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Wednesday, May. 8, 2024

1:52pm EDT

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Are You Listening???

by Charlie ~

Rated: GC · Book · Emotional · #2181458

A journey of self-improvement - or not.

Sup? I'm Char.
You may know me from timeless classics such as

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and

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I blog for things like

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FORUM

30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS

(13+)
WDC's Longest Running Blog Competition - Hiatus
#1786069 by Fivesixer

FORUM

JAFBG

(XGC)
Because real life isn't always roses and sunshine...
#2094931 by Elisa the Bunny Stik

[Embed For Use By Upgraded+]
Believin' all the lies that they're tellin' ya
Buyin' all the products that they're sellin' ya
They say jump and ya say "how high?"
Ya braindead, ya got a fuckin' bullet in ya head

Show Recent Comments

10 Most Recent Blog Comments:

intuey GoT Survivor!

Jul 22, 2023 at 8:05am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Hey Char, It's been a while since I've touched base with you. I'm so sorry for your loss. The last thing people should say is everyone loses their grandparents eventually, or it will get better with time. It's the last thing you want to hear when you're hurting. Death sucks, long-lasting illness sucks! Having to decide to let the person go to keep them from suffering REALLY SUCKS! I think the only ones who can understand truly just how much are those who have had to make that decision. My heart breaks for you.

I'm not religious, but I do have a strong faith in God. I call myself spiritual because I don't agree with all the rules and regulations of religion. I do know I will see my family and friends again, and this is a great comfort. I can only imagine how much more painful the death of loved ones is without this belief. But you're right, it can't be faked. But it is a beautiful thing.

Having mental health issues during times like this makes it even harder to go through. I know what you mean about seeing things that aren't there. I'd walk into a room, and say, "Where's Star?" and she would be sitting right in front of me. When I looked, I swear I saw an empty chair. The mind is crazy. It gives new meaning to a mind of its own

Some time has passed since you wrote this. I don't know when you'll see this but know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, and I'm sending good energy your way. I hope you're doing better. I look forward to hearing from you.

Aiva Raine

Mar 28, 2023 at 9:40pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'm sorry for your loss. I know they are shitty sounding words that don't even attempt to fill or fix, but they're meant in sincerity.

Having lost several people the best advice I was ever given was when life gets too hard- take it at your own pace. If a day is too much- cope with an hour at a time. If that's too much, take it ten minutes at a time. If that's too much- then you deal with one minute at a time. Work through life and grief at your pace. And don't ever feel guilty because you feel sad. And if you can- find one positive in each chunk of time- even if it's something as little as the beauty of sunlight on a leaf or the softness of your shirt. And ask for help if you need it.

Elle - on hiatus

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:29pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Aw, Charlie, I'm so sorry. It's a shit thing to go through whether it's sudden or not. And just because everyone goes through it, doesn't make it easier. It also doesn't take into account that you were closer to them than your parents. Nobody says 'Oh, everyone loses their parents eventually' do they? Surely not. And that's what's happened here really. I'm actually glad you've got an appointment with a professional tomorrow, because they might be able to help you with getting through that initial devastation.

When my dad lost his mother, he really struggled with his own lack of religion. As you say, there is some comfort in believing they've gone to a better place, been reunited with loved ones, that you'll see them again, and so on. For most of my life, Dad would say 'Religion is a crutch for the weak', but I definitely saw him struggle with the finality of it when he lost his mother, the person he was probably closest to.

My thoughts are with you.

1 Like

~Minja~

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:21pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Crazy stuff, grief. If you want to talk about it, message me always.

1 Like

QPdoll

Mar 7, 2023 at 6:21am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I understand what you mean about wanting to tell your grandmother something. I did the same thing after my grandmother passed. I was at home and the first thing I thought was to call grandma. I picked up the phone and realized that she wouldn't answer. It's so tough losing your grandparents, especially as close as you were. I don't have any magic words, but take care of yourself. It's what they would want.

1 Like

Robert Waltz

Mar 6, 2023 at 10:31pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Take care of yourself during this difficult time.

1 Like

Anni Pon

Mar 6, 2023 at 9:06pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I know it doesn't help any, but I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine much worse than losing a parent or parental figure. They represent stability and safety, you grew up with them, and you've relied on them for most, if not all, of your life. You're right, the initial devastation will fade and things won't feel so fresh. But, as you know, grief never really goes away. It just becomes a permanent part of you.

It's horrible that you only got a couple days worth of bereavement! That's not even long enough for the shock to wear off enough to START grieving. I hope you have the support of someone else in your life to help you through this dark time. Take it easy on yourself in the mean time, that's all you really can do. Taking care of your physical self, eating and sleeping, is critical. Sleep deprivation and hunger will make things feel a million times worse than they actually are (which, for the record, is already pretty bad).

1 Like

Harlow Flick, Right Fielder

Mar 6, 2023 at 8:56pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

This is such a very human thing, isn't it.

“I think there is nearly an overwhelming sadness to the human predicament.” - Skinny Boy Hill

BOOM! This ain’t no whipped cream pie I’m tossing.

1 Like

Cinn

Feb 20, 2023 at 9:34pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I actually pretty much love this one. Nice, man...

Cinn

Feb 19, 2023 at 11:07am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'd say that more freedom for participants would attract more people. One obvious example that I've never understood is fiction vs poetry. If it's an activity, not a contest, why not allow people to explore whatever the theme of your activity is with whatever type of writing that want to do?

I've actually written for countless contests/activities over the years but never entered... because they inspired me, but I don't fit within the guidelines. Max rating too low, items required (book entries only over here), no poetry accepted, etc.

I know well why people restrict writers' freedom, but they're also restricting the number of participants they'll get. I still just take the inspiration where I can get it.

September 8, 2020 at 12:07am

#992733

Watch out for the epiphany.

Artist: The Cardboard Swords
Song: Flannel
[Embed For Use By Upgraded+]

"30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" Prompt: What does confidence mean to you? Describe the traits of a confident person. Looking at the traits you listed, would you consider yourself a confident person?

My first instinct on this was to look up the standard definition of "confidence" but I realized that wouldn't be very confident of me, so I didn't. I've thought about it on my own and I've come to the conclusion that:

Confidence = I know I can...

I know I can explain that topic because I know that topic.

I know I can succeed at this job because I have the skills.

I know I can overcome challenges because I'm strong.

I know I can survive without you because I don't need you.

I think confidence is just about having faith in yourself and knowing that no matter what shit goes down, you’re gonna adapt and roll with it. I’ve got a few super confident people around me who are unflappable. Like, straight up, I’ve never seen any self-doubt in them. You can say whatever you want to them. They’ll brush it off like you’re a gnat, like you’re completely insignificant.

In case my blog isn’t clear, my confidence mileage varies. I have no idea how people handle criticism or negative comments without feeling like shit about it. I’m like, “Aren’t you even slightly upset that someone said that to you?” And they respond with, “Who said what?”

That’s a legit superpower. Like, you haven’t been ruminating over this shitty thing that person said to you? Not at all? Oh, you instantly forgot about it because you don’t give a fuck about that person or their opinion? Cool.

I have a very unstable sense of self. My level of confidence varies wildly depending on my mood. I’ve been called both cocky and insecure in the same day. Multiple times... When talking about the same topic.

I’m never stable in that regard. I’m either so confident that people are like, “Ok, dick, calm your ass down.” Or I’m so in the throes of self-doubt that people are like, “Hey, come on, you’re not that bad.” I haven’t developed a consistent sense that’s required to have that stable view of yourself and your abilities.

I am getting better though because I'm starting to understand what confident people are talking about.

For example, Logan has always said to me, "I want you to be with me because you want to be with me, not because you need to be with me."

You have no idea how badly this hurt my feelings when I first heard it. I was like what, you don't need me? If you don't need me then why are you wasting my fucking time? I mean, I really lost it at this statement.

Even after he explained, like, "I don't want you to be dependent on me. I don't want you to feel like you need me because I deliver something physical or financial or emotional to you that you feel reliant on." I was like how dare you...

But coming back together now and hearing him say, "I want you to stand on your own two feet and tell me that you know you're okay without me."

Something clicked. I get it now.

And I've been applying this to all of my relationships with friends, family, coworkers, and everyone else I know. Because I realize how many times I've allowed myself to be hurt because I thought I required someone in my life. And almost in a dignified way too, like, "Look at how much I can withstand from you because I need you in my life that badly." As though it's proof of how much I care for them.

It's not. All it has proved is that I lack the confidence to simply say: I know that I can find someone better than you because I know I deserve it.

As with most roads in life, I don't think the path to confidence is linear. Even after that little epiphany, I've still fallen backwards and been that same speck of a person, pathetically begging him while having a total meltdown like, "Please, I need you. I can't be without you."

To which he promptly pulls back again and says, "Try again. Show me that you know you're self-sufficient. Show me that you know you have the strength to be independent. Show me that you don't need me."

So that's what I'm trying to work on in my interpersonal relationships now. I know several of you gave good comments on my entry a couple days ago when I was beating myself up because I was worried that I'd offended or upset various people. I know that those feelings of guilt are actually coming from fear. Fear that if I mess up or upset someone, they're going to instantly abandon me and stop being my friend over it.

What I want for myself is to develop the confidence to say, "I want and I value our relationship/friendship, but I do not require it to continue living my life. We'll meet each other halfway, and if not, I'll move on and be fine."

I'll keep doing the things that I do
And I'll find someone who wants me like I wanted you

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