Understanding, believability (meaning motivation for behavior is given), support are necessary components of content.
After the closed bracket, the sentence seems to be incomplete. Perhaps insert "and" before support - it depends on what you are trying to say.
Other than that, no typos / grammar errors
What I liked / didn’t like:
It is always nice to read somebody else's views on reviewing - simply setting out what you expect from a '5' and then applying a "deduction" formula is a great way of applying common sense to reviewing.
Hello there,
What a truly wonderful attempt at breaking down the myths of poetry!
General observations / suggestions: Finally, both poet's poets and readers need to put this myth to rest: Poetry is not biography!
What I liked / didn’t like:
I definitely like this piece; you manage to set out the challenges we face as poets with phrases such as but the reader can't respond very well because emotion requires motivation. This is so true - and being a very amateurish poet myself, I very much tend to rely on the reader having that motivation!
The points that you raise made me contemplate the reactions my poetry has on my readers. Thank you for bringing these points to the fore; I cannot promise that they will make me a better poet but at least they will help me understand the response they invoke
Keep writing & enjoy the convention!
Smiles
Anne
...the young man looked up into the sky with a [insert: silent?]"thank you." Grasses and fields were dying drying up. One late evening in the hottest summer in the history books ... the man told his family he had to get [insert: to]the park. Late one autumn many seasons later[insert: comma?] the storm saw a man sitting on a bench.
What I liked / didn’t like:
First of all, I love the references to "storm", Stormy! .
I think this is a lovely, simple story, which would suit young readers. The very short sentences, the easy phrases and the underlying moral story is one that deserves being told - to children of all ages.
Re Forum Description: Your introduction is short and to the point, allowing the readers / participants of your forum to get on with it. No beating around the bush. There were no typos / grammar errors
What I liked / didn’t like:
My mother suffers terribly with the menopause, so - just as with the cancer forum - I was compelled to visit. Unfortunately, my mum is completely IT illiterate (that's a word you don't want to misspell! and also doesn't read English so it won't be of much use to her. But judging by the activities taking place in the forum, it is very much a place where we can pop in, say hello, and share each others' experiences. Well done!
I didn't notice any typo's / grammar errors, and can't suggest any improvements on the presentation as it looks pretty good as it is
What I liked / didn’t like:
You style and wording is clear and concise without leaving the reader feeling they are being talked down to. Although I have been working with computers for ... *does mental calculation*... 15+ years, I still had a couple of things to learn from this item!
There are some really lovely parts to this poem, it just needs a little bit of tidying up.
I suggest the following (it really is up to you which, if any, of my suggestions are of use to you! ):
My protector from this strange devil cloaked.
This is a little bit clumsy, I think I would add a comma after "devil"; try it, it depends on what exactly you are trying to say.
Its soon going to be the end of fear
"It's"
Dawn is near, Dawn is near!!!
One "!" will do or preferably just a full stop
I quite like the feel of this short poem; I can almost hear the waves lapping, the sea gulls shrieking, and feel the sand beneath my toes.
Just a couple of suggestions:
Out with joy leaps.
This sounds a little bit clumsy. I think I would change it to something like: Stirred with joy, leaps. This, I think, reads better when you put it with the rest of the stanza:
Into the chilly morning,
The warmth seeps.
And my frozen heart,
Stirred with joy, leaps.
Your punctuation is consitent throughout although I must admit, I am not a big fan of double exclamation marks in poetry. Sometimes, a single exclamation mark can create extra impact, if used sparingly.
It is a shame that this poem appears to have received no revision / spell check prior to being posted publically.
A couple of thoughts which I think will increase the appeal of this poem:
Capitalisation of "I" - always so i guess i walked along unoticed. l
ooked at and blinded by the diamonds glittering the sky Unnoticed
What does "ooked" mean? Did you accidentally put a space between L and ooked
Re-word the final part of the sentence, e.g. and am blined by the diamonds glittering in the sky id draw a pretty picture of this scenery for you.
Change "id" to "I'd" - the entire poem needs revising along this vein.
I am happy to return to re-review this poem if you chose to edit these points.
this is a wonderful story told in the form of a poem; I am sure writing and subsequently reading it has brought back some wonderful memories of your time in Austria.
Thanks for the great entry - the winners will be announced soon.
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