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 |  Blog and other works of literary sense |
| Here is a collection of ruminations and whatnot. |
| I’ve been having a quiet day contemplating. I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to move out of this country. Somewhere that will give me the safety that I crave from the ghosts that have been chasing after me and making me sad every day. And every Bloody Sunday when they come at me with great ferocity. Making me cower under the covers of my bed, and making me feel muted and unable to call out to my Saviour my Jesus to rescue me. These awful intimidating thoughts have been making it difficult for me to write anything worthwhile. They hate that I have published books despite what they’ve tried to do in harming me. They hold hostage my Dad, my pets, and anything else that isn’t batttened down in the house. One time one of them actually had enough energy to hurl one of my laptops to the floor. I rescued the laptop but it’s really sad now. I’ve been looking at different countries and trying to see where I might fit in in their society. I don’t know if I can go back to England, the land of my birth where I spent my first twelve years of my life. England’s lovely I know. And they speak English. The people are said to be charming but I’m not sure whether the charm is only on the surface. And the Queen and her people will likely wish me to leave and put up a roadblock to keep me from entering. I’ve spoken to a migrant lawyer about moving there. I was ok with what the conditions were until they said that my Dad would have a difficulty in getting approval of being accepted. It seems that older people have to be almost debilitated and tied to a wheelchair unable to fend for themselves to be accepted by the English VISA systems. I’ve also looked at France. I love the idea of living in France. A beautiful country, and the country side might be quite lovely to behold in all seasons. There are good places perhaps to be living in but the cost of living or the lifestyle there in Paris at least is quite high and I won’t be able to maintain any sort of decent living there. I don’t wish to move to Germany. Their language is difficult to learn and I’m not that patient nor do I wish to be in Germany first of all. I’ve thought of going to Japan and be a contemplative sort of person. The language problem also exists. I think some people there speak English. It will be a long time before I can learn the Japanese language. I’ve seen some tweets that Japan is keeping people out of Japan unless they have a specific aim to be there, such as an operation or surgical appointment. I even thought of going to a place like Beirut, so famous in its rather brutal history, yet quite fascinating in the fact that it’s gotten so much more cosmopolitan. There are the usual language issues but I don’t know. Why not Beirut? But then how safe will I be? the safety factor is always up in the air with me. If it’s Beirut, whey should I even leave West Lafayette, Indiana? The difference might be that the danger is under the covers here while in Beirut it’s out in the open. There might be some irruption in Beirut but then perhaps it might die down after a while. I’m rather treading dangerously looking at the globe for a place to live out of here. The thing is everywhere in the USA is looking like West Lafayette and I don’t wish to meet the same people even though they might be looking different. The sort of people who are fake, who only want your friendship if you’ll buy their products or whatever business they’re in. These people and those who are in the churches who smile at you at church but hardly talk to you when you’re in the grocery store. What sort of culture is that? People seem to have forgotten about being genuine and sincere here. They are all trying to find some other thing, some unnamed wish that the prevailing current of fame and fortune have wanted them to chase after: plastic surgery for their sad faces, dental orthodontia for their uneven teeth, hair extensions for those who badly wish they had locks like a famous model, a fast car or two so they can parade it on Facebook, money most of all to go to the best vacation places in the world so they can then take selfies to show off on Instagram or Facebook. The value system is all upside down. Is it like that in France, or England or Germany or Japan? Or do I need to get real and say This is where I’ll live and someday I’ll die and it’ll be all over. |
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