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 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
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A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| 20:27 One obvious answer for the title is that I don't get enough sleep. Maybe six hours, and clearly this isn't enough. But even on rare days when I've slept sufficiently, I still feel tired, so I'm thinking there's an underlying cause. I've always been a bit iron deficient so maybe that's it. I used to take supplements but I don't like taking pills. They make me gag if I don't drink enough water to throw them down. Anywho, I clocked out pretty quick last night since my son just would not settle. Sooo...I got no writing done yesterday whatsoever. I came up to my room in the attic with the intention of getting some writing done but let's see how we do... Hmm...What else can I talk about? How childish I can be? How annoying I can be? How idiotic I can be? These are all things I've noted today...well, I knew them before but I rediscovered these traits today. It's good to be a little childish, annoying and idiotic. Gives life some spice, wouldn't you agree? :D One minute short but I'm going to call it a day. I'm dried up like a prune when it comes to ideas! 20:37...took it up to ten minutes after all! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 23:25 Yeah, I have no idea what to write about. The idea behind the title was to think of some new and unexplored territory. No luck so far. But inspiration is a funny thing - it can strike in the most unlikely places. I was babysitting a friend's kids last week and they were watching this programme on Netflix called Brainchild and one episode had some tips on how to boost creativity. Apparently, moving your eyes from side to side is supposed to help! I've not tried it yet so I can't say whether it's worked any wonders for me. Or maybe I misunderstood what the host meant. Although it has been ten minutes since I started the entry, I don't think I should stop just yet. My son keeps waking up today. I've put him back to bed like three times already and I'm expecting he'll keep getting up until I go to bed too. ...And here we go! I'm calling it a night. 23:37 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 21:59 I think I've already established what a lazy person I am. I was just getting into writing when I made the decision to come stay at my parents' for the next few weeks. Now my routine is all messed up. I keep putting things off. But because there isn't a whole lot for me to do here, today I helped my sister clean the house! Me busting out the vacuum cleaner to clean all three floors of this house? Unbelievable! So I'm lazy but I can be pretty active to get out of doing the things I should be doing! I'm a pain in the ass! ...And now I don't know what to write about. I decided to isolate myself from the rest of the family for a bit to see if I can do some work. I have yet to begin the novel I am supposed to finish by 8th August. I'd better get a move on! I kind of know how it's going to end, after kind of redoing the climactic scene. A lot is going to change. I'm actually pretty curious but I just can't get into the writing frame of mind. I guess I should try to write in various places so I can get over my discomfort. And maybe swap this damn Chromebook for an actual laptop - it just doesn't feel right. Also, Google Docs may look superficially like Word, but for someone who's spent a hell of a lot of time on Word, there's a big difference. I suppose if all else fails, I can just use my ire at the Chromebook as the basis of my entry, right?  22:09 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 23:35 I'm feeling quite crappy right now. I've had to cancel an event I was going to attend tomorrow, simply because I can't afford to get there, pay for the event, and get back without putting a dent in my bank account which, at the moment, would be pretty serious. I was looking forward to it. I think I rush into things too quickly, without thinking of things like money and logistics. Now that there is a word I have wanted to use in a sentence without sounding like an idiot, because I'm only about ninety percent sure what it means. If you're me, that ten percent is usually insurmountable. Hey, must be a good day! My thoughts are all over the place. I've nearly finished Stranger Things season 3, thanks to my sister's basket of ironing being so damn huge. I'm still not writing like I'd hoped I would be. And my three college assignments are still untouched. What am I doing with myself? I want to go home, but I know I'll miss my kid being happy and mixing with his cousins here. He's going to be so grumpy when we have to go back home! I am not looking forward to that! 23:45 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 23:36 I was calmly watching Stranger Things before I realised I only had less than half an hour left before the day is done! I don't really know what to write about...which usually seems to be the case. The only productive thing I've done today is some ironing for my sister. I went shopping with my aunt, who bought me a nice top. I don't buy myself a whole load of garments so this time I ended up getting two! I got a whole load of fabric to make myself some white trousers, of which there always seems to be a shortage in the shops. I say I don't get myself many garments but does fabric come into that? Hmm... I tried sewing myself a case for my Chromebook but it's not working out. The sewing machine my sister has is an ancient thing and the thread keeps snapping. I'm still trying to get used to the environment here. It's always lively. I don't get a moment to myself until my little one has gone to bed - I'd thought it would be different with so many family members here to keep an eye on him, but that's not the case at all. I feel guilty for leaving him to someone else when I'm not doing anything particularly important. My sister called me lazy earlier. I don't make it a habit to hide this fact. I don't like cooking and it seems that, in an Asian household, no matter which generation you were born to, such a thing is practically blasphemous for a woman. As if by being born a woman, I am in some way hardwired to enjoy household chores. And cooking is a chore. It's the biggest chore! Those who eat wolf down what you make with nary a word of thanks, or even acknowledgement that you took the time to cook. It's expected. But if there's something even a tiny bit wrong with the dish, you are in for some criticism! This is the human race in a nutshell, right? When things are good, we expect them to be good. When things are bad, we rant and rave about them being bad but don't really do much to better the problem. On that exceedingly positive note, I bid you all adieu! 23:54 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 22:55 This drained feeling is usually one that accompanies me often. No matter how well I think I've slept, I still feel tired. Staying at my parents' is proving to be much more detrimental to my writing than I'd initially assumed it would be. My routine is all out of whack. The atmosphere isn't right. The Chromebook is pissing me off because the layout is totally different to what I'm used to. I don't even get the few hours to myself between putting the little one to bed and putting myself to bed. This sucks! This sucks baaaaaad! You know it's bad when the word "bad" has to be elongated and italicised! Because of this, I have done very little writing since Saturday. A few lines, perhaps. Not even a paragraph. And I'm tired. I'm really, really tired. Because he doesn't get his own room here, my little one has to share with me. He's up at the crack of dawn every morning! How's a person to stay sane in this madness?! My head hurts, my back hurts, and my arthritic joints are starting to ache again...I just want to buckle down and do some writing! T_T Stranger Things season 3 is on my to-watch list. My friends are waiting for me to finish so we can have a discussion. I can't even do that because there are more kids around at my parents' and they don't all go to sleep at the same time as my little one. I can't wait for my mum's return! I want my no-lifer life back! I hope I can have a lie-in tomorrow, though I'm 98% certain that this is a vain hope. 23:07 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 13:12 Although I said I would not do any planning in longer during the writing of my blog entry yesterday, I was at the time writing a final scene for the story in another tab (still getting used to the Chromebook and using word processing software that opens on a webpage! It's so bizarre!) So am I a cheat? Should I not include this? Who cares anyway? On to other news, I am writing a song for Cloud Strife from Final Fantasy VII. My nephew and I were talking about character songs. I love character songs! I wrote one for the main character of my primary novel, Rift-Touched. I've written one for the Doctor lol. I clearly have too much time on my hands, so I'm going to write another one. As for the novel that I've given myself a month to write...I've done a few lines  13:23 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 19:46 After watching some Stephen King videos which came up on my YouTube recs last night, I've decided I don't need to force myself to plan my story to a ridiculous degree before beginning the writing process. It doesn't feel natural to me. I do backstories either before things hit their stride, while the story is still in its infancy, or as I go along. For me, the process begins with the actual commencement of the story. I get that there are massive benefits to knowing exactly what is going to happen in your story but it just doesn't work for me. That's just not the kind of writer I am. Saying that, it'd be a shame to let all the material I've gathered here go to waste. So I'm giving myself a month. By 8th August 2019, I hope to have a very rough first draft. It'll be like NaNoWriMo - no edits, no planning beyond what I've done here, and no readbacks until I've finished. It's going to be tough but I know I can do it! Am I okay to post up first drafts and then upload later drafts as separate items? I guess I'll find out nearer the time! I'm getting a bit nervous now. I easily set myself deadlines but due to lack of motivation, I don't always meet them. It's an awful feeling. I did a Weekly Goals post some weeks back and then forgot about it the next day  But the feeling of having done it, though short-lived, is a wonderful one. NaNoWriMo itself is sufficient motivation to complete the task but this time, there's nothing. That's the hardest bit, knowing that I'm entirely alone in my writing. Nobody could give more of a s*** if I do or do not do it. Ah, well. Let's leave it at that! No point opening up that old can of worms right now. 20:00 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 18:50 I bought myself a Chromebook today, as I could not do without a laptop during my long stay at my parents'. But I'm so used to the computer now that I'm having a bit of trouble adjusting to the keyboard. The keys are too low down, the sound when tapping the keys isn't the same, the layout is different, and it's just all-round weird. So apologies if my entry today contains more typos than usual. I've already corrected a million mistakes. Yesterday, I did a bit of backgrounding for Blujarmin, the personification of Chaos, and...Thassemia, the personification of Creativity. Brother and sister or two halves of the same coin? Or husband and wife? Well, I intended to give Thassemia a romantic side-story with Settia. In that case, I think the husband-and-wife thing would just add too many complications to the story so I'll leave that out. Who knows, I might bring it back later. It's all up in the air at the moment. All-righty...Settia runs into Thassemia while on his quest to stop Hunter. Hopefully, I can get in some worldbuilding here so the reader can have a little tour of Blugaste. Which means...I have to do some worldbuilding. Damn. Okey-dokey, let's get down to business! All of Blugaste was united under the banner of Svolteria some two centuries ago, although the Empire of Svolteria had been steadily expanding for several centuries beforehand and began in medieval times when wars were commonplace and clans fought to establish themselves. The Svolteria Clan had been the strongest and conquered all the people in their land, which was originally Cateria. Under their rule, Cateria grew from a humble little island into the busiest and most diverse country in the world within just a few centuries. But this was not enough for the Svolteria. They had a vision. They would unite the world. They would stop the wars and establish a peaceful world. Maybe the Svolteria have been influenced by the Chaos/Creativity forces, which is why they were able to rise to the top so...completely. Should there be a magic system? Should there be any magic at all? My brain hurts. 19:27 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 20:47 I'm so tired! This always happens when I go to my parents' house. All I can think about is how tired I am, since I'm sat there doing nothing. And what's worse - I need to stay there for the next few weeks! I was supposed to go out to buy a laptop today but you'd be surprised how you can lose track of time when you're doing absolutely nothing. By the time I thought to get my phone out to check the store's opening/closing times, it was already half six and they close at six on a Saturday. Until I've secured a computer with access to Microsoft Word, I won't be comfortable staying there! The thought of even spending the rest of this evening without a computer is like having a limb cut off! I've come back home to collect a few things so I thought I'd get my entry done. I wanna stay home! T_T Anywho, enough with the grousing. I'll get back to the story planning. So Settia is the hero. Hunter is the bad guy, but maybe he can be a heel-face kinda guy. Blujarmin's power has been felt all over the world even with the prison still (somewhat) intact. A helpful witch tells Settia that he must make the prison whole again. So maybe the extent of Bluejarmin's power need not be seen, just so long as we know what the world would be dealing with if he got free. So though Settia is on a quest to bring back the crown prince, his actual mission is to rebuild the prison somehow. Maybe the witch can go along with him and looks about the same age so we can get a little romantic side-action. But it turns out the witch is actually the one who put Blujarmin in his prison in the first place and is in fact older than Settia by about...a few millenia. Hmm...Still too Sanderson-esque lol. But ok, I have an ending in mind - kind of. Hunter and Settia engage in an epic duel. The witch reveals her true colours but there has to be something that hampers her from just snapping her fingers and fixing the whole problem. Maybe she traded her vast powers for immortality at some point. If so, with whom did she trade? Maybe she is the polar opposite of the Nothingness and is Creativity...yeah, no. Back into Sandersonian territory. Or maybe not. Sanderson's Cosmere, from my limited understanding of it, is littered with a few beings with godlike powers, and two of them are Ruin and Cultivation. But I could use two opposites as the foundation of the whole universe. Chaos and Creativity. At first mere forces that helped shape the universe, once humans came into being, the two started to absorb their ways of being and started to become sentient, eventually leading to two distinct personalities. Creativity is a "witch" who lives among the people while Chaos exists on the sidelines, yearning to tear everything apart. Or maybe it was only Creativity who started to absorb the humans' behaviours and grew to love them and had a desire to protect them, so she stopped playing her part in the cycle of Chaos and Creativity, which was the way she and Chaos had existed previously. It was supposed to have been an endless cycle of destruction and rebirth, to cleanse the universe of the greed of various creatures, like the humans, who used and abused their home planets with blatant disregard for the planet itself. Now we've moved from Mistborn, sort of, to the Stormlight Archive  Maybe I should just start writing. I would feel so much better if I could. Things become clearer in my head as I write the story out. This is not helping me much. I like fleshing out the worlds I write about and the backstories of the characters too, but the story itself has to be fresh. Still throwing out ideas, I guess. 21:16 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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