"It's hopeless," said Ginger as she crossed her arms on the table and laid rested her head on them.
I did see what she meant [insert comma] only too well.
After all, I had lived with her the past year [insert comma] enduring day after day of woeful tales and episodes of embarrassment.
Richard was perfect for her - kind, understanding, and patient and, most importantly, stable with two both feet firmly on the ground.
Be my chaperone or something [insert comma] just in case I mess up."
"This is Ginger."
As you've previously told us that Richard said he likes Ginger, we are assuming they have already met. Therefore, this seems out of place. Perhaps she could say, 'You remember Ginger?'
As luck would have it [insert comma]the shoulder strap broke and her purse contents were content of her purse was strewn over the ground.
By the time I had dared to take another peek, the two of them were started heading down the path again.
Ginger had taken off her cardigan sweater and draped it [insert comma] twisted [insert comma] over her shoulders.
Maybe this is an Americanism but I'm tempted to say it's either a cardigan (i.e. one that buttons top to bottom) or a sweater.
I noticed the park fountain too late to warn her and the camera went flying as she sat with a splash into the shallow pool.
"Let me introduce my self myself," he continued.
What I liked / didn’t like:
Oh, there was a split-second of a cringe as I read the 'clown' reference but then I realised it was perfect. It really works.
I have a friend who's clumsy (nowhere near as bad as Ginger, though! and I, too, find myself feeling slightly embarassd when another episode occurs, so I can completely relate to the story.
I am more than happy to re-review this story once you've completed any editing you wish to do from the above suggestions as I do think the story has potential and deserves a better rating.
There are so many things I want to say to her,
so many things I need to hear her say.
is hard to sit with.
I think I’d prefer something like ‘accept’ or ‘comprehend’ instead of sit with
What I liked / didn’t like:
This is such a sweet poem – bitter sweet, in fact. The torture of unrequited love comes across loud and clear, and whilst the closure is not received, at least he seems content that life must go on, even if reluctantly.
I didn’t notice any typos or grammar errors and have no suggestions for improvement – looks pretty good to me!
What I liked / didn’t like:
Having been through a divorce myself, I can completely relate to this poem; I am sure many others will, too.
Personally, my favourite line is: this dog, no longer needs your bone.
That’s a pretty unusual way of looking at the imbalance in a relationship. I am not so sure about the comma after ‘dog’ though - it looks out of place (ah, so there was a lil’ suggestion for improvement after all )
For me, this poem is about the transformation we go through as we move from innocent child to adulthood. For some, this happens way too soon. Innocence that has been maintained to adulthood can still be broken by betrayal of trust. I enjoyed it very much
And If if you looked deep into her plain brown eyes...
Typo capitalisation of 'if'
His nose looked like that which a rat would have and he had gnarled hands.
I think this sounds a tad clumsy. How about He had a rat-like nose and gnarled hands.
so big and wide that he didn't look like a man, but rather[insert: like]an animal.
He spoke in a paranoid manner, as if he waswere a child
..and noticed for the first time how putrid it smelledsmelt.
Dust and cobwebs covered every piece of the shop.
I'm not so sure about piece of the shop - I think I'd change to area or corner
Her eyes traveledtravelled upwards away from the shadow and they finally laid upon a black bottle.
LouAnne threw the bottle instantaneously back at the shelf as if it had burnedburnt her.
I am trullytruly crazy.
A handsome man asked. As the first little man had been grotesquely ugly, this man was amazingly handsome. Tall, dark, and handsome...
I'd re-write this part as you repeat 'handsome' three times - perhaps it can be condensed down to just one sentence
..it seemed like she should be more comfortable around this man, but something was off.
'seemed like' doesn't sound right - I suggest you change to either seemed as if or seemed as though
Though his words was were kind,
A few woman which women to whom I have talked to..
Also suggest changing 'talked' to 'spoken'
If the liquid worked, or if it didn't, she knew one thing. The young woman : she would never return to that strange shop again.
and everything about herself radiated beauty.
What I liked / didn’t like:
In spite of the above corrections, I really enjoyed this story. You held me in suspense and set the scene well. Perhaps the ending could do with just a little bit of elaboration (or it needs to be made more obvious early on) as to what 'addition to the shop' he is referring. Otherwise, great job.
Once you have edited this piece, I am more than happy to re-visit as I do believe it deserves a better rating.
Roaming through halls
And ripping through walls
I wondered whether it would be good to avoid the repetition of ‘through’ by changing the wording ever so slightly: Roaming the halls
And ripping through walls
I don't say boo and float about
Perhaps you should have speech marks around boo – I suggest “Boo!”
You [insert: comma] too [insert: comma] will have a tale to share.
What I liked / didn’t like:
I really like this poem – it made me laugh out loud. It’s very simplistic in its message but you do that so well, simplicity. That does not mean to say that it is not eloquent, because it is.
COMPUTERS REALLY ARE PERFECTABLE IF WE DEMAND IT! perfectible as in, capable of becoming perfect. I am not sure if this is the American spelling of the word or if it is a typo.
It will hold four ordinary slices of bread at a time, says on according to the box and in the manual...
What I liked / didn’t like:
Another amusing piece - I love the bread / toast analogy, it works really well. The tone of the article is spot on! Great write!
Since I had driven to my husbands'husband's office...
when I came upon an idio...that is, another motorist, who was plodding along...
Did you intentionally cut 'idiot' short? At the moment it looks like a typo so if you meant to cut it short for effect then I would do it sooner, e.g. idi and then replace 'that is' with pardon,
It's not like there was anybody sitting in them!
A personal preference here: It's not as if...
Not since the last...Never mind.
Is this another annoying experience you've had with an insurance company? It leaves the reader somewhat confused as to what you are referring to. Unless you are going to elaborate or at least give a bit more of a clue as to what you are eluding to, I would take that line out completely.
What I liked / didn’t like:
Well, your frustration at the insurance company and your indignation at the entire situation certainly comes across Although I am sure it was pretty stressful at the time, I made me laugh out loud as I hope it does you, too, with hindsight. As I work for an insurance company, I may just post a link to this item in our next newsletter
I found this on the Request for Review page so here goes
General observations:
I enjoyed reading this essay; first you introduce you to your inner self before going into more detail as to why you write. It strikes the right balance; all it really needs is the list of reasons with no further elaborations as you've already detailed your mind-set and what makes you tick.
Just a couple of minor suggestions that you might wish to consider:
It was a bout about three teenagers in a love triangle.
Well [insert:comma] I was a teenage boy and what do teenage boys think about.
It’s Its size scared me.
Sometimes I write a certain scenes over and over until they bring me to the brink of tears.
Lets Let's go old and come forward.
write as a catharsis for the pain in my life [insert:comma] present and past.
I write what I want until the character tells me differently.
Hello there
I found this on the Request for Review page so here goes
Just a couple of minor suggestions:
and must be somthing something other than, prose.
I think para #2 is really well written, particularly: It is reasonable to say that in prose, structure and form are slaves to content and subject.
...and distinct classification from prose, becomes the repositary repository of "all those other things" that language might accomplish.
...it is clear that none of these is are concerned with content and subject per se.
These minor typos aside, you've got a great article here that - with minor editing - is definitely of publishable standard. You have a wonderful way of bringing points across in a clear but simple manner without diluting the subject matter. For that reason, I've given you a higher rating than I would otherwise have done for a piece with several typos / grammar errors. Excellent work!
Has it ever happened? It's happening right now, in fact it seems to be happening a lot. I must pick the wrong guys!
Shame you didn't continue the rhyming you started in the first couple of stanzas - it sort of breaks the flow as I found I had to go back and re-read in case I'd missed something.
I must admit, I'd never seen the email forwards - with or without graphics - in the light in which you have now placed it. I have, like most other people, sometimes thought, wow! What an amazing piece of writing, but then the thought went no furhter. I did not consider the copyright implications at all, didn't give it a moment's thought.
As a writer what you have now spelt out so clearly is obviously concerning. It's probably wishful thinking on my part that any of my writing would attract the attention of someone wanting to send it around the world without giving me credit for the work, and yet it doesn't bear thinking about!
Do keep on spreading the word & keep up the great work. I, for one, have made a mental note to tell my friends not to forward me anything which might fall into this category again.
Hello there
I found this on the Request for Review page so here goes
I like this piece very much, you set the scene well, the build-up and conclusion are really good. What I like the most is the fact that you don't go into any detail about the exact violence that unfolded. That would have spoilt it for me.
The only slight (and it is only a slight one) is that the rhymes you've used are a little bit predictable.
Hello there Aide
Popped by to repay the favour of you reviewing one of my poems
What a sad subject matter for this poem - my heart and prayers go out to you both, and I hope there is some way that your son's condition may improve.
It being such a personal poem, it is difficult to review it. However, I did like it very much, even if the rhymes were somewhat predictable.
Just one small thing:
With their presence they have stole
I know this is a poem, and I know we can all take some grammatical liberties in the name of art, however, this really bugged me. It would be good if you could correct to 'stolen' and also change the following line to maintain the rhyming scheme, or re-word the sentence completely.
Popped by to repay the favour of you reviewing one of my poems
This is an interesting poem, formed from an interesting concept. The very thing that it wants to define sanity is the very thing that eludes it, somehow. I hope that was the intention.
Just one small suggestion:
The meaning of life is the in the
Should that be {c}blue}The meaning of life is there in the
Hello there
just popped by to repay the favour of a port visit
You are certainly raising some interesting and valid questions in this article; I would be very keen to read the complete version. Please let me know when you get around to posting it.
Just one small thing you might wish to consider:
Can philosophers really say there is nothing interesting about chemistry as thea scientific discipline?
Otherwise, nice work - keep writing & welcome to writing.com
Hello there
This is a really sweet little ode - I like it very much, mainly because it is surprisingly void of cliche.
Just one small correction to suggest:
I love you like I love water, with all of its healing clarity and pureness, quinching quenching my barren thirst and replacing my days energy spent, it is like you; you are like water.
Hello there,
Found this on the Request for Review page so here goes
She cast a glance to at me
And swept me under her feet!
I cannot bear this glare!
Cannot stand this spell!
You might wish to reconsider the over-use of exclamatiom marks as they use the intended impact when used in excess - further examples of this in other parts of the poem.
Her ever Mermaid coiffure pulls me out of me!-
Remove the dash at the end - further examples of this in other parts of the poem.
I quite like the idea of everything being 'half', incomplete, broken. Only the very lucky few could ever claim their lives to be complete and, paradoxically, it is often those who on the outside have the least, are most fulfilled.
Nice work!
Smiles
Anne
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"It's hopeless," said Ginger as she crossed her arms on the table and 
and I, too, find myself feeling slightly embarassd when another episode occurs, so I can completely relate to the story. 
- it looks out of place (ah, so there was a lil’ suggestion for improvement after all 