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Wednesday, May. 8, 2024

2:49pm EDT

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Are You Listening???

by Charlie ~

Rated: GC · Book · Emotional · #2181458

A journey of self-improvement - or not.

Sup? I'm Char.
You may know me from timeless classics such as

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and

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I blog for things like

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FORUM

30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS

(13+)
WDC's Longest Running Blog Competition - Hiatus
#1786069 by Fivesixer

FORUM

JAFBG

(XGC)
Because real life isn't always roses and sunshine...
#2094931 by Elisa the Bunny Stik

[Embed For Use By Upgraded+]
Believin' all the lies that they're tellin' ya
Buyin' all the products that they're sellin' ya
They say jump and ya say "how high?"
Ya braindead, ya got a fuckin' bullet in ya head

Show Recent Comments

10 Most Recent Blog Comments:

intuey GoT Survivor!

Jul 22, 2023 at 8:05am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Hey Char, It's been a while since I've touched base with you. I'm so sorry for your loss. The last thing people should say is everyone loses their grandparents eventually, or it will get better with time. It's the last thing you want to hear when you're hurting. Death sucks, long-lasting illness sucks! Having to decide to let the person go to keep them from suffering REALLY SUCKS! I think the only ones who can understand truly just how much are those who have had to make that decision. My heart breaks for you.

I'm not religious, but I do have a strong faith in God. I call myself spiritual because I don't agree with all the rules and regulations of religion. I do know I will see my family and friends again, and this is a great comfort. I can only imagine how much more painful the death of loved ones is without this belief. But you're right, it can't be faked. But it is a beautiful thing.

Having mental health issues during times like this makes it even harder to go through. I know what you mean about seeing things that aren't there. I'd walk into a room, and say, "Where's Star?" and she would be sitting right in front of me. When I looked, I swear I saw an empty chair. The mind is crazy. It gives new meaning to a mind of its own

Some time has passed since you wrote this. I don't know when you'll see this but know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, and I'm sending good energy your way. I hope you're doing better. I look forward to hearing from you.

Aiva Raine

Mar 28, 2023 at 9:40pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'm sorry for your loss. I know they are shitty sounding words that don't even attempt to fill or fix, but they're meant in sincerity.

Having lost several people the best advice I was ever given was when life gets too hard- take it at your own pace. If a day is too much- cope with an hour at a time. If that's too much, take it ten minutes at a time. If that's too much- then you deal with one minute at a time. Work through life and grief at your pace. And don't ever feel guilty because you feel sad. And if you can- find one positive in each chunk of time- even if it's something as little as the beauty of sunlight on a leaf or the softness of your shirt. And ask for help if you need it.

Elle - on hiatus

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:29pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Aw, Charlie, I'm so sorry. It's a shit thing to go through whether it's sudden or not. And just because everyone goes through it, doesn't make it easier. It also doesn't take into account that you were closer to them than your parents. Nobody says 'Oh, everyone loses their parents eventually' do they? Surely not. And that's what's happened here really. I'm actually glad you've got an appointment with a professional tomorrow, because they might be able to help you with getting through that initial devastation.

When my dad lost his mother, he really struggled with his own lack of religion. As you say, there is some comfort in believing they've gone to a better place, been reunited with loved ones, that you'll see them again, and so on. For most of my life, Dad would say 'Religion is a crutch for the weak', but I definitely saw him struggle with the finality of it when he lost his mother, the person he was probably closest to.

My thoughts are with you.

1 Like

~Minja~

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:21pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Crazy stuff, grief. If you want to talk about it, message me always.

1 Like

QPdoll

Mar 7, 2023 at 6:21am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I understand what you mean about wanting to tell your grandmother something. I did the same thing after my grandmother passed. I was at home and the first thing I thought was to call grandma. I picked up the phone and realized that she wouldn't answer. It's so tough losing your grandparents, especially as close as you were. I don't have any magic words, but take care of yourself. It's what they would want.

1 Like

Robert Waltz

Mar 6, 2023 at 10:31pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Take care of yourself during this difficult time.

1 Like

Anni Pon

Mar 6, 2023 at 9:06pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I know it doesn't help any, but I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine much worse than losing a parent or parental figure. They represent stability and safety, you grew up with them, and you've relied on them for most, if not all, of your life. You're right, the initial devastation will fade and things won't feel so fresh. But, as you know, grief never really goes away. It just becomes a permanent part of you.

It's horrible that you only got a couple days worth of bereavement! That's not even long enough for the shock to wear off enough to START grieving. I hope you have the support of someone else in your life to help you through this dark time. Take it easy on yourself in the mean time, that's all you really can do. Taking care of your physical self, eating and sleeping, is critical. Sleep deprivation and hunger will make things feel a million times worse than they actually are (which, for the record, is already pretty bad).

1 Like

Harlow Flick, Right Fielder

Mar 6, 2023 at 8:56pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

This is such a very human thing, isn't it.

“I think there is nearly an overwhelming sadness to the human predicament.” - Skinny Boy Hill

BOOM! This ain’t no whipped cream pie I’m tossing.

1 Like

Cinn

Feb 20, 2023 at 9:34pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I actually pretty much love this one. Nice, man...

Cinn

Feb 19, 2023 at 11:07am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'd say that more freedom for participants would attract more people. One obvious example that I've never understood is fiction vs poetry. If it's an activity, not a contest, why not allow people to explore whatever the theme of your activity is with whatever type of writing that want to do?

I've actually written for countless contests/activities over the years but never entered... because they inspired me, but I don't fit within the guidelines. Max rating too low, items required (book entries only over here), no poetry accepted, etc.

I know well why people restrict writers' freedom, but they're also restricting the number of participants they'll get. I still just take the inspiration where I can get it.

September 15, 2020 at 4:19am

#993392

Around, sort of.

Artist: flora cash
Song: You're Somebody Else
[Embed For Use By Upgraded+]

"JAFBG" Prompt: Tell us about something/someone that fucked you off this week.
"30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" Prompt: Have you picked up any new hobbies or interests since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic in March?

I'm back, sort of. I've been off trying to reconcile feelings™. I have this thing in life that's difficult for me to understand. I feel like whenever I do something bad, like whenever I have a negative behavior, I always have to pay the price for it. I always have to deal with the bad consequences of my bad actions. And that makes sense.

But... I feel like it doesn't work the other way around. When I do something good or feel like I'm a net positive to a situation, it doesn't seem like it's acknowledged, like, at all.

I think this is related to growing up in a reward/punishment-based system where it's like "Do what I want and I'll reward you. Don't do what I want and I'll punish you." But in actuality, the former is really, "Do what I want and I'll be neutral toward you."

It's frustrating to me because I want to be "good" but I've grown to understand the concept of being good or doing good things through acknowledgements. I think people, by nature, want to be recognized when they put a lot of time and effort into something. Not that they need people to bow down before their greatness, but just the slightest thumbs up to be like, "Hey, you're not invisible and you're doing a good job."

I see microcosms of this scenario everywhere and it's super demotivating to me. I'm not the type of person who does well with blasé responses because my brain is like, Hey, if they're indifferent to you anyway, why not just do whatever you want? Because often when presented with numerous options, I base my decision on expectations or desires of the other party. Sometimes it's like, why not just do whatever I feel like doing in the moment since it clearly doesn't affect the outcome regardless?

So, that's what I've been wrestling with a little bit. I'm in tune with my mental health issues, as unraveled as they've been lately, so I can recognize my BPD being triggered. The question is do I want to involve myself in something that triggers my BPD?

Not sure this flip-floppy brain thing is a new COVID hobby for me. It might’ve been around just a tad longer than that. But there is so much time to think now, and that’s why it’s so important to be thoughtful and deliberate with your actions. I mean, even unrelated to this tiny meltdown I’m having, the smallest things can brighten someone’s day or week or even month during COVID times.

Almost everyone I know has been sitting at home for months now, not seeing their primary social group, not doing their typical summer activities, looking ahead to the holidays where they might be celebrating without friends or family for the first time ever. It’s crucial to do what you can to make people feel appreciated during any time, but especially during these times.

I don’t know that I’ve picked up any new hobbies, but I have been doing a lot more of my pre-existing hobbies. Without commuting for work, I’ve had a lot more time during the work week to read, for example. I have so many books on my holds shelf at the library because I’ve had more time to read book summaries and get a super long to-read list going.

I’ve also been writing some off-site, which is cool. I’ve been trying pen and paper a little bit to avoid distractions and it seems to be working well. Depending on how long I’m essentially stuck at home, I’m sure I’ll pick up some new interests and hobbies, but really I have so many half-hobbies that I’m more likely to just focus on making them a little more consistent hobbies. Also, I haven’t checked my emails from the last week but I will soon I’m sure.

Having my mind engulfed and being in pain all the time has proven to take up a lot of space in my life, so there’s that part too.

Well you look like yourself
But you're somebody else
Only it ain't on the surface

9 Like • Comment • View 11 comments

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