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 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
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A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| 13:02 My family have mixed things up a little today - instead of going to my Mum's for the day, I've been invited to my brother's house. I am bored out of my skull so I thought I'd do some story planning. I have no idea what I'm doing. I remember I did one awkward blog entry a while back from the POV of my main character- I'm thinking of doing one from the POV of the villain, who I am now analysing in a bit more depth and whose characterisation is subsequently changing from what it was before. Initially, I'd thought I'd be ok with having a stock villain character- the story I really wanted to tell was my protagonist's, after all. Even if the villain is a satellite character, it didn't matter because he wasn't to be the focus of the story at all. But I've since decided that that doesn't challenge my abilities as a writer. So I'm delving into his character a bit more and the direction of the story is changing. Which is ok, because I need to revamp it anyway. Go big or go home - I have decided to live by this in regards to my story. Even the fanfiction I am writing at the moment is being planned as I write, which is something I don't normally do with fanfics and they end up being big, sprawling messes. But I'm hopeful I can write a decent story. I know I have the skill - I just need the drive and the sense of commitment to do something that requires a bit more effort than I'm usually prepared to put in, which isn't an awful lot - note that my handle, while picked out in a hurry when I signed up, is nevertheless spot on. I wish I'd brought a book with me! But my current read - Oathbringer by Brandon Sanderson - is a massive book and not something you happened to have on your person and ready to be whipped out for a quick read while you have a minute or two. I ordered another book a few days ago, which arrived this morning. It's a non-fiction book and I read the first few pages and it sounds good. It's called Why I'm No Longer Talking to White People About Race, by Reni Eddo-Lodge. It's not my usual fare but I've a good amount of interest in racism and general discrimination amongst human beings, which reinforces this idea that we're s***-bags, as a species. 13:54 I didn't take this much time to write one small entry. When things happen, they happen all at once  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 21:26 The prompt for today asks what the worst thing is about cleaning up after a big outdoor barbecue. To be honest, I've never had to do anything after any barbecue I've been to, because the only ones I've been to have been hosted by my parents and I was still quite young at that time so I didn't have to pitch in with clean up, and it hadn't been that big of an event anyway. My sister and I held classes from home for the Muslim kids of our community for a few years and, when my son was born, I said I wanted to honour this event by making one day a little unusual for the kids. So we had a barbecue. But because we were pressed for time - the class had only lasted for an hour and a half - our brother did the barbecuing for us beforehand. So there wasn't much to do. One of the kids who used to come to us to learn had special needs so her mum always stayed with her and she's a lovely lady so she stayed to help out. Lazy git that I am, I managed to avoid pitching in On a side note, let me squee about the book I'm reading at the moment. I was first introduced to Brandon Sanderson's novels a few years ago - actually, probably the year my son was born, thinking back on it now, so that should make it easy to remember! I started out reading the Way of Kings, the first book of the Stormlight Archive, and it was surprising because although I have read some doorstopper high fantasy novels, I didn't think I'd find it interesting on account of the opening just throwing me straight into the midst of the story, with all these details about the world Sanderson had crafted. But it was a pretty interesting world. I kept reading and I loved it. I've read a few of his other works, although I didn't much like Mistborn. I guess I just didn't find Vin very relatable, although I was intrigued by Kelsier - like most of the fandom, I'm sure. Anyways, yes, the book I'm on right now is the third of the Stormlight Archive, called Oathbringer. It was released a couple of years ago so finding one that was cheap enough for a poor person like me to buy without feeling massively guilty has taken some time, although my search wasn't particularly frantic. But now that I have it, I am so excited! I can't wait to finish, but then I don't want to start because then it'll be over too soon! I did start but I've not allowed myself loads of time to read it because I don't want to get through it too quickly. I'm trying out the idea of letting the story sink in, bit by bit, so I can remember more stuff as I progress. I'm learning to analyse the stories I read too, in an effort to help my own writing. I'm not yet sure if that detracts from my enjoyment of the story - I suppose I'll be able to tell as I read on! 21:45 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 21:27 This is a tricky one. Do to make guests leave my barbecue without kicking them out? Culturally, I think it's pretty much a taboo to tell guests to go. In fact, you ask them to stay when it looks like they're about to go. We're very big on hospitality in South Asia - not to say other people aren't, but I'm not that familiar with others' cultures as much as I am with my own. Even if you have plans to go out somewhere and guests arrive at that time, it's an unspoken rule that you will prioritize your guests over whatever you need to do or wherever you need to go. I guess if it's a life or death situation, you might get out of it...maybe. So, how to go about politely making guests leave? Drop hints as soon as they've eaten - "There's a lot of cleaning up to do! I best start getting on with it!" or "I think the little one needs putting to bed. It's quite late." That's the only way I can think of. I would never say anything to my guests approaching the question of when they're leaving. It just doesn't feel right. In other news, I'm hungry! I'm keeping the fasts that I missed over Ramadan. Trust me when I say it's a lot easier in the holy month! There's a community spirit and you know you're not the only one having to abstain. Right now, though, I'm on my own. Everyone else is eating and drinking as they please. I want to get a few more done and then maybe I'll put them off until winter, when the days are shorter. The idea behind fasting so soon after Ramadan was that there are still traces of the Ramadan routine so it wouldn't be that difficult. It hasn't been - it's just that I can't get up for the pre-fast meal on a morning anymore so I wake up hungry and then just get hungrier over the course of the day. But only a few minutes to go now! In fact, I'd better wrap it up and go prepare! 21:38 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 18:15 The prompt for today asks participants to list 5-10 songs that they would have playing at their barbecue. I'm sure I've mentioned somewhere that I don't really listen to music, as such. I listen to songs but typically songs with no music, which are usually Islamic. I like Zain Bhikha and Maher Zain. Zain Bhikha just takes a me back to my childhood. I love his stuff, even some of the new songs he's put out for kids. Maher Zain is something of a new voice - I have no idea how long he's been active but I've been listening to his stuff for a few years now. The traditional Islamic songs that I knew were in Urdu and often quite sombre, with lots of drawn out vocals, but Zain Bhikha and Maher Zain are quite modern. In fact, I would say that one of the ideas behind these songs is to provide an alternative to mainstream music, so that it resonates with young Muslims and has a positive message, but people have accused them of sounding too popy (poppy? Popish? Pop-like? Popesque?) Oh well. To each his own? One song I really like, which I would definitely have at my barbecue - if I was one to play music at any get-togethers - is Who I Am, by Zain Bhikha. It's not religious in nature - rather, it's about the young people of South Africa finding their identity in the wake of Apartheid. It's a great song. Although I say I don't listen to music, I was watching a Chinese drama some months back and one of the background songs in it caught my attention so I looked it up. It's called River, by Bishop Briggs. Half the reason why I like it so much is because it's called River and that's the name of the protagonist of my novel. Yeah... 18:30 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 21:24 Yesterday's prompt asked participants to put together a menu for a barbecue and today's asks us to list some activities we'd have at this barbecue. Er...Water balloon fights? For the kids, of course. There would be plenty of screaming by the adults when the kids try to throw them at their parents. Fun times! Maybe one overzealous kid can get the hose and try to spray everybody, resulting in being grounded for life. Poor kid, doing time when he's so young. Of course, I've never had a water balloon fight or seen anyone have one either, but it looks like good fun. And as an "adult", I'd have to be responsible and keep the kids in line...where's the fun in that? I want to be one of the ones throwing the balloons and getting grounded for life! I mean, if you think about it, I'm doing the time already so I might as well commit the crime! Everyone needs to live a little! ...On to real activities. The kids would probably play tag. That's all I can think of which the typical boring adults that I know would allow :\ If it was in my parents' yard, they'd have the option of going on the trampoline, but I don't have one. I have a dirty-looking swing and slide set which has been there since before I moved in, but one panel in the fence has come down and, knowing my husband, it will never get fixed so...You know what? I was going to say that the kids wouldn't be able to go on the swing/slide because the neighbour has a massive dog and we Asians typically don't like dogs, but forget the swing/slide; we'll have to cancel the whole barbecue until my husband gets that fence sorted! Two minutes left! In other news, I am considering getting another kitten so it can keep Dean busy. Poor kid, he's frequently left alone. And yet more news - I have found another counselling charity to apply to for my counselling, but I forgot to talk to my tutors about it while I was in college today so I'll have to email them instead! Another thing on my extensive to-do list that I must remember to do! It's for a bereavement counselling charity so I don't know how I feel about that, but I really need a placement so whatever goes! I'm very easily moved so I don't know if I'll be able to handle it but...I gotta try at least! 21:35 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 17:18 So, into week two of the June blogging challenge! This time, I must list the dishes I would have if I was holding a barbeque. It's been forever since we had a barbeque! I would love to host one - something to mention to the hubby, since he's the chef in the family. I don't like cooking. I like eating, but I don't like having to make things myself. For the barbeque, I'm thinking chicken tikka, lamb chops, chicken fillet burgers, kebab skewers...my mouth is watering. Have mercy, I'm fasting! T_T I haven't done my ten minutes but I'll call it a day. My little one had a potty emergency so I've lost my momentum. 17:32 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 21:22 The entry for today has been inspired by one of the prompts I did last month for the 30 Blogging Challenge and the prompt asked participants to mention something about which their opinion had changed over time. I had my college journal entry to do that day so I didn't really explore the question in much detail. But while I was walking to my mum's yesterday, I had a thought - like you randomly do - about how my worldview has changed. In my teens, I was obsessed with the idea of being pessimistic - almost as if that was something to be celebrated! I wanted to be a glass-half-empty kinda gal and why not? My life sucked...according to me only. I was convinced my parents hated me and my teachers were out to get me and my friends weren't really my friends...a typical teenager, basically. I didn't see the goodness in people - I shunned people if I could. I didn't hold any particular hostility towards any individual but I accepted that people on the whole were giant douchebags who couldn't be trusted. The world was a miserable place and anything that celebrated the world and the beauty of it and the ingenuity of humanity was scorned by me. Even now, I remember an advert that used to come on TV about a laundry detergent or fabric softener or something and, in this advert, the music was some old-sounding song about the clouds having a silver-lining when the sun breaks through and at the end of the song (or the advert, can't remember which, maybe both?) the last line was "As far as I'm concerned the world is such a lovely place!" and the only reason why I remember this is because I ridiculed it. "As if the world is a lovely place! Wake up, you stupid woman!" Yeah...Pretty weird. But I moved on from that. My religion teaches me to be hopeful, to have faith (does this count as a pun?) in the goodness that people are capable of and that pessimism can be damaging. God created us all and God created everything else too, with a plan in mind and the might to see it through without a hitch. Being pessimistic doesn't affect that plan in any way whatsoever and neither did it protect me from the evil that people are capable of. Rather, it is more fitting for me, more beneficial to me - and to others around me - if I have a positive outlook. I want to help people and maybe make a teensy fraction of a bit of difference in that grand plan. I don't yet have the courage to do so in any meaningful way (can't even hold a decent conversation without pausing and wondering if I've offended anyone) but I want to. It helps me to think better of myself and when I think better of myself, I understand others better. When I understand others better, I am able to see the beauty of the world. 21:40 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 11:31 Even though the blogging prompt challenge I'm doing for this month doesn't include weekends, I want to keep up with my own daily blogging...so here we are! I don't know what to write about! I'm yawning my head off as I type. Why am I always so tired? T_T Yeah, sure, going to bed at one in the morning and then rising at a quarter to eight is a tad short of the minimum seven hours I should be getting, but I'm always tired. This morning, my kitten was loudly meowing away and scratching at the door to be let into my bedroom. On the other side, my son was slamming the side of his cot into the wall and banging on every bit of wall he could reach to get me up. There's no rest! My God, wouldn't teleportation be an awesome power? I'd just take my bedding and go to some quiet, warm corner of the world and get a decent amount of rest! On the subject of powers, I've just remembered. On Eid a couple of days of, my nephew and cousin were having a heated discussion about what houses they thought they would be sorted into in Harry Potter. I like to rant about the fact that Pottermore sorted me into Slytherin. Slytherin! Twice I took the quiz, and both times I was sorted among the snakes. What the hell, Pottermore?! Not cool! I'm a Hufflepuff, without a shadow of a doubt! Still, I know why I was sorted into Slytherin. It's because one question asked what powers I'd most like to have and, of the four answers presented, I chose mind-reading. I'm curious about how people's minds work so having a power like that would be ace! Pottermore judged me and found me unworthy of Hufflepuff :( On a side note, doesn't "Hufflepuff" sound like a Pokemon? "Hufflepuff? Huffle, Hufflepuff! Hufflepuff?! HufflePUFF! Huffle...! PUFF!" *KO'd by unbreakable pink bubbles* 11:45 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 16:40 The prompt today asks participants to list the top 10 things to do around their locality. Frankly, seeing as I don't get out much, I'll be glad just to make it to five. So, top five things to do/visit around where I live, which is in Wakefield, West Yorkshire. These are in no particular order: 1. National Coal Mining Museum - pretty self-explanatory, I suppose. 2. Yorkshire Sculpture Park - a massive park where one can see sculptures. Also quite self-explanatory so I shouldn't have bothered with the explanation. You know what? I'll just stop with the explanations altogether. 3. Wakefield Cathedral 4. Hepworth Art Gallery 5. Sandal Castle ...and I've run out of places to visit. There are other places, like Thornes Park, but I'm sure every town has that kind of thing. It's just a park with massive fields and a pond...somewhere in its midst. Quite scenic. It was also joined with one of the local college campuses...once upon a time. They shut that campus sometime in the past couple years, from what I understand. What am I even talking about? In other news, I downloaded DuoLingo in an effort to bolster my language learning. Learning in a new way might help me to take things from Memrise on board. 16:53 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 12:05 The sprint challenge for today asks what my favourite method of travel is. I like walking and I walk where I can, although I often get lazy or I'm too tired and rely on family members giving me lifts. If it's far, I ask my husband to drop me off. If he can't, then I go by train. I like travelling by train. For a girl who feels very uncomfortable driving out of town herself, trains are very convenient and also give me a sense of independence. My first train ride was when I was 16 and I joined a writing group (which is also the reason why I started to think about my writing seriously), so trains also have an association with my writing. It was also the first time my parents let me travel by myself so, again, it gave me a sense of independence. Travelling by train can also be quite scenic and, upon joining the rush of people going into and out the train station, also quite good for people-watching. I hope that was a sufficient exploration. For a while, I wrote my entries without watching the clock. Now I'm back to that. Maybe I don't like prompts as much as I thought I would? 12:16 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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