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Guided by prompts from WDC blogging challenges... and of course, life |
HI! I'm Jenn - and I'm all over the place (well, at least my mind is). In this blog, I have attempted to gather my thoughts on things prompted/inspired by WDC blogging challenges from "Journalistic Intentions"  , "The Soundtrack of Your Life" , "Blogging Circle of Friends " , "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" and, well, LIFE.    |
| 9/3/21 – 5:00am Prompted By Life I’m writing this now to have documentation of what is going on with my body currently, before my questionable memory erases much of it. Who knows, my healthcare team might find this useful... Pain level right now is around 9. Yesterday evening, a pressure was building in my head right behind my eyes and extending up and back until it felt like my head was filled with concrete or some other very thick substance. Somehow, finally, I was able to go to sleep, a fitful dreamless sleep but sleep nonetheless. I awoke early this morning to the assertion that I am in another flare. I knew it was coming, I haven’t felt “right” in a few days, just didn’t figure it was going to hit me like this. I mean, it was only two days ago that I took my weekly dose of Methotrexate and I take the Prednisone and Hydroxychloroquine every day as prescribed. Right now, I should be feeling great. But instead, my skin feels like it is crawling, like a nest of fire ants is stinging me just under the first few layers. Every inch of my body itches but scratching just creates pain. Pressure creates pain, even the smallest amount. My nerves must be seriously messed up. Imagine not being able to be touched – so much so that the pressure of your clothing against your skin causes pain. That’s where I am right now. If I press really hard or scratch non-stop, it gives some relief, almost feels good. Maybe it feels good because it stops the itch for the short amount of time that I’m doing it. Doing so isn’t feasible though and would cause more harm than good. But I can’t sleep anymore today in any case. Laying down just creates too many pressure points all at once while the rest of me is still crawling with the itchies. Even the insides of my ears itch. I’ve noticed a weakness in my limbs as well. Trying to walk from my bedroom to the kitchen to get a cup of water was torture. It’s like I woke in an alternate universe where the force of gravity is a lot more than what it is in reality, pulling me down. My shoulders, legs, head, and arms seem to be experiencing the most pain right now. My bones ache like they’re filled with liquid lead and all of my joints hurt. My head hurts and it feels like I’ve been clenching my jaw tightly for some time even though I am making a point of keeping it slack. It all hurts, all of me, to the point that I am nauseous. My hands are swollen so much so I cannot make a fist. - And I’m shaking. I’m wondering how long this will all last before the seizures are triggered again; the big ones, not just the petit mal that happen multiple times a day. I noticed yesterday my eyes fluttering and trying to roll back. I never did go into a grand mal though. Speaking of eyes, mine are super dry again. The right one looks like tiny blood vessels have burst within it, making it all bloodshot. And I couldn’t cry if I wanted or needed to; the tears have dried up too. I’m a mess. While I am cursed to have these ailments the rest of my life, the flares themselves come and go – and I never know when or how a flare will present. This one just hit me hard after a month or two of only having mild ones. And this one is one of those that makes me wish I could end it all. Whichever diseases are causing this flare, I know it won’t last forever even if it seems like it right now. So, I’ll ride out the pain and discomfort. Lord knows pain killers would only be a temporary fix and probably do more harm than good. |
DAY 3215 September 2, 2021 Prompt: “Autumn leaves don't fall, they fly. They take their time and wander on this their only chance to soar.” ~ Delia Owens Use this quote to influence your entry today. As soon as the tree let loose, the leaf began its final journey. At the mercy of the Autumn winds, it floated gently; hither and yon toward the ground far below. Others were falling around it each with a jig of its own. Passing by its companions, it acknowledged them with a wave. And continued on with its whimsical ballet. Surfing from current to current the leaf danced upon the breeze. executing loop-de-loops and summersaults twirling, whirling, pirouetting, waltzing with the wind. Until gently it landed amongst a pile of its fellows. So much delight taken in this flight on this, its final day. 22 Lines |
PROMPT September 2nd - Where do you see yourself five years from now? Be realistic, write about your writing plans, or other plans you may have. Realistically, I hope to be alive in five years. According to the doctors, I should have died three years ago. Facing my mortality has been a hard pill to swallow. (And I know about swallowing pills...) It has given me a new appreciation for the complex beauty of life. A gratefulness for the little things and every single moment. Even now, I am living on borrowed time. Last year, I somehow survived complete kidney failure and a blood clot. My healthcare team is still stumped. But, I know the reason I'm still alive. The Lord still has plans for me. In the event that I am still alive in five years, I will still be residing in the home I currently live, taking care of my animals and plants, away from the world at large. I'm sure I will be grateful for all the little things in life that make it worth living, and not allowing all the problems in life to overwhelm me. If I last 5 more years, I will have celebrated my 25th wedding anniversary and my 50th birthday. I hope to still be coherent enough to continue writing and I would like to have a compilation of my poetry published at some point as well. If I am still coherent and mobile, I might decide to tutor teens in the sciences. It would be great to get back into the research lab but I think that ship sailed when I chose to teach. I could, however, volunteer at the local arboretum, animal shelter, or state fishery - as plants and animals help to calm my anxiety and create a sense of "rightness" in me.(I also would like to be a grandma by that time, but that is something I have absolutely no control over.) In the event that I do pass away within the next five years, I hope my family respects my wishes and has me cremated, my ashes tilled into the ground at the old homestead, and a tree planted amongst those ashes. In which case, my remains will lie where my soul feels at home. Regardless of which way the pendulum swings on my life, however, I predict my soul will continue to be content. I will be where the Lord wants me to be. |
Day 3214: September 1, 2021 Prompt: Words to use: autumn, sapphire, honeysuckle, clouds, golden, peace, serenity, and time. The last vestiges of summer were everywhere. The heat still held sway over the weather, drying and choking the plant life. In the shaded areas, you could still find beds of honeysuckle. Their scent lifting into the warm dry air, rejuvenating weary hikers as they walked the trails nearby. Cicadas trilled their songs of life in the dense undergrowth of the woods on each side of the trails. It was a beautiful day, rays of sun coming through the forest canopy in golden shafts of light to shine upon this and that until clouds moved in altering the the play of light through the trees. Autumn was on its way, with cooler days and falling leaves. With the hint of the change in season, a blanket of peace was felt by all who entered the wooded park. It calmed their nerves and whispered of better times to come. As evening approached, the faintest hint of fungus could be smelled in the air, teasing the senses and luring me off the beaten path. The deeper into the woods I ventured, the darker it became until I was lost in the emerald expanse. But still I was driven to find the source of that divine scent, that earthy aroma which tugged at my being and so I continued on. Daylight retreated, being replaced by a cool evening and before I knew it darkness was upon me. Bleeding from the bramble and vines, I finally stumbled out of the forest, only to find myself in a glade I had never seen. The sapphire sky shimmered with constellations unknown to me. There, at the edge of the glade was the source of that delightful scent! A mushroom the likes and size of which I had never encountered. I plucked it from the ground so I could take it back home to study. I must have stood again too quickly because the most terrible pain I have ever felt assaulted my head. I awoke to find myself with no mushroom, in the parking lot of the park I had been exploring. All that remained from my experience was a headache and a longing for the serenity of the Fairy Glade. |
| I had originally thought I would put all of my blog prompt responses for each day in one daily entry, however, my brain didn't like it that way. So for the next month or so there will be multiple entries per day. If anyone actually reads my blogs, sorry for blowing up your feed. But, on with it shall we? For the "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" on this 1 day of September 2021, the prompt is: What room in your home do you use the most? The least?I spend most of my time at home in my back yard, and since the prompt asked for what room in my home, my back yard could not be a valid answer. So, the room in which I spend most of my time is the living room. I have a nice big window that covers about half of one of the walls in my living room that allows me to look out at my front gardens and yard. From my living room window, I can watch hummingbirds flit between feeders and squirrels running up and down the trees in my front yard. I seldom go into the room that belonged to my daughters. With only two people living here, there is no need for a three bedroom house so their old room is pretty much closed off so that it eases the demand on our heating and cooling. I do step in from time to time to reminisce, but not very often. I'm still going through empty nest syndrome and their absences hit me hard sometimes. Three bedrooms and only a married couple living there? Doesn't that mean I have another extra bedroom? No. The third bedroom has always been a room for our reptiles and my books and craft stuff. I go in there daily to see to the lizard - and the tortoise when she isn't in her outdoor habitat. That room is a peaceful sanctuary, if you don't mind the heat. |
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You're so right, they are definitely perceptive. They know when you need extra attention, and they know when to keep an eye out for you. They are definitely a blessing from God.
