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2024. Going anywhere inside my little world. |
| Come on the adventures of a little mouse as she writes about her opinions and her life. |
| Sometimes it does snow in April where I live. I used to believe it was a good argument against global warming. We also used to make jokes about we weren't going to color the eggs to hide them in the snow. It didn't snow on Easter this year. I hope that we are done with the snow and the temperatures are going to start to rise. April showers would be alright. I'm hoping that the bulbs and seeds that I bought last year are going to be planted soon. I want to work in the garden and know the difference between the flowers and weeds. Some weeds are quite pretty though. White or green? That is the question. Which are we going to have this month? Still nothing from Steve. I'm thinking that is pretty much lost for now. I still think about him several times a day. Of course, I did that before we had run into each other. I keep getting this thought of stalking his apartment complex; that he is going to be upset when we do get back together because he thinks I know where he lives.....I have only a vague idea. Went to clubhouse today. Was bored out of my mind. A lot of people welcomed me back which was nice. Not as much has changed as they made it out to be. No matter. I am going to try to start going back on Tuesdays for the house meeting. Hopefully that will work out. Tomorrow is crochet. I'm not going to head out early like I did for Wire Wrapping GRoup on Wednesday. I was semu-bored out of my mind that day as well. I think I'm going to put some coloring in my bag. I need to switch to a bigger bag. I'm getting all sticky from the sucker I am working on. It's a blowpop. The seems have gotten sharp so I'm starting to scratch up my gums. I keep trying to get the stick out..... If I think of something I'll write more later...... Merry Meet and Blessed Be then Merry Meet again!  |
| Took off at 11:00 am to go to Wire Wrapping group which wasn't until 2:30 pm. I just had to get out of here and get some air and space.... I had called Neurology and they hadn't gotten the referral yet. I called the Clinic and talked to Sarah and she said she would make sure it got done tomorrow. I'm assuming my xrays didn't show anything or they would have called me by now... I still hurt on a constant basis and my back seems to be getting worse than my hip and knee nnow. Sat in The Galley reading my books and highlighting as well as scratching some notes in my Self-Care Journal. Overheard a conversation that they should have an outside party coming in and making lunches again in about a month. That would be awesome as long as they keep the prices down..... Saw Cathy briefly passing in the hall. I saw Jacob down the hall and waved. I went upstairs too soon and the receptionist made me wait in their area for a good 20 minutes. Note to self: Don't ever go to a group so early again. Wire Wrapping Group was good. We had a small class so it was easy for Keith to help everyone in turn. Even though he did most of my work today, I think I could have done it. I tried to put my touches in on it when he was helping others. I am going back next week. My scalp is itching like nobody's business. I was looking at hair products on my phone to order with my HealthyHabits card. It seems like the list of what I can buy with it is getting smaller by the month. I had to use my debit card to buy vitamins and they almost charged my debit for the fish food. Not good. I guess things are different. I don't know. I just know that I am hot and tired and need to relax...... |
| I got cut off at the pass for going to clubhouse. Just after I finished my blog entry David came and asked me if I could stay home so that he could go to Uncle Eds. I couldn't say no.... well I could of... but there would of been a lot of bad feelings that I easily avoided by saying yes. My yarn didn't come in but some other things did.....The only thing that seemed good was the USB lighters .... though I don't remember ordering two different ones but I could have......and I got a dragonfly figure to put on my shrine.... I like them and from what I remember they are lucky.....I'll have to look them up.... So far I'm doing good on my goals.... I'm doing some posting and this is my second blog entry...... I still have to add to my port...... but....... I joined NaNoWriMo Camp this month and locked in to adding 30,000 words to "Invitation to Death"  . It sounded easy at first but as of tonight I am about 2,000 words behind what I hoped I'd be doing. I'm going to try to write something for it after I get done here.I did what I could at Dragon Vale and if I don't get the xp for what I am doing then sobeit. Life will go on, just maybe not for my dragons. |
| How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. That is going to be my saying for this month..... I joined in on Habit Heroes again. I made goals to make weekly goals... Check in at Dragon Vale every day......Do my blog every day.... Keep up with The Cave as best as I can..... and to add either an entry to a novel or a static item to my port this month...... I made weekly goals along the same lines. To check in with Habit Heroes every day...... Check in at Dragon Vale.... and to write my blog..... I'm hoping that checking in with Dragon Vale every day will help me grow my dragons.... I keep getting this "they're going to be eggs forever so why should I even try" attitude. but every little bit gets me one centimeter closer...... I am so tired and I promised Sally today that I would go to clubhouse tomorrow. I really do need to go. She also wants me to research more about Silver Sneakers at the YMCA. I just feel like I can't make commitments to a lot of things away from the house. Not with Terry being in the shape she is in..... Of course, I don't know if I am going to continue with Wire Wrapping group. I brought wire home to practice and watched a YouTube video on how to do it. I tried. It was a disaster..... I also want to get started on a project for crochet but I don't like the yarn I have so I'm trying to wait until my new yarn comes in from Temu. (I can hear you booing the quality of things bought thru Temu but I reserve my right to hope). I am just trying to do things for me..... It seems like when I start being made happy by outside forces something happens...... I still haven't heard from Steve.... I have come to the conclusion that I won't until we run into each other again. It's heartbreaking but there's really nothing else I can do short of stalking his apartment complex... and I'm not even sure what apartment he is in. So there's the emotional pain..... I stayed away from the physical pain because I'm tired of discussing it...... And the mental pain is coming back..... I'm getting depressed again even though I promised myself I wouldn't..... All I can do is try to keep busy and hope fate smiles on me again...... Forget it!!!! There are too many requirements to checking in at Dragon Vale to get points!!! They can stay damn eggs!!!! |
| April Fool's Day used to be a day of mischief for my cousins as they would pull wonderful tricks on each other...... I made sure to never be at their house nor have one of them at our house for that day......If it passed like just another day for my family than that was good for us..... Steve's phone must be out....II haven't heard from him yesterday or today... It's going to suck if he gets a new number and can't recoup his contacts off his old phone. We will have no way to contact each other until we run into each other again..... I'm trying not to think negatively about it or feel extremely bad. It just happened ...... I've just been reading my books. I want to start doing some of the things in The Witch's Book of Self Care but I'm not really listening to its advice. I don't want to really do it until i can do it exactly right....which they say right in the book you only have to do what is right for you and nothing is ever perfect...... I don't know. Maybe I'll do some things tomorrow...... I have five things I am doing almost every day on WdC: Habit Heroes, Weekly Goals, Dragon Vale, The Cave, and my Blog. Sometimes they give me a headache because I really don't want to do it, and some of them I just don't keep up with like I should. My physical pain and constant tired feeling is keeping me from doing a lot of things. Terry suggested I clean up the craft room. I told her exactly how I felt about that. I said if I was to do it everything that didn't belong in there would go flying out the back door..... I really don't see a lot that does belong in there so I imagine the driveway would become quite messy if I was to do it...... At least I am getting a lot of reading done.......I just don't think I am going to sign up for as many things on here next month. I have a lot more stuff offline that needs my atteention and is taking up chunks of my time...... . Merry Meet and Blessed Be then Merry Meet again!  |
| Did a little research today and came across some things relevant to me and how I describe myself..... First off my father was adopted but we don't know for sure if that changed his ancestry. I found out, through researching on my own because no one would answer my questions, that my dad is of Norwegian descent. Furthermore, Norwegian Vikings are descendants of Norsemen and Norse Druids. Thus my paternal magickal background..... My mother we know for is of Belgium descent. What I found out today was a couple of things. People used to tell me there were no such things as Belgium gypsies. Well, they weren't wrong, but they weren't right either. They prefer to call themselves Roma, as gypsy is actually considered a derogatory term. So to sum up I am Belgium Roma, my maternal magickal background. Now.... As for today..... I went to crochet group only to have myself and one other student show up. The substitute teacher showed up fifteen minutes late and knew less than I did about what I wanted to ask questions about.....I'm going to give it one more go before I decide if I'm going to continue. In the meantime I am going to try to start an afghan on my own to take in with me. Have not been able to talk to Steve today as his phone was messing up.  Top that off with the weather predicting freezing rain tomorrow and he probably wouldn't be coming over even if we were in touch..... I'm just going to try to not get upset if I don't hear from him for a couple of days......Got my magick books in the mail today. Paged through them and I'm not as thrilled as I thought I would be but they are still good for referencing. Here's a list: The Book of Forbidden Knowledge - black magic, superstitions, charms and divination. Book of Shadows: 150 spells charms potions and enchantments for Wiccans Buckland's Complete Book of Witchcraft.... The Witch's Book of Self-Care: magical ways to pamper soothe and care for your body and spirit. That first book is because you cannot protect from black magic if you don't recognize it first.... Just not a good day but not extremely bad either...... |
| It's Thursday..... I had an appointment with Amy (psychiatrist). Everyone is so happy I am smiling and happy. I wish it wasn't just because of Steve......Amy wanted to change my meds but I convinced her not to mess with a good thing..... I hate that it takes so much out of me to do something as simple as going to an appointment. I guess when you consider though that I have to walk to the bus (about 3 - 5 blocks) , catch the bus....(sometimes having to switch buses at the depot) ride to CMH, walk across the parking lot to the building, check in, walk around the offices, go to my appointment ( I actually have to think while I'm in there before I get myself in a heap of poo), walk back out across the parking lot, catch the bus home and walk 3-5 blocks back to the house. I guess considering all that no wonder I'm exhausted when I get home. So back at home it was same old, same old. Taking every chance I could get to lay in my bed and hopefully sleep. I am so tired now and it is only 7 pm. I'm trying to think of something to do. I already went through my crochet stuff to make sure everything is ready for tomorrow's group. I should write but I don't feel like it. I try to look at my writing and my head starts to pound. I suppose I could color. I'm just so bored and feel like I should be doing something productive. The daily writing I do is crap. This blog is turning into nothing but the same drivel every day..... I have to force myself to do it every night. For that matter I have to force myself to do my daily writing. Writing is becoming more of a chore than a fun pleasurable activity. I know I can't stop writing though. I can't pack up my pens and leave writing.com and just throw it all away. Besides the fact that there are people in my life who wouldn't let me do it..... I just wish I could stop lying about it........ |
| Well Let's see..... I was so excited to get out of here that I left at 11:30am. I decided to go to the hospital first and get my x rays done. I still firmly believe that x ray techs love to torture. They take the part of you that is hurting and twist it in all sorts of awkward ways. I believe the same thing about physical therapists. Any ways that is done and I should hear from the clinic tomorrow. (I thought I was going to hear from them already about my meds not being covered by the insurance. Oh well) did take a picture for Steve. No makeup. I look pale as heck and my eyes just don't stay open any more. We texted on and off throughout the day and had our texting session tonight. He isn't buying me a guitar but he is giving me one of his. It's an electric acoustic guitar. (I didn't know there was such a thing. Seems like an oxymoron to me) We'll see what happens on Saturday. Anyways got to CMH an hour early for wire wrapping group. I found things to do and went up to the room at 2:10 pm. Was supposed to start at 2:30pm but by the time the teacher showed up and got everything settled we finally got started at 3;10pm. We practiced wrapping wires (my hands decided to start crramping up, shaking, and basically not cooperating then) so it was fun until we packed up at 3:40pm. Turned out the room was reserved for 4pm. No matter. I got outside in plenty of time to catch bus 1. Got home and I admit I have been crabby. I hurt and I was tired and hungry. Made me feel a little better when David ordered Taco Bell for dinner..... Tried to do some more wiring to no avail so I was looking for YouTube videos on it. no luck so far. I'll try to get more done tomorrow. I have to go see Amy (psychiatrist) at 11am. Hopefully things will go better. |
| Laid around all morning. Just couldn't get motivated. Jacob (therapist) called me to make sure I knew I had an appointment with Amy (psychiatrist) on Thursday. I'm glad because I told him about wire wrapping group starting tomorrow and he didn't have it as part of my care plan yet. I would have gotten there and not been able to participate without that. Now everything is copasetic. Steve and I were texting again this morning. I am trying to not give in to that gooey mushy feeling I get when I talk to him. I did tell Jacob that I was up and happy from running into an old friend and we were making plans to spend time together.... I said we need to get together this week and Steve said we could and spend some time at my place on Saturday.... my weekends are definitely not busy so that works fine for me..... Got my hair done in pigtails. I look kinda cute. I'll look better when I put myself together and maybe put some makeup on. Then I'll take a picture for Steve..... Didn't really do anything else today. Did write part of a story but it fizzled out after a few pages. Read some of my SKOW book. Just don't feel good now. may write more later. |
| Been wondering all days how to explain this........ I ran into an old friend. Steve and I had given it a go at being more than friends before but that was a few years ago and we are both different people now..... Went out with Sally and had coffee. Then I went to CMH to wait a half hour before I met with Jacob.....did that. Then I tried to catch bus 2 a block over and watched it zoom past. Thought about walking over to get my x-rays done but my leg was killing me. So I sat in the bus shelter waiting about 20 minutes for Bus 1. Steve came walking up and gave me the tightest warmest hug he had given me in a long time. we talked and We both felt like it was clicking this time...... He sat next to me on the bus and we held hands. When he got off the bus he kissed me goodbye. I was walking on air the three blocks to the house. I texted him when I got to the house. he answered. He was still out and about though so I let things go until about two hours ago..... I texted him and we went back and forth for two hours before his phone started to die. He said he will text me again tomorrow........... I'm trying not to get overly excited or read more into it than what it is. Iit just feels so right this time...... Got home and tried to stay in the living room.....(Criminal Minds was on) ... Laid down after Terry's physical therapist left. Got back up and went back in the living room......was texting Steve....... (Oh he said he loves my hair) he called me baby a few times...... I called him hun and luv. ..... His phone died and now I'm in the bedroom catching up with you all...... All in all it was a full day and I will be looking forward to something more quiet tomorrow. |
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Love it! I hope "Kristy Parkers" is revived and publishes very soon!
It's probably cheaper to just buy regular stamps and use a piece of paper and envelope to send the stuff instead of buying a postcard. 
