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2024. Going anywhere inside my little world. |
| Come on the adventures of a little mouse as she writes about her opinions and her life. |
| My mind is swimming. I'm trying to do a campfire but I am so confused. I don't think any of us are understanding what the others are saying. I think I'm getting sick again. Last night I was vomiting and tonight I am burning up and sweating. That's probably why I feel like my mind is swimming....... I am trying to participate in WdC Dragon Vale. I can't figure out how to post when I earn points or even what earns me points any more. I'm just participating in the site and if my dragons ever hatch it will be good. If they don't then so be it. I'm getting sick of all the games around here. You need to write but you got to write according to the rules. You need to review but the same thing goes. Why does everything have to be so strict???? This should be a place to work out the kinks in our writing. Not where we are submitting for publication........ I don't want to rant. I don't want to put down the site or its members. I love Writing.com. It is my second home. Sometimes it's my first. I hate that I can't cry any more. The last time I remember having a uncontrollable cry was when my sister passed. I don't remember ever crying after that. I need to cry once in a while. Crying is cleansing. It relieves stress. I haven't let myself have a good scream lately either. We've got the land to do it. I could just walk out back and let loose. I'll have to do that soon. Right now I have to go help Terry....... |
| Do you have phobias? I never thought about it really until about seven years ago. I realized then that I have had one all my life.... The best way to explain it is to tell you about the incident that happened on Sunday...... Bill tried to put a sticker on my forehead. Even thinking about it now freaks me out mentally. It happened so fast that I didn't have time to freak out physically otherwise Bill probably would of gotten hit. It didn't stick, just fell into my lap and I brushed it off into the garbage like it was some kind of bug. I've always had this aversion to things sticking to my skin. I did hit a teacher in elementary school that tried to put a star on my forehead. I hit a nurse who didn't listen to me when I was teen and told her I didn't need a bandaid. I've gotten better about it over the years but anything sticking to my skin still gives me the willies. Terry has been getting on me about eating. My blood sugar is usually above 150 but I get shaky and loopy because of lack of sleep and overmedication lately. I've been trying to lay back in my chair and relax in the living room but it seems like just when I get comfortable Terry needs something..... I will be so glad when her arm is better..... I don't know what else to add. |
| I never know what to write about any more. There are things you don't talk about in polite company and other things you just don't want the whole world knowing about.... I got up this morning in pain again, worse than the day before. I had to move each part of my body slowly before I could move around completely...... I got my tax return......it started a grand adventure..... I signed it because Tracy told me I could scan the checks into my Chime account. That was not possible. I went to cash the checks. I walked four city blocks to the party store only for them to tell me that they couldn't cash them because they were already signed. Bill was with me and he looked at the check and found out they were drawn on a Chase bank. We walked eight more blocks to the Chase bank and luckily they took my medical card as a second form of ID. We crossed the street and down another block to the Dollar General only to find I could only put half of what I wanted onto my card....... Took a cab back to Coney Island and picked up some food then walked the four blocks back home. I've been going shopping crazy but I'm getting things that I will be able to show for it. I have a bunch of books still coming besides the ones I listed on the newsfeed. I have a bunch of things coming for my witchcraft. I got a few things to give to people in the house. I got tables for the living room and one for my bedroom. I'm hoping to get a dresser and a bookshelf for my room on Monday. things should be okay.... I just know that when the money is gone I'm going to feel depressed because it went so fast ... and I'm going to look at some of the things I got and think I didn't really need them and I should of used it for better things..... Life will go on..... |
| Got up this morning and felt worse than I did yesterday.. I could barely move and I hurt sooo bad. I felt like I had been out on a week's bender. Bill luckily had some of his special tea otherwise I would have been in that state all day. Terry is doing better every day. I didn't expect it but David paid me for helping out with her. That was definitely cool. I've been running up hill and circling the drain at the same time. I got a bunch of notes written on a few different stories lately but nothing concrete. At least very few of the notes are for new stories. I found a couple more of the old stories though and all of them are clamoring to get worked on. Meanwhile my muse is sitting in a lawn chair with a margarita waiting for spring or something. I think he waits until I'm asleep then pokes at me through my dreams because I have hundreds of ideas in that moment between wake and sleep. By the time I get a pen and paper though it is all nonsense. I don't know. Lately I'm not getting anything done and the rest of the house wants to pile more on top of me. I may write more later............ |
| Texted out of my appointment today. I was just hurting too much and I had not slept well. I was also nauseous. I had planned on getting my xrays done while I was out. Didn't get that done either. Oh well. Did call and leave a message with nuerology today. Hopefully they will call me back tomorrow or I will have to call them again on Moday. Didn't get anything done today. I hurt so bad it was making me nauseous. My hip, knee, and back were attacking me good. Just not in a good place.... |
I've been writing!!!!!!!! Not only writing, but writing on my novel "Rage of Envy Rewrite Project"  I decided to start from the beginning and put in the changes I've been thinking about.....It feels soooo good. Now the only thing is finding the time to do it........Seems like I just start a good streak of writing frenzy and that is when Terry decides she needs me..... I swear I'm going to sneak out and go to the library or clubhouse to write. Either place won't bother me much and clubhouse has snacks...... for a price. Ended up not helping my niece. She canceled on me at the last minute. I had psyched myself up to do it and was looking forward to the money she promised. I got all ready and even told my worker I couldn't change our appointment when she called. Then Terry called the niece to ask her about something else she had said she needed. She said she didn't need that any more and throws in "oh by the way I don't need help today or tomorrow either. My neighbor is going to do it." I wasn't happy but I got over it. RoE is getting more complicated. I need to look at my writing books and see if I have anything anywhere on plots and themes and such. I just think the changes I'm making are enhancing the book. Let's hope that I'm not wrong. Just thought of something. I read horror (mostly) but the "teachers" I read write mysteries (mostly) which is what I write (mostly). I keep telling myself I need to be a broader reader (as a writer) but I can't seem to get into other genres enough to be able to finish a book. I don't know. Maybe I'll read more as I am trying to do more reviewing around here. Maybe I'll add to this later......... Worked on RoE almost all day and got a lot of it done. Hopefully tomorrow I will be able to start retyping. Some parts are still going to be a bit sticky. I don't know how my group is going to have some of the knowledge they are going to need to know. Maybe Kristin could have hung out there once upon a time, or one of the other members of the group could have the knowledge somehow. Through a former job or something. I'll figure it out. That niece called Terry's phone today. Terry wanted me to talk to her, but I refused. I guess I am still a little angry. I thought Jacob made an appointment for us for a month away, but I got a text saying I have an appointment with him on Thursday. I don't know if I am going to go. I may go just to get out of the house. Not much else going on. Weeds and Flowers I actually prefer some weeds instead of certain flowers. I would prefer a bouquet of wildflowers rather than roses any day. Most weeds are actually more fragrant than flowers. Weeds are easier to find in the wild. Most herbs were originally considered weeds. I remember when I was young and playing house, we used to fill our little cooking dishes with water and a variety of weeds when we were making dinner. I remember too playing by myself and pretending I was a scientist, combining different weeds to try and create a cure for some fatal disease. I had a great imagination back then and one of the things most readily available was the weeds. A dandelion is still considered a weed though it is used like an herb for a variety of things. If you can't tell, I am kind of fond of weeds. |
I wrote a story back in High School about rumors and gossip and one girl's revenge on those who spread them about her.. She found out she could ask for things to happen, asking in a certain way, and they would. She made this one boy who always said mean things to her very clumsy. So clumsy he got kicked off the football team. One girl that was mean ended up with neon green hair that she couldn't get rid of. She asked to meet her favorite pop singer and her favorite TV star; while they were all out to lunch together she made them fight over her. In the end though her best friend convinced her that what she could do would be dangerous in the wrong hands. She ask to be able to show the government what she can do. They lock her in a facility to study her/. I shouldn't have ended iit the way I did but I had her get so depressed in the facility that she finally asks to die. I had been a depressed and troubled teen then and a lot of kids were mean to me. Something about me: When I was in High School they still played "step on a crack you love (insert my name here)" in my elementary school. Some of the kids didn't even know who I was. I used to walk past my elementary school on the way home from High School. When I asked them who that was, they described a girl with ratty hair whose face was covered in warts and boils. I used to say that it didn't bother me. Who else did you know in HS that was still talked about in their elementary? Truth was that it was very hurtful. Terry has been in better spirits today. She has been trying not to bother me too much. Truth be told, she doesn't bother me any more now than she did before she broke her arm. I'm hoping she keeps up this consideration for me when she is better. Pulled out "Rage of Envy Rewrite Project" today and was paging through it. I scratched a few notes and was going to start the rewrite but I felt a little overwhelmed at the enormity of it all. I don't know why I even try writing novels. I can't even write a short story that is the right length. They always end up too short. I have short stories that are finished that I plan to rewrite and tweak into an anthology I have planned. Maybe I should find them and do that. I just don't know......I scratched notes and a prompt idea today too. I want to do some serious writing but I don't know what to write or work on. It feels like everything is so unorganized I bought some command hooks to hang up my pictures and things in my room but some of it I'm not going to be able to reach. Plus I read the instructions on the hooks and there is no way I am doing all of that. I keep saying to myself I need help but then I ask what I would do if i lived in my own place. I would have to do it myself. Of course, if it was my own place I'd be putting nails in the walls...... This is home and is going to remain home even if it doesn't feel like my home. I don't have my own place, but I do have (mostly) my own space. Life is still just okay....... |
| Was looking up information on Chemistry for research for "Nezoom Musings" I am going to need someone with an extensive knowledge of basic chemistry to answer a lot of questions before I can flesh out the prologue of the story. Looking them up was twisting me in circles and making my head spin. Terry is home. BFHD. She is as miserable as she was before she left. Scratch that. She is more miserable. I've got to stop being so hard on her though before karma throws me for a real loop and makes me break something. Believe me, even before Terry fell, falling was on my mind. Scratched some notes while watching Forensic Files that I may or may not use for "Rage of Envy Rewrite Project" ... I'd really like to get back to work on that one. It would have to go into another rewrite though. I have to see where I can work in the changes I want to make.Idk. I want to write so much but usually when I get the time to I end up just going to sleep..... Damn apathy. I just don't care about anything. Nothing is that important. I'm supposed to go help my "niece" on Monday and Tuesday and I wish I could get out of it. I don't really have to do much; just make sure she and her son get lunch basically. It is because of this apathetic view I have of life anymore. I used to blame my "terminal laziness" now it is my "extreme apathy".... Yeah, sounds like just excuses to me too. Okay I'm starting to get down on myself here and I don't need any more of that than what I have already. It's hard to try and think of reasons not to do something ..... I don't want to call it stupid but that about covers it....... My main reason so far has been that I would have to hear lectures from too many people when they find out..... Okay I need to get out of here...... |
| Had a great idea for a dystopia story but forgot it that quick...... But I got another one...... It is set after aliens (who are like locusts; using a planets resources up then moving to the next one) What they left behind is mostly contaminated. There are less then 5000 people left on the planet scattered over the planet. Natural Resources definition - materials or substances such as minerals, forests, water, and ferttile land that occur in nature and can be used for economic gain. Materials from the earth that are used to support life and meet people's needs.... Essential Physical Human Needs - food, water, air, sleep, exercise and shelter. How are these basic needs met? How many people are in our group? How do they tell if something is contaminated? I have other notes for this story written down but I don't want to type it all now. Terry had her surgery today. They put in a titanium ball (don't know about the socket) and she will be in a sling for several weeks. She is staying in t he hospital over night and will be home tomorrow. David stayed at the hospital through her surgery but came home before she got a room. I talked to her a couple of times and s he seems in good spirits. I just hope that having the surgery relieved some of the pain she was in..... Cleaned my room and put my clean clothes away. Selling my birds. Not asking much for them. I just want to get rid of them. If I get money that would be great. Things are okay. Not good, not bad, justt okay. |
| Terry went to the orthopedic. She broke the ball in her shoulder in several places and completely dislodged it from the socket. She is going in the hospital on Friday to have a replacement. I didn't know she had done all that. I feel bad for calling her a whiner. I seen my worker. We went to the Habitat Store and looked at furniture. I dreamed a lot. She took me to CMH afterward and I saw my therapist. He made our next appointment for a month from now. I guess he figures he doesn't need to see me. I miss Cathy. I feel like CMH is trying to rotate me out. If they are then so be it. They'll feel bad when I end up in the hospital for an attempt on my life. I haven't been sleeping. I've gotten like maybe eight hours in the past four days. I am just not tired. I know why tonight though. Too much coffee. I had a couple of ideas for writing for contests but I didn't follow through. I really need to start writing again. I need to go through my notes and stuff and hopefully something will spark my muse to start collaborating with me again. Sometimes I feel like I have written myself out of ideas and my muse has moved on to someone else. My hair is the longest it has ever been in my life. I love it so much. I used to have kinky curly hair. When I would let it grow out it would grow OUT. I looked like one of those cartoon cats that floats out of the dryer. Then I had a friend help me relax it and she left the solution in too long. It fried my hair. For the longest time I kept getting it cut short because that is what I was used to. Then I moved up north for a few years and I couldn't find a decent hair dresser. When I came back here it was down to my collar and I decided to see what would happen if I let it go. Now it is a bit past my collar and I can put my hair in a pony tail for the first time ever. The other day I even put it in pigtails (or as me and my sister called them, puppy ears). I bought a bunch of stuff to fix up my room. I got new towels because I only had one bath towel so if it was in the laundry I was SOL. Now I have three more. I bought a five tier cloth shelf that hangs in my closet. I'm hoping to put my clothes on it. I got hooks to put on the walls to hang my pictures. I bought Terry and I ten 8x10 canvases for painting. It felt good to have items to show for my money. Tomorrow they will be delivering potting soil so we can get our houseplants in better order. When I went to clubhouse on V Day I grabbed a small spider plant in a plastic cup. I found a pot and I confiscated it. I just don't like the bottom of it so I might have to fix that or get a different one. My room is shaping up and I am starting to really like it. Okay I need to try and sleep. |
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Love it! I hope "Kristy Parkers" is revived and publishes very soon!
It's probably cheaper to just buy regular stamps and use a piece of paper and envelope to send the stuff instead of buying a postcard. 
