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 |  My purging and some other crap - can be funny, most times without trying :-) |
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♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ Just to take the crap out of me and put it somewhere else for safekeeping. Gets heavy carrying it around. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** It's me, Summertime 2010. I'm pretty damn happy these days. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** And yes.. this is my daughter, Devann Dev   . I am the luckiest Mom in the world. Can't get a new pic ... oh maybe I'll creep FB and steal one from there! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** And our little slice of paradise. I still after 'four' years here can't believe how lucky I am. Come on over .. the door's always open ( heehee ) Thanks for stopping by. Cheers Check yourself, or I mean, it out
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| Okay.. so can I make a long story short? hmmm... probably not but here goes. So I met up with the Editor of the magazine I just started writing for. She asked if I wanted to be the sales rep for the Valley I live in. The magazine is normally distributed in the next town up, but since I wrote two articles for her about places down here, she wants to expand down there.. so yah. I said. yikes ok - so we went on a few cold calls. Well I had already dropped off copies of the magazines to all the stores on Saturday - so folks had seen me and the magazine already - so that made it easier. So long story short - see aren't I good? I am the new sales rep for the Valley.. yup! I think we made a sale today. She said I can have the commission for any we did today. So now, I am making a spreadsheet of the 200 businesses downtown plus the ones I know of in the next town over and I am pumped. If you ever asked me if I was EVER going to sales I would have smacked you in the head. But here's the deal.... I happen to like the magazine. I have two articles in there now that I can show people AND I will have two great articles in the next issue, talking about two HUGE events that will be happening here - so I think it's a great draw to the magazine - our valley will be featured and the events will be happening and people will want to read the magazine to hear about the events - so I think its a huge win. So yah... just never know what's around the next corner. She pays really well and if I didnt do this job, she would have to skulk around to find another person, so might as well be me. She also wants to DOUBLE the writer's pay by the next couple of issues... so yahooooo! And she LOVES ME... it was kinda embarrassing when we went on the calls, that she kept saying, Judy is our writer for the valley and I love her. And when someone else talked about another writer - she interrupted her and said.. NO we will only have Judy writing for us..  So it's a bit nutso, but seriously I am doing tons of research tonight on who I can sucker... I mean who I can sell to ... and I am pretty damn pumped about it. So yah. Funny eh? I had other news, but I forget now. But here is a promised pic of the otter getting drunk in the sun - he was so damn cute. My neighbour got a pic of the Bald Eagle, but she doesnt have email, so I will try to get her just to give me her camera to download the pic. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Oh yah, I went canoeing tonight with Darla and another neighbour who has a small dog, waved us over, so we docked and got out and Darla had a play day with Tilly.. it was hilarious. They ran around like cuckoo for like 10 mins then we hopped in our canoe and came home! And in the meantime the wind died down so it was smooth sailing the rest of the way home.. I wasnt sure how we were going to make it back at one point, cause it got so windy...  Okay.. off to do more research. Happy days cheers bugzy ps.. sometimes when you are really in the pit of hell... one simple random act of kindness can really change everything.. thank you.. you know who you are  ..and it has NOTHING to do with reptiles |
| So now that I have lots to say.. I have nooo time.. noooo time. I'm busy busy busy. I had a good weekend - had a super good time Friday at the Spirit Pole Ceremony for the North American Indigenous Games that are coming here in August - I got some super good photos and did amazing interviews for the article I had to write this weekend. Got paid for two articles I wrote last month .. and I'm a duffus but I got paid double what I was expecting.. yahoooodeeedooo. The editor loves me.. and I delivered about 600 magazines for her on Saturday. She is going to come down this week so we can do a few sales calls together ... so maybe I'll be an ad seller and make killer money!... or not.  I was on a writing frenzy for sure - I wrote .. um...one, two, three, four, five.. yup.. five in the last few days.. phewf - one was on Eye Health - I'm thinking so much puter and writing was not good at all for that.. I should practice what I write about more I guess. Went canoeing twice this weekend - that was nice. Saw a bald eagle eating lunch about 3 feet from me and a cutey harbour seal. The otter was sunning himself on my neighbour's dock... that was some cute pic I'll tell yah. You'll have to take my word for it, cause I'm too tired to resize and post.. why are putting up pics such a hassle on here? so yah.. all is ticking along I guess. I'll write more tomorrow once I'm all caught up. have a good monday all. cheers bugzy |
| Nope I'm not... and I'm still whiny and bitchy, but here's a link to my latest magazine articles you can read instead of reading my usual crap. I'm on page 24 and 29. okay not saying bye, cause I'm not here http://www.seniorlivingmag.com/mainpagepdf/SENIOR_LIVING_ISLAND_MAY08.pdf and not mentioning that MR ERIC wrote THREE emoticons in my blog yesterday heehee .. and WHO made ANYEA big????!!!!  |
| I'll be back in a few days - or when I have something interesting and fun to talk about. For now I am tired of myself and my whining and incessant crying and listening to my own nonsense. So yah Although I did hear my blog made into some comedy thing or another - not sure what that's about......*looks around*.. nope nothing funny in here lately... silly people. So be back soon - entertain yourselves. I'm going to finish my pie. Can you die from eating too much pie? bugzy |
| So when you are in the pit of hell, here is a sure fire way to make you forget about your stupid problems.... Try to teach your 15 year old daughter how to drive Standard. The feeling is so intense, you are so caught up for 20 mins, TRYING not to lose your temper as you go over AGAIN - release the clutch, press on the gas.... for the trillionth time and for the trillionth time... CLUNK... DIE. SIGH.. Try again!! Til you realize she is trying to start in 3rd gear! Yup... that'll do'er every time.. guaranteed. So that and trying to switch gears and NOT think about ... forget it.. I'm not thinking about it remember? Sheesh.. keep up! Today at work was kinda cool. My double page feature came out on Saturday - I'd take a picture, but I'm too tired - it was WAY better than the first one I think. And there was a part where I asked people to join as members and today we received our FIRST CHEQUE in the mail!! Wahoooooooo.. and another gal who owns a store chatted to me today and said for me to bring her the membership form (oops.. haven't finished designing that yet) so she could join too! heehee AND we had two gals come in who want to volunteer - one said she would help with fundraising. .. double yippeee So I don't know - other than there being no money there (yet) and the fact that Amy gets pretty possessive, maybe it will just work out that I am meant to stay there after all.... gosh I wish I knew for sure. An update on PJ girl btw - she is gone. She supposedly started school yesterday - she spent weeks trying to get people to fund her tuition and I guess she got it, cause she hasn't showed up this week. Her uncle that she helped get that money for (and helped spend it) died a few weeks back .... fairly tragic. And since then PJ has been getting threatened and her car tires slashed, then her car smashed and she has had to leave and go live somewhere else. The whole sordid story is just so unbelievable , but believable at the same time .... guess her family has been hassling her to get some of that Uncle's money now he is gone... it's all just so over the top...sigh. Don't know what to make of it all. Well, as usual I must get back to work - somehow I lost a few weeks it seems. And I ate two more pieces of pie, cause Anyea was supposed to eat some, but she has gone AWOL now  and I feel sick to my stomach.. not just from the pie I fear.So, hopefully happier news on the horizon. I am getting sick to the stomach of myself these days. Thank you again for all your kindness, comments and CNotes... honestly. Can I say again what would I do without you all? Crawling ahead bugzy |
| I didn't get the Editor's job. Talk about blow. I have been almost completely unable to function since I got the news. And I had to drive to Victoria to do an interview - I have no clue how I managed to drive over the mountain, bawling my eyes out and not look like a freaked out drug addict when I conducted that interview - or maybe I did... I dunno. So I had to call him today - since they were obviously not calling me. Got the usual .. well we interviewed a few others, hard decision blahblah.. but turns out they decided to make it full time job and found someone who they thought was a better fit. So I asked him what did you decide to pay.. and he said $28,000. I asked - for fulltime?? And he said yes... so I just laughed and said well that is not nearly enough for me. Bastards - that's less than $13.50 an hour. I was going to charge minimum $40 to do that job - industry standard is $50 - $75 ... so they can shove it up their asses anyway.  Fuck it though.... I am no longer at the end of my rope... I dropped right off. So if you heard a loud splash - that was just me. But Dev in all her sweetness bought me a lucky bamboo today and lemon meringue pie. So I am going to hang out with my plant and eat a whole pie before I go completely into the deep end....so there. bugzy |
| Waiting is tough. I have never been a good 'waiter'. I know all about trying to live in the moment.. but you are 'waiting' for a specific something to happen in your life - something that could change everything - whether for the better or the worse, waiting is torture. I try to keep busy. I try to just not even thing about it. I try to let go of expectations. I try to just allow things to be as they are supposed to be. I try not to play out too many scenarios - if it does happen, then this and this will happen... and if it doesn't happen, then this and this will happen. My mind can spin totally out of control, while I wait. But still I wait. What else can be done? Make alternate plans I guess. Not put all the eggs in one basket and keep ears and eyes open for other things too then wait for them. Sleep.. yes perhaps I should just sleep away the whole waiting time. Yup.. there's the damn answer. So that's the new plan. When I'm waiting for something.. I'm gunna crawl right under my blankies, pull them right over my head and then you can wake me when the wait time is over. Phewff... problem solved. Good night Wake me soon okay? bugzy |
| First the background... then the consequence... I was assigned a story for a magazine .. write about two guys who are retired and still busy. One of the guys was on holidays, so the article had to get pushed back. I could have left it at that, but nope - I wanted the assignment, so I thought .. who else can I find who volunteers and is older? I called my buddy at Providence and he immediately hooks me up with George. I interview George and then I realize I need another person's story so George hooks me up with his buddy Jim. So I write, what I think is probably one of the best stories I have ever written. Everyone is happy... life goes on. Until yesterday when I call Providence to chat about something unrelated and they tell me Jim is in the hospital and it looks bad. This is terribly upsetting to me - and I wonder why I am so affected by a man I only met once. I think it is because when you interview someone for a story, in only maybe an hour or so, you can really reach inside that person and see who they really are. You can get such a sense of who they are and how they have lived and they might even show you sides of themselves they rarely show others... I do not know for sure. But I have had the honour and pleasure of connected at a deep level with a few folks lately. I told Gloria at Providence I would be by this morning to drop off some papers and then I thought I'd find out more about Jim and try to go the hospital before I went into work. I was, of course, late. I realized I would have missed tea and cookies time - which pissed me off! When I parked my car, I saw George's car, so I was happy I was going to see him. When I walked over the the woodshed there was a different man in Jim's spot and it made me sad to watch this man paint a planter box yellow. I asked him where George was and he told me he had gone to pick up lumber. So I went into the mainhouse and into the kitchen. I saw Gloria so I went over just handed her the papers. She was so happy to see me and said, she was waiting for me to come and had just said, where was Judy and was going to call me. Then she said, these three people are Jim's children. I was instantly so happy to see them and as soon as I exclaimed, how great, I realized in a milisecond - they were not there for good news. Gloria told me that Jim had passed away last night. Nothing could have prepared me for that moment. I had to grab a chair and sit down and I couldn't stop the tears from just pouring down my face. I have no explanation as to why I was affected so much. Jim's son John, immediately started to thank me for writing the story on his father. They had not known about the magazine, but two days ago John had been at his Dad's house and saw the magazine on the table and just picked it up and flipped it open. He was shocked to see the picture of his Dad inside. He immediately showed his sisters and then yesterday they took it to the hospital to show the staff there. I guess a few more copies appeared and soon everyone knew about the article. Between my tears, John and his two sisters told me how much that story meant to them. One of the gals said when she read it, she could hear her Dad talking - those were his exact words, just like as if he had said them to her, she told me. They were so grateful and I shared with them my feeling about their Dad and how much his story had touched my heart and how much he loved their Mom. I told them that I got such a profound sense of how important his family was to him and how inspired I had been after our talk. I told him my editor and another person I know had written me to tell me how they had cried after reading the story. And my editor has NEVER told me anything good about anything I have written! I asked if they wanted more pictures of their Dad that I had taken that day and of course they said yes - so after this I will email them off to John to share with his sisters. After all the bullshit and nonsense of life as of late, the problems and worries and horrible board meeting tonight and being on edge about a new job prospect and yahdahyahdah.... ...all of it just melts away when I realize how one simple action of one guy who went on holidays to the Amazon (and who actually came back btw... his wife broke her leg and if I had known , I could have done the interview after all and NOT done the Providence story!!) and then doing a substitute story on one guy who mentioned another guy... on which I will make maybe $40 for my efforts...will have such a lasting impact on a whole family. That this family, now has a little piece of their father, a story of his, pictures of him from just a few weeks before he died - doing what he loved to do. Absolutely astounding. I may just look back at this day and realize - it may just have been one of the most significant things I have ever been involved in. How bless-ed is that? bugzy |
| Gosh there were so many things crossed around here I'm surprised there wasn't some freak tsunami or worldwide power surges!! You guys are awesome really!! Thanks for all the emails, comments, texts, calls .... so yah okay, no more staling ... I don't want to jinx myself here, but the interview went really well. After making me wait 10 minutes...grrr... Three people interviewed me - the two main owners, husband and wife, Mr and Mrs Boss, and some new partner/dude who gave me such bad directions yesterday I got lost getting there !! Admittedly he is new in town Mr Partner asked most of the questions including, "So what do you want to get paid?" To which I answered, "Lots!" They laughed - I was serious! I gave Mr Partner the gears a bit on that one. I said you know what you can afford, I am not going to say such and such, so you can say phewf, she is cheap or yikes, we can't afford her. I said I want what's fair and honest and industry standard. And I can research that if they need me to! Granted I should have figured it out before I went, but thought.. wrongly.. these dudes would know. But it's a brandy new position (mr fav) and they have no clue. Mr Partner said after it was not a fair question. Later Mrs Boss said, "All the people in this room get paid very well." hmmmmm I asked for 6 figures, but he said noone made that... but I beg to differ! This company is doing well - THEY bought their own building last year - so new you can't find the addy on mapquest. They have been around for 9 years and are expanding so much they can't keep up. Seems Mrs Boss s the head of sales and the editor and needs to split out the editing duties, cause she can't keep up. She LOVES sales and hates the editing part - I HATE sales and love the editing part, so I told her we would make a great team! They didn't ask usual interview questions - so I had to interject with the answers to questions they didn't ask.... I should probably take over any future hiring for them I am all over the place here - I am whacked and not making any sense. Overall, it's probably 3 days a week, part time in the office (a one hour drive no traffic) and part time at home. They are expanding to monthly issues for the USA magazine and the corporate magazine and bi-monthly on the Canadian and Australian and British and somewhere else I forget! They reuse articles for each country but not necessarily at the same time. They are VERY disorganized and Mrs Boss said that most of the delays going to print are her fault.. she laughed and said the staff must hate her... so I said, well gosh they are gunna love me and are all gunna be saying.... GOD we are so glad that Judy started here They were pretty informal bunch, but you can tell they are all business when they have to be. Mrs Boss announced very firmly that they have succeeded so well when others have failed because they are NOT a magazine geared toward hydroponic Grow-ops... but I have a funny feeling they probably are. They don't want to say that of course, but ummmm yah, Vancouver Island is the grow-op capital of Canada.. so yah.. ummm okay whatever! Mr Boss looks like former hippie gone... yah straightish. So near the end - Mr Boss, who had not said too much, said, "I LOVE your cover letter and I am going to use it!" Then he said, "Well, you are my number one choice so far." okay.. so I was the first and only one they interviewed so far.. but still.. that counts for something right?? They said they had a couple of more interviews... I am surprised they don't have more and will call in a couple of days. Sooooooo... it's a wait and see game now. Trying not to be too attached to the outcome, but my stepmonster called me twice since then to ask if I had found out anything yet.. she is eager to transfer my account from her name On the other side of good news.... after one of my editors emailed me last night to say my regular Eco-Life column which has ran for a year and a half would be cut from this next issue she then emailed me back this morning to say it was back in and could I do another one? So yipppee on that ... 2 for her, one for Senior Living and two for More Living all due before May 5th and my regular Career one due.. like ummmm in two days.. I am one swamped gal now!! YikersAnd the More Living editor, who I never hear from, sent me a note out of the blue today, saying how much she loved my writing and was so happy I was working with them... wonder if she has mailed my cheque yet?? On super sad news... Jim, who I interviewed for the Providence Farm piece is in the hospital with pneumonia and not doing well at all.... Gunna try to pop by there tomorrow.... sighOkay.. busy days ahead. Might not be around so much. Thanks again for all the love and support... really - it means the world to me. Now back to work I go!! Cheerios bugzy oooops big PS.. I got this badge today And honestly... with the crap I have been so whiney about lately, this took me TOTALLY by surprise.. but thanks Janie!! |
Okay Folks... BIGGER job for you all today/tonight/tomorrow. At exactly 10am PST - MY time or 11am for you midwest dudes or 12pm for you guys waaayyy over east or 1pm... ok wherever ... you get the point... are you ready? Are you sitting down? Do you wanna hear my news? Huh? Huh? Huh? Ready? Sure??? Okay!!!!!! I'LL TELL YOU..... I HAVE A JOB INTERVIEW WITH THOSE GOOFY GARDENING MAGAZINE DUDES!!! YUP YUP YUP YUP.... heeheeheehee So can you all PLEASE cross every appendage, toes, fingers, knees, ankles, elbows, eyes (are they an appendage.. I am thinking not and dangerous if you are driving!!) And/or pray or rub your lucky dice, or your lucky rabbit's foot or your own lucky appendage or someone else's appendage.. or WHATEVER.. but send happy, happy, happy thoughts waaaay over here... OK? Good.. thanks.. Keep you posted! bugzy My stepmonster told me to be professional .. so no to telling them all the typos in their mag?? |
| I keep coming back to that thought, again and again. It seems no matter what the situation or problem or crap, I can look at it and ask myself, "How did I create, promote or allow this to happen?" There are exceptions to all these types of thoughts - we cannot contain everything into one tight fitting box and expect it all to fit. But in most cases I can see my part in things. So let's take my financial situation right now. What did I do to create, promote or allow this? I can whine and complain, and blame the lack of jobs here, or the lack of intelligent people to 'get' that I am intelligent and should be working for them... or a number of other factors....that's easy to do. But I can really look at this mess and say I did all three - I created it - first of all by even moving here. I had a great job in Ontario, secure, could have probably moved up, knew a lot of people, had a lot of friends, a community, support. Money was okay, even leaving Michael was possible, I had an apartment to go to, could have kept my job, blahblahblah. But I made the choice to leave and move here - with no money, no job to come to, no place to live. I took the risk - so I created this current reality. I promoted it - because although I looked for work right away, I banked on getting one particular job that was offered to me as soon as I got here, that didn't pan out, instead of really looking seriously for work from the get-go. I allow it - simply by avoiding it mostly, and holding on to perhaps false trust that it will all work out... that one is a bit harder. If I look at other situations in my life. Like my reoccurring having to deal with liars (sorry to beat a dead horse). I have a bit of a harder time finding how I create that. But I do promote it and definitely allow it. I allow people who lie to me, to keep doing it. I allow them to be in my life even when I know they lie. I allow it because I will make excuses for them, or try to sympathize or tell them, well I know you lied, don't do it again, but I don't stand firm and say, I WILL NOT BE A PART OF THIS LIE. Nope, I continue to promote it, by being aware of it, and not doing anything about it - nothing to stop it or distance myself from it or cut myself off completely. And why... I have to ask myself , do I do that? And the answer is not pretty, or nice, or sweet or sympathetic or easy to admit. I think sometimes I allow the lying because in some way, it benefits me. That's a bit of a shocker. So not only to I allow it, but then I must say to myself, I am just as much a liar myself. *shakes head* Let him who is without sin cast the first stone... bugzy |
Words. Images on a page. Letters spewed out. Thoughts spoken aloud. I am a sucker for words - I am auditory, so when I hear words... I believe them. I need them. That is where truth used to lay for me. Words of love. Words of affection. Words of dreams and desires and hopes and passion. Then there are the words spoken with anger and resentment and guilt and pain. Hateful words, destroying words, spiteful words, demeaning words, degrading words. But what are they really? What meaning do they have? They are .... meaningless. But whoever said - sticks and stones may break my bones, but words shall never harm me... was an idiot. The smartest bunny of all - said, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Those are words to live by. The rest of them are useless. Useless, unless they are true. And useless ... unless they are followed by action. bugzy |
| When I was 17, I went to see my mom after not seeing her or even communicating much for over 5 years. I flew across the country by myself, which was huge for at the time. I was nervous and excited. She was my mom after all. I remember sitting in her house, she had remarried and had another child - I had not been told about either event for several years after they happened - and I found out by accident. Withholds perhaps... but still lies. We stayed up late several night talking and she decided to tell me the 'truth' about my father. I'll spare the details - needless to say I was devastated. Everything I had lived in my life, everything I believed about my past, or his past or my family's past was a lie. According to her... who is a liar as well, I guess. A favorite family time, was to sit around the dinner table while Dad told stories. Stories about when he was in the war, shot down and spent time in Japanese Prison of War Camp; stories about past business adventures; family events, and so on and so on. Those stories were the web that surrounded me - that were the basis of our lives and he was such a good storyteller and I was always spellbound and those memories were my life. They kept me safe and feeling warm and part of something bigger than myself. When my Mom told her side - Dad was only 16 when the war broke out, falsified papers and stole an airplane and was court marshalled; he was arrested on their honeymoon for stealing a car and went to jail in Morocco for a year; a business that he used to talk about... raising chickens or something, he said caught on fire and was one of my favorites, was a lie. They just went bankrupt. I was lost. All I knew and loved and cherished was lost to me. I found myself questioning everything, every conversation, every story, every he said this or that, or when that happened. I knew none of it anymore. I was lost in a void of some sort. Nothing beneath me or nothing around me, holding me up, keeping me safe. Truly a disconcerting feeling, I honestly thought I would never, ever have to live through again. When my Dad picked me up at the airport when I returned home, I could not look him the eye. I moved out a few weeks later. My Dad and I have had a long sordid history and I have blogged about him many times. It goes way outside of forgiving him. It goes to places like getting to level of understanding about how fucked up he was. How insecure, how he had to live these lies, to enact this persona, much different than he truly was. He destroyed lives around him all the time. He never understood how his lies did not make him a better person in anyone's eyes.. which is all he wanted. It made people hate him. My brother is in his image. I love my brother and would do anything for him. His lies have devastated me. I am more cautious now. I do things and maintain a relationship with him, but it's guarded. I can go paint his fence, work in his garden, laugh and enjoy him. But I can never trust him again. So my love for him is not complete or solid. It can hurt me still... so I am as careful as I can. Not let him too close to me. It's sad. I read a relationship book once, it's about a lot of things - but it talks alot about truth. Real truth, not just convenient truth. Not the kind of truth that is subjective to who you are talking to at the time. You are speaking that truth to that person and a different truth to something else. No, it's about microscopic truth. Be true to yourself first of all. Not withholding. Withholding is lying. It's as bad as lying in my book. Misrepresenting yourself is lying too. I work hard, really hard at being honest. I am far from perfect. I fuck up , gosh weekly maybe more. Not daily I don't think. I am conscious of my family history and it's like cancer, I know that lying has been a prevalent thread in my family, so I watch for it. I am aware of the hideousness of lying and I am careful. I have come clean in here more times than I can remember. I am always willing to look at myself to see if there is an even deeper layer of truth that I need to get to. I have opened myself and shown my ugliness. I have barred my scars, I have shown part of myself that I have kept hidden away from everyone. I have also shared my beauty. There are always both in everyone. We all misrepresent ourselves sometimes in different situations. I do not act the same at work as I do with my friends. There are boundaries that are necessary. But some things and some people in my life are sacred. There are some codes of honour that have to be maintained. I trust very fast and easily. I am not sure - that does seem like a contradiction to how I was raised and so hurt - but still it's true. But when I am lied to so badly that my image of that person, like my father, is shattered beyond repair, it is not about forgiving anymore. It is about never really and truly being able to open myself completely again. Not allowing that kind of vulnerability that is critical to any truly, meaningful, unconditionally loving relationship. Once that guard is raised. It can almost never be completely torn down. Not completely. There will always remain that sliver of doubt. Like an insidious cancer. Always that thought hiding in the back of my mind, waiting to say, I told you so. Doubt ... a truly powerful and invasive killer of all things good. Truly breaks my heart when that happens. I want to always feel the good in people. But sometimes love and wanting and trusting and even forgiving are just not enough, are they? bugzy |
| Update on work visioning meeting * Gal who freaked and insisted on having a visioning meeting that SHE would lead cause she didn't like much that I had to say about the restructuring of CGC .... emailed today to say she would not be attending the Sunday meeting that SHE wanted to set up. Okay... hold me back Update on Dishwasher Dude * He is homeschooled!!!.. oh yah.. this is very cool. Means he bascially sleeps all day and is up all night, just like Dev. Their schedules will be totally in sinc! So I, the master planner and plotter (Dev has a good role model) has offered to spring for cokes and nachos for Dev and her girlfriend tomorrow night. So they are going to hang at the restaurant (at least it keeps them out of the parking lot and they are going to write him silly notes and put them in the dirty dishes .. oh lordy that cracks me up!Update on job prospect * Applied for the Gardening Editor job yesterday. I thought the posting had disappeared from the jog site, then I found it again. Stepmonster went around to try and get copies of the magazine for me and finally did and met the owner's best friend! So I am seeing a few trips up to the garden store in my very near future! Update on my garden *I HAVE LETTUCE, PEAS AND BEETS SPROUTING!! heehee .. very very sweet! Update on Providence Farm dudes * A gal from there wrote me and thanked me for the article. She said they have had several inquiries about volunteering there. The two ole guys are being very humble she said, but that they asked for extra copies of the magazines to give to their kids! * Then another dude I interviewed called me yesterday and said it was very well written and he has had inquiries too and if he needs something written, he wanted to know if I would write it. I said sure, then he said volunteer... umm.... that would be no... grrr. Okay that was stretching it for a blog entry, but that's all I got. Still gotta do lots of work tonight - I will run the damn visioning meeting on Sunday, so gotta prep for that, finish an article for work and get a plan finished for another big meeting on the 30th AND I am being hailed to make pancakes all of a sudden. Where is Dishwasher Dude when you need him?? Ok.. happy happy friday - even to you DDWearsmeout cheers bugzy |
| Okay here is the tip of the year, I'm telling you all! For those who have ahem.... unmotivated read lazy teenagers, who NEVER take out the garbage or recycling OR walk the dog.. I have an amazing little secret that will change your life forever. FREE of charge .. however, donations gratefully accepted I do work for a non-profit you know.So here is the deal.... somehow, someway, even if by total coincidence, like in my case, get a very cute member of the opposite sex to either move in nearby or work nearby. Ever since Dev and her girlfriends accidentally discovered a "VERY, VERY, VERY HOT GUY MOM!!!" working at the marina restaurant, my life has completely changed!! Every day, SEVERAL times a day, I mean like 6 times a day AT LEAST, Dev, walks Darla, takes out the garbage, the recycling and gets the mail..... yup yup yup. Life is damn good I'll tell yah. Hope he never quits his job!!! ohhh , its after 10:00pm... time for Darla's final walk of the day! She is lovin life too I'll tell yah!! yuppers! bugzy |
| Just found a job posting for editor of a Gardening Magazine.... gotta go write a kick ass cover letter....... ***update... been reading past issues of the mag... GAWED they SOOO need me*** oh lordy Before making your selections from the myriad variety in the seed catalogs, there are some questions to consider to help you make the right buying decisions, so that the plants you grow meet your needs and expectations. By answering some questions and making some basic choices up front, you can better navigate your way through the overwhelming array of choices you face in the catalogs you peruse. ohhh .... and... Armed with this information, you will be better able to make your way through the seed catalogs and enjoy making your plant choices. is it me... or does only my mouth trip over... you will be better able ... me thinks this guy gets paid by the word... ohhh i wannnnna go at this!! *** okay.. second update... They will be able to answer any questions and prepare your for your journey into growing year round. Okay.. they have NO clue how much they need me... not yet anyway!!!!!! |
| Well after processing my Friday night meltdown.. on my own even, since I have not talked to anyone about it.... I think I may have figured it out. Or not. We had a board meeting at work. A gal came in, who I have never seen at a meeting before and she announced she could only stay a few minutes cause her kids were fighting when she left home. Then she went on and on that she was resigning from the board yahdahyahdah... so I thought fine. She's busy, she seemed nice enough, but something about her was a bit..... tough I guess. So the meeting went okay - we talked about a few things blahblahblah .. then we got to the part about me becoming the ED and all of a sudden this gal lost it! She is on another board I guess (where she works I think) and they are trying some new "organic' model where everyone is on one playing field and all just nicey nicey with no boss... ummm.. sure. Amy even argued with her and said she thought that was a fairy tale. But then she left the meeting early too.. so that was the end of that The other board members seem to be going along with everything okay, agreeing with my proposal and they know me and I know them ... so it took me so by surprise when she just went on that she could not support this etcetc And I just kept thinking.. and you are who exactly? Someone who is quitting the board!! I remained very calm and I didn't even get defensive!! I explained my reasoning, my background - the fact that CGC is going to fold and I am stepping up to help out etcetcetc. I said at one point, "You know if it's not the right thing for CGC and the board votes no, I'll just go back to writing a book and sitting on my dock and drinking beer.. I do not have an ulterior motive here" .....Two guys on the board were like... yahoo... can we come!??! She did not find that amusing! So after her freakout .. of course she had to leave - so the meeting had to be called as there would no longer be a quorum.. so that was that. So things were put on hold - she wants to run a 'visioning' meeting to decide the direction of CGC. Which is not a bad thing and something I planned on doing. But I was going to do that after the June AGM, with a new board... but whatever ... earlier is fine too. But it took the wind out of my sails I have to be honest about that. I really worked hard on the proposal, job descriptions, org charts etcetc and I thought WTF! I left there and came home and went for a long, hard paddle in the canoe and had a good whiney cry and felt all suitably sorry for myself and unappreciated!! I've thought about it for the last few days, going through the whole gambit of emotions... I was having a serious dejavu about Providence Farm all over again. I put soooo much work on that proposal - with support and egging along from the ED only to have one board member screw that whole deal. So here is my lesson... again.... I pour my heart and soul and tireless amounts of time and energy into whatever I do. But in these two cases and a few others I hate to admit, I do for others... I put that energy outside of myself toward some idea that "I" have without any guarantee that I will get something out of it. And although both Amy and Andrew want me to do this.. and felt they would have full board support - they didn't really have the right to say that. Just like at Providence - Mark didn't have the right to ask me to do all that work before the board said yes. For me - it's a lesson not to run off half cocked all the time. To make sure I get the facts first instead of just bulldozing through stuff.... gotta look before I leap I guess. I am going keep looking for other work and not put all my energy toward this..it's too iffy and I don't have the luxury of taking so much risk for something that is so... risky. And I am certainly not going to put in the extra hours that I have been. I am not sure what Andrew and Amy think.. I haven't had a chance to talk to them.. maybe Wednesday... we will see. Ok.. that's enough of that crap... now some late breaking good news. I went up to Providence Farm on Friday to take my friend George the magazine that his story is in. I luckily bumped into him having his lunch so we had a great chat. He had seen the magazine as a gal at his bank, asked him to autograph it for him hahaha... so he got one and gave it into the office there. He said he had a bone to pick with me, that I made him sound too good and one of his friends teased him and said that it didn't sound like him at all! But I know he was happy. He told me again that he was still working on folks there to let me write the book... hahaha.. he is not giving up he said, and I believe him! Later when I got home, I had an email from a gal I met through work a couple of times and she said, she read the story and cried and how much she enjoyed it and said how real I made the story and thanked me. I was really taken aback. I have never gotten a note out of the blue before like that and it really made me feel good. Then on Sunday when I had to send some stuff to my editor, I mentioned that George had been asked for his autograph and how mad he was at me (not) and she said, that was great, because the story made her cry and she loved it!?!? WTF .. she never said that when she got it.. in fact she hacked it up most out of any of my stories and I was pissed. She made me take out the whole first person part of the story ... I always have written in first person - she said it made it seem like an interview.. and I so disagreed. She made me take out some parts in the middle that she now changed and they don't make sense and she changed the ending.. ..grrrrr.... but she loved it! hahaha so that was still cool. I am not going to say she loved it cause she changed it... Anyway.. here is the link .. it's online now. http://www.seniorlivingmag.com/mainpagepdf/SENIOR_LIVING_ISLAND_APR08_FINAL_webs... Page 14/15 It's a PDF and takes a while to load. I was going to post my version and theirs to see which one you like better - but I'm too whacked and my ego isn't that fragile.. well okay it is.. but tiredness wins. Overall - today was good. I had some more great feedback from the Gardening Workshop I organized on Saturday. It was very well received, people learned a lot and it went smooth as silk. All in all... a good experience. Tomorrow I'm in the office cause the local TV is coming in to interview us.. oh yah... so gotta get my beauty sleep.. wonder if I can dream away a few dozen pounds that the damn camera is going to add!!! Happy dreams of fame for me. nite nite bugz |
| Friday night I was too upset and sad to blog.. so didn't Saturday night I was too happy and drunk to blog... so didn't. Sunday night....I am too damn tired to blog... so not gunna. So there heehee bugzy |
| I worked from home today - and then this afternoon I had to go do an interview for one of the magazines I write for. I was sort of putting this off - It was supposed to happen in February but one of the guys went away on holidays so it got pushed back to this issue and I kept dreading the call to set up up the interview. Finally it got sorted and I met with them today. They are retired marine biologists who used to work at a museum and its supposed to be about how busy there are.. yahdahyahdah and I thought zzzzz.... So I drove about an hour down to see them at a store where one of them works. Well it turned out to be an absolute hoot - these two clowns told me all sorts of stories of their time working together - discovering new species of sea lillys and going off on exhibitions just like ole Jacques Cousteau (a famous ole french deep sea diver dude in case you americans don't know who he was)... anyway.. they were great fun. We did about an hour or so of just yaking then I wanted to get some pictures outside, so we drove to the Saanich Penisula about 10 mins from the office. Well we were heading down there and we rounded a corner - and the sun came out, the sky opened up to a deep blue and the ocean spread out in its wonder right before me. I just smiled and felt so happy and thought... yes, I love this job. I could so just do this. Chat to ole guys and hang out at the beach on a windy, spring day. The air was salty, the sun was bright,and the wind was damn cold, and I got tons of sand in my shoes!! grrrrr But it was truly lovely.. here is a pic of the beach (minus the dudes) ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** They were clowning around on the beach .. not many specimins to look at, so one of them start examining seaweed and then proceeded to sample a few bites - when I asked him what it was - he laughed so hard and said, "There are over 450 types of seaweed, I have NO clue what this is.... salty though!" And then proceeded to spit it out.... ...it was one of those ... had to be there moments. I told him that he was a marine biologist snob as they only study invertebrates and have no use for other biologists that study things like mammals cause... quote... there are hardly any of those!! Ahh they were cracking me up! But I got such a good sense of why these guys worked at their jobs together for over 30 years and now even though they are retired, still keep going back to hang out at the museum. And in two weeks 11 of them plus their wives are going on a trip for 3 days to Vegas and then to some kind of marine boat for a trip up to Alaska..... I hope they dont decide to jump overboard and start looking for those obscure species of sea cucumbers!! Ahhh good days like these.... sigh. Sure nice to have even if it's another job that pays crap bugzy |
| Since my first job at 17, I have been able to support myself and then, my family. I have always been the main breadwinner (why is it called that... you don't WIN anything with that role) I have always been a workaholic from the get-go, don't ask me why. But I never really felt passionate about the work I was doing. Sure maybe I helped create a good environment for the poor folks that had to work in bank back offices, pushing paper and get screamed at by irate, dissatisfied customers but I never felt good about doing much for those same customers - since making money was always put ahead of doing anything really good or meaningful for people. But regardless - I was paid well. Now, however I find myself doing work that I can really feel good about. I believe in the vision, I believe in the ideas, I believe it/we can make a difference in our community, in people lives, and be the start of good things all around - the farmers, the land, the environment, the local economy... blahblahblah. The energy is there, the passion is there, the work is endless and overflowing... but where is the money? I could and would work just as hard or harder than I did at the bank. The end results would be better, people's lives would be affected in a positive way, we could employ lots of folks into meaningful, life enhancing work... but where is the money? A farmer dude came into the office today wanted to start a new farm - he was stoked. I got wound up just listening to him talk and bounce off the walls for 10 minutes. He had vision, ideas, passion, education, and even the land, but asked us... where do I get the money? Our whole economic system is screwed. The corporate fat cats get fatter with their milking of the honest person's hard earned wages - like the bank account I just opened that I wanted to keep some money separate from other money.. that I have not even had one transaction go through, yet it is already after two weeks of being opened... overdrawn $7.23 and I haven't done anything !!! WFT? I honestly feel of all the jobs I have had and all the places I have worked.. that THIS work could really be my niche. Like this guy today, and the gal yesterday who is starting a school community garden, and another woman today on the phone that wanted to start a garden in her apartment complex, and another woman who came in today who wants us to talk about what we do to a group of 100 retired nurses.... But where is the money? Why is it so difficult for small, grass roots non-profits, who don't want to screw anyone out $7.23 - to get just enough funding even to stay alive? I am having a hard time with this. Last night I stayed up until after 2am looking on job sites. The jobs that pay me enough to live are the same ones that kill my soul. But I feel that I have to keep putting my resume out to those guys (who are not pounding down my door anyway) and sell my soul in order to play the game of staying afloat... literally. It will be a sad day honestly, if that is the route I have to take. But I need to be realistic. Corporate Culture has the money and as much as I have tried to live a life without any... those damn bankers who own all of what I have and then some, aren't gunna let me off the hook. Swimming upstream... that's indeed what it feels like. Lucky I'm a lifeguard I guess. ooops my new-to-me bread machine just went beep beep beep.. yippee haven't had home made bread since last year when my last one pooched..... So you are saved from more dribble as I am off to eat bread and ponder more life unanswerable questions.. tomorrow .. who said it was better to give than to receive? Stay tuned for that earth-shattering and life changing crap. bugzy |
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