I borrowed the form and nature of your poem and created one:
Fall…
Turns to gold
green of summer.
Tinge of red
on fallen leaves.
Crisp mornings
cheer up my soul.
Fall is the season of peace.
This simple form is not so easy. You have made it look so. I enjoyed your poem and the opportunity to try the form myself. Thank you for writing. Thank you for sharing.
A special dog indeed. I can relate. We have more than one dog, but there is one...Buffy...who touches my heart in a very special way. Sara sounds a lot like my Buffy.
You really should put a picture of Sara on this, her story. Perhaps at a later time, you can write a story from Sara's perspective. I have written one from a fictional Buffy's point of view. My Buffy is nothing like the little Buffy in my story. But in another prose effort, I have written as each of our animals at that time...well, not all the chickens, just some. But anyway, it is in my port called "Loosely Connected."
Delightful poem. Seemed true to form to me. Great matching photo. Write on.
Please know that I realize this is YOUR poem and not mine. My opinions are just that - my opinions. Take or leave at your pleasure anything in this review. My purpose is to be of assistance not to give praise or be critical just for the sake of doing so.
I laugh, I gaufaw (sp?), I chortle. I sit confused. I understand...what is the vision of this man. Ah! Now I see! or is it just that inside me sits a visionary soul?
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
I thoroughly enjoyed this short-short. It captured me and carried me right to the end. The only "blips" on my reader screen were the places in the dialogue such as: “No can do Big Guy." "It’s you Leon." My schooling in punctuation requires a comma in each of these. No can do, Big Guy. It's you, Leon. Other than that, I found this story well done.
I am not familiar with the form and the item that I assume explained it is no longer a valid item. But anyway, this is nicely done and takes the reader right into the fisherman's "camp." You may have meant "starting" instead of "staring" in third stanza, last line. Very nice piece. Write on.
Please know that I realize this is YOUR poem and not mine. My opinions are just that - my opinions. Take or leave at your pleasure anything in this review. My purpose is to be of assistance not to give praise or be critical just for the sake of doing so.
My favorite lines: In the rodeo of volumes,
words have branded themselves
into my soul with flames,
This speaks well for those of us for whom words and our bread...and our drink. Although not normally a grand fan of free verse, I make exceptions for those pieces that capture me enough that I read more than once and then look to see why.
This poem was one of those...and the why is because there is more than bread here, there is meat. God bless. Write on.
Visiting your port today and found this poem with its beautiful imagery. I am wondering if English is your first or second language. Either way, it is well done and I enjoyed the read very much. There were a few gramatical things that slowed me down a bit, but otherwise no issues. God bless. Write on.
What might be in this little guy's mind? It's hard to tell. Maybe flight has been tiring today, and just a rest is needed. Flight may seem easy to us...perhaps there is more to it. I enjoyed your poem and the picture especially. God bless and write on.
Things not seen but experienced. Yes, if we call could lean more torwards this even with sight undiminished. And in placing your dog at the beginning, it feels right...since he/she is your eyes...your guide. This is a precise piece and even "visually" it is a pleasant read.
This is an exceptional poem. Obviously not new to writing poetry. In a way, I wish it weren't so good since I also entered the Pond Poetry contest this week. Only kidding about that wish! I want to see more of your poetry!!!! The imagery in this one is, as I said, exceptional. Write on!
I had never read your writing prior to this. I thought I would take a look. This is well done and expressive of your pain. Yes, forgiveness is for YOU to make a way for YOU to be who you were meant to be! It's not in the feelings but in the action and in asking God to fill in what you cannot.
Ah! Our own worst enemy is often ourselves...full of cynicism and doubt. Great alliteration at the beginning, my friend. As always, a wonderful read. Here is my response:
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1532670 by Not Available.
My reviewing style is to take a look at a poem in these basic areas:
Message: Delightful read. Not sure message matters.
Style and/or Form: (Rhyme or Free Verse, etc.) Acrostic/monorhyme - not easy at all...but you did it well!
"Flow/Meter:" Excellet for its type
Spelling, Punctuation: Noticed a slash in there, wondered why. Did not notice spelling error. Punctuation was immaterial.
Other aspects of interest - comments: As I said above, it was delightful. Having tried my hand just at acrostics; I could not rate this less than 5 just because you survived!
Please know that I realize this is YOUR poem and not mine. My opinions are just that - my opinions. Take or leave at your pleasure anything in this review. My purpose is to be of assistance not to give praise or be critical just for the sake of doing so.
Based entirely on the fact that this is your personal statement of purpose, it can only be rated a 5. Based on the fact that I agree with that purpose, I rate it a 7 for the number of completion...or I could rate it a 3 for the Trinity, but people would misundertand. No matter how anyone rates it, God rates it higher. God bless. Write on.
I am a Rising Star, but did not want to use my usual review tool. It did not fit.
I normally only review poetry, but I stopped into your port tonight and read this item. It is a beautiful story or redemption. I wish that you had told more of the actual experience of how/why you were hurt and how God chipped away. For those who don't believe or those who are on the "edge," it needs more meat. I understand; I've been there and back...almost. But there are those who could benefit from more detail. God bless. Write on.
Well done of its kind - free verse with a fast pace to accentuate the nature of the message - the exposed, raw feelings. Few words in a breath as if it were almost too much to speak. Nicely done. Congrats on the contest win.
My reviewing style is to take a look at a poem in these basic areas:
Darkness skirts
Walk toward the light
Crave the end
Wish to die
Death is a bitter, sharp pill
Warm light; soothing bright
This was created in response to a contest which involved a photo prompt along with a poetic form called Shadorma, which uses a syllabic pattern of 3/5/3/3/7/5. This is my first attempt at this form.
Message: I would like to have seen the picture prompt, but the message of light at the end of life...mixture of light and dark -well done.
Style and/or Form: (Rhyme or Free Verse)You do well keeping to the form.
"Flow:" Excellent
Spelling, Punctuation:I think just a comma instead of a semicolon. this poem does not seem to lend itself to traditional punctuation which is normally my preference. But not in this case.
Other aspects of interest - comments:/U}
This is a marvelous poem. It calls the reader back again for a second read..and maybe a third.
Please know that I realize this is YOUR poem and not mine. My opinions are just that - my opinions. Take or leave a your pleasure anything in this review. My purpose is to be of assistance not to give praise or be critical just for the sake of doing so.
The further we get from the Constitution and what our forefathers tried to instill and defend, the more we lose in freedom and what the United States of America has stood for and should stand for. Standards, individual responsibility, individual freedom from governmental intervention - these we began loosing years ago...and it has only speeded up of late. We go forward with "change" without thought as to where that change will take us. If truth be told - and it seldom is anymore - we need to go back and stand for those things we have lost. Your poem is thoughtful and well written.
I'm loving it!!!!! I think, however, that your poem is more closely what on The Journey we have come to call a "seed poem." A seed poem is one written after have read someone else's poem...and something in it becomes the seed for your own poem. It is not a direct response to the subject of the other person's poem. A "response poem" is writting in direct response to the other poem, closely aligning to the subject. A "seed poem" can go off in any direction. In The Journey class, we have had some difficulty differentiating between the two...and I am not totally sure it is important to do so. But I can see/hear the difference....but, again, I'm not sure it matters. What matters is the inspiration and the resulting poem
Your poem in response to my poem which was in response to your poem...is marvelous.
I appreciate very much being "linked" to anything you write with anything that I have written. Thank you.
Impressions:
• It is in Your own style, the two line rhyme with a refrain.
• Good use of similar refrain beginning and end, drawing it all together
• Good use of rhyme
• Emotional, passionate, touching the soul, romantic
• You and she, if this be autobiographical, are certainly blessed.
• Overuse of commas
• Baby chick lay instead of lie
Here is my review of this poem. I will e-mail you an edit and response.
Positive First Impressions:
Incredibly intelligent write, full of historical information.
Passionate write; compassion and respect for the “soldier.”
Excellent rhyme.
Concept, content: Very emotional and thought provoking.
Other Impressions and Suggestions:
Irregular rhythm (meter). Edit to keep 14 “beats” per line when possible.
Achille’s? Perhaps it should be Achilles’
Nazi’s should be Nazis. It is just plural, not possessive in your use.
Thrusts probably should be “thrust.”
Unnecessary commas gave pause in the reading where none was needed.
Doomed? No! Not the message of this poem at all. How about “called?”
The poem has three distinct sections, separated by a similar refrain.
Each has four stanzas after that except the last which has five. I would like thre to be the same number of stanzas in each section. Also, I would not use any part of the refrain in other places in the poem.
Overuse of word “stood.” Might want to see if you can come up with alternatives.
This is a great poem that could be even better with some editing.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.30 seconds at 10:57am on May 05, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
