The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression: This is a great tale for slightly older children. I feel there is a general lack of good tales with morals for 6-9 year olds and I think that this fits the bill perfectly. I think some of the language may be a little hard for children younger than this but the rhyme and rhythm will still be attractive to them even if the story is a little scary and gory in places (I happen to have a four year old who thinks the scarier the better!!) It is very hard to tell a story with a moral without becoming overtly 'preachy' and I think that you have achieved this very well.
Technical suggestions: I felt that there were a couple of places where the rhythm faltered a little.
e.g 'Jemima to realise she was awake.' in the sixth stanza felt short of a couple of syllables. I wondered about 'For Jemima to realise that she was awake'
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression: I love poems that tell a story and poems that rhyme. This one does both eloquently. The language that you have used makes the reader able to actually feel the pain of loosing a good friend. This one tugged at my heart strings
Technical suggestions: I felt that are in the third line of the second verse was perhaps one syllable to many. This may be as a result of the different accent on certain words between American English and English pronunciation.If so i apologise!!
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression: This is a very good description of how it feels to see someone you secretly admire from a distance. The all consuming sensations and the nagging feeling that they must know how you feel. I found the description of the feelings very realistic
Technical suggestions:At the moment this piece reads a little more like prose than poetry. I would suggest that you either change the category to prose or to edit it a little little and reformat it into shorter sentences and verses.
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression: This is a very realistic description of depression. The utter hopelessness of everything and the heavy feeling of lethargy come through strongly in this poem.
Technical suggestions: The rhythm and rhyme are good throughout. I noticed a couple of spelling errors. Lye should be lie and your i's need to be capitalized.
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression: This is an extremely well written, hard hitting and thought provoking poem about the increase in violence, between children in modern society. Sadly the story you tell in this piece is all too familiar. The innocence of the playground is too often stained by the blood of the fallen.
Technical suggestions: The Rhythm is good through out although I did feel that 'the' at the beginning of the second line was perhaps one syllable too many and that by starting with the word wind this might help the flow a little without altering the meaning.
Ultimately this is your poem and you must do what feels right.
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression:This is a beautiful poem about finding comfort and salvation in one's faith. Reading this lifted my spirits a little today so thank you.
Technical suggestions:The Rhythm was mainly very good although I did feel that it faltered slightly in the last line of the first verse. You may want to consider editing this line to help the flow a little.
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression: I really enjoyed this light hearted poem about the joy of owning a pet. It's true if you want devotion in a companion a loving pet is just the thing!!
Technical suggestions: I'm not sure whether you meant to write 'sow' in the last line. I think that this might be a typing error as personally I think 'show' reads better.
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression: Hi Diane. I can't quite believe I am reviewing a red case!THANKFUL SONALI Now What? tried as my mentor to get me to do it on our last Power reviewers raid but I ran screaming at the idea!! I am feeling a little braver today so here goes:
I really enjoyed this acrostic poem. I think with its vivid imagery of Halloween night festivities it would appeal to children everywhere. Reading it I really felt I was there watching the children and their excitement was palpable.
Technical suggestions: I felt that the meter was a little of in the 5th line. This can sometimes be accounted for by the different pronunciation of some words here in the uk. If that is the case then I apologise. I did however wonder whether changing 'glowing' to aglow may make a difference.
Ok well, I'm off to hide in the nearest dark cave for a little while now!!
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression: I think this poem is perfect for children. What an inspired idea writing a poem from the point of view of a rock. I read this to my 4 yr old and my 7 yr old and they simply loved it!
Technical suggestions: I did not notice any mistakes. I have no suggestions for improvement.
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression: Wow, This is such a realistic description of depression. The way you have likened it to a growing flower is very effective. The imagery works really well.
Technical suggestions: The first comma needs to be directly after flower with the space after it and not before.
In the thirteenth line a full stop (period) that doesn't need to be there seems to have crept in after the word flower !!
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression: Who wants to grow old gracefully? Certainly not me!! Why is it that so many people take it for granted that just because your body ages your mind does too! I hope to be just like the old man in your poem when I get old!! Although as an old woman I guess it would be the young men I would be eying up instead!!!
Technical suggestions: ' All bashful beauties,' this line seems to be indented for some reason and looks out of sync with the rest of the poem.
Just out of interest what is the local Rams horn? I'm from the uk so wasn't sure about this!!
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression: I enjoyed this poem. I thought that you captured the anguish of knowing that you should be doing something but physically or mentally feeling unable to do so really well. I particularly liked your use of repetition of certain lines in this poem.
Technical suggestions:I have no technical suggestions for improvement
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression:I love the premise of this poem. Your description of depression is really good. I love the determination of the protagonist of this piece not to allow depression to enter her house again.
Technical suggestions:'doctored' I think you meant to be short for doctor had Given. If this is the case it should be doctor'd, if not I apologise.
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression:I found this quite a thought provoking piece. You have captured the girls altered state of mind well.
Technical suggestions:In the second line of the last verse 'rebelion eyes' rebellion needs another l and an apostrophe s.
You need to change the ratings on this one. The intro mentions a drug overdose which automatically makes it a non E rating. Also the content rating needs to be an 18 in order to follow the sites' guideline on the use of the particular sexual swear word you have used.
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression:I really love the idea for this poem. The fact that someones selfish and unthinking act ,such as lighting a cigarette whilst driving can cause so much disaster. You have portrayed the irony of the situation well.
Technical suggestions: I noticed a couple of typos:
'tragety (tragedy)
is was defineatly worth it'(definitely)
I felt that the rhythm faltered a little in places. I think if you worked on the rhythm a little you could achieve a 4.5 or even a 5 with this one.
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression:This is a wonderful poem. What a great Idea to write it from the point of view of a rock. I have to give you a five for this one as I read it to my 4 yr old and my 7yr old and they loved it!
Technical suggestions: The only comment that I have and this is purely a personal preference is about the repetition of oh in the last line of the first verse. I wondered if how might be a more effective word adding emphasis to the longing of the rock to be found.
ultimately though it is your poem and you must do what feels right.
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression: This is an incredibly dark poem. Reading it I felt it was almost lyrical and that it would make a good song.
Technical suggestions:I didn't notice any grammatical errors or spelling mistakes. I felt that the rhythm was mainly good throughout although it faltered a little on the first line of the second stanza. I would suggest editing this line to make it shorter perhaps by loosing the word 'then'
However this is your poem and you must do whatever feels right to you.
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression:I enjoyed the surprise element to this poem. The show that unfolded wasn't quite the show that I was expecting!!
I found the way that you described the anticipation and noise of the crowd very atmospheric.
Technical suggestions:In the second line of the third stanza I'm needs an apostrophe.
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression:I found this article extremely helpful. I just received a query about how I reviewed another members work and thought that It was time I checked out the reviewing advice again. I found the information easy to read and some of the statements sadly relevant to me. I particularly liked your Idea of coming up with our own 'comment in a box' type article. I am going to work on this for my own portfolio.
Technical: The only comment I have is for those of us whose spelling and punctuation may not be perfect.I feel a little awkward rating and reviewing others work when my dyslexia may cause me to miss an error. A lot of emphasis is placed on correct spelling,grammar and punctuation which is a good thing, but there is not much advice on rating for those of us who find this hard.
This is my first review of something by a member of staff so I think I'll go and hide in the nearest dark cave for a little while now!!
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression:This is a poem about darkness triumphing over light. It is a stark reminder that we can all be masters of our own downfall.
Technical suggestions:The rhyme and rhythm are generally good. However I did feel that the rhythm faltered in a couple of places. 'The sun sets so that the evil can play,' If you remove the before evil I think this helps the rhythm here and again in the second line of the second stanza.
I enjoyed reading your poem.
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression: This poem made me laugh out loud. I love poems that tell a story and this one told a very funny one! It particularly appealed to me as i can still remember to this day when my husband bought me a new roasting tin for mothers day so that I could cook dinner! Thank you for making me laugh.
Technical suggestions: I didn't notice any errors and couldn't see any room for improvement.
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression: This is a piece about the feeling of being in love. I particularly like the way that you describe love as poison and describe how the feeling effects different people.
Technical suggestions: I felt that some of the lines were a little long for poetry. At the moment it reads more like a piece of prose. You could either change the item type to prose or perhaps consider editing it to create more shorter lines.
I noticed one typo, the comma after 'awful' needs to have the space after it not before.
I enjoyed reading this. Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my opinion so please choose to ignore if you wish.
Impression: Wow! I love this poem. It is so atmospheric. I became lost in it, hearing the beat of the music and straining to see through the smoke filled room thronged with bodies.
I think that you should enter it into a contest! There are several newbie contests that would be suitable to enter it into. If you are interested look in the contest listings or email me and I'll email the details in bitem format to you.
Technical suggestions: 'Deviously, her deft trickery defeated my defence' you seem to have a change of tense in this line compared to the rest of the poem. Defeats would keep this line the same as the rest.Also defense needs an s not a c.
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore if you wish.
Impression: Falling in love can be a very painful experience especially when you fall in love with someone you shouldn't. The emotion in this poem is palpable.
Suggestions: none
My favorite part:
I curse my heart of betrayal
I never meant to fall in love
Thank you for sharing
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish
Impression: This is a really good description of how it feels to feel out of control. I can almost feel the sensation through your description!
Technical suggestions: I think Mt in the first line should read My ( Typo's are the bane of my life!)
In the third line you might consider choosing a different word to describe the pain rather than repeating shoot (e.g bolt although i am by no means suggesting you should use this!)
In the fifth line you could consider reversing the first two words
In the penultimate line the juxtaposition of soon and later reads a little oddly to me. This might be helped my a comma
The above are just suggestions. Ultimately this is your piece of writing and you must do what feels right to you.
Thank you for sharing
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish. 
Impression: This is a great tale for slightly older children. I feel there is a general lack of good tales with morals for 6-9 year olds and I think that this fits the bill perfectly. I think some of the language may be a little hard for children younger than this but the rhyme and rhythm will still be attractive to them even if the story is a little scary and gory in places (I happen to have a four year old who thinks the scarier the better!!) It is very hard to tell a story with a moral without becoming overtly 'preachy' and I think that you have achieved this very well.
Technical suggestions: I felt that there were a couple of places where the rhythm faltered a little.
