I have a date!

I'm laughing because it sounds so funny these days, no-one ever says "date" anymore, but I actually do. Technically speaking, I have a "catch up" but was accompanied with a a bunch of compliments like how sweet and cute I am, and that he had a thing for me in the past. Me? Sweet? Ha. He clearly doesn't know me very well. I've mentioned him before actually - back when I had that horrible job in the city. He was the guy I met on that weird surprise blind double date I went on with my (no longer) best friend and her loser boyfriend (who happens to be this guy's friend).

Anyway, he'd added me on Facebook (mysteriously so as he didn't know my last name at that point) but then never spoke to me. I saw him again out one night but he was very quiet and barely said two words to me. I had gotten word somehow that he liked me, but he never really made a move. So then that was that.

And this was over a year ago now. AND when he messaged me on Facebook it was at 3am in the morning on a Saturday. I was immediately suss about that, so I asked him if being so late at night (and presumably drunk) had brought it on. He admitted it had but "not for the reasons I was probably thinking", haha, oh is that right? lol. And what would those reasons be? He said he had never asked me out because of the issues my friend and her boyfriend were having... but that's weird. They broke up a couple months after we met that night. Soooo... I can't quite figure out what the problem would be after that. It's not like we'd be having group dates all the time? Confused.

But I'm going out anyway. Oh, why the hell not? As long as he makes conversation this time! He'd bloody wanna considering he's the one who's supposedly all interested. Impress me, man. haha.

Then - oh, it gets better - I brought up the fact I'm a Christian and simply that I'd "learnt my lesson" about that awhile ago. Which I did, with my ex. Who was non-Christian and it ended very, very badly and I swore I'd only date Christians from now on. For fairly obvious reasons. But that said, I haven't had much luck. So I very hesitantly told him that just so we're on the same page from the get go. It felt a bit weird bringing it up, but I can't see the harm (apart from it going against all "first date" rules). But he seemed to handle it well, saying he already knew and that he was raised Christian and his dad's training to be a pastor. I know that doesn't make him a Christian and he's not, but.......... close enough. haha. So what if he's kinda cute? I remember I had a thing for him too but it faded pretty quick after he never spoke to me on Facebook and after that second time out, I never saw him again. I'm a bit wary of the 3am message time-stamp and what the motives are, but he seems kinda sweet. He's a primary school teacher and that just makes him so endearing and just a bit adorable.

So, now he's asked me when and where I'd like to catch up (which I do think is the wrong way around, but at least it gives me the chance to suggest something other than drinks in a club). I was thinking coffee - it's easy, cheap (he should be able to pay without any awkwardness - I HATE that part on a date. It's so uncomfortable), and it can end quickly if it doesn't go well. The only problem is it might end too quickly...

Any suggestions for what to do on a "catch up but technically a date"?

 

I am here to write a proper entry - quite a bit later than I thought!

To be honest, some of things I was going to write about before seem so in the past now. But I will make a point of writing them so they're down in history. The main thing that's happened with the last six months is the loss of the friendship with my best friend.

Honestly, it's been a long time coming between us. I've been losing respect for her for awhile now and we live totally different lifestyles. We're simply different people than we were in highschool. This whole mess started when we decided to go on a holiday to Sydney together over the Easter break. There didn't seem any problem with it being just the two of us, per se, but I think we had different ideas of how the holiday was going to play out. I'm a sightseeing girl. I see the sights during the day, I sleep at night. She is a partying girl. She sees a few main attractions and parties the rest of the time.

To get to the point quickly, the downfall came on Easter Sunday night. She wanted to go out to a club all night, I didn't, so she left and flew home early leaving me there alone. Seriously, who does that? Saying it was an overreaction is an understatement.

It's not like we hadn't gone out at all. We'd gone out the Saturday night, but when we came back around midnight it was too early for her and she kicked up a fuss about how I never want to go out. She put a pillow over her head and ignored me. But you know, whatever, we'd climbed the Sydney Harbour Bridge that day. I was kinda tired.

The next night she desperately wanted to go out. She'd said so all day. And I'd said how I didn't really want to. I tried to compromise. I said maybe we could just go out for dinner, get a few drinks and be back by about 11pm-midnight. We'd been out all day and I was tired and we were both feeling a bit sick. But she wanted to go. She refused dinner and drinks saying that wasn't "a good night out". Apparently, you have to be back at all hours of the morning for it to be classified as a good night.

The other point of contention was that it was Easter Sunday night. Now, I'm a committed Christian and while I don't mind going out for drinks occasionally, going out to a club until 2am on Easter Sunday night was going too far. I knew it wasn't right and I wasn't about to give in. I stand up for what I believe in and I knew in my heart of hearts that going out like that just isn't right.

So - surprise, surprise - I get called boring and religious. I never said it in a "holier than thou" sort of way. I just said calmly that I didn't feel comfortable going out on that particular night and I would prefer if we just had a relaxing dinner and maybe some wine.

I never once got overly agitated or angry, or raised my voice. I was trying to be as calm as possible because I could see she was wired up. She wasn't getting her way and she couldn't handle it. I got accused of all sorts of things. Never wanting to have fun, over-religious, boring, controlling. She states she never got to do anything she wanted to do on the trip, that I decided everything. It went on and on and on.

I finally prayed that God find me some solution as to how to get out of it. I just wanted the tension to be over (it's a small hotel room after all). And then about 30 seconds after my prayer, she came out from under her blankets and said (very calmly) that she was going home. That she just wanted to get out of this "hell-hole." She went to her luggage, got the printed flight information, got on her iPhone internet and started to re-book her flights.

I was just in utter shock. Seriously, I had no words. I thought she couldn't possibly be for real. But she was. She'd made up her mind that she was leaving, and no-one can change this girl's mind. I just stared for ages, and then suddenly burst into tears. I literally cried for probably the next hour and she couldn't have cared less. I think she's seen me cry maybe once in the 14 years we've been friends, and suddenly I was sobbing and all it was was noise to her. I'm not sure what came over me, I just couldn't believe it was happening. I think the stress of trying to stay calm and then the shock eventually overwhelmed me.

For awhile, it seemed like she wasn't going to be allowed to change her flights due to the ticket rules, but then she went out for a walk (at like 10pm) and then came back after maybe 30 minutes. There was no rationalising with her. I tried but she just blocked me out. She either ignored me or came back with some snide remark. She even tried to change rooms, but that never happened. Not sure if the hotel refused, or why, but she slept in our room that night.

The next morning, I heard her up and about before me and on the phone rebooking. I pretended to be asleep, and heard her give her credit card details, confirm the booking number and give some lie about a close friend dying so she had to leave early (complete with tears). So I knew it could no longer possibly be a joke. She was definitely leaving. We only had one day and night left (I was still due to leave the next day). Oh, she even had the cheek to ask me if I wanted to come back early as well. For real?! Of course not! I was bloody well going to enjoy my last day in Sydney, and I certainly wasn't forfeiting that night's prepaid accommodation.

So, she left and I stayed in Sydney on my own. I wasn't upset that I was in another state all by myself. That I can handle. That I almost liked. It was that she'd left. I wasn't necessarily upset, I was just confused. To her, it seemed like a perfectly normal reaction. To me, it seemed like she'd gone mad. It is NOT a normal reaction. While a part of me wondered about her safety in her mental state, another and stronger part of me took over and I was in 'independent' mode. I was by myself, so I would look after myself and get on with it. I'm comfortable on my own. I went around London alone; I can handle Sydney.

We haven't really been on speaking terms since. She tried to reach out to me, but very strangely. First, she texted me when she landed home saying she'd gotten there safely and hopes I get home okay as well. I didn't respond. What on earth would I say?? You just left me here!!

Then about a week or two later, she texts me again saying "I know we're fighting, but a friend of a friend knows a guy who's looking for a nice, single Christian girl. Would you be interested?" I couldn't even speak. That....just.... I still can't. It's like, what?!

Besides, as far as I was concerned - we're not fighting. She left. She made her own decision to go. We never fought about really because she wouldn't even have a proper conversation with me. It was all her doing. And I'm not saying that to be spiteful or anything because I didn't provoke her. All I did was stand up for what I believe in and she didn't agree.

I eventually messaged her because we went halvies on some photos in Sydney of us with koalas, but she had the copies. So I wanted my share. Turns out, I had some dvds of hers and she wanted those back. So she started with the petty "you're not getting your photos and I get my dvds" crap. We ended up having a discussion (via text, mind you) and she thinks it is all my fault. She won't apologise. She says I should apologise for not letting her do what she wanted.

So we're at a stalemate. I don't know what page she is on, but as far as I'm concerned there is no friendship. If you've been reading my blog for years, then you might remember lots of things she's done in the past similar to this. She never apologises, she just expects me to forgive and forget like the good little Christian girl I am. She expects me to just move on like all the other times. Well, not this time. It's just too much. I can't handle the drama anymore, it's not healthy. She's messed up, and I'm not the one to help her anymore. I'm more than happy to forgive, and we can be casual acquaintances, but I just can't see us ever being as close as we were. It just isn't possible.

My comfort during this, and still is now, is that I prayed before and this is the answer I received. She's changed since highschool and all she wants to do is party. Her idea of good time is to get drink. We're not even close to being on the same page. She's been a bad influence on me ever since she started this, and I don't want to get involved anymore. Clearly, neither does God. I really don't think it was a coincidence that she decided to leave at that very moment. It didn't feel like it at the time, it felt like an answer. God has worked that fast in my life before, and I completely trust Him that it was meant to happen. Everything happens for a reason and there will be a reason for this.
 

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That can't be right. Wasn't it just yesterday?

I should be comforted by the saying "time flies when you're having fun", but I don't know about that! I know what I'm meant to be writing about, but I don't have the energy right now. This past week I've had a bad case of the winter blues. It's cold, it's miserable and... well, it's just cold. I've decided though that I'm not actually depressed, I'm just lacking in vitamin D and it's messing with my happy brain cells. It's making them think they're sad ones but they're not really. They just having a temporary identity crisis.

My other reason -and a good one- is that my left eye has been twitching since last Tuesday. Being in front of screens of any sort made it worse, so I was trying to avoid it away from work as much as possible. It has subsided now a little, which I'm very thankful for. It has to be one of the most irritating, annoying and frustrating problems!

Someday very soon I will get off my chest what I've been meaning to. If you're curious, I went on a holiday interstate with my best friend and I was left there when she decided the friendship was over, and flew home early. Oh, happy times.
 

Someone remind me to write here.

I feel like I need some therapy via blogging, but I need sleep more right now.

I'll come back soon and write all about my latest stresses and adventures.
 

It was my SEVEN YEAR anniversary on March 1! How crazy. I got my little gift in the mail today and it's always so exciting (and surprising, because I always forget )

But wow - 7 whole years. It makes me feel like I was so young back then, but honestly, I feel pretty much exactly the same. Of course things have changed and I'm probably a bit more grown up with some lessons under my belt... but pretty much the same.

I was looking through my merit badges and it's sad to see most of the people who gifted them to me are either a 'non-existent member' or reduced to basic membership. Although, if I think about it, a lot were 5 years ago. Who really stays that long on a website?

Me, apparently.
 

Wow, I didn't even mention my new baby niece.

Her name's Charlotte and she was born on January 1.

And she is the single most adorable thing I've ever seen.
 

I just paid for my yearly membership once again! I know I don't come on all that much anymore, but I still enjoy it when I do. I don't really know how to leave actually. They have me completely sucked in. The time it would take to get all my work off here is just... I don't even want to think about it. I don't have a lot of my work anywhere else (so I REALLY hope their servers or backups never go down). I lost most of my writing when my old computer's hard drive was fried in a power surge, so this is all I have of it. Literally.

So, in other news, work's good. It's nice actually waking up and not minding going to work. Well, you know, I never want to get out of bed and that's not going to change any time soon. But once I'm up and awake and feeling a bit more alive, I don't mind going to work. It gives me something to do during the day!

I found out the guy I kind of like, is actually married. Wait. Before we get to that. I don't like like him. I don't really know him. He's just curiously interesting. And funny. And kinda cute. But you know... back to him being married. Eh, what?! I knew he'd had some sort of difficulties in the past but he always spoke about it mysteriously with no real details. I'd listed off alcohol, drugs, family issues, abuse as a child..... but somehow a soon-to-be-ex wife hadn't made the list. Yeah, apparently he's almost divorced. It's a real pity actually. Not that I'm going to judge him, because I'm not. I don't know what happened there. It's just like... WHOA. RED FLAGS. BRAKES. I just can't even go there.

Not that I was actually planning on hitting on him anyway. Just sayin'.


(P.S: Did you know putting sticky-tape over insect bites helps keep the itch away and reduces swelling? I. AM. IN. LOVE. WITH. STICKYTAPE. RIGHT. NOW. I was bitten by a fire ant and this is my only relief. It really really really hurts otherwise.)

(P.P.S: Please find below my favourite lyrics for this week. After I found out about the married-soon-to-be-divorced-man, these lyrics were going round and round and round in my head. Interesting.)

Love it will not betray you
Dismay or enslave you, it will set you free
Be more like the man you were made to be

There is a design, an alignment, a cry
Of my heart to see
The beauty of love as it was made to be

Mumford & Sons - Sigh No More
 

Well. Can you believe 2010 is almost over already? That's just a little bit crazy.

I mean, honestly. Who made time go so fast?

The other night at 2pm when I couldn't sleep I was thinking about the year that was 2010. It's been a very interesting year, but on the other hand, not a great deal happened. It was mostly about work.

In January, I "was released" from my temp job (read: quit). Then in March, I got another job in the city. I instantly hated it. I tried to make working in the city sound like a quasi-romantic adventure where I could meet all sorts of lovely people just by sitting alone in coffee shops. Not so much. I ended up really exhausted, fed-up and spending a big chunk of my daily life on disgusting public transport without mobile internet. Not to self: life is not a movie. However, it was a memorable seven weeks. I applied for another job, quit and got another job all in the space of a week.

And now I'm happily working doing real graphic design, not faux graphic design masquerading under the name of advertising.

It's good to know that while I'm on holidays right now, I'm not dreading going back to work. Well, I am in a sense, but not because of the work or environment. I'm dreading going back because I fear I'll have no life except for work for the entirety of 2011. I'm praying that life will somehow find a way to squeeze itself into existence between all the working hours I'll do.

Back to working in the city for a moment... I do wish living and working in the city was for me. I always thought it was and that I loved the city. Turns out I just like visiting. I do love the city, but in moderation. I love the busyness and all the people to watch. I love being alone in a sea of faces. But at the end of the day, it's not me at all. It's funny how I thought it was, then suddenly you discover you were fooling yourself. I come from a big house not an apartment, with lots of room, grass and birds. And real birds, not pigeons. I love looking out to the horizon and seeing tops of trees, not tops of buildings.

My whole teenage life I had a romantic notion to live and work in the city. It only took one week to realise that's not me. I'm 26 and I'm just starting to figure out who I am. I think this must be why people in their late 20s start to blossom into their own, get better looking, get better fashion sense... because they're finally starting to feel comfortable within themselves.


Also. I'll leave you with some links. Follow me around the internet if you like. I have all sorts of pages, blogs and tweeting spaces these days. (Tumblr is new as of today, so there's not much there yet.)

http://twitter.com/likearainstorm
http://www.flickr.com/photos/merri-b
http://like-a-rainstorm.tumblr.com
 

I want to go to America. Yes, I think my next trip will be to the US. I've always kind of had a slight aversion to the US, but I think I'm warming up a bit. Besides, think of all the things I can do there that I can't do aaaallll the way down in Australia. For starters, I can see bands in concert that have very little chance of coming here in the next 5 years. I also have two good friends, one in Kansas and one in West Virginia, who I know would love me to visit. I've double checked and the whole "come to the US and you can come stay with me!!" isn't all talk. They actually mean I can come and stay. Which is awesome. Free accommodation. No, of course not, I would pay or do something in return for my stay.

I don't usually plan my trips this far in advance though, so who knows if it will even happen. There are lots of things in my way. I have the main problem of full-time work, for one. And even if I went in 2012, which seems the first possible date right now, I would still never have accrued enough leave to go for the length of time I have in my head. We only accrue 2 weeks of leave a year, so if I went in 2012 I would have only 4 weeks saved. Tours themselves would take probably 3 of those and can't visit both my friends in just one week!

I say 2012 because obviously it won't be this year... and 2011 will only be my second year of full-time work, plus my sister will have her newborn and my parents are travelling. 2011 is actually shaping up to be rather predictable, which is a new feeling for me! Most years since I've started this blog I've had very little idea what's in store for each year. That's not to say something unpredictable won't happen. But it's looking unlikely! I suppose I don't mind. I really do mind actually, but I also realise that full-time work is important and I need to do it. And it's not so bad really. It's just feels very plateaued. I don't think I'll ever get over the "my life is so boring" full-time work provides.

Hmmm.

Anywho. I was talking about visiting the US? Sweet. Here I come! Slowly...
 

So I haven't written in awhile... and I really have to stop opening every other entry with that!

Life is good. I've been at my work almost 5 months now, and I'm pretty sure they consider me part of the furniture now. I've done some really big projects lately which have earned a bunch of money, so they're happy with my progress. Unfortunately, I don't get anything out of the big projects personally apart from kudos. It would be nice to have a monetary bonus, but they don't work like that. But at least I am enjoying this job.

My only problem is restlessness. As soon as my world starts to settle, I get restless. I never feel like I'm getting as much out of life as I could. I'm happy to have steady income and a steady job - but it's just so... steady. Full-time work - it's like the never-ending circle of days broken up by weekends. I'm not sure why I feel like this. It's almost like I prefer the restlessness of unemployment simply because there's some mystery. I'm not saying I don't enjoy the job. I really do. It's good work and I'm good at it. But you know, it's life in general. I'm turning 26 in a couple months and I just want something big to happen. My whole life thus far has been work and study. But it's all the in-between bits that stick out as the best parts. You would think that the big chunks that take up your life would at least make it into the top 5.

But full-time work. Wow. It's so full-time. Insightful, I know.

Though, it does make you savour the little things more. I think once I get through the next few months and Christmas starts to appear on the horizon, things might look up. My sister will be having her baby, a new year will begin, life will change as it always does.

It just feels like life is at a standstill right now. Sometimes you feel like the world is spinning out of control, and then it just slows down to a Sunday drive around the block. I know things will happen. I should probably enjoy the calm while it lasts. I just don't want it to last too long. I know God has lots in store for me, but I'm just waiting. Probably not as patiently as He would like, but waiting nevertheless.