Such a typical reaction to a child's first day at school.
It can be quite daunting for a little one, no wonder your "poem child" wanted to run away and join the circus!
Your poem has a smooth rolling rhythm that lends itself so well to childrens' poetry.
Little ones can relate better to a sing-song style of verse.
Just a suggestion, You could delete the word and from the beginning of the last line, 5th verse, and from the beginning of the 3rd and 4th lines of the 7th verse. It just seems to make these lines a little too full.
Love it!
Cheers Meg.
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Hi ReMade,
A description of this poem in the title would definitely sway a reader from forming their own interpretation of these words.
If this is an insight into "The Departure" from life, to the Hereafter, it is done with a wonderful and sensitive touch.
I have noticed in your poems how well you structure the piece and summarise the poem's story in the final stanza. This has given your poems the closure that leaves the reader with a feeling of understanding of the meaning within your words.
Keep writing and sharing your thoughts with all through your poetic talent.
Cheers Meg.
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Hi ReMade,
I am not really accustomed to dark poetry and I very rarely review such poems.
In this poem your references to Dorothy, witches and rainbows are a very innovative way to deliver your point of view.
You have certainly described the collapse of light and love very well, and the final stanza rounds off the piece with the consequences should such a catastrophe ever occur.
I commend you for your vivid imagery. I doubt if my imagination would ever reach these levels of description.
Well thought out and written in a smooth flowing rhythm and rhyme scheme.
Great job.
Cheers Meg.
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Hi Imagine,
A very interesting paragraph of Ancient Egyptian History that I shall store in my memory bank for later.
These sorts of facts are little known but quite often pop up as trivia questions.
It is actually mind boggling to think of a civilisation as ancient as 8000+ years, but there you have it.
Thanks for the information lesson.
Hi Annum,
he sentiment in this poem is lovely. ou tell a tender story with emotion.
That is a great start to a good poem.
You begin the poem with 6 couplets which rhyme nicely.
The first 2 couplets have a rhythic flow. Counting the syllables in each they are 9 for the first line and 8 for the second line.
However, you stray from this rhythm in the next 4 couplets.
This is simply polished up by adding or deleting a word here and there.
eg:- 3rd couplet:- hand in hand together we would walk
neither giving a chance to talk
4th couplet:- as our laughter filled the crisp clean air
in cold blue water, feet were bare
If you count the syllables in each line, you will see I have made an 8/9 couplet and not changed the meaning of the lines at all.
Maybe you could work on the other couplets and come up with lines which keep to the constant rhythm.
Have a go at it, and if you need any help just ask.
This could be a wonderful poem with just a little more work.
Tell me if you change it at all and I will re read it for you.
Keep writing heartfelt poems. They always are a favourite with many readers.
Cheers Meg.
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Hi Harry,
What an absolutely profound piece of work!!
I love the way you describe your yesterdays as "each day was a brick that contributed to building the mosaic of my life".
Yes, for some of us, our yesterdays do indeed outnumber our tomorrows, and if enough people read this poem, many tomorrows will be spent so much more thoughtfully and fruitfully.
A great piece of philosophy on your part, and I believe all readers will gain something from it.
Thank you so much for allowing me to visit your port and enjoy just a small sample of your work.
If there is a particular favourite of yours you would like to share with me, feel free to ask me .
Cheers Meg.
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Hi Harry,
Yet another fitting tribute to those who gave their lives that we may, today,have the freedom to write tributes to them.
This poem may be a tribute to soldiers of long ago wars as well as the current wars in which we have been engaged in the last 50 years.
Just the mention of the Commander astride his horse tends to remind us that wars no matter where or when they occur, have the same effects and consequences on those who fight and those who wait and pray at home.
Those who wait play just as large a part in the battle as those who fight.
You are to be commended for your tributes to all brave men and women, of past , present and sadly, future conflicts.
Cheers Meg.
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Hi Harry,
Such a wonderful description of poor dear Beth's dilemma.
When a reader can place herself in the picture you are painting, you have produced a true narrative tale.
The situation is typical of long distance travel, isn't it?
When you can go - you can't: when you shouldn't go you have to!!
And it stands to reason if there is no traffic for miles, the second you stop for a "comfort break", the peak hour truckie traffic will come from out of nowhere.
I believe such stops are banned on Australian roads these days.
Maybe too many "Beth's" were caught underwears, sorry, I mean unawares.
Thanks for the giggle. True stories are always the most entertaining.
Cheers Meg.
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Hi Harry,
What a memory to have and to hold!
The innocence of childhood --- making a logical observation and accepting an explanation without question.
You have used this personal experience very well to demonstrate the pure and simple thinking of a 5 year old in 1950.
I do wonder if a 5 year old in 2008 would accept this explanation in a similar fashion. Today's youngsters do seem to be a little more outspoken than we who were 5 in 1950.
A lovely story put into verse in an unusal rhyming pattern, which does work very well in this piece. It has me remembering tales I was told to cover a real explanation of an event I was considered too young to comprehend.
Thanks for sharing this. It is a most enjoyable read.
Cheers Meg.
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Hi Harry,
I am dropping into your port to review some poetry as a result of your bidding in Sherri and Kelly's Simply Positive Auction.
Glancing quickly through your port, this one caught my eye immediately.
As an Australian Vietnam Vet's widow, the subject holds a special meaning for me.
Your words are spoken from the heart of one who feels the emotion and spirit just by standing and reflecting at a Memorial Wall.
The thoughts you have expressed are those of many people, though you have put all of our thoughts into words that would touch anyone's heart.
Tributes such as these made to our fallen heroes, and they are all heroes, can never be too many.
I particularly liked your references to the lives that might have been had those men and women not paid the supreme sacrifice and given us the opportunity to live our lives in a free world.
Thank you for sharing this wonderful piece with us all, and I invite you to read some of my tribute poems if you wish to do so.
"POEMS WITH A MILITARY THEME...."
Cheers Meg.
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No "maybes" about it Warrior Mom, you certainly do seem to have the "touch".
Your poems are easy to read and most enjoyable.
With your enthusiasm for writing and the encouragement you will receive from other writers on this site, there is no doubt your writing prowess will prosper.
ps. Just check the typo in the 2nd last line mabye
A lovely thank you tribute poem from you.
Cheers Meg.
HI Verm,
This is a scene all too often seen and heard today, not only in the US, but also here in Australia.
Living in a "military family", I know the younger generations of my brood do have an appreciation and respect for those who fight for the freedom of our country.
There are many who will stand and salute this Memorial Weekend and ten there are those who will just see the weekend as another holiday. Sad but true.
Have your next cup of coffee on me!
Cheers Meg.
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Thanks so much Verm for reassuring me that poetry is poetry and prose poetry is prose first, poetry second.
I have gone through life believing that poetry was a story told in rhyme with a rhythmical almost sing song flow.
It wasn't until I began reading various forms of poetry here on WDC that I discovered poetry is considered in many other guises.
Some forms of poetry are appealing while others just don't "do it for me".
I find myself reviewing prose poetry as prose.
While I do try to appreciate others' interpretations of poetry, my first love, reading and writing, will always be the traditional storytelling style of poetry.
Thanks again for sharing your thoughts on the subject.
Cheers Meg.
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What a wonderful letter, Ben.
Your brother would have received so much comfort and support from your words.
Any mail from home is welcomed by those who are away, even if it is just a few lines to let them know they are still in our thoughts and prayers.
I sincerely hope your brother is safe at home with the family now.
Memorial Day may have different names and be celebrated on different days in other countries, but the significance of the day is the same.
Wave your flag proudly, Ben, as I did here in Australia last month. Anzac Day - 25th April.
They earned that cheer!
Hi Lou,
You portray the very sad sight and feeling of an empty home that once saw so much love and merriment.
I often see houses like this and they do give out those lonely vibes.
Houses need to be lived in and loved, to become homes again.
They have feelings too.
1st verse:-
Line 3:- One mother gave her the gift of life
Line 4:- And the other watched her as she grew.
3rd verse:-
Line 3:- Both of her mothers would always be
Line 4 :- Forever in one another's debt.
Hi Pat,
A lovely poem showing how an adopted child can still love and be loved by both her birth mother and her adoptive mother.
To have the syllabic count run more smoothly, I have suggested a couple of changes that you may or may not choose to use.
They are merely my suggestions and after all it is your poem, written from your heart.
Keep your heart in your words and your poems will shine forever.
Bravo for this item!
To write about one's own experience with depression in such a way, can only give hope and confidence to others in the same desperate situation.
You say it takes strength to pull yourself out of this pit of despair.
It took just as much strength to open up publicly and disclose your emotions to all.
If just one person reads this and gains their freedom from depression through your encouragement and fortitude, you can stand tall and proud!
When I read statements like this, I picture a person who has given so much to others and really values and appreciates those special moments when she can do as she pleases for no particular reason.
These moments are made expressly for building you up again to do those tasks that must be done.
Thanks for sharing and reminding us all that we do need those special moments every now and then.
Cheers Meg.
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Hello there Warrior Mom,
A fun piece to read and it is so true.
I remember the days long ago, when I looked forward to the kiddies naptime so that "Mamma could play".
Now, I look forward to my "Nanna naptime", especially after the grandkids have been to visit!
Lovely eyecatching colours in your presentation add to the kiddy appeal, too.
Well done.
Cheers Meg.
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Dear Thaya,
Such a heart wrenching item.
As I read it, the tears began to well up in my eyes.
I have encountered patients with Alzheimer's when I worked in a nursing home, but have I have never experienced the distress of a close loved one not recognising me or being able to share memories.
It does take a lot of courage and strength and love to cope with this dreadful condition.
Thank you for sharing these very personal. heartbreaking thoughts of a loving and caring daughter.
Meg.
Life and love go hand in hand,
Your words express this too.
Keep loving life and live for love
Happiness will follow you.
Your poem shows you have much to love in your life when you give your love honestly to those around you.
Beautiful words.
Cheers Meg.
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We must thank God, Lou, for giving us, just once in our life, "A Steve".
Your Steve will be in your heart forever, and for many years to come, there will be a million sights, sounds, smells and feelings that will immediately bring him back to your mind.
This is a wonderful collection of heartfelt memories you have of Steve. Writing it all down now, while your emotions are running so close to the surface, has served to be a great tribute to a man you were proud to have known and obviously even more proud to have called your friend.
We all have moments of regret for being human and "not keeping in touch' as often as we should have : Moments of "if only".
This is life and how we live it.
God knows where our hearts are and what our good intentions are, and acknowledges our love for one another though we have not physically carried out all of our promises to a friend that we have made.
This tribute only serves as proof of your love for a friend.
Thanks so much for sharing your feelings with us.
Love Meg.
Ah yes. We all say our children will be and are perfect, then they do or say something like this to embarrass us.
I'm not sure which is harder to erase from our memory - the embarrassing moment or the fact that we disowned our own child to save face.
With 6 of my own, I have plenty of moments I would rather forget!
This is real life entertainment - for others that is.
Thank for being brave enough to write it.
Cheers Meg.
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ps.
(You need to close off the quotation marks at the end of the 8th verse)
Hi Violet,
I can see why Sherri encouraged you to place this poem in the Treasure Trunk.
Love is a difficult emotion to explain or put into words but here you have given us quite a few pointers on what love is and why we love. Love is all this and more.
As I read through each line, I find myself nodding in agreement.
(In the second line, a little spelling hiccup:- unnecessary)
A wonderful read. Thank you for sharing your love.
Cheers Meg.
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Hi Julie,
This is a wonderful poem extolling the virtues of marriage.
All too often these days marriage is not taken as seriously as it is meant to be.
When couples encounter problems, it is all too easy to just opt out of marriage instead of trying to work things out. A promise to God
Before family and friends
These seem to be just words casually spoken by some couples, without honouring their true meaning.
The words written here are obviously the thoughts of someone who believes and has faith in the sanctity of marriage.
This reader, for one, applauds you and agrees with you wholeheartedly.
Well done.
Cheers Meg.
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