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Wednesday, May. 8, 2024

7:16pm EDT

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Are You Listening???

by Charlie ~

Rated: GC · Book · Emotional · #2181458

A journey of self-improvement - or not.

Sup? I'm Char.
You may know me from timeless classics such as

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#2030442 by Not Available.

and

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I blog for things like

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FORUM

30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS

(13+)
WDC's Longest Running Blog Competition - Hiatus
#1786069 by Fivesixer

FORUM

JAFBG

(XGC)
Because real life isn't always roses and sunshine...
#2094931 by Elisa the Bunny Stik

[Embed For Use By Upgraded+]
Believin' all the lies that they're tellin' ya
Buyin' all the products that they're sellin' ya
They say jump and ya say "how high?"
Ya braindead, ya got a fuckin' bullet in ya head

Show Recent Comments

10 Most Recent Blog Comments:

intuey GoT Survivor!

Jul 22, 2023 at 8:05am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Hey Char, It's been a while since I've touched base with you. I'm so sorry for your loss. The last thing people should say is everyone loses their grandparents eventually, or it will get better with time. It's the last thing you want to hear when you're hurting. Death sucks, long-lasting illness sucks! Having to decide to let the person go to keep them from suffering REALLY SUCKS! I think the only ones who can understand truly just how much are those who have had to make that decision. My heart breaks for you.

I'm not religious, but I do have a strong faith in God. I call myself spiritual because I don't agree with all the rules and regulations of religion. I do know I will see my family and friends again, and this is a great comfort. I can only imagine how much more painful the death of loved ones is without this belief. But you're right, it can't be faked. But it is a beautiful thing.

Having mental health issues during times like this makes it even harder to go through. I know what you mean about seeing things that aren't there. I'd walk into a room, and say, "Where's Star?" and she would be sitting right in front of me. When I looked, I swear I saw an empty chair. The mind is crazy. It gives new meaning to a mind of its own

Some time has passed since you wrote this. I don't know when you'll see this but know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, and I'm sending good energy your way. I hope you're doing better. I look forward to hearing from you.

Aiva Raine

Mar 28, 2023 at 9:40pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'm sorry for your loss. I know they are shitty sounding words that don't even attempt to fill or fix, but they're meant in sincerity.

Having lost several people the best advice I was ever given was when life gets too hard- take it at your own pace. If a day is too much- cope with an hour at a time. If that's too much, take it ten minutes at a time. If that's too much- then you deal with one minute at a time. Work through life and grief at your pace. And don't ever feel guilty because you feel sad. And if you can- find one positive in each chunk of time- even if it's something as little as the beauty of sunlight on a leaf or the softness of your shirt. And ask for help if you need it.

Elle - on hiatus

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:29pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Aw, Charlie, I'm so sorry. It's a shit thing to go through whether it's sudden or not. And just because everyone goes through it, doesn't make it easier. It also doesn't take into account that you were closer to them than your parents. Nobody says 'Oh, everyone loses their parents eventually' do they? Surely not. And that's what's happened here really. I'm actually glad you've got an appointment with a professional tomorrow, because they might be able to help you with getting through that initial devastation.

When my dad lost his mother, he really struggled with his own lack of religion. As you say, there is some comfort in believing they've gone to a better place, been reunited with loved ones, that you'll see them again, and so on. For most of my life, Dad would say 'Religion is a crutch for the weak', but I definitely saw him struggle with the finality of it when he lost his mother, the person he was probably closest to.

My thoughts are with you.

1 Like

~Minja~

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:21pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Crazy stuff, grief. If you want to talk about it, message me always.

1 Like

QPdoll

Mar 7, 2023 at 6:21am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I understand what you mean about wanting to tell your grandmother something. I did the same thing after my grandmother passed. I was at home and the first thing I thought was to call grandma. I picked up the phone and realized that she wouldn't answer. It's so tough losing your grandparents, especially as close as you were. I don't have any magic words, but take care of yourself. It's what they would want.

1 Like

Robert Waltz

Mar 6, 2023 at 10:31pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Take care of yourself during this difficult time.

1 Like

Anni Pon

Mar 6, 2023 at 9:06pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I know it doesn't help any, but I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine much worse than losing a parent or parental figure. They represent stability and safety, you grew up with them, and you've relied on them for most, if not all, of your life. You're right, the initial devastation will fade and things won't feel so fresh. But, as you know, grief never really goes away. It just becomes a permanent part of you.

It's horrible that you only got a couple days worth of bereavement! That's not even long enough for the shock to wear off enough to START grieving. I hope you have the support of someone else in your life to help you through this dark time. Take it easy on yourself in the mean time, that's all you really can do. Taking care of your physical self, eating and sleeping, is critical. Sleep deprivation and hunger will make things feel a million times worse than they actually are (which, for the record, is already pretty bad).

1 Like

Harlow Flick, Right Fielder

Mar 6, 2023 at 8:56pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

This is such a very human thing, isn't it.

“I think there is nearly an overwhelming sadness to the human predicament.” - Skinny Boy Hill

BOOM! This ain’t no whipped cream pie I’m tossing.

1 Like

Cinn

Feb 20, 2023 at 9:34pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I actually pretty much love this one. Nice, man...

Cinn

Feb 19, 2023 at 11:07am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'd say that more freedom for participants would attract more people. One obvious example that I've never understood is fiction vs poetry. If it's an activity, not a contest, why not allow people to explore whatever the theme of your activity is with whatever type of writing that want to do?

I've actually written for countless contests/activities over the years but never entered... because they inspired me, but I don't fit within the guidelines. Max rating too low, items required (book entries only over here), no poetry accepted, etc.

I know well why people restrict writers' freedom, but they're also restricting the number of participants they'll get. I still just take the inspiration where I can get it.

September 21, 2020 at 12:13am

#993822

Control Yourself

Artist: The Menzingers
Song: Good Things
[Embed For Use By Upgraded+]

"30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" Prompt:
One thing outside of my control that I need to stop worrying about is...

Just one thing? My answer can't be everything?

Honestly, I have such an issue with control and I think a lot of other issues stem from that. I just want to control the way people react to me, which is obviously impossible and stupid.

I didn't have a great weekend because I met up with the dude from over here "Invalid Entry"

. For those who are keeping up with that saga, he decided it has been long enough since my surgery to talk about things and hang out. But in the meantime while recovering, I decided I don't want to do a contract which would commit me to that relationship for a certain length of time.

So I told him that and he was like, "Yeah, great, we can still do our thing occasionally, but I'm not comfortable doing some things without a contract in place." Then he proceeded to do the most mild almost vanilla scene with me that didn't put me in the right headspace at all... just not what I'm looking for whatsoever.

I know I'm skirting the lines on my GC-rating right now so I'll stop, but it's so frustrating because I just want to make him do what I want. And at the same time, I only said no to a contract because my friends told me to and I couldn't control their reaction to it.

Life would be so much easier if I could just force people to react how I want them to react.

Now I'm just going into the work week with a bad mental space because getting 40% of what you need is somehow worse than getting nothing. Like, I need that system shock to feel grounded and normal. I've felt totally off since then.

But in addition to letting go of my desire to make people do what I want them to do... I could also do with not worrying about:

- My surgery recovery, which is either going to happen or not happen regardless of how much I stress over it. Actually, stressing out over it probably makes recovery worse.

- Work things. I'm doing fine in my role, but there are some incoming changes looming over my team and we don't really know how things are going to shake out so it's a bit worrying. But again, something I have zero control over so it's pointless to worry about.

- The pandemic. Like, totally reasonable to do everything you can to protect yourself, but I had to step away from the news completely. I couldn't take the 24/7 news cycle about it. Even still, I hear about it a lot just from everyone and everything.

- Politics. I know ranting about politics like I did in my last entry is bad form. I'm probably going to do it again though, to be fair. The reason I should stop worrying about it is because I'm never going to change anyone's mind, so all I can do is vote. I'm sincerely so worried about this election and the aftermath of it though.

- Winter. As silly as it is, I'm legit concerned about winter coming because it's kind of a depressing time of year for me on a good year. But then on top of that, we didn't get to enjoy any of the good weather this year because of the virus. I've mostly been stuck in my house since March minus a couple visits to the aforementioned dude and going on short walks. But I can't control the seasons, sadly.

Usually when I'm feeling out of control with my own things, I focus myself on other people's things. Not super in-depth because I'm not great at solving my own problems, let alone anyone else's, but just basic things like leaving comments on people's blogs or whatever.

I just know that people need to feel "seen" and I try to validate that whenever I can. It makes me feel at least semi-productive to do that.

I've been having a horrible time
Pulling myself together
I've been closing my eyes to find
The old, familiar failures

7 Like • Comment • View 5 comments

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