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1
1
Review by ~*Arpita*~
Rated: E | (5.0)
Lovely images there! Thanks for your beautiful fundraising effort for the group. *Smile*
2
2
Review of Single Musings  
Review by ~*Arpita*~
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*

General Disclaimer: It has been a pleasure to read and review your work. I hope that my comments help you in some way. Accept those that do and just leave the rest! *Smile*


Hello and Welcome to WDC!

Just came across this piece of yours on the newbie page. Interesting read!

Yes, I am just 19, never been married, hence never divorced or separated, so probably I can not feel exactly what you feel--considering this piece is a leaf from the book of your life (which I think it is, and not a prologue to any story). But I can imagine it to an extent. After so many years of sacrificing one's own wishes and pleasures for someone, it is wonderful to breathe free.

It feels nice to be on one's own. You can take things slow, enjoy the little things which you haven't been able to. That is what you have mentioned throughout the whole paragraph.

But at the end, you mention one important thing: The only thing that could make it any better would be to have someone to share it with…..

I guess this pain is what makes us want someone in our lives to care about. And thus we get into relationships, and with time as novelty wears off it's the same old routine.

But I would like to believe there are still things to look forward to. And maybe there will still be people who can make us feel good.

I hope you meet someone nice to share your live with. And till then, may you enjoy the bliss of single-hood!

Warmest best!


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#1761568 by ~*Arpita*~
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3
3
Review by ~*Arpita*~
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow! Lovely images. *Smile* Brings out the beauty as well as identity of Australia. Great collection!

Cheers!

~Arpita
4
4
Review by ~*Arpita*~
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*

General Disclaimer: It has been a pleasure to read and review your work. I hope that my comments help you in some way. Accept those that do and just leave the rest! *Smile*

Hello LizaJane !

A big welcome to WDC! I hope you are enjoying your stay here very much.

It was nice reading this narration of strong hope and positive attitude. I like the topic you have chosen to speak about here.

If there was no change, Earth would indeed be a horrible place to live in. We might not realize that now, but we shall, whenever life comes to a stop. Bad times teach us so many things, make us stronger to worse times that may come. Happy times teach us to value the little things that have the potential to bring a smile on everyone's face.

The best thing about this piece of writing is how you have shared your positive spirit with us. It takes a lot of courage to accept the change. It seems like you are quite good at that! *ThumbsUp*

While I was going through this piece, I noted the following things that I would like to mention:

*Bullet* No new friends, No (after comma, the first letter need not be capitalized) new babies brought into the world --- I noted you have done this in some other places as well. You might want to smooth those out.

*Bullet* We would not experience the often gratifying whoop of Hey I got it!

Here, I found some punctuation missing. See this:

We would not experience the often gratifying whoop of "Hey, I got it!"

Reads smoother, doesn't it?

*Bullet* With Change we have the consistency of being more than we were for better or worse. --- Though I have mentioned about the change in case above, I would specially like to point this one here. I somewhat get that here you have capitalized C of change to give some emphasis upon it. Though it feels right in a way, you can just do away with it. The whole of your piece provides enough emphasis to the concept of change.

*Bullet* But hang on to your hat folks (comma missing here) cause (cause sounds more like conversational English, rather than written one. Maybe you can make it because)we know that there is something new on the horizon!

*Bullet* This aside, I would like to say something about how you have created this item. I noted that you have not provided any Item Type or Genre of writing in this piece. For future purposes, it is good if you know that adding these things make your writings more visible on WDC page, and easier for your readers to find them. As writers we all want to be read, don't we? These little things would make your writings more visible to the community.

Overall, it was nice reading this. Please keep sharing with the community!

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#1761568 by ~*Arpita*~
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5
5
Review of Dreams  
Review by ~*Arpita*~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*

General Disclaimer: It has been a pleasure to read and review your work. I hope that my comments help you in some way. Accept those that do and just leave the rest! *Smile*

Hello Orangeman !

I believe what you have written in this is entirely your opinion. As for the writing itself, it is flawless and accurate depiction of your thoughts. But I am not sure how much I agree with what you have presented here.

Dreams are indeed important in our lives. If we have a dream and work towards that diligently, one day we will reach our goals. Dreams add a fire to the fuel of our will to live well on this Earth.

But I am not sure what you mean by Some think that materialistic items are dreams. They are not dreams, they are nightmares!?

Steve Wozniak dreamed of making a computer that will change our perception of the concept of computing totally. And today we have the Apple computers. Now would one call that a nightmare because what he dreamed of was a materialistic thing? Wozniak's story and his dream in turn has lead us so many of us to dare to dream as well. Had Wright brothers not dreamed of flying like a bird, would we have the idea of planes then? In fact, nothing would be possible if man had not had a dream, which according to you is a materialistic nightmare.

The confusion here occurs because you have not explained what kind of dreams you are talking about and what you mean by the material items.

A dream is something that you can accomplish.

This is a quote from your text. Now if we forbid one to dream of materialistic thing, then what accomplishment are we talking about here? We live in a real, materialistic world, whereby people have ideas each day which, in one way or the other, lead to some materialistic possession/development only. We can not dream of accomplishing something intangible, vague or is just a perception.

Maybe, what you have wanted to warn here is about rushing after money or physical wealth and make those our dreams. But, for reasons I have mentioned above, it is very important here that you clarify these things.

Also, I do not agree with this statement: Nothing is worse than to live in this world without hope or a dream.

Yes, it is important to have a dream, a vision. But there are so many people in such poverty in many parts of the world that they can not even dare to dream, dare to hope. Such is their plight and such is their pain. Does that mean their existence is the worst of human existence? I do not believe that. They are far better than those people who dream of spreading terrorism in our world, aren't they?

I think an essay of this kind should inspire even those people to dream who never heard had the courage to dream. But yours kind of threatens of dire consequences which will scare them farther. You can not scare someone into dreaming, you have to inspire to do so. Maybe you could make the tone of this article a bit softer, and a bit more inclusive.

Hope I have been able to express my POV clearly. These are just my opinions. Please feel free to ignore them if you do not feel the same way about it. *Smile*

Warmest best!

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#1761568 by ~*Arpita*~
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6
6
Review of The Raven  
Review by ~*Arpita*~
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*

General Disclaimer: It has been a pleasure to read and review your work. I hope that my comments help you in some way. Accept those that do and just leave the rest! *Smile*

Hello Fletch !

A nice story.

You have used an element of wrong perception which develops into an omen inflicting fear. Often in our lives some tragedies happen and if there had been any particular thing common to it we consider it an omen all through our lives. I enjoyed the concept very much.

You have amply shown the expressions of fear in the MC, so that we could also feel the horror.

However, a piece like this would gain much more strength if you would elongate it a bit. See, the main point of conflict lies in what the MC's father has told him about the raven. So, maybe, you could start the story on his death-bed and show why this fear comes in him in the first place. Just mentioning about his father in the death-bed does provide the reader the information. However, a little expansion of it will make the story much more poignant.

On the technical part, I noted you have often used long sentences (with many phrases and clauses separated by commas). For example:

He slowly began to back away from the tree, and then he turned and ran to the edge of the field where his car was, tears streaming down his face, fear finally catching up to him and gripping his heart in a clenched fist.

It is better if you split them up into more more, and shorter sentences. It allows smooth reading as well as helps to increase tension in the plot.

I have another suggestion regarding this following sentence:

His foot still on the brake, his hands holding the steering wheel as tightly as possible, he let the tears come again.( This text in red felt a little awkward to me. Why should he have to let the tears come? It's as if he's inflicting himself to cry. When, on the contrary, tears in such situation comes automatically)

As far as the presentation of the text goes, maybe you could add a bit of space between the paragraphs. It promotes readability.

Otherwise, this was a good read.

I hope you have enjoying your stay here at WDC! Keep writing, and keep sharing!

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#1761568 by ~*Arpita*~
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7
7
Review of Ode to Cigarettes  
Review by ~*Arpita*~
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Newbie Help And Support Review Contest Entry "Invalid Item" 

General Disclaimer: It has been a pleasure to read and review your work. I hope that my comments help you in some way. Accept those that do and just leave the rest! *Smile*


Hello there!

I was attracted by the short description you gave underneath your poem, about the cigarette being both a friend and a killer. And that is what made me read the poem. And I am glad I read this.

I simply enjoyed the bold proclamations that you make:

As you slowly die

So does the past

You are the past


Powerful lines! Great thoughts!

I guess you are correct in a way. People only talk about the bad effects of cigarette. And indeed it is bad. But for those who are addicted to it, it provides them an outlet, a sense of relief. Though it's harmful, but one can not undermine the company it can give. I remember one person who said cigarette helped him think.

I am glad you chose a topic like this and wrote this one without being biased or cynical. For those who smoke cigarettes, this poem would mean a lot.

Nice use of words, powerful imagery and uniqueness of thought and execution make this poem a treat to read. I also enjoyed the use of color. However, I am not sure why you used the strike-through style. But it looks interesting, anyway.

Thanks for sharing!



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#1761568 by ~*Arpita*~
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8
8
Review by ~*Arpita*~
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This was really funny. I loved reading it. *Smile*
9
9
Review of The Ride  
Review by ~*Arpita*~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  SUPPORTING YOUNG AUTHORS!


Disclaimer: The following comments are entirely personal. Choose those that suit your style and leave the rest.

*Vine1* Hello lochinver *Vine2*

We at "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  are on the roll to support our young authors all around WDC. Since you are one of them, here I am to hop into your port and leave my paw-marks all along.*Laugh*

Having passed out of school, which used to be my second-home, I can relate to this piece of yours. It is enjoyable and well as heart-wrenching very well. It brings back a lot of memories, as well as a pain because no matter how much we ruminate those days would never come back again. And that hurts like hell.

At the end of this piece you have said: I've read this piece many times and feel there's something missing but I can't really point it out..It seems I've lost all sense of objectivity. I hope you, as the reader, can help

What I felt while reading this is you have tried to grasp everything in too small a space. See, ten-twelve years of life is not so small that you can make a complete note of it in a page (or webpage rather). That is why, instead of emotions what came into the writing was an informative tone of what you have done and what has happened and what not. But for a piece like this to be touching enough, you need to bring some more emotions. You have written about emotions alright, but all that felt too hurried and hushed. And the reason for that I already mentioned, you have mentioned too many things in too little a space.

The best thing would be to keep this as a guide and now take the incidents that happened at school one by one and write on it elaborately. That would do justice to your emotions and feelings.

Otherwise, this is a well-written piece that is well-edited too. I just noted one punctuation error:

Instead during the lunch breaks; (incorrect use of semi-colon, use a comma instead) she sat forlornly staring at the huge iron gates,

It was nice reading this. I hope I have been able to throw some light which might have rubbed off the charm from this piece. Just my opinion though. See what you think.

Warmest best!


*GiftR* It has been a pleasure reading and reviewing your work!*GiftR*


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10
10
Review by ~*Arpita*~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  SUPPORTING YOUNG AUTHORS!


Disclaimer: The following comments are entirely personal. Choose those that suit your style and leave the rest.

*Vine1* Hello *Vine2*

We at "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  are on the roll to support our young authors all around WDC. Since you are one of them, here I am to hop into your port and leave my paw-marks all along.*Laugh*

You have a very different style of writing! Poetic one might say. And you have stayed true to it till the very end of this story. *Smile*

I enjoyed your voice in this piece.

A bittersweet story indeed, and a cute way of penning it down as well. Adds a certain dramatic element to the whole affair. Nice one.

However, it is littered with some obvious errors. This would read far better if you weed those out:

Click here for corrections ▼

Moving on to what I liked about your piece, I noted that you have a deep insight into human character and behavior which is evident in the following lines:

*Bullet* But he was taken aback,reacting wasnt his greatest feat

*Bullet* Broken hearted,did she feel for somedays,but,optimist she was,with it a teenager too.

I would like to see development of this insight into some longer story.

Also, a suggestion: Like I already pointed out, the style of writing you have used in this one gives it a dramatic and almost fairy-tale kind of story, which I enjoyed very much. However, I hope you will not overdo it by using it again and again in other stories, and as a writer try to develop more diverse styles. Just a suggestion. *Smile*

Overall, I enjoyed reading this short piece. I hope we'll see some more finer pieces from you in the long run. Good luck!


*GiftR* It has been a pleasure reading and reviewing your work!*GiftR*


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11
11
Review by ~*Arpita*~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  SUPPORTING YOUNG AUTHORS!


Disclaimer: The following comments are entirely personal. Choose those that suit your style and leave the rest.

*Vine1* Hello *Vine2*

We at "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  are on the roll to support our young authors all around WDC. Since you are one of them, here I am to hop into your port and leave my paw-marks all along.*Laugh*

It was heart-wrenching to read a story like this. A little girl's faith that refuses to go away, tries to hold on to positive thinking just because her father had remembered her birthday is excruciating in the given context. As days progressed and her father's behavior refused to change, even I was thinking, "This is too much. Now she will snap."

But that's not how you have ended the story. And that is what sets it apart from the other stories like this. Maybe she will retaliate, many years later, but as of now, this little girl clings on to faith. Maybe someday her father will remember the usual needful and provide for them. Her innocence sets a glowing contrast against her father's unfather-like mannerism. Or maybe, you have just wanted to show the irony. Either way, this strikes the heart and makes me feel for the protagonist. Good work on that!

You have also given required inputs as and when required about the physical state the characters were in. Sensory words are there in plenty, enough visuals and smell-words for us to imagine the place they were living in.

I would like to point out a few things to smooth this piece of writing out:

*Bullet* Someone who had went (Correction -- gone) away when I was small

*Bullet* i (capitalize the i) almost felt like I was taking it from a stranger.

*Bullet* At some places I found a redundancy problem. As in saying the same things over and over using different words, when you could have easily moved on. For example,

I laid the perfect garment down on my bed, and jumped up to hug him. It felt like a foreign thing to do. Like finding an onion among the turnips in the garden; perhaps it is a pleasant thing if you’re in the mood for an onion. Still, it isn’t something that you find often. (The line before this line almost perfectly sums up what the character feels about hugging her dad, but the last line takes away the charm of the witty previous line. You could better drop it altogether. The para reads fine even without it.)

I would also suggest one thing regarding the presentation of the text. At times, I was having to concentrate really hard not to get bored with the closely-spaced lines and paras. What you could do is use some space between the two paragraphs. It would give it a much neater look. Just a thought!

Overall a nice share! Good work! *Smile*

*GiftR* It has been a pleasure reading and reviewing your work!*GiftR*


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12
12
Review by ~*Arpita*~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
CELEBRATING THE SPIRIT OF MOTHERHOOD


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*Burstp**Burstv* The "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  are out in force today raiding the ports of WDC for Mother's Day! Please enjoy! *Burstv**Burstp*


General Disclaimer: It has been a pleasure to read and review your work. I hope that my comments help you in some way. Accept those that do and just leave the rest! *Smile*


Hello Redtowrite !

On this Review Raid it was really a gift to read such a story of parenthood as this. It is touching and at the same time talks about the spirit of motherhood.

The characterization is amazing. Noni and her mother feel real. In fact I was even wondering if you were recounting a personal experience, the writing is so profound.

I noted you how show the contrast in the difference of parenthood. On one hand are Noni and her mother and how they interact with each other. And on the other hand are her mother's and father's parents, i.e. Noni's grandparents who refuse to accept their grandchild.

This story is a real tribute to motherhood, and I real enjoyed the inherent chemistry between the characters.

I noted a few errors that I would like to point out:

*Bullet* I ate a salad and she had her hi protein mixture through her gastrostomy tube that goes into her stomach.

hi protein should have been high-protein.

*Bullet* I noted that you have suddenly switched tenses at some places. For example:

A week ago, she asked me about sex; she had kissed one boy. She thinks she has been cheated.

You might want to tidy that up.

*Bullet* He covers those two am feedings so you can sleep.

I am not sure what you intended to say through this sentence, but it did not make much sense to me. In fact, the whole para that contains this sentence did not make much sense to me. It is within quotes, but I was not sure who was saying this to who and why.

*Bullet* My Mom married a great family friend that was twelve years older.

I would suggest using who instead of that here since it is a person you are talking about here, and not a thing.

Overall, it was a treat to read this. Thanks so much for sharing.

Warmest best!

*PartyHatG* HAPPY WRITING! *PartyHatG*


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13
13
Review by ~*Arpita*~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Newbie Help And Support Review Contest Entry "Invalid Item" 


Disclaimer: The following comments are entirely personal. Choose those that suit your style and leave the rest.

*Vine1* Hello Unique *Vine2*

It is a tragedy everywhere that you can not live by writing alone. I have had acquaintances who would work themselves out on their computers just to write something worthwhile. But even though it calms their mind and heart, it doesn't really do much for their pocket. In fact, here at my place, you can not possibly even say it out loud that you'd like to be a writer when you grow up. People would most certainly frown and laugh it off.

The question touches even my heart and soul. Wish things were different! But even I don't know what to do about it, and even I guess I feel if I could ask the famous writers of the day how they survived their initial days. Maybe, hard work and lot of patience.

It was good to read this. But I am not sure if we'll ever get the answers to our questions, or more than that, if the situation will better itself any day.

Warmest best!


*GiftR* It has been a pleasure reading and reviewing your work!*GiftR*

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14
14
Review by ~*Arpita*~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
CELEBRATING THE SPIRIT OF MOTHERHOOD


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*Burstp**Burstv* The "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  are out in force today raiding the ports of WDC for Mother's Day! Please enjoy! *Burstv**Burstp*


Hello erinjonesphotography !

During this Power raid I got to read really a variety of items on motherhood. I am in my late teens, and in a position where I am starting to understand how the world works. And an integral part of life is motherhood. Hence, I am trying to understand that as well.

From nurturing a child in her womb to be with that kid all his life until the mother dies, yes, motherhood is a calling. It's a full-time job. And yes, it is definitely not easy. I know because I myself have been difficult with my mother in a lot of cases. And she has lost her cool too. But over the years, I have gradually learnt to respect and love her, see sense in what she advises me to do and what not. I realize how hard it is to bring up a kid to become someone who will be a gift to the society, to be someone who everyone can look up to. Really, shaping the future of a person is so difficult. It's not laboratory that you can take the best precautions, not let any stray thing to get into the experiment apparatus. Humans do not grow in a controlled environment. As such, to sieve out the bad experiences/influence that the child might have gathered through the outside influence is quite a job. A mom has to take care of all that. And in the 21st century, with the advent of all the technology, it is even more difficult to understand what is going on in the world of your child. There is every possibility of something going wrong at any point.

Your essay is a well thought-out one. It made me think for a while and helped me with understanding motherhood little bit more. My own mother is not someone who'd tell me how grueling the motherhood experience is. These articles help me appreciate the great woman that she is.

The only suggestion that I have for you is you should put something apt in the Item Type, maybe Article/Essay or something. And in the genre, put Experience instead of Holiday. I think that suits this writing better.

Thanks for sharing.

Warmest best!

*PartyHatG* HAPPY WRITING! *PartyHatG*


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15
15
Review by ~*Arpita*~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
CELEBRATING THE SPIRIT OF MOTHERHOOD


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*Burstp**Burstv* The "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  are out in force today raiding the ports of WDC for Mother's Day! Please enjoy! *Burstv**Burstp*


Hello momgeek545 !

It was lovely reading something where an illness actually turns out to be a blessing in the long run! I am sure I have never read anything like this before. Really lovely knowing about this habit of your mother's. And it is nice that it inculcated some really good habits in you.

I feel like sharing something here. Initially when I used to be sick (which was quite a lot) I used to lie in the bed at all times. Now that I have to keep pace with the fast running wheels of life, I don't have the luxury to lie down and be miserable. So, I developed the tactic to keep working whenever I feel feverish or not so good. I take a few deep breaths, walk a few paces, tell myself that I am not sick. And amazingly, the fresh air and faith often makes me feel better. This has brought me to a conclusion, which might be a little queer though. What I have concluded is maybe most of our diseases are actually in our head. If we can keep away the feeling that we are not well forcefully, often we'll see actually we feel physically fit. This might be more true in case of people who have had a long history of chronic illness and have been ridden to bed. The will-power is quite a force. I would like to believe that your mother got up and got to work because she did not know that she had allergies. Maybe she exerted her will-power to feel that she was okay, and that worked for her. That might not actually be the case, it's just an assumption. *Smile*

Nice share! Keep on writing!


*PartyHatG* HAPPY WRITING! *PartyHatG*


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16
16
Review of If Not For Moms  
Review by ~*Arpita*~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
CELEBRATING THE SPIRIT OF MOTHERHOOD


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*Burstp**Burstv* The "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  are out in force today raiding the ports of WDC for Mother's Day! Please enjoy! *Burstv**Burstp*


Hello Morganisms !

It was lovely coming across an article like this. It might be short, but you have brought out the essence of motherhood in a very simple, yet lucid manner. I especially loved the part where you say:

As young men grow older, they look to their mothers for examples of what they want in their own partners. As young women grow older, they often find themselves mimicking their mothers, a silent and subtle tribute to their influence.

I remember even a year or two back, I used to be a very defiant kid. I failed to see any logic in whatever my mother said. I could not understand why she had to do all that she did. Those were some teenage years!

Now that I am out of my home and living on my own for pursuing higher education, I realize everyday what my mother did. I can see myself mimicking my mother's decisions in many walks of life. Sometimes I even find myself comparing what my mother would do if she was in my situation. Looking back at those stubborn years, I can feel that our parents can see a lot of things about us which we do not. It might not make sense instantly, but in the years to come we realize that they were not wrong. I am just glad that even during my most disobedient phases my mother had the patience to stand by me. Yes, she did rebuke me at times and lose her cool, but then she was there for me.

And I am glad that after being far, I have finally started to understand and value my mother.

Sorry about sharing all these, but your article induced a certain introspection into me. Hope you are not bored! *Pthb*

Warmest best!



*PartyHatG* HAPPY WRITING! *PartyHatG*


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17
17
Review of Matthew  
Review by ~*Arpita*~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
CELEBRATING THE SPIRIT OF MOTHERHOOD


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*Burstp**Burstv* The "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  are out in force today raiding the ports of WDC for Mother's Day! Please enjoy! *Burstv**Burstp*


Hello Mommy4Life !

Your handle name itself stands for the spirit of motherhood, and warmest greetings for that!

It has been nice reading this sweet poem full of love.

Motherhood is a blissful experience. I can understand the what it feels to parents whenever something is wrong with their kid. the tension heightens, perhaps, when the baby is yet to be born and there are complications. Your poem brought out that feeling. You poem is full of love, and that is the best thing about it.

I am glad Matthew came to the world hale and hearty and has been a source of joy everyday in your life. God bless you both!

There were no obvious grammatical or punctuation errors. The rhyme flowed smoothly and read nice. Thanks for sharing this. It has been a treat reading and reviewing this one.

*PartyHatG* HAPPY WRITING! *PartyHatG*


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18
18
Review by ~*Arpita*~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
CELEBRATING THE SPIRIT OF MOTHERHOOD


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*Burstp**Burstv* The "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  are out in force today raiding the ports of WDC for Mother's Day! Please enjoy! *Burstv**Burstp*


Hello Legerdemain !

I was getting along with the review raid when I came across this short piece. Aww! This is so sweet. I guess these are the little things that make the motherhood experience one of the best in a woman's life.

I especially loved the subtle humor of a serious two-year-old cheek-to-cheek consultation. Really, when we are kids we have such simple notions of solving problems. They might not be effective, but they are innovative in the least. *Delight*

A lovely piece of story indeed. I am glad I came across this. Truly enjoyed the beauty of the innocence that your story projected. God! I miss being a kid! *Delight*

*PartyHatG* HAPPY WRITING! *PartyHatG*



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19
19
Review of In Me, a Mother  
Review by ~*Arpita*~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
CELEBRATING THE SPIRIT OF MOTHERHOOD


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*Burstp**Burstv* The "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  are out in force today raiding the ports of WDC for Mother's Day! Please enjoy! *Burstv**Burstp*


General Disclaimer: It has been a pleasure to read and review your work. I hope that my comments help you in some way. Accept those that do and just leave the rest! *Smile*

First impression: This is one nice treat for a mother's day poem! It's different from the usual. I loved the title. In just four words it imbibes the true spirit of the poem. Nice choice!

*ThumbsUp*What I liked*ThumbsUp*:

*CheckV* I guess I am used to reading writings to mothers on Mother's Day. This was a role reversal, hence quite my favorite.

*CheckV* I noted you have formed your own form in the poem (though, I am not sure if it is an already established one!). You have remained true to it from beginning till the end which I liked a lot.

*CheckV* I enjoy reading poems that give me insight into something from a different angle, imagery that I might have never heard before or thought could be applied to a particular picture. You have done that effortlessly in your poem.

I would like to point a few out:

*Bullet* fetal backdrop for acrobatic feats

*Bullet* as soundtrack to gestation's miracle

I guess I enjoyed this because this kind of imagery was unexpected. You have created a montage of the external physical situations with the experiences of being in the womb, the sound and colors and rhythm of it. Truly enjoyable!

*Sick*Errors or typos*Sick*:

*Bullet* as familiar pillars echoing womb whispers…

I am not sure, but did you attribute the verb whispers to the pillars? If that is so, then whispers should be whisper.

Also, I think the meaning of these words could be resonated by using a little bit of punctuation:

as familiar pillars{,} echoing the womb{,} whispers… ...in case that is the meaning you intended in these lines.

*Bullet* as habitat for emotion magic, undefined…

Here the two nouns side by side (emotion magic) did not sound right to me. Maybe you meant emotion as emotional? I am afraid I couldn't get it.

Overall:
*CandleG* I thoroughly enjoyed the theme as well as the form, presentation and the imagery of the poem. A beautiful piece of work. Thanks for sharing!*CandleG*


*PartyHatG* HAPPY WRITING! *PartyHatG*


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20
20
Review by ~*Arpita*~
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*FlowerP* ~A Rising Star M2M Review~ *FlowerP*


General Disclaimer: It has been a pleasure to read and review your work. I hope that my comments help you in some way. Accept those that do and just leave the rest! *Smile*

Hello jadelette!

I have been on WDC for a little over one year and I have to say, this is by far the most different kind of writing that I have come across in the halls of this beautiful site.

There has been a lot of writings on Nature and Trees and maybe, even leaves ruffling in the winds. But a whole write-up dedicated to the behavior of leaves in general is not something I ever thought I would come across. The way you have written it creates a subtle sense of humor, a silent, radiant smile on the reader's face. It is as if we come down to the world of leaves, see themselves finally as living entities who do their stipulated job every morning. So far I guess we were used to thinking of leaves just as a part of trees, but you have given them their own personality. Hats off! *Smile*

The method of narration is very beautiful, and I noted no errors as such. Awesome execution! I am simply spell-bound. *Delight*

The only suggestion that I have is that you can add a more in-depth comparison between the leaves and human nature. Then the common reader will enjoy it much more. Also, you could center-align the title for a better look.

Thanks so much for sharing this. It was pure delight coming across something like this on WDC. It made me fall in love with the leaves all over again and made me realize how acutely observant you are that you wrote in such detail about something we hardly pay much attention to!

Warmest best!

*Pencil* HAPPY WRITING! *Pencil*


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21
21
Review by ~*Arpita*~
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello there!

I came across the introduction to this piece in the weekly newsletter. The dream sequence was so poignant that I had to go through this.

Just after the dream sequence ends, I somewhat felt the narration get little mechanical. But I continued reading, and I am thankful that I did. Short story, in essence must hold a fragment in the vast array of life, as if it is a crystal of pure beauty. I think that suits your story aptly. Tucker has a voice, and through his the flashbacks you make the story increasingly interesting. There's a subtle human touch that the reader can not avoid. When Tucker sheds a tear, we can feel the pain. The power to narrate!

Good work. It was an enjoyable read! *Smile*
22
22
Review of The Window  
Review by ~*Arpita*~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Disclaimer: The following comments are entirely personal. Choose those that suit your style and leave the rest.

*Vine1* Hello Annabelle Abson *Vine2*

This is a lovely narrative! Yes, I have to say that the motivation is not clear without us having to know that state the character is in. But as a stand alone piece of narrative, I am mesmerized by your writing style. It is very much story-telling-like which made me want to read more and more. Good work! All the best with what this is a part of, be it a short story or a novel.

Regards!


*GiftR* It has been a pleasure reading and reviewing your work!*GiftR*

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*Pencil* HAPPY WRITING *Pencil*


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23
23
Review of First Experience?  
Review by ~*Arpita*~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Disclaimer: The following comments are entirely personal. Choose those that suit your style and leave the rest.

*Vine1* Hello ☮ The Grum Of Grums *Vine2*

Ha ha! An interesting one!

Wider please made the guy sound like he was going to physically assault her or something! And it turns our to be a simple filing! Couldn't help but laugh out.

Thanks for this cute piece. It brought a smile to my lips.

Warmest best~

*GiftR* It has been a pleasure reading and reviewing your work!*GiftR*

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*Pencil* HAPPY WRITING *Pencil*


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24
24
Review by ~*Arpita*~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Disclaimer: The following comments are entirely personal. Choose those that suit your style and leave the rest.

*Vine1* Hello Lunarmirror *Vine2*

This is a wonderful and totally power-packed story! After I finished it I was simply stupefied for some time.

What is inspiring about this story is that you have let it move at a certain pace. In life, realization does not dawn upon us that easily. We make decisions knowing what is right for us, but it takes a long time to actually act on them. Some times we are deliberately blind to the lies we are living, because somewhere we are happy with the lies. It takes a lot of effort to forget the lure of the lies and face the real world and earn our true identity. You have penned this down so well!

I love your language, I love the forward motion in the story, I love the honest confessions of the leading lady. It feels very true and exact. And that, I guess, is the beauty of it. If she did not regret the death of her child, she precisely did not. There is no vain or pretense in her character. That is what made the character lovable to me.

On the technical front, I noted a few errors that you might want to edit.

*Bullet* You understand right?'
Comma should be added before right.

*Bullet* I have finally woke up from this dream.
woke should have been woken.

*Bullet* I have mathematics so I shall use it.
I guess there should be a comma before so.

*Bullet* Use it to professionally.
I am not sure if this is the correct use of the preposition to. You might drop it, the sentence stills retains the intended meaning.

Overall, it has been an enriching experience reading this tale of waking up. Thanks for sharing this!



*GiftR* It has been a pleasure reading and reviewing your work!*GiftR*

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*Pencil* HAPPY WRITING *Pencil*


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25
25
Review of Bug Love  
Review by ~*Arpita*~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Disclaimer: The following comments are entirely personal. Choose those that suit your style and leave the rest.

*Vine1* Hello Dorianne *Vine2*

Aww! Such a sweet poem! Perfect for toddlers and to be a nursery rhyme. We at Power Reviewers were set out to make the Spring Bash Reviews ... and in this season of freshness and renewal of life, it was lovely getting to your bug-friends. *Laugh*

When we grow up, our minds get conditioned to view life and world in a certain, prejudiced way. We lose a child's view. But what you have done is you have retained it through this poem. Your love for children also shows, as does your ability to deal with their childish thoughts. *Smile*

Bugs are generally considered nasty. But through this poem, you have thrown a different light at it. It would help kids to look at these insects with the different view (hopefully! *Smile* )! Maybe they too might be fascinated by these creepy-crawlies. I am sure at least they'd learn to appreciate the bees, given the mention of the yummy honey on toast.

Nice share! Thanks for writing this. *Smile*


*GiftR* It has been a pleasure reading and reviewing your work!*GiftR*

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*Pencil* HAPPY WRITING *Pencil*


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