The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish!
Impression: I absolutely love the positivity of this poem. The premise that wishes about changing ourselves for the better can come true if we nurture them is a beautiful one.
Suggestions: none
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression: I really felt that I was walking through the streets of Dublin as I read this. I've always wanted to visit Dublin and do so more than ever now. Your description was so vivid that you really made the city come alive!!!
Suggestions: None
Thank you for sharing. Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please feel free to ignore them if you wish!
Impression: I really enjoyed your poem. Your description of spring time was beautiful.
Suggestions: On a personal level I felt that the line 'As I breathe in the trees and the moment' didn't work as well for me as the other lines. Your descriptions are so vivid I really felt as though I was there and visualising every line so when I came to this line I visulised it literally!!! ( probably me being to literal..lol)
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore if you wish!
Impression: Wow!! 100 words and not one repitition!! That alone deserves a high rating in my opinion. I found the language that you used to write about your chosen topic very eloquent and very beautiful.
The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please feel free to ignore them if you wish.
Impression: I became lost in the story you were telling in this poem. The descriptive language used was so vivid and effective that I felt as though I was reliving the memory with you.
We all do things that we regret. The fact that you have the capacity to feel guilt and remorse more than proves you are truly worthy of forgiveness.
Sugestions: None
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors.
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore if you wish.
Impression: A beautiful poem about finding love. I found myself becoming lost in the story as it unfolded. I think this would work well as lyrics.
Suggestions: I think 'oney' is supposed to read Honey (a typo) and isn't needs the apostrophe.
I really enjoyed this. Thank you for sharing.
Alexors,
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish!!
Impression: I really enjoyed reading your poem. The descriptive language that you have used is very effective. How true we never really know what another is feeling on the inside. And, a smile can make all the difference.
My favorite part is:
'Until light rose from his darkness
And was saved by a single
Smile.'
Thanks for sharing.
Write on.
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression: This poem is very sad. It is full of despair. The descriptive language that you have used makes the feeling of despair palpable.
Suggestions: 'are souls are sundered' I think should read 'our souls are' (A simple typo)
On a personal level I found some of the lines a little long. You might consider editing them to several shorter lines to enhance the flow.
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
I found your short story on the serious review request page.
Impression: Overall I think this story works well the length that it is. I really liked the sudden unexpected twist. On a personal level I felt that the story should have stopped there as the last two lines for me kind of took away the shock of the ending! (just my opinion!)
The descriptive language you have used is beautiful.
Suggestions: As above. Also I think to be grammatically correct it should read 'an excellent college'
Thanks for sharing. Write On
Alexors.
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression: This is a very powerful poem about internal darkness. The imagery you have used is very vivid and effective.
Suggestions: I felt that the line 'It I don't need' sounded a little forced. You might consider changing it to say what it is you don't need e.g darkness, blackness or something like that.
This is only a suggestion. It is your poem and you must always do what feels right to you!
My favorite part:
'Oh the raven-black night
How it holds me tight
Surrounding me for safety
Saving me from reality,
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression: This is a poem about how we put on a face for the world whilst no one truly understands how we feel inside.
Suggestions: This is just my personal opinion but I felt that the length of the last line caused a little bump to my ears. You might consider making it a little shorter or edit it into two lines. (just a suggestion)
My favorite part is :
'Because none of them know
that how he acts is just a show.'
Thank you for sharing. Alexors
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The following comments are Intended to be helpful.They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore if you wish!
Impression: This poem is written from the heart. It is very sad and the descriptive language you have used makes the emotion palpable.
Suggestions: You need to capitalise your I's.
My favorite part:
'Can't gaze on a mirror
For the pain it may add'
I can really empathise with these lines.
You might want to check out my take on this!
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Thanks for sharing. Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore if you wish.
Impression: This poem intrigued me. Is mankind going to be the perpetrator of our own downfall?
Suggestions: I wondered if you meant gene in the title?
Also you need capital letters after the full stops (periods) an i needs to be capitalised.
I enjoyed your poem. Thank you.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful.They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression: I found the metaphor of life as a staircase very intriguing. The fact that we keep climbing, some times on our hands and knees, not really knowing where we are going but continuing to climb regardless. I felt that this worked really well.
Suggestions: To be grammatically correct you need to use 'These stairs' throughout. In some places it reads 'this stairs'.
Than you for sharing.
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful.They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore them if you wish.
Impression:This is a beautiful and very sad poem. The imagery you have used is very vivid, so much so that I found myself becoming lost in the story you were telling.
Suggestions: I noticed that for the most part you used a b,d rhyming pattern. Verses one and three however don't follow this pattern. On a personal level I really don't think this matters and it reads well as it is. However you may find that opinions on the importance of this differ greatly!
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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I could really feel a mothers love for her son in this piece.
My favorite part was the last line. No mother could ever ask for more than the safety of her child. This story made my heart ache and made me want to go and hold my children close.
Thank you.
Alexors.
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please choose to ignore the m if you wish!
Impression: This poem is an eloquent and powerful expression of panic.
The imagery you have used is extraordinarily vivid giving your description a palpable depth.
I was greatly moved by this poem. Thank you.
Suggestions: I noticed a couple of typo's
Bespeckled needs to be one word. I also think that the penultimate line should read my senses to be grammatically correct.
My favorite part is:
'Tears randomly threaten to burst from their heavy lidded dams,
Just waiting to cascade down these be speckled cheeks,'
Thanks for sharing. Write on.
Alexors
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The Following comments are intended to be helpful.They are only my personal opinion so please feel free to ignore them if you choose!
Impression: The pain the protagonist is feeling comes through very powerfully. None of us are perfect however much we'd like to be!
Suggestions: I noticed a few typo's . You need to capitalise all your ' I's' and a capital letter is needed at the start of the poem.
I also felt that the fourth line could perhaps do with an extra word to help the flow (something like'As'to start it maybe). This is only my personal opinion though. You must do what you feel is right!
Thanks for sharing. Write on
Alexors
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The following comments are intended to be helpful. They are only my personal opinion so please feel free to ignore them if you wish!
Impression: I found the emotion expressed in this poem extremely powerful. There was a definite sense of underlying anger.
Sugestions:The line 'until my eyeballs pop right out of their sockets' is a lot longer than all the other lines. You could consider editing this to make two shorter lines. This is only my personal opinion though. Ultimately it is your poem and you must do what feels right to you!
Thank you for sharing.
Alexors
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