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Review Requests: ON
1,251 Public Reviews Given
1,492 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Disclaimer: I am not good at remembering to do requested reviews. Often I have busy things going on with work and my own novels, so sorry if I decline or don't remember to do a review in the short time given. Just a warning. When I review: Long. Depending on the type of story and reason for review I tend to get anywhere from 4,000 characters to on the rare occasion over 10,000. I will make overall comments, technical points and even offer sources when necessary but a lot is dependent on what I'm reviewing. I can even do a full edit but that's take a lot of niceness and time.
I'm good at...
Ummm let me ask someone and get back to you on this.
Favorite Genres
Fantasy. I read a lot of romance/erotica because of the contest I run. I'm fairly open and will read stories, poems, nonfiction, chapters, almost anything.
Least Favorite Genres
I know less about mystery, horror, some nonfiction topics, and westerns. I also don't care for vampires, sorry but just don't interest me.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories.
Least Favorite Item Types
Probably campfires and interactives. Maybe surveys and polls too though I can always managed to find enough to say.
I will not review...
Shrink or Growth items. I've seen references and yeah, not my type. Erotica is one thing, I can handle most with only few times leaving a story feeling scarred for life, but those two I have no interest in helping. So, unless you want me to say please stop, don't request I review that and if you do, better have it rated appropriately.
Public Reviews
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Review of Giving Thanks  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Weirdone-Back in the games Author Icon

My name is Dawn and I'll be reviewing your item in connection with {ritem:} and in connection with a group I sometimes managed to review for, "The Rockin' ReviewersOpen in new Window. [13+]. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.


Title:
The title is simple and to the point. It provides enough information to the content of the poem without giving too much away and is interesting enough that it might grasp a reader's attention, in particular during this month since you have it related to Thanksgiving, which is coming up.


Overall Opinion:
I like the idea behind this poem and it's a good time for the topic. I know a number of people are posting on facebook and such things they are thankful for and there will probably be a few poems/stories written during this month with similar thoughts in mind. The approach you took was good, with the question and how you provide an answer at the end.


Form:
Thank you for providing information on the form used as that was helpful because I wouldn't have known the rhyme scheme or syllable focus without such (though can often guess on the rhyme parts with some poems).


Rhythm/Rhyme:
Overall, it's decent when it comes to the rhythm and following the rhyme scheme chosen with the form. The only things I'd suggest in this regard is maybe consider rewording the fifth line. Since the last word ends with an s it is close to the other B endings but just a tiny bit off in sound. For me, the rhythm was a little stilted, or at least that's how it sounded in my head. Rewording might help but you do have to fit everything within the form requirements and get the message planned across at the same time. Then again, it may sound fine for other readers since we don't all see things the exact same.


Favorite Part:
Here´s something to be thankful for:
That being loved is always free.


- I liked this set of lines because it was the best message and point of the short poem.


Other Notes:
I don't have much else to add. Nice work with the poem about something good to be thankful for and it's a thought that is good for any time of the year. Good luck in the contest and keep writing.



Sig I bought to put on my reviews.




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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello đŸ’™ Carly: poems & novel Author Icon

My name is Dawn and I'll be reviewing your item in connection for the "I Write in August-September-OctoberOpen in new Window. [ASR] along with connection to "The Rockin' ReviewersOpen in new Window. [13+]. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.


Title:
I like the title of the poem, or at least the part that is the main title. Unusual to have the word count of a poem posted as many do just line count in these cases somewhere in the body of the item or forum post. Having the count in the title is different, though have seen it before. I would recommend considering not having it in the title, however, unless a contest or other reason requires such.


Comments:
From the title, I wasn't quite sure what to expect. It's almost like a pep talk, trying to encourage during a windy time when change is impending. The ending gives the feeling in particular but it didn't take long from the first line to get there either. Not that there was much room since it's a short poem but I think you managed to get it in quite well even in the short word and line count.


Form:
It's a simple form but can be quite challenging. You follow the form well with using the first letter of each line, bolded, to show a word or phrase. In yours it is change and that works with the overall poem and title. Some do the whole title as the acrostic part but this works just as well too.


Favorite Part:
Grow and adjust with the times
Everything will be all right.


- I don't often put the end in the poem, except if it's super short, but in this case, the two lines of the poem were what caught my attention. The first lines do bring about the topic of change but the end gives that positive twist/message to the poem.


Final Comments:
Nice work with this little acrostic poem. Also, I see the contest has the word count in title requirement, so that's interesting. Would still suggest after the contest is over to maybe crop that out, but obviously you have to keep it in until judging is done. Though the wording in the contest is a little different but I'm reviewing the poem and not the contest. *Wink* Good luck and hope you had fun with the poem.



Sig I bought to put on my reviews.




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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Weirdone-Back in the games Author Icon

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item in connection with "I Write in August-September-OctoberOpen in new Window. [ASR] as part of the challenge and affiliating the review with one of my groups I take part in, "The Rockin' ReviewersOpen in new Window. [13+]. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.


Title:
A straight forward title that tells you what to expect as far as what the item will contain. It's not the most attention getting or showy to individual aspects of the dialogue bit, but it's sufficient for what you need.


Initial Reaction:
Ah yes, the challenge of writing a scene/story in only dialogue. It's not an easy task to show the characters and keep organized when the reader will just have the different bits of dialogue but no other information to go upon. Worked pretty well since you kept to a pattern of one character then the other talking and since it's all dialogue we didn't even need tags or marks to indicate such. An interesting little bit between a character and a ghost from their high school years.


Character/Story:
I wasn't quite sure on the gender of the non-ghost character. I am guessing male but not certain. They had a bit of a past, the two characters, though not a clear point as they weren't very close or anything. The hug moment discussed was a good one. However, near the end I ended up having a couple of questions to the character and situation but don't get any answers as the bit of flash fiction is on the short side and it's hard to get information in with the dialogue. The ending came up a little sudden for me but I know it's hard to get it all in the challenge.

I do like the bit of character we see through the dialogue, the voice elements involved. While we don't get all of the answers or quite see the conflict as well compared to a full story with more than just what the characters say, it has some decent elements shown. Overall, the contests is a good voice practice if nothing else.


Other Notes and Suggestions:
I don't have much to offer here. I know there are limits for the type of item. I would have liked to see more as to the connection to the two characters and what is going on but understand that's not the point and you were probably going for the non-connection aspect between the characters with the ending. Nice work with the challenge of keeping it to dialogue and good luck with the contest.



Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


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Review of The Open Bottle  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Weirdone-Back in the games Author Icon

My name is Dawn and I'll be reviewing your item for "I Write in August-September-OctoberOpen in new Window. [ASR] and also in connection with "The Rockin' ReviewersOpen in new Window. [13+]. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.


Title:
A decent title that involves what the poem is about. The only niggle of doubt I have with it after reading the poem is that it almost implies to me that the bottle is already open instead of it being about how she opened it. Nothing really to worry about, just a slight perspective on my side of things. I do like you put the form in the description since it's nice to have that information somewhere, though you could move that to end of poem and put a little bit about the poem to grab reader attention more if you wanted to do so.


Comments:
Short and well considered poem based on an image prompt. It was a nice image to use for a prompt that could have inspired stories as well as poems. In fact, the poem made me hope that a story some day would come from it as I wanted to see the "character" involved and learn more about what made it bad to open the bottle, what came from the bottle and why she was glad it was opened. I get that they are "feelings" in the poem but with a story the events from that could be interesting depending on how it's written. Either way, it worked as a poem too.


Form:
While I haven't worked on form poetry (okay any poetry) in well over a year, I am familiar with this particular form. I don't have it quite memorized but in general view/memory, it does appear you followed the form. Only tip I'd have is maybe consider adding a dropnote at the end of the poem that shows the form and details on what is required in it. Not something that you have to do but it is nice for those that might view the poem who have no experience with the form and dropnote means it's not as distracting from the main focus of the item, which of course is the poem.


Favorite Part:
They told me keep the bottle closed,
So your feelings won´t be free.
I am so glad I did.
To open it scares me.


- I picked the middle of the poem since it adds to what is within the bottles, along with both the positive and negative aspects to it being opened.


Other Notes or Suggestions:
I don't have anything else really to state here. It does get a little repetitive in the short set of stanzas but that's required by the form. Other than maybe a little on the form being added, I think it's good for what you have going with some potential for expansion or maybe delving into more from the prompt. Nice work and good luck in the contest.

Keep Writing.



Sig I bought to put on my reviews.




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
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Review of Rymond Reborn  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello đŸ’™ Carly: poems & novel Author Icon

My name is Dawn and I'll be reviewing your item for the "I Write in August-September-OctoberOpen in new Window. [ASR] and also putting it in connection with "The Rockin' ReviewersOpen in new Window. [13+]. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.


Title:
I like the title. It's a little different with the name, Rymond, but that works out well and the RR aspect is nice in this case. The description is also sufficient for the item, doing a bit to get my interest in what the poem might hold.


Comments:
My main suggestions are pretty much going to be punctuation based for this one with a little bit on paragraph/structure. Content wise, you did really well. Interesting prompt too considering the highlighted words as a couple make sense together but mustard stood out among them. Yet you managed to make it work within the world you created.


Form:
No specific form noticeable or mentioned, but has an overall flow that makes it easy enough to read. Just a few things to consider in structure and punctuation that is mentioned *Down* there.


Imagery:
You create the images of the world and the beings well within a limited amount of space that the poem has. Nice work in this aspect as it can be a challenge to do without going too epic. Word choice is key in creating images in short bursts that still capture the readers attention and imagination.


Favorite Part:
Darkness is chased off with the light
From kerosene lamps that glow
Golden along the passages
Like the lowly mustard seed
We flourish...


I like this part because of the imagery used along with how it's a turning point where we are going to what is flourishing instead of the dismal reality shown on the surface. It's a nice moment.


Other Notes and Suggestions:
Just a couple things to note here, as mentioned above. They are based on my thoughts and how it comes across to me as far as structure and technical side are concerned. It's not so much of a matter of correct versus incorrect, but just something you could consider to play with the flow and affect of the pauses created within the poem.

Structure - It's fine this way and not uncommon for a poem to be just one long stanza. However, I think in the case of this particular poem and where it feels like some good pauses could be created, one thing you could consider is breaking it up into a few different stanzas. You can play around with it when you have time and if it's something you want to do, changing where you put space and create stanzas to see how the pauses affect the overall feel of the poem. Find the one that works best for you, which is fun with no specific form cause they don't have to be uniform or follow a dictated path.

Punctuation - Not bad here either, but some of the sentences follow what I'd view as a traditional sentence structure. Full sentence with punctuation to mark the end, which is found in the beginning of the poem in particular and what sets off the general expectations for the rest. However, part way through it gets a little less structured in sentence format. Death walking is where it caused a slight stall for me, though I can get a little of the desired affect from the not quite complete sentence. Right after it though, there are some places where punctuation could be added or changed. I would recommend, for example, putting a period at the end of the line "life abounds and begins anew" because connected with the lines below makes it run on. From there, just go over the lines and sections to maybe consider where might need commas or punctuation and where it might not be needed. This could also be affected by stanza choices if you play with those as well.


Nice work overall. I liked what you created, whether you work on it later or not. Nice job and keep writing.



Sig I bought to put on my reviews.




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Review of Gatsby Romance  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Greetings, ♥HOOves♥ Author Icon. I am reviewing your poem today as a judge for the "Journey Through Genres: Official ContestOpen in new Window. [E]. Thank you for taking the time to create a poem and entering it in the contest.


Initial Reaction:
An interesting poem that starts with the title and works its way to the very last line. The Gatsby focus did catch my attention. Along with the word choices and line rhythm, it made for a decent poem.


Prompt:
The prompt was easy in the context of expectations. All one had to do to qualify was write a poem within the romance genre, and the poetic side has a little less restriction than story. On the other hand, that made it a challenge to create something both in the genre but that will stand out among the other entries. This one did have an interesting angle used in creating the genre aspect and worked a bit in that regard.


Form:
No specific form listed. Follows a basic formatting in that there are 4 line stanzas and a rhyme scheme. Does appear to follow the general plan that is noticeable.


Rhythm/Rhyme:
The rhyme does work fine from what I noticed during reading the poem. Having it can seem forced at times but in this one that wasn't too bad and it helped with the rhythm.


Favorite Part:
Danced a wedding dance one bright Friday noon,
Champagne kisses under a timeless moon!
Delicious rapture promised to be ours,
Forever together, written in stars!


- I like this part of the poem because of the image it provides for the moments and how it incorporates the prompt.


Other Notes:
I liked the idea behind the poem but I also felt like I was missing some information that would have been handy to know as the reader. I couldn't tell for sure how much it related to the Great Gatsby and what not because, I have to admit that I've never read or seen it. I've read very little Fitzgerald at all, sad to say, so I ended up a little out of the loop with this one.

On a personal preference note, there were a few too many exclamation points for me. I don't like using more than a couple at most within any story, and poems even a little less as they tend to be shorter. When too many are used, it loses a little bit of the impact and it can be a little distracting.

Nice work with the poem. I hope you enjoyed writing it for May's official contest.


*Peng*Keep Writing*Peng*



Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Greetings, Oldwarrior Author Icon. I am reviewing your poem today as a judge for the "Journey Through Genres: Official ContestOpen in new Window. [E]. Thank you for taking the time to create a poem and entering it in the contest.


Initial Reaction:
A nice poem dedicated to a loved one. The long lines and short stanzas are an interesting mix in poetics that some will prefer more than others. I like the way you approached the prompt how it's spanning over time with how the character talks about the love they experience.


Prompt:
The prompt this round was relatively easy in that one simply had to write a poem within the romance genre. And while poetry in the genre has a little less in reader expectations for qualification, it's also easy for a reader to spot in general. The hard part comes in sticking out among all of the other poems entered. One thing your poem does well in is that it tries to show a love story, going through the years of the couple, while working with the prompt.


Form/Rhyme:
No specific form listed. Follows a two line stanza approach with end rhyme scheme. No technical issues with form or rhyme scheme noticeable, though one can always play around with word choices and rhymes if wanting to change things up.


Favorite Part:
As I sit with care on this swaying limb, in a majestic ancient tree,
I think of you and the wonderful joy, your life has brought to me.


I like this part in particular because it's the start of the poem, has an interesting image created with the tree and also tips off the type of poem without being obvious just yet.


Other Notes:
It was a nice poem in general. For me, I had a slight issue with the flow/rhythm that gets created by the lines, commas and short stanzas. Too short can be choppy and long can be difficult on other levels. The commas did work in that they do create very minor pauses, as do each line, but for this one, I almost wanted to see the lines broken up into more stanzas. Some word choices and sounds could be played around with too for how they affect things but overall, what you do with the poem after the contest is up to you.

I hope you enjoyed writing the poem for May's official contest.


*Peng*Keep Writing*Peng*



Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Greetings, LibraryPat Author Icon. I am reviewing your poem today as a judge for the "Journey Through Genres: Official ContestOpen in new Window. [E]. Thank you for taking the time to create a poem and entering it in the contest.


Initial Reaction:
The poem has potential but in the end didn't work for my personal preferences. It has some nice touches, good elements that hint towards the prompt. The end, however, comes off a little childish and messes with the moment the stanzas before it tried to create.


Prompt:
The prompt for this round was fairly easy in that it only required a poem be written within the romance genre. And for poetics, there are less reader expectations compared to stories in romance, so that helped. However, it also meant it was going to be more challenging to create a poem that would stand out above the others. Yours had a good element of romance that would have been really good for the poem overall if kept to that theme instead.


Form:
For is basically the repeated line about no romantic bone along with a rhyme scheme for most of the stanzas but the end. So, form like but not following a pre-determined form, or at least not one that is listed or noticeable.


Rhythm/Rhyme:
The rhyme works within the first three stanzas and it's not unusual for the final grouping to not follow the scheme, so that was okay.


Favorite Part:
He brings me no flowers, yet does the yard work
He cleans my car - it's a nice perk
Yet there's not a romantic bone in his body...


I like this stanza because it starts off the poem and is what helps create the genre element needed for the contest. I like where it goes with the recognizing of the things the guy does to show he cares, even if it's not romantic.


Other Notes:
Preference wise, this poem will probably be hit or miss depending on the reader. For me it was a bit of a miss for a couple of reasons. I have never been a fan of repetition but can see why it was chosen in this case, with the line that is the title of the poem.

Also, not incorrect, but you could consider getting rid of the spaces between the lines and just have space between each stanza (group of lines). Every space affects the flow/reading of the poem and there is just a little too much that doesn't really need to be there.

However, the part I didn't care for the most was how the poem ended. The "he-he" just seems out of place and is where it gets more of a childish feeling. That and the "damn him" comes out of place too. I kind of wish you had kept along the lines that the rest of the poem created instead of wanting the romantic bone, ending with something about what he does and that it's much better that way. End it on a more positive note also would work even better for the romance genre.

Either way, I hope you enjoyed writing the poem and entering May's official contest.


*Peng*Keep Writing*Peng*



Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Greetings, PrudhviRaj12 Author Icon. I am reviewing your poem today as a judge for the "Journey Through Genres: Official ContestOpen in new Window. [E]. Thank you for taking the time to create a poem and entering it in the contest.


Initial Reaction:
An interesting approach with the line structures and prompt usage. I liked the general idea, though stanza structure and line length caused a few stumbles during the reading process. It's easy enough to see the romance focus and reflects well as a poem with room to grow/develop into something even better.


Prompt:
This time around the prompt dictated just that the poem be within the romance/love genre. In that reference, this poem qualifies because the romance is the focus of the little story attempt created within the stanzas. The difficult part of the contest will be if the poem stands out enough among the other romance ones submitted.


Form:
No specific form noted within the static item or detected, so assuming it is more of a free verse and follows whatever pattern decided in the moment. Works decently in that regard for this one.


Rhythm/Rhyme:
There is no rhyme scheme in this one, which is probably for the better. While rhyming can work well in some poems, other times it would have been a distraction and the poem works quite fine without such.

The rhythm does well in some of the stanza but a couple of them could be worked on to have better flow. The main issue is the last stanzas in particular as they also have more of the random, longer lines and where some of the lines break don't quite match with the rhythm from the beginning of the poem. I would suggest working on them, in particular the last two, and maybe break up some of the longer lines. Though reworking some of the short ones too, finding different spots to take the pause that each line creates will help keep things moving better. If you want specific suggestions, just let me know and I can pick a small section to show what I mean, if you want to rework your poem that way.


Favorite Part:
That was the time my mind stopped functioning and my heart began to listen.
Then I knew that you were going to become someone special in my life.


I like this aspect because it's near the middle as part of the turning point in where things develop within the poem towards the topic of the prompt.


Other Notes:

Title - This is a personal preference, but I'm not a fan of the all capital letters used in almost anything. In this case, the one word does stand out and was emphasized in the poem but it's too distracting in the title to have it in all caps.

I'm also not a fan of using color often within writing, prefer it more for forums and other items like that instead of contest entries and such, but I do get the reason behind the use in this case. While it isn't something I would use, it's not something that needs changed either in this case because it's not done at random.

Tense - Most of the poem is in past tense but there appears to be a slight slip in the fourth stanza. This line in particular: That moment, I believed that the world around me is filled with glee, - It's part in past with believed but the "is filled with glee" is present tense. And the last line of the stanza isn't quite in past tense either.

Last note: I like the general idea of the end but with the way the last sentence is structured, having the word "with" as the very last word of the poem gives a slight off feel. It's not the best word to end any sentence with, let alone the very last sentence of the poem. But the idea behind the sentence is great for the ending of the poem.

Nice work and even though I had a fair amount of notes on your entry, I did enjoy it and hope you had fun writing for the contest.

*Peng*Keep Writing*Peng*



Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello S Ferguson~ Prepping for Prep Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your poem as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC ContestOpen in new Window. [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest for September. This review is also in connection with "The Rockin' ReviewersOpen in new Window. [13+], which is a group I often review for on the site. Hope you enjoyed the prompt and had fun writing this story.


First Impression:
A nice story. I do like the idea here and the approach, with the warmth of the main character and the view we get into time with the brother. The view point character is easy enough to read and empathize with, which does help as we move through the very short story.

The robot dog image is cute too. Though I almost wanted a reference to robot pets or something since the dog is the image connected to the story and while he does talk about robots, it's always even better when a cover relates to something within the story. Not a vital but something to maybe consider.


Prompt:
Present and accounted for in this one. I like the aspect, with them in the process of becoming the scene we all saw from the image, and the part about him wanting them to be robots. Having it there is just the requirement, but taking a personal spin to it showing some creativity is a bonus. Plus, hard to dislike light robots. *Wink*


Story Thoughts:
Overall, the story is a nice slice of life type of story. It does really show something and I hope that other readers will see and appreciate the content within. However, in the standpoint of the contest, I must admit that it does limit the end result in part because the story ends up feeling lacking in conflict. In general that is fine, but the more entries in a contest, the harder it is to stand out and having both strong characters and an interesting plot (including conflict) ends up being a factor in the judging. But that doesn't mean a story doesn't work within the frame of just the story.

And another just a comment but not really a negative would have to be the spacing. While I definitely appreciate some space between paragraphs as it is much better than the ones that do no space, there was almost too much space. All that is really needed is one space between each paragraph. This is in part personal preference, either way some space helps the eyes when reading online.


Final Comments:
Nice work with creating the story and the characters. I hope that you enjoyed writing the story and the interesting image prompt that was presented this round. Keep writing!


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


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Review of Night of Lights  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Pumpkin Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your poem as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC ContestOpen in new Window. [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest for September. This review is also in connection with "The Rockin' ReviewersOpen in new Window. [13+], which is a group I often review for on the site. Hope you enjoyed the prompt and writing this story for the contest.


First Impression:
A nice approach and story that certain readers would appreciate. I am not much of a fan when it comes to first person stories and had a hard time connecting with the main character, but I'm sure others could find the personality and voice to be quite interesting. I did like the title also, and it's interesting to read about characters later on in life, instead of the common younger romance cast.


Prompt:
It is present within the story. Closer to the end, which was somewhat common this round based in part on the type of image that was chosen for the prompt. Luckily, it was both an image that was easy enough to use within a variety of genres and it was easy for the judges to locate in any given story. Though it would have been nice to have the image used a bit longer, as long as it's there that's good for qualification overall. I liked the connection to a festival, that is a nice approach for the lights from the image prompt.


Story Thoughts:
Overall, you did a decent job with the technical side of the story though it did feel a bit on the tell side instead of show. However, that's a challenge that all writers work on pretty much in any given story. Though I must also admit that since I saw the genre as romance/love I was kind of expecting the happy ending that is common when that is the main genre. It ended a tad disappointing for me. While the whole story focus is on the sort of relationship they have, though label is a bit questionable, there was still that expectation not met due to the ending. Partly a personal preference there but often if it's the first genre listed which is the only one shown on top near the title for the reader, then I will tend to follow the genre expectations.

The character does have some development in the story, both to a degree, which I think in part where it's a bit of a let down with the end too because it's almost like a step back in progress. Things going pretty well despite struggles in the past and they are moving to a maybe something then it's "he's just like all the other guys" and such.


Final Comments:
Nice work. Hope you enjoyed the prompt and writing the story. Keep writing!


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


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Review of The Angel Jars  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Vincent Coffin Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your poem as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC ContestOpen in new Window. [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest for September. This review is also in connection with "The Rockin' ReviewersOpen in new Window. [13+], which is a group I often review for on the site. Hope you enjoyed writing the story and the image prompt provided.


First Impression:
A nice approach to the prompt and starting point of a story. While I can appreciate flash fiction, to a degree, it did feel a bit too short for me since there isn't much that you can put into less than 400 words. I like the concept of angel jars and how the character used them with the rose water.


Prompt:
Indeed, the prompt is used even within the minimalistic approach of the stories word count. It was a nice use of the image too, with the angel approach. There were a few particular approaches with the prompt since all the stories had to be based on the same image. The angel approach is nice and could become a decent story if some work went into developing something from this little flash fiction piece.


Story Thoughts:
Overall, it is an interesting idea and includes a nice moment but in the end there isn't enough story for me. I would have liked to get a stronger and longer approach that takes some of the same ideas but includes conflict along with a bit more character involvement. While the main requirement for the contest is just to follow the prompt, it's hard to go up against more developed stories with a flash fiction piece like this one as there is a lot of competition during most rounds of this contest. The angels and end almost come too easy.

One minor question: Is there any reason to have the one word underlined? It was a little confusing reading the story and having a random "his" underlined. Couldn't come up with a reason, so have to ask here.

In the end, this feels more like a start of something, a bit of a free write to develop an idea but not a full story. It could be used as a good starting point though. You have something kin of interesting with the angel jars and how different ones are left as blessings but they don't quite attract the desired attention. Maybe in the future you'll be able to develop this into more of a story.


Final Comments:
Nice work in creating something from the image prompt for the official contest. I hope you had fun with the challenge and keep writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello Oldwarrior Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your poem as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC ContestOpen in new Window. [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest for September. This review is also in connection with "The Rockin' ReviewersOpen in new Window. [13+], which is a group I often review for on the site. Hope you enjoyed the prompt and writing this story for the contest.


First Impression:
A nice approach overall in story and prompt usage. At the very beginning, I wasn't sure where the story would go with the focus on her and her boy and girl troubles. By the end, I got it. It's unique in many ways though there are some aspects that have been told in various stories but that is pretty much the way with anything. However, the start does stall a bit for me compared to the ending but I'll get more into that soon. Overall first impression ends with a good take at this type of story with a decent amount of struggles.


Prompt:
The image was used and very visible to the reader. I liked the different way you managed to use the image for this story because it is easy to take the same approach that comes to mind at first, but will stand out more if you can find a creative story to incorporate the image required. I liked the fairy tale style approach of this one.


Story Thoughts:
Overall, it's a good story. it took a static image and created a story that included a conflict and struggle that is caused in relation to the prompt, which is appreciated as the reader. The main issue I had overall was with the beginning because it works to set up the situation and what took the character to that point, it also drags on a little bit as I was trying to get through it all in order to find out when something would happen. It's not a bad slow, per se, but might have worked a bit better if that portion of the story could have been moved to a faster pace, which could have allowed a little more fun in showcasing the conflict and drama that happens later on. It took me a couple reads to get the visual of what happened with the jars and the main character, how the woman used them. It's there but a little more development might have made it a bit easier to see. Though other readers will probably have a different visualization no matter how much focus is put upon the words in that section.


Final Comments:
Nice work on the story. I hope you enjoyed the prompt and had fun writing for the contest. Keep writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Emeraldawn Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your poem as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC ContestOpen in new Window. [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest for September. This review is also in connection with "The Rockin' ReviewersOpen in new Window. [13+], which is a group I often review for on the site. Hope you enjoyed the prompt and creating a story for the round.


First Impression:
A nice story overall surrounding a difficult time after a hurricane. I wasn't quite sure where the story would go when I first started reading it and to some degree it almost felt long despite the short amount of words required for the contest. The beginning was a little slow for me in particular but I liked the song elements and as the character moved away from the porch and we got to the prompt my interest picked up.


Prompt:
The image is visible within the story, so that works as far as prompt is concerned, though it could have been a stronger factor or described for a longer of a word count. It's a prompt that is easy enough for everyone to include but then there have to be ways to make the story stand out above the rest that all used the same image. Lightning bugs and fireflies are a bit popular considering the image used.


Story Thoughts:
Overall, the writing is decent. Not going to nitpick over any minor details technique wise except for one point. For me, in the very first sentences, when making the comments about technology and such, it threw me off to have the "you" references. We don't even get the main characters name till a couple paragraphs into the story, so I wasn't sure whether it would be done in first, second or third person at the very start.

The beginning did feel a bit slow in part because it sort of tries to set everything up by telling about the situation and what was going on. Which is fine to a degree but if it had been cut down, a bit more could have been shown later, if the story was developed to then have maybe a bit more conflict. Which is the next main point. While the story did show well a situation that could have occurred after a hurricane and presented a nice moment with the lightning bugs, overall the result was a little too calm of a story. I needed something a bit strong to pull me along and make me want to keep reading.


Final Comments:
A good attempt at a story based off a nice prompt image. I liked the general idea and the use of the prompt. While I would have liked more conflict it was a good start to a story and maybe there is something that could be developed from here. Hope you enjoyed the prompt and keep writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


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Review of The Wilted Mask  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Pen Name Author Icon

My name is Dawn and I'll be reviewing your item because you requested a review from me. I know it's really late, was a busy September but I'm doing the review anyways, so don't worry about gps or anything. I'm also going to link the review to a group I do reviews for: "The Rockin' ReviewersOpen in new Window. [13+]. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.


Title:
I like the title. "The Wilted Mask" just implies something poetic and might draw a reader in because of the combination with the visual of something wilting and with the general social connotations and impressions of what one things of when they see the word mask. However, I think that you could draw a reader in more if you offer something in the description about the poem beyond when it was written. It's useful to know that you wrote it recently and last night works for a short time, but if you're keeping it up on the site for a while, that information has less of an impact than something else might have to offer. Plus, we now know it's not last night. Creation date is in July, modification in August, and well anyone who can view it can see that bit of information. *Wink* So, give the potential reader something else to make them want to read the poem in the description.


General Comments:
Overall, I liked the general idea but it left me a little confused. There were a few spots in the poem over all that made me stop reading as I tried to figure out what it was saying. It's interesting and different but confusing. Weeks later, I'm still not quite sure on what goes on in some of it.



Rhythm/Rhyme:
This is part of what throws me off, I think and it is affected by each person. I know some have issues with my own poetry flow (in particular cause I don't always use punctuation) because how they read the lines and sentences, where they see pauses and such are slightly different than my own. Two things tend to create pauses in poetry, as far as I'm aware, and they are: punctuation (including commas and such) and line beaks.

One thing you could do, for fun, is to mess around with the rhythm/flow of this poem simply by not changing a single word but instead changing the line lengths and such.



Imagery:
It does have some great moments of imagery and allows the reader to visualize different aspects based on their own perspectives. Guided still because the words are what create the image but with room for interpretation, which is nice from a poem.



Favorite Part:
The Rubicon lies beyond
these ceaseless hills and
bogs, challenges yet unseen.



Other Notes and Final Comments:
These are just a couple personal notes based on the few times I've read over the poem in the last month while I was meaning to put this review together. Again, sorry for being slow. Anyways...

Punctuation and comma usage - You do have some and it works out for the most part, but it felt like, to me, that you needed more. In particular some commas in spots where the sentences felt like they needed a pause in portions of a line where one wasn't provided. Maybe reading it out loud might help indicate potential spots that could use some work in how it flows.

In the end, hope you enjoyed writing the poem and no matter what you do with it, fix or not, thank you for sharing the item with me.

Have fun and keep writing.



Sig I bought to put on my reviews.




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Review of Thought Keeper  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello flcomeau Author Icon

Since you requested this review, I thought I'd give it a go. I'm not so much of a poet anymore but I don't mind sharing my opinion for those that are willing to listen. *Wink* I'm also connecting the review with a group I am a member of: "The Rockin' ReviewersOpen in new Window. [13+]. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.


Title:
It is a nice title. I like the general idea created around it as the concept works both in general and for poetic formation. The description below it does work in that it says something about the writing in general, though it doesn't show much about the content of the poem, but that's okay.



Comments:
I liked the bee concept and comparison to thoughts. It was interesting. There is imagery, a different perspective in relation to the concept of thoughts and a personal feel to the overall result. In general, you have created an interesting poem for a "first one" and some readers will enjoy the read, but there is also plenty of room to grow and develop both this particular poem but also your writing skills in general.



Form/Rhythm:
There is no specific form used in this case, as it's more free form, which works for the purpose of just trying to create a poem. However, you might consider the sentence structure and punctuation usage to help so the lines flow a little better for the reader. While, there is nothing wrong with going without punctuation in poetry, there are some reasons that commas and such help with the flow of the words used. I tend to go with an either all or nothing approach with punctuation and poetry myself. I have some where I don't even use commas at all and that's how I want the poem. However, I feel if you are going to use some, then go all out and follow correct sentence structure and punctuation for the whole poem. And sometimes, the poem just works better when punctuation is used.

You have some commas but there are other places that could have used them but they didn't get the same treatment. For example, the first couple of lines:
Have you ever followed a bee with your eyes
Seen it fly, roam bounce around


There is the one comma in the second line, but that line could use at least one more between "roam" and "bounce" to help keep the reader from stumbling when they read the start of the poem. And there are other spots that would benefit from either commas or maybe even ending punctuations like question marks and such. Just something for you to consider.


Favorite Part:
A swarm of thoughts is never a good thing
Like an angry child in my head
Every thought gets louder
Until it's a riot
Chaos and uncompromised


- I like this part in particular because of the visual created from the display of thoughts as a swarm that forms a loud riot in your head. It's interesting and gives the reader something to see beyond just the words.


Other Notes:
Here are a couple minor notes for you to also consider. Just things I noticed about the poem in general, beyond what is already listed in this review.

Visual - something you could consider is not to double space the whole poem. This makes every line seem on its own and you lose the benefits that come from having different stanzas. You do want to have that extra space between stanzas because it helps group and arrange the structure of the poem. However, I find that having a space separating every single line to work against the structure when it comes to poetry. The extra space is more like a breather, a little break, but when it's every line, that is almost too much of a slow down and you want things to move a bit more to get a better flow for the reader.

The end gets a little confusing. I liked the initial use of the first person because that is the main focus of the poem, but towards the end you also throw in a second and a third. Poetry is one of the few places where second person (you) can work out quite well, that and pick your own adventure types. However, when you added the "her" at the very end of the poem, I wasn't sure who it is in reference to that time. It seems to lose focus by the end because of the slight variations. My suggestion at this point is to change the "her" part to you or something of that nature. I think the "I" and the "you" in this case work together, and have been used more, so keeping those are easier than trying to convert some to this other, unknown character. This way it still creates the same concept but feels a bit more connected.


Overall, this is a start. The poem has potential and with some development and work, would have a pleasant, poetic result. It's fun to experiment when getting into writing and that's the best way to find your own route down the path that writing creates. You'll figure things out along the way. So, keep writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.




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217
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello Jeff Author Icon.

My name is Dawn, which you of course already know, and I'm reviewing your poem as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC ContestOpen in new Window. [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the ski image poetry prompt. This review is also in connection with "The Rockin' ReviewersOpen in new Window. [13+], which is a group I often review for on the site.


First Impression:
I liked this poem. It had a short approach, fun moment and some poetic description with an obvious connection to the prompt. While it's not very long, i think that worked in its favor this time around because that is all that it needed. And while I'm not the biggest fan of humor in most of the poems, I liked the little bit found here. Nice work.


Prompt:
*Check1* Ski prompt proved easy to find in all of the poems presented for the challenge and this one is no different. The focus of the poem is skiing, well done.


Favorite Part:
Faster and faster, into trees and beyond
Did that sign just say this was a Black Diamond?

Ah, this one brings back memories. I don't often pick the last lines of a poem to feature because I want any stray review reader to get to experience the end after reading the rest of the poem first, but at times that end is just the best part. I remember the black diamond slopes, they had all the extra bumps on them. I skied on a couple and that is quite the work out, wow. Anyways, I liked the end in particular.


Technical Elements:
Not much to put in this part. No name form given, but it was nice to have the rhyme scheme listed along with the word count so one could see that the end results was created with purpose. Made it easier when considering the technical aspects of poem even if I have nothing to point out this time around.


Final Thoughts:
Good job and thanks for entering the official contest. I liked the poem overall and it made me think of times I've been skiing, which is fun. Though that was a really long time ago. Still, a good job at the challenge of writing a ski poem. Don't think I've read many poems by you in the past, so this was interesting in that way. Certainly different than what I normally read from you. *Wink* Good job and keep writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


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218
218
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello LostGhost: Seeking & Learning Author Icon.

My name is Dawn, though you knew that already, and I'm reviewing your poem as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC ContestOpen in new Window. [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the ski image poetry prompt. This review is also in connection with "The Rockin' ReviewersOpen in new Window. [13+], which is a group I often review for on the site.


First Impression:
I liked the approach taken with this one. Most went sort of the more expected route with ski races and such, but you went a little outside the box and in many ways that paid off.


Prompt:
*Check1* Yep. There is skiing involved and one can see the image prompt sparked the poems creation, which is all that we need. It's different approach taken, not showing the first thing that came to mind from the image but the result turned out better because of that.


Favorite Part:
Many a times the snow calls,
beguiling me to give up and settle,
promising me blanket of ice
to whittle away the numbness of heart,


There are many well thought out lines to pick from for this section of the review and in the end I chose these four because I like the creative use of ideas and the images that the lines create.


Technical Elements:
Not much to say on the technical side. It was nice that you mentioned it was free form, though one might have guessed that since a different form wouldn't then be provided but it's good to have the definitive note by the author. Everything worked well in general with this poem, though have one stray comment to make.

Style wise, my only real recommendation is to maybe consider not doing the double space for poetry. It looks okay but when it comes to poems, you don't need a space between every single line. This might be a large influence from personal preference, but for me the space in poems is important because it dictates minor pauses. So, when there is a space between every line that creates a pause every line, thus affecting the overall read of the poem. It's not bad, but something you could consider changing in the future.


Final Thoughts:
I liked the poem overall. It really caught my attention with the approach taken on topic and still managed to show the inspiration from the prompt. Well done and keep writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.




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219
219
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Kristi Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your poem as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC ContestOpen in new Window. [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the ski image poetry prompt. This review is also in connection with "The Rockin' ReviewersOpen in new Window. [13+], which is a group I often review for on the site.


First Impression:
Olympics ended up a common topic picked from a few different people in relation to the poem, between the prompt image and the timing that made sense. This one does well in trying to convey the excitement of the event while also using the prompt required.


Prompt:
*Check1* The prompt was an easy one to spot in all of the entries because of the nature of the image, even though it may not have been the most poetic prompt. There is skiing in the poem and that counts for the prompt. Good job.


Favorite Part:
Relentless practice ready to unfold
In Sochi, Russia my anxieties bold


I picked out these two lines because they are the very start of the poem and provide the set up for what is to come next.


Technical Elements:
There isn't too much to mention here. Most of the judging and such for the contest is based on personal opinion and what one person likes, another will not feel as warm towards. I don't have too many technical issues to point on in this short poem in particular, though. Just a couple things but again, mostly based on my reactions and opinion.

Striving for my golden rope. - Maybe I'm behind times, I haven't watched the Olympics in years, but for some reason the term "rope" threw me off a bit.

I'm not a fan of exclamation points used much in poetry or story telling, just a personal preference. And what I prefer even less is the use of all caps. I would have just left it like a regular sentence at the very end instead of having every letter be a capital one.

I also felt at a slight disadvantage because I am unfamiliar with the terminology used. While I can google and such to figure out Dynasters and such, it's a slight distraction when I'm trying to just read the poem. But again, that's based on my background and others will not have the same issues.


Final Thoughts:
A good effort at taking a ski image prompt and creating a poem. Nice work and keep writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.



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Review of Ski Rescue  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Legerdemain Author Icon.

My name is Dawn, but you knew that already, and I'm reviewing your poem as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC ContestOpen in new Window. [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the ski image poetry prompt. This review is also in connection with "The Rockin' ReviewersOpen in new Window. [13+], which is a group I often review for on the site.


First Impression:
A good approach that clearly used the prompt, though isn't the poetic type I prefer on a personal level. It has action, some conflict and a clear use of prompt, which is all nice. I'm sure many others will enjoy it in particular. Skiing turns disaster and a rescue must be made.


Prompt:
*Check1* The prompt is easy to spot in all of the entries, which is the plus side of the image provided. This has skiing and even the orange aspect that was shown on the skiers in the picture, so that works for the prompt.


Favorite Part:
Strapping on skis
Slip on orange jackets
Ski straight and quick as possible


I picked this part because it showcases the prompt image the most, though really anything about skiing worked. But it's nice to see some who took the image and showcased it in a way the readers could catch on if they were aware of what sparked the poem's creation.


Technical Elements:
Not too much to say on the technical side. There isn't anything wrong with the poem really, or much to point out technique wise. It's mostly just a matter of opinion as it often comes down to in these contests.

A rumble above, his warning
Snow slide
- Nothing wrong with these two lines but I wonder how it would sound if "snow slide" was changed to avalanche. Though that might be too big of a snow wall and snow slide (sort of like land slide) is more what you were going for there. Something to consider though.


Final Thoughts:
Overall, a good effort at providing a poem based on a ski image. While not a favorite of mine, I can see the effort made and appreciated the poetic approach taken in creating the item for the contest. Well done and keep writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.



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221
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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello An apple a day.... Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your poem as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC ContestOpen in new Window. [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the ski image poetry prompt. This review is also in connection with "The Rockin' ReviewersOpen in new Window. [13+], which is a group I often review for on the site.

First Impression:
I liked the poetic approach, more so than story methods, and this poem has potential overall. And it's a form I'm not quite familiar with, so that part also proved interesting. I appreciated that the information about the form was provided at the bottom so I didn't have to search around to find the details in order to write the review.


Prompt:
*Check1* It was a challenging prompt in many ways but also easy because one could tell whether a person used it or not in their poems. Since you have skiing involved and white snow, that pretty much covers all the bases needed.


Favorite Part:
The azure sky above immense,
below intense,
the white so bright,


I like the color choice used in the first line of this stanza long with the comparison to the two aspects, the above and the below. It put me in the world of the skier and that is a great thing to accomplish in the short poem.


Technical Elements:
The poem does appear to follow the format posted at the bottom. I'm not as familiar with the form but based on the information provided, the technical aspects of the poem look okay.

Not sure if It's because of the for requirements but at times the flow of the poem felt a bit off. Didn't quite have as easy of a rhythm to follow as others, at least when reading it in my head.

Also, some of it I got in connection to the title of the poem. I've been skiing and had my shins hurt and such. However, the wording of "skier's delight" felt a little out of the point of view compared to the rest. It is talking about their delight and such, that part is fine but feel it could have been reworded without the skier cause I think the reader can catch on to who it references and keep the whole poem appearing like they are thoughts of a skier.

Though sometimes the poem has a more nicely worded poetic approach whereas other lines seemed to go more for the joke. The azure sky is a nice bit of poetics while at the end the broken limbs concern is stated in a more joking manner. Gave a slight disconnect feel at times between a couple of the lines.


Final Thoughts:
A nice job overall. While it didn't make it as a favorite of mine, it was close and had the potential. Good work with the poem and keep writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.



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Review of Swept Away  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello ShiShad Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your poem as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC ContestOpen in new Window. [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the ski image prompt. The challenge proved interesting, with the varied results and we appreciate everyone who made the effort to enter the poetry round. This review is also in connection with "The Rockin' ReviewersOpen in new Window. [13+], which is a group I often review for on the site.

First Impression:
A good attempt at a poem about a ski race of some type. I was a little confused with the switch from first person to second that happens during the poem but overall it was a nice effort made. The prompt didn't look easy for the type of item required and everyone made a good effort to use the image as inspiration, as this poem shows.


Prompt:
*Check1* There is skiing involved and that is all the prompt requires. While most don't just to ski topics when planning to write a poem, it was nice that the prompt proved easy to spot in every entry.


Favorite Part:
Just one more jump
In marble like snow


I picked this set because it has action and a nice visual element. Made me wonder what about snow is marble like and while it's a little distracting it's not so much in the bad way. it's more sparking a curious inquiry as opposed to the stall in reading other distractions create.

Technical Elements:
You did a decent job on the technical side of poem writing. I have only two things to discuss in this section of the review.

Punctuation - This is just personal preference. To me it looks weird to have just the period at the end of each stanza but some of the lines don't connect together as regular sentences. I'm the type who prefers either use punctuation how it is done in any other venue sentence structure wise or well don't even use it at all. Since you just use the period and nothing else, not even a comma, you don't even quite need it in this case. The space between stanzas provides enough of a pause that you can go without the punctuation. Though some may ask you add it in, and even more because they like to have the commas and such in order to indicate flow and breathing within poetry.

Point of View - Most of the poem is focused on the first person skier. They are trying to get down the slope, to make it through the challenge without crashing. Which then leads to confusion with the last line because it says "your winning speech". So either the person plans to lose and doesn't want to miss someone else's speech, or it needs to be "not going to blow my winning speech" but that's strange too. What speech is involved? Do winners of these events give speeches? Just had me a bit confused. Though I'm guessing in part it's because you needed something to rhyme with "reach" but still, would suggest either keep it all first person, or switch it to second and have the other actions be "you" too. That would make the short poem more consistent.


Final Thoughts:
Overall, a decent approach to a ski poem challenge that may not have been my favorite but it was a good attempt. Nice work meeting the challenge and keep writing.


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Review of Skiing  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Lynda Miller Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your poem as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC ContestOpen in new Window. [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest and taking on the challenge of writing a poem based upon the ski image prompt. This review is also in connection with "The Rockin' ReviewersOpen in new Window. [13+], which is a group I often review for on the site.


First Impression:
A nice approach about a skier and the experience that taking part in the activity can have while done in a poetic form. It had a good start for me and some interesting twists once I got past the slight formatting issue that affected the reading of it for me. It's a nice poem in general.


Prompt:
*Check1* Skiing is involved, that is pretty much all the prompt requires. It was an easy prompt that way, one that any could see whether or not the poem incorporated it or not, even if one doesn't often think of skiing when they plan to write a poem.


Favorite Part:
Super packed
And on the track
Really cold


I chose the first three lines of the poem because they are the set up for the rest. I like giving something to get the reader into the scene and in this case, even though they are very short and could use even more detail, they do a decent job at starting the poem for the reader.


Technical Elements:
When it comes to poetry, I don't recommend double spacing for the whole thing. You do want a space between each stanza but the space between each line adds a slight disconnection between them and that isn't what you're going to want in particular. You want the lines of one stanza together so that they have that obvious connection. It's nice to have space at times but yeah, too much space will affect the reading as well, so that's something to consider changing later.

But I bold - This last line in the first stanza confused me. It works for the rhyme scheme because it has to rhyme with bold, but it doesn't make sense to me. What does "I Bold" mean really? Also, since the latter part of the poem is in third person about a she, the use of "I" and first person in this stanza makes things a little confusing overall.

While it does create a flow with the story line, the focus on the skier and struggles down the slope, I did also find that the second half of the poem doesn't feel as connected to the first half. The first has the more nature focus and poetic angle, but the second half focuses on the person and adds humor with the sneeze line. They do okay together but maybe one style chosen instead of both would have worked out better in the end. Something to consider at least.


Final Thoughts:
Not the top but still a good attempt made at not the easiest image prompt when it comes to a poem contest. Nice work and thanks for taking the time to enter the official contest for February. Keep writing.


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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Graham B. Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your poem as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC ContestOpen in new Window. [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the ski image as a prompt. This review is also in connection with "The Rockin' ReviewersOpen in new Window. [13+], which is a group I often review for on the site.

First Impression:
A nice poem in general. It has a pleasant overall approach when it comes to the poetics though the story isn't the most attention catching for me in particular.


Prompt:
*Check1* This was an easy prompt to see in any of the poems because as long as skiing was involved in some shape or form, the poem worked. The challenge came in finding a poetic way that caught the judge's attention out of the many other entries.


Favorite Part:
A wind-whipped hill of downy white,
Caressed by chilly radiant light


I picked this set of lines out because it's the very start of the poem. I like them because they set up the rest of the poem by giving us a pleasant, and poetic, scene to appreciate.


Technical Elements:
I am a big fan of trying different forms. I've helped teach a form class on WDC in the past and on occasion have tried different forms myself for contests or writing challenges. However, I actually recommend if doing a form that you post a little note at the bottom about the form used. You can even use it in a drop note so that it doesn't distract from the actual poem. Having it there also helps for the reviewer because they can see what you were striving to achieve, and not many may know of the specific form. Though I did google, so that was okay but it will help for others to have it posted somewhere at least a little information about the form used.

I think the part that stalled for me was the connection between the poem and the title. I expected a little more I guess, for it to relate to the title. There is the mention of "a father's eyes look on in pride" but the way it's worded comes off weird then because the poem and title are first person. So it would be their father and not just "a father" if that were the case. The title also came off weird to me because it's more of a third person approach, though in a way first would still work, but I kind of want the two to connect/relate a bit more (two being the poem and the title).


Final Thoughts:
A nice approach to a ski poem overall. I like the way it is going though had a little disconnect between the poem and the title. Overall, the result is good and came close to holding my attention overall even though it didn't quite end up as a favorite of mine this time around.

Nice work and keep writing.



Sig I bought to put on my reviews.



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225
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Sum1 Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your poem as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC ContestOpen in new Window. [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest Short Shots round that had the ski image as prompt. This review is also in connection with "The Rockin' ReviewersOpen in new Window. [13+], which is a group I often review for on the site.

First Impression:
An interesting approach. While many focused on the skier point of view, there are a few (like you) that chose the pov of the mountain, which gives an interesting result. While I enjoyed the personification of the mountain, at times the rhyme scheme and the story telling method became a struggle for me as the reader. It wasn't bad but I just had a harder time appreciating the poetics on occasion, which is an aspect I consider when judging poems.


Prompt:
*Check1* The poem involves skiing and the relation to the image posted in the contest is easy enough to see. While an unexpected prompt for a poem round, it proved to be easy to spot in any of the submissions.


Favorite Part:
It’s so serene here, blue sky, powdered snow,
White lacey clouds grace the peaks, a valley below.


I picked this part out because it's a set up. We get a nice moment the mountain experiences. Sort of the calm before the storm/avalanche as there is the pleasant scene created and then we get the disruption. It sets things but to head downhill from there.


Technical Elements:
I don't have much strife in relation to the technical side of things with this entry in particular. I can't say that anything needs to be changed as it's a well written piece even though it may not quite reach up as a favorite of mine. The end rhyme didn't make me have to take a second look even though it ties everything together well. Something about frail and failed caused a slight stall when I looked at the poem with the technical elements in mind.


Final Thoughts:
Overall, an interesting approach through personification of a mountain that did well though didn't quite reach as my favorite poem this time around.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


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