The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression: The imagery you have employed in this piece is very vivid and realistic. I found the way you compared poetry with painting very effective. I really enjoyed reading this piece.
Technical suggestions: There was a little inconsistency in the lengths of the lines in some places which caused a little 'bump' to my ears. For the most part though I felt that the flow was very good.
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression: This is such a heart breaking poem. The emotions described with in are so vivid that they are almost palpable. I found this poem almost lyrical. I think that it would work well as a song.
Technical suggestions: I felt that the meter faltered in a couple of places. With a little work on the rhythm I think that this poem could be a 5.
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression: This is a poem about being unable to say the words that we want to say. Something that I think all of us have suffered from at one time or another.
Technical suggestions: The meter and the rhythm are for most part good. I do have a couple of suggestions though. The meter changes in the fourth line. You may want to look at this as it causes a bump to the flow of the poem. Also I feel that if you were to remove 'even' in the penultimate line this would help the meter in this line also. However it is your poem and you must only do what feels right to you.
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression:The imagery you have used in this poem is both vivid and effective. It is possible for the reader to easily empathise with the protagonist.
Technical suggestions:I have a few technical suggestions. I felt that the fourth line of the first verse was a little long. I feel that this line could finish at outward. This would help the flow without loosing the meaning of the line. Similarly with the fourth line of the second verse you could loose the word and. I noticed a typo in the third line of the fourth verse. I think that you have an extra the in this line. Please remember these are only my opinion and you must do what feels right.
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression:I really like the way that this poem portrays strength against adversity. I found the imagery very vivid, and therefore visulisation during reading very easy. I found the short sentences particularly effective.
Technical suggestions:I have no suggestions for improvement.
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression: The pain and anguish of the girl depicted in this poem is palpable. There is also a healthy amount of underlying anger not directed specifically but at the situation that she finds herself in. Such anger can be healthy if used in a constructive way to give strength and rise above such a difficult situation.
Technical suggestions: In the first verse I feel that kinder should perhaps read kind as this is one less syllable and helps the flow of the piece. Ultimately though it is your poem and you must do what feels right.
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression: I thought that this was a very well told tale. I found the imagery of the winter's day particularly effective. Your description of the aroma of cooking bread in the kitchen was so vivid that I could almost smell the bread!
Technical suggestions: 'a feeding' I felt that this was a strange choice of words. although this may just be my Englishness!! we would normally say that someone gave an infant 'a feed'
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression: This tale brought tears to my eyes. Your description is so vivid that it comes alive. I found your description of your feelings particularly vivid and I think that it was the strength of the emotion that you have described which effected me most.
Technical suggestions: I did not notice any errors.
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression: I felt that this was extremely well written. You managed to address what is a very serious subject with both dignity and humour which is very hard to do. I agree whole heartedly with the sentiments that you express in this piece. In my view everybody has a moral right to behave in the way you did. I only wish that there were more people like you in the world.
Technical suggestions:'the manager and I returned inside to await the police so they could calm down also.' I got a little lost on this sentence. I was a little unsure who it was that needed to calm down. It may just be the way I read it though!!
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression:This poem made my heart ache. As a mother myself I am well aware how much our children mean to us and how sometimes the choices that they make can hurt us beyond their comprehension. My favorite part of this poem was the last line. For me this says it all.
Technical suggestions: 'Yea' I found this an unusual spelling although that is probably just because I am English! we would normally use yeah
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression: I think that these lyrics work really well. I would love to hear this set to music. The pain that you portray is palpable. I particularly liked your use of repetition of certain lines in this piece.
Technical suggestions:You need to have a space after your commas. I did not notice any other errors.
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression:I think that this is one of the most beautiful poems I have ever read. It moved something deep inside of me. I can't put my finger on exactly what it was that moved me so deeply except perhaps the overwhelming sense of inner strength that this poem imparts.
my favorite part is 'Raindrops fall and a fire is ignited within,'
Technical suggestions:None. I only wish that one day I could write as well as you.
Thank you for sharing.
A very humbled,
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression: This is a beautiful poem about dreaming of finding true love and then the fear that once that love is finally real, it will evaporate away from us becoming only a dream.
Technical suggestions:
'I find myself longing, waiting' I felt that the rhythm faltered slightly in this line. My suggestion 'I find that I am longing, waiting.' Although you may not like this. Ultimately it is your poem and you must do what feels right.
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression: I really enjoyed this poem. It describes very well how I feel when I have finished a piece of writing. I could identify closely with the feeling of preoccupation that you describe.
Technical suggestions:I stumbled a little over 'after all' in the last verse. I wondered if it might read a little easier if the next line started with a capital letter. It's probably just the way I'm reading it though!!
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression:This poem is both a beautiful and eloquent description of how it feels to be powerless whilst waiting for news from the doctor. This is a perfect expression of how i felt yesterday knowing that my mum was visiting her consultant, as I sat at home waiting to hear the news that none of us wanted to hear but all knew deep in our hearts was coming. This poem spoke to my heart. Thank you.
Technical suggestions:None
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression: I simply love the positivity of this poem. It makes a lovely change to read a poem that is as full of positivity as this one. Your poem has a good message for us all.
Technical suggestions:
I think that there should be a comma after someday in the fourth line of the first verse.
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression: I really like this poem. I particularly like poems that tell a story and poems that rhyme and this one does both very well.
Technical suggestions:
'fearful of the things
might be said.' I stumbled a little over these two lines. I would suggest 'fearful of things
That might be said.'
However this is only a suggestion, ultimately it is your poem and you must do what feels right.
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression: I think that this works really well as a song. The repetition of certain lines is very effective. I like the way that the lyrics point out that life isn't a game especially when there are children involved.
Technical suggestions: You need spaces after your commas.
'cause needs an apostrophe as it is short for because and your I's need capitalising. However these things are only technicalities and easily remedied. I enjoyed this one.
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression: This is a very sad and heartfelt poem. I thought that you described your feelings very eloquently in this piece. I particularly like the way that you have stated your hope for the future in the last verse.
Technical suggestions: I found a few grammatical errors in this poem. You don't need 'do' in the first line.
sceens should read 'scenes' although if you are American your spelling may be correct in which case I apologise!!
In the third line of the second verse to be grammatically correct it should read 'I went through' or you could write 'I've been through. I think that you have used rhyme very effectively in this poem.
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression: I really like the concept of this poem. I found the way that you explored the different countries and the potentially fun and romantic things that love personified could be enjoying in each was very effective.
Technical suggestions: Personally I would have liked the second couplet to rhyme in the same way as all the others........but then, I'm probably just being picky!!
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression: You have described the feeling of loneliness well. The fact that someone can feel alone but not actually be physically alone is hard for some people to comprehend. The inner loneliness the protagonist feels in this poem is expressed well.
Technical suggestions:I noticed a typo, until only needs one l
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression: acrostic is not always an easy form to get right but you have done a great job with this! I read too many acrostics where the content has little to do with the word used for the acrostic. I particularly liked the irony at the end of this one.
Technical suggestions: I think that the 6th line could do with one syllable less. You could perhaps have fans rather than the fans. However it may just be my English pronunciation of some words that give them an extra syllable. If thats the case then I apologise.
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression:I thought that this poem was perfect. Then again I may be slightly biased as I too am a nurse! I feel that you have captured the essence of what it is to be a nurse perfectly. The rhyme and rhythm were excellent throughout. The last line made me laugh! How true it is, I don't think I could count the number of times I have returned home from a busy shift in the ED (ER) emotionally exhausted!
Technical suggestions: I have no suggestions for improvement.
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression:I really enjoyed this acrostic. I so often read acrostics where the content of the poem bears very little relation to the actual word used to form the acrostic. This is certainly not the case in yours!
Technical suggestions:The rhyme and rhythm are for the most part very good. I did feel that the rhythm faltered a little in the fifth line. After racking my brains I came up with 'Life goes on eternally' although I realise that this changes the meaning slightly so may well not be suitable!
Ultimately it is your poem so you must do what feels right!
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression:
This is a very sad little poem. The symbol of death you are talking about sounds like a gravestone with its inscription marking the sad end of life.
Technical suggestions: I would have liked a little more of this! In the line 'As silent as a mime',
I feel that the rhythm would be helped a little by loosing the 'a'. This is only my personal opinion though.
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish. 
Impression: The imagery you have employed in this piece is very vivid and realistic. I found the way you compared poetry with painting very effective. I really enjoyed reading this piece.
Technical suggestions: There was a little inconsistency in the lengths of the lines in some places which caused a little 'bump' to my ears. For the most part though I felt that the flow was very good.
