I don't have any children of my own, so don't know how it would work at the time a child wakes up. But I do teach Head Start with 3 - 5 yr olds. This would be a very good exercise to get them started in the morning class. We do exercise like this all the time as a teaching method. What some people don't know is children's brains grow and work by body movement. We try to keep them moving a lot to enhance learning.
My suggestion is to get your illustration ready that show each movement and put it in book form. Children love to look at pictures that show them what to do. Also I would say you could end it with "ready to play". Children only want to play at that age.
Great job! Hope it worked for your children. Blessings, LaVonne
A very wonderful write about your grandfather. It flowed very nicely. I could picture the whole scene as you traveled from the bedroom to the car and then to the doctor's office. You gave us an idea of how your grandparents lived through the years, helping each other and also the complaints of your grandfather about the little things. I could just picture them in my mind.
One thing I would suggest is giving us an idea of how old you were at this time; teens, early twenties? Also the transition from you last talk and his death was unclear. Maybe you planned it that way, I don't know? I think "Dad" should be capitalized since you used it as a proper noun here. My mother and sister are OK because you had "my" in front of them.
Very good write! Sorry for you loss. Blessings, LaVonne
This is so true. We can protect our hearts from getting hurt, but then we miss out on real love from those we could get close to.
I like the set-up of your poem. I especially like the rhyming of the last two stanza's. You might try rhyming the first two as well, just a suggestion.
Lot said in a few words! Keep up the good work! Blessings, LaVonne
I have a real hard time with meter in poetry. I like to have fun with rhyming, put don't know much about poetry. I like to write articles the best.
Anyway your frustration hit a note with me. With free verse I guess its OK to do a little rhyming as well. Blessing, LaVonne
I loved the play on words in this poem. The rhyming is good, the flow is good and the comedy is great.
This can also have the opposite affect. A very wonderful lady helped me pay for my first semester in college. Then she expected me to write her, stop by every time I came home, etc. Since I just got out of a controlled environment, I didn't want another person controlling me. Maybe you could write about that?
It is very commendable to do something for someone else without any recognition. It is also very hard not to pat yourself on the back or feel disappointed that no one noticed. Yet, there is One who always notices what we do and say, and His reward will be great!
I think you did a good job on this writing prompt. I especially like the first and last lines, says a message all in itself. In the first stanza I would suggest putting "most" instead of others.
I am not much of a poet, so am not much help in reviewing them. However, your explanation of this poem and the writing prompt description makes me think you did a wonderful job on this one. It takes a lot of work to set up a poem in this style.
There can always be a little joy in our sorrow if we are willing to look for it. Thanks for sharing this poem and keep up the good work writing. Blessings, LaVonne
This is a cute job description. I did a similar job opportunity asking people to spread the Gospel. Both of them are not easy. Being human, however is not a job chose. Some of us have a great life and others don't. I think it's what you make out of it and your attitude through life. I've found a couple of things to look at:
- pillar to post each second (omit and)
- greedy executives with -did you mean want?
Your story is very good at getting me curious as to what happened. The problem I see is that you never really did explain what all happened, just gave some of the details and let us figure out the rest. Maybe that is what you intended? So, the opening line is good, the getting the reader interested is good, but the feeling of satisfaction is not there for the conclusion. Thanks for sharing! LaVonne
This is a good article encouraging people to come to salvation. Without the help of the Holy Spirit we cannot behave in a totally unselfish manner. Like you said, without God we design our own lives and do not live as God intended.
There are a couple suggestion I have:
1) patterns of those who have influenced our lives (instead of "patterns of those we have been influence by"
2) omit "or the craziest" - sounds like an after-thought. You could add it earlier - the meanest, craziest or miserable
3) follow if we choose (omit "to")
Keep writing! Blessings, LaVonne
You kept my attention in this piece, wonder why it was the last time you ran. You ended on a positive note with your very good attitude about you life now that running is no longer something that you can do. It is an unfortunate accident, but you keep life fulfilling do things you can do. That is commendable.
I didn't quite get the connection between the parade and the moose incident. Was the moose in the parade? If not, than you need a better transition from the paragraph about the parade and the next paragraph. How do you get to this location. Also, there is no indication how long it has been since this accident happened. How long has it been since you ran, 10, 20 years? To make it an even better story, tell us some of the struggles you went though to accept your lot in life. Were you always this positive or did you go through periods of anger or frustration?
I understand what you are trying to say, but I think the statement "go to hell" is in direct opposition to the point you are making. Yes, we can tell others about their faults in such a way as to encourage them to want to change. This is commendable. I know of people who will tell it to you straight while lifting you up at the same time.
Put it this way - would you want someone to tell you to "go to hell"? Consider the Golden Rule again; do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
I commend you for treating your customers well and also treating those who serve you with respect. That's really what you are talking about. You got your point across in these paragraphs. Thanks for sharing. Blessings, LaVonne
I guess a person has to be careful how a robot is programed! You did a great job writing an interesting story in just 300 words. I liked the surprise ending to this tale.
I was impressed with all the descriptive words that helped set the scene, such as enormous complex, gigantic parabolic mirrored roof, brilliant streak and mere dot. You choose your words wisely. Congratulations on your win! Blessings, LaVonne
I did a random read and came up with your article. I know you didn't write this yesterday because of the subject matter. However, I think it is an interesting article and pointed out a problem that should be considered by watch manufacturers. I don't know how you would go about it though.
I have noticed that these days not many people use watches anymore because they just look at their cellphones. I also just found out that cellphones change time when crossing the time lines.
The only suggestion I have is to leave out some of the "lets say" because we already know you have a "what if" situation. Thanks for sharing, I enjoyed your article. Blessing, LaVonne
A great eye opener! You will never win when you play games with the devil. Some people never get serious with serving the Lord. They just spend their time seeing how close they can get to the worldly ways and still enter the kingdom of God. How much they lose out on when they could enjoy a life of loving Jesus.
Very well written and very thought provoking piece. Thanks for sharing. LaVonne
Very good poem! This is what everyone needs in a friendship, someone we can count on to help us get though each day.I like how you started each verse with 'Your', and ending with your love, the most important! Blessings, LaVonne
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do! If it requires wearing a tie to provide for the family, then you dad did the right thing. I commend him for that. I liked the story in you poem.
There were a couple stanza's that didn't quite rhyme, #4 chic & geek and # 6 duty and necessity. Otherwise it was good.
This is a very interesting article about finances. I guess our goal should be $75K, no more and no less?
Although I did get your point, the wording was confusing at times and not sure what you were getting at. For example: "This one dollar amount might hold the key (what one dollor amount?). Also: Now for the second trend (what second trend?) You might want to mention the second trend first and then expound on where you got the information and all the magazine that back up your findings.
I like the excitment of your story and desire to share it with us. It must have been a great experience.
You repeated several times that it was a sight you had never seen before. Maybe you could show us that sight in some more discritive words or comparisons. Showing is always better than telling. For example : how were the dolphins playing? Were the two adult dolphins protecting their young? How high did the dolphins jump? Were they all the same color? Give us a discription of the beauty of it all.
You were asked to put together your thoughts on the meaning of life, and that is what you did. You conveyed those thoughts quite well.
However, you don't seem to have any idea what the meaning of life is. I think if you would look to the One who gives us life, you could at least get a better understanding of what life is about. Yes we can have our own idea of life and work toward the goals we have set. This gives us a purpose for living. That awakening you mentioned start when we have that personal relationship to God our Creator. The more we know HIm, the more meaning life has for us.
You ended with a very profound statement. You have a good writing style. Blessings, LaVonne My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
This story was very well written. Not sure who or what this Little Bear is, but talking things out and sharing your true feelings can help us find the answers we need. I'm so glad you included the need to forgive and that she should tell him she forgives him. If you would have made the conversation with God I would have given you a 5.0 rating. Good writing thought. Blessings, LaVonne
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