 1,667 words each and every day of this month will bring me to that goal. But they need to be words of quality for me. Typing chapters from "The Brothers Karamozov" is one way to win NaNo. Not for me, however. The entire point is to dedicate yourself to the craftsmanship of your own words. Yes, it's fun. Yes, it's farce. But, there are real benefits to bein a part of the chaos that IS NaNo, and I want them all.

I want good words that take my story forward. I have an idea of my novel. I want the words to flow tightly and fluidly from page one to "The End". Is this too much to expect from such an event? Possibly. But, not for me. Perfectionistic ideology has it's costs. What will the result be? I have no idea. The bad guy done it. The good guy may or may not win. If he does, he will have to accomplish a task or several that are larger than himself. I have no idea what lies within the words--yet.

In less than one hour, I will begin the process. Wish me luck. If you are doing NaNo 2009, I wish you all good fortune on your journey. Add me as a Buddy, and I will encourage you as I can.

It's no more difficult than any other "clean screen" we all face on a daiy basis. It's just that NaNo is a bit different. For me, it matters. This month will net a year's edits, and almost a year in the publishing process. Again. If I wrote no new words at all this month, it would take me nine years to empty my personal pipeline. Now, that's optimism. I need to be optimistic. We all should be. I hope you will be, too. If you are looking for a fresh dose, I know where you can find it. You can find it here  .

In His Care,

Budroe
 

Pretty damned bold to make a statement like that, now wouldn't ya say? But then, we all know I'm just that kinda guy. Right?

In this first of two planned posts today (sorry, fans) I would like to tell you just a little bit about why I review reviewers.

It started early this morning, when I was perusing another blog by my friend PlannerDan . He wrote a post that I know we can all relate to. "A Little Whining and Ranting" 

After reading his post, I felt for him. I felt so bad, in fact that I went to my own port to see if I had been the victim of such a "drive-by" review. My personal goal is to review 100 pieces each month. Of those, a majority of my reviews deal with the reviews given by other reviewers.

Would it surprise you to know that I found five such nefarious pigeon droppings in my own port? Probably not. They were private, anonymous, and wordless. Yes, back in earlier days that was entirely possible on this site. One of them was a review of my entire professional writing folder! Contest winners and published works included! Does that make a difference?

I'll never know, now will I? That's the point. Someone took out their vitriol on my work. Was it a personal attack on me? Perhaps. Was it a vicious attack on my work? I have no idea. I think the review pretty much speaks for itself. And, that is precisely my point.

Dan's work happens to be very, very good. I've known his work for years now. Beyond my joy to see his writing again was the reality that the soul of a talented writer and encourager of our craft has been unnecessarily scarred. It probably won't last long because Dan is just too high-value a person for that. What of his reviewer? We'll probably never know. They are gone. But their droppings remain forever in the port of a talented and giving writer.

I review reviewers to thank them for insightful, professional reviews given to their fellow craftsmen. Reviewing is not a "higher" level of our art, folks. It is an entirely different, specialized area of writing. Just as a good poem or story can lift the spirits of the reader, the thoughtful review can lift the soul of a writer. I don't snipe with my reviews, but I will jump on a bad one quickly. Bad is not necessarily equal to "negative". Reviewers who "puff up" themselves at the expense of others is a bad review. A review with no insight to make the work better is a bad review. Those reviews get low marks from me.

I love to thank, and encourage good reviews by some of the best reviewers anywhere, right here on WDC. Not because I am a master reviewer--I assure you I am sophomoric at best. I learn from the talented reviews I see here. I learn about nuance of genres I do not write by reading, studying, and learning from their work. These reviews help my work. Isn't that the point?

I'm sorry Dan got dropped on. I'm sorry I got dropped on. I'm sorry anyone here gets dropped on. We know it still happens, yet with the changes in the ratings system here, we have moved to a higher and different level of expectation. I only hope we continue that trend.

I hope you will stop by Dan's port. I hope you will read, and honestly review his work. He deserves it. So do I. So do we all.

In His Care,

Budroe.
 

It isn't news to anyone--I suppose. Calendars are a very important device for those of us on this journey. Doctor appointments tests, travel to different planets for a quick lobotomy--these and more are significant issues that must be dealt with. I am preparing my November, 2009 calendar. I am not happy.

I have several calendars in my apartment. They, when current, keep me aware of such things as the day and date of the week. This is quite the accomplishment, as I have no idea what day or date it is--ever, as a result of the strokes. I know I have an appointment with my Proctologist on Tuesday, the 10th of Nowonder. What good is that if I have no idea that it's Tuesday, or Nowonder? Believe me, it's a trick that requires a lot of help.

34 items to get on the November calendar. That's before the, umm, other November activity. You know...the chaos of NaNoWriMo. Yes, that has to be scheduled as well, because my world now revolves around a ten-hour work day, five days per week. It doesn't matter where I am,or what I am doing at the time. Some things just must be prioritized. NaNo IS my priority for November. Those thousands of words will produce my personal editing schedule for the next year. That's on top of everything else. Time is your friend, and your enemy at such times as these. Who needs Turkey? Bring on the nanocookies!

Now, about that lobotomy!


In His Care,

Budroe
 

Several of you have asked about the latest medical news. I have posted a blog entry on it here.  

It's current, for the most part. It may explain some of the things I have been tangentially referring to since coming back to this Blog. I hope you will read it. It matters.

In His Care,

Budroe
 

I am back on the WDC site. I am back because, just like in the beginning, I want to learn more of my craft. I want to become a better writer. Writers write--every day.

I am participating in the 2009 National Novel Writing Month   activity. I have joined the WDC NaNo groups and will be representing WDC and FMWriters groups. One of the WDC groups is having a "Write-A-Thon" activity for this year's NaNo. Sponsors donate GPs per word written, with the GPs going to charity groups on our site.

I need sponsors. If you would be willing to sponsor my activities, please visit "NaNoWriMo Write-A-Thon"  and sign up to sponsor my activities. I could use the motivation, and the groups could use the GPs. Since my words will be written anyway, I thought it would be a great way to support some good groups here.

Just let them know that you would like to sponsor me--or any other participant of your choice. Thanks for supporting my NaNo efforts this year, and the groups who deserve the GPs. If you are participating in NaNo 2009, let me know. I have some GPs to sponsor friends of this blog, as well. Let's make it a family affair!

Budroe
 

Life picks up speed at such times. It's a pleasant change from the usual daily schedule, and puts a lot of pep in my step--so to speak. Today will see us visiting one of the Southern Illinois towns that are so picturesque. It is a college town called Carbondale; I'm sure many of you will know of it. Carbondale is the home of Southern Illinois University (Go, Salukis!), celebrating their final football season (budget cuts). Fall is in near-full color, and the view outside my 7th floor window is approaching spectacular!

It's a movie day, with food to follow (I think!) and I am looking forward to getting out "amongst 'em" today. I'll let you know how it goes. A day away from the computer is a very healthy thing for me these days. November's coming!

In His Care,

Budroe