This is, indeed, dark and twisted. Also, a little gory. The first sentence, while I have come to understand what you mean, does not entirely make sense on the first read through. The placement of "which had lost its head" throws me a little. The piece sounds like something one might read in Grimm's fairy tales. Good job.
This piece flows well but I'm not exactly sure of its point. The last line of each stanza (the prompt line), stands out a little too much, seems louder than the rest of the stanza, and doesn't cement to the rest of the piece. It doesn't quite work for me. This piece has a lot of repetition (you think x5, these questions x5, I see x5 but it doesn't add anything to the piece. It just makes it sound angry to me. And, again, the prompt line doesn't feel like it fits in, to me. There's a good core in the piece; wanting, needing, unanswered questions--all things we can relate to. Good job of keeping the number of lines in each stanza equal. It adds symmetry to the piece.
This is a very neat poetry contest. The rules are outlined nicely. There are plenty of prompts as well. I believe that this contest was well thought out and executed very well. Fantastic idea. Great job. Good luck and I wish you continued success with this contest.
I believe that this is a great improvement upon the original piece. I like how you kept the form and meaning but changed the piece completely. I can connect directly to more fully understand what it is you are relating. I also like how you included the original piece so that we can compare and better understand the improvements. It also shows me that you are willing and open to continued improvement. My only other comment would be on the fourth stanza, second line: allows pure contentment maybe (just maybe) it might flow a little better with an extra word in there, like: allows for pure contentment. You might also want an additional comma in this stanza depending on how you want it to flow. In reading this stanza, I wanted to pause at the end. Someone else might tell you the opposite though, so it is how you want the reader to read it. This is a great improvement. It's much more open and willing, not only to connect with the reader, but to allow the reader to connect to the piece. Good job!
This is a lovely thought of a poem. The light references (the dimmer switch) are nice images and tie the piece together. The appearance/form could use a trifle bit of tweaking. It has good flow but the rhythm, for me, wasn't always consistent with short lines and very long lines. The images and thoughts were done well. A piece most of us can relate to and sympathize. Good job.
This is absolutely fantastic but almost everyone at WDC knows that already. It is really amazing what RAOK does for the people here at WDC. I can't imagine how this could be better. Keep up the good work, we all really appreciate it!
The simile of a book is very clear and nicely done. The couplets are nice as well. It provides a nice structure. The piece could use some punctuation to direct the flow of the words. Where do you pause in reading it; where do you want your readers to pause. It will affect how the reader hears the poem. I see the words, but I'm not connecting with them. I can't feel what you are trying to express. The piece feels a little flat to me. Also, I, personally, do not believe that you need the title in the opening of a piece since all relevant information is in the header. This is just my own personal opinion. Good job.
Absolutely fantastic! I can't say enough good things about this. The whole program (Pay it Forward) is amazing and I really love the Birthday Gram. The images are great and there is a good variety. Something for everyone's birthday (WDC or otherwise ). Great job!!!
This is a lovely piece. It flows very well and has some great imagery. There are a few points that could use improvement. I think you have gone overboard with the punctuation. You don't need punctuation at the end of every line. 'd say your english is pretty good for being a "new" language. True to your word, there are a few spelling errors. Stanza five, line four: "log" should be "long" Stanza six, line one: the second word, I think what you want is "bruises". Also, in the third line "allways" has one too many l's. always Stanza seven, line one: you don't need an apostrophe in "7'th", just 7th. Line two, "Lockt" should be Locked and "castel" castle Stanza eight, line five: "happines" needs one more 's' happiness Stanza nine, line three: "erace" should be erase
I like the reiteration of "7". This is a nice piece. Good job.
This is very creative. Well done! It flows very well, great imagery. I love the blue splash, it is a very nice touch. The layout is great as well. I found no error with the piece and enjoyed every word of it! Good luck in the contest!
This is an interesting piece. A couple of points that need tending to... You have several instances of the word "I'm" that are missing the apostrophe Im You should also check your capitalization points. There are lines that start a new sentence but aren't capitalized. Line 11, for instance. (...me. / my mouth...) In the last line, I believe that its should be it's I like the fluidness of this piece. You capture the way our emotions flow.
This is a good and insightful piece. I wish that more people would read pieces like this. One thing though, in (I think) the seventh paragraph, it's one sentence but has a lot of bold. I feel that the amount of bold in the sentence detracts from the rest of the sentence. Perhaps you could underline one part or another, or italics to mix up the emphatic words and make this sentence not quite so blaring. I think you've covered your points well and I think it may help some people understand more about the art of reviewing. You've done a great job.
This is a heartfelt piece. The emptiness is well expressed and I feel moved.
I have a few comments on this piece that I think could be beneficial to you. You could use some additional punctuation to mark breaks. For instance, I think you could do well with a period at the end of line five. In line four, should ones be possessive (one's)? In line nine, you have to have said following a present tense line (words coming). You might say "anything having been said" or "anything to say". It might work better.
This is a very emotional piece that flows with melancholy yet it ends with a note of hope. That's a nice spin to end the piece. Good job.
Wow. I think you could list this as horror! Very powerful.
I just have a couple of things to say... In my personal opinion, this should not be rated E. With the blood and hanged man, I think, at the very least, it should be rated 13+. Again, this is my personal opinion, different people would tell you different ratings but I think most would agree that it shouldn't be rated E. It's a little too horrific. Not suitable for children. Fifth stanza, charnal? Do you mean carnal?
All in all, I enjoyed this piece. It flowed smoothly and entranced me. Great imagery (too good sometimes, I think ). Good job!
This is a lovely thought of a poem. You have great imagery and really paint a picture for me.
I have a few comments to share. You have a lot of punctuation. I think too much in places. You might read through it and omit it where it isn't necessary. In the first line, you aren't separating two sentences so you don't need a semi-colon; a comma will work here just fine. In the second line, see if you don't like "lingers" better than lingering. I think that the present tense of the word would work better in this line. In the fifth line, it's should be its. Possessive not a contraction. In the second stanza, the second line stands quite alone. It might read better if it was with the first line. In the third line, it's should be possessive not a contraction (its). The last two parts can't stand on their own (properly) and shouldn't be set off by semi-colons. One suggestion would be to omit the first semi-colon, add the word "and" before placing on the third line, omit the other semi-colon, and change wiping to I wipe. See what you think, there are many different ways to tweak this section. In the third stanza, I like the visions you invoke. The second line doesn't need the comma in the middle. The fifth line has it's branches, again this should be the possessive "its" The fifth stanza is very nice. You have painted a great picture here! In the stanza before the last line, I'm not sure why you have chosen to put "full circle" in parenthesis. It doesn't quite work for me. I think it would be fine without them.
What a lovely picture. It was amazing to see the poor old shell of a tree burst into new, revived life. Great imagery.
This is an amazing piece. It flows very well and you've rhymed it beautifully. It moves like a river, the destination is not immediately apparent but it takes us there none the less. The movement is superb. It's a lovely, beautiful piece with great imagery. The syllabics are perfect. Each line counts ten syllables each and they move divinely. What an inspired piece! Fantastic job! I look forward to reading more from you.
This is a lovely and inspiring piece. I just have a couple of thoughts...
In stanza three, line two: through and out should be one word: throughout Add some punctuation to show the sentences and phrases. The piece could use some breakers to help the reader now where we are supposed to pause and where a new sentence is beginning. I love the last line. A period at the end would really make it ring.
This is absolutely fantastic. This is a great idea. I believe it is a fabulous way to celebrate WDC's 6th birthday. I hope that more people get into reviewing and realize how much everyone can get out of reviewing everyday.
In the title, you have "Divil" instead of "Devil" You may change your format in this piece to lines instead of paragraphs. It would change the whole feeling of the piece as well as the way it reads. In the fifth sentence, the third from last word should be "you're" for you are not "your"
I like the images you invoke as well as the feeling I get when I read this piece. Good job.
I like how you make comparisons between the old man and his pipe. Very clever. It's a nice touch. Great descriptions!!! I love how you wrap the piece up in the way you start it. That's great!
I found no flaws to this piece. You have done a great job on this!
I like the theme of S.O.S. and changing its meaning at the end. Very thought provoking. Just a few thoughts:
You might separate this into stanzas. I can see at least two, breaking before the second "I read more today".
Sometimes you capitalize every line but then a few lines won't be capitalized. I recommend mixing the lower and upper case letters to form sentences in the lines. You can also use more punctuation for pauses and to mark the end of a thought/sentence.
This is a great theme. Good movement and feeling. You also did a nice job of tying the piece together.
Welcome to WDC!!!
I like the idea of this piece. It can use a little work though. Some punctuation would help divide the thoughts to help it flow a little better. Read through the piece and where you pause, put in a comma. Also, I would put a period at the end to signify the end of the piece. There are a few spelling errors. Line 2, 'its' should be it's. Line 5, 'lofe' life. Line 6, 'cant' needs an apostrophe (can't) and you might want to pluralize 'word'. Last line, 'thei' their. Great subject matter. I like the idea of describing the feeling of poetry.
Welcome to WDC!
This is an interesting piece. You have several different elements and you combine them well. In the last stanza, you have a combination of upper and lower case letters starting the lines. The rest of the piece, each line starts with a capital letter. I think you should choose one way and stick with it. I like to use a combination and capitalize the beginning of sentences instead of lines. You could also use some punctuation in the piece for pauses as well as to show the end of one thought before another starts. The piece shows good emotion and thought. I like the continued reference to angels. It ties everything together nicely.
Keep writing!!!
I'm going to be perfectly honest. This needs a lot of work. But don't despair! We all need polishing. We need hard work and determination to make ourselves the most we can be.
I'm sure you've heard this before but I'm going to say it again. Spell check. Proof read. That seems to be your biggest problem. Also, you should go through the whole item and capitalize all your I's.
First line: 'use' should be used. 'happieness' should be happiness. 'hardship' should be 'hardships'
Second line: 'ourselfs' should be ourselves.
Thirds line: 'termend' do you mean determined?
Eighth line: 'fusteration' should be frustration
Ninth line: 'sufficating' should be suffocating. 'shread' I think you mean shed my tears. 'your' should be you're.
You don't have lines and you don't have sentences. This makes the piece rather confusing when you have capital letters with no ending punctuation prior. For instance: " i care, In fear " you either need to change the comma to a period or change the uppercase "In" to lowercase "in". Also, try separating the piece into lines to make it easier to read.
If you want more help polishing this piece, not only am I here to help, but there are several others who would love to help you turn this into a beautiful piece. All you have to do is ask and people will flock to help you.
Welcome to WDC!!!
This is a very interesting piece. Full of angst and emotion. A couple of thoughts: Since the title is at the top of the page, you don't need to start your piece with the title. Second line, "Alone I am with" I think you need commas around "I am" since it sounds like an interjection (you don't need it). "Alone, I am, with" I wouldn't start each line with a capital letter. It feels odd to have a capital in the middle of a sentence (even though it spans multiple lines). Take line 4: "To give me..." it's a continuation of line 3 "...bring my heart up," so you could have:
"I wish for your soul to bring my heart up,
to give me strength from your hands."
This goes for the rest of the piece as well, this is just an example. (see lines 6&7) I'm a little confused in the second half of the piece. You say "you left me" but talk like this person is still here. "You left me" sounds like they are gone and, with them, all hope. But, you ask for "kisses in the dark." It's just a little confusing to ask a spiritual unit for something physical, such as a kiss. My favorite line is the first one. "I sit here listening to your feet leave me in the rain." It gives a great sense of what to expect in the rest of the piece. The angst and heart-wrenching yearning for something you cannot have.
Write on!
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It is really amazing what RAOK does for the people here at WDC. I can't imagine how this could be better. Keep up the good work, we all really appreciate it!
). Great job!!!
Stanza five, line four: "log" should be "long"
Welcome to WDC!!
Welcome to WDC!!! 
This is a great theme. Good movement and feeling. You also did a nice job of tying the piece together.
If you want more help polishing this piece, not only am I here to help, but there are several others who would love to help you turn this into a beautiful piece. All you have to do is ask and people will flock to help you.