This is an exciting and interesting storyline that can go really far. There are some words missing as well as describing some of the characters. Otherwise it's pretty good.
Keep writing, you've got a great imagination and I can't wait to see what happens. You know you have a good story when you have others anxious to know what's going to happen.
What a wonderful story and tribute to your Mom, I can feel the love. As a Mom myself, I can't help but feel your Mom must have been so so proud of you, with the honeryness are not.
I like your writing, you write what is in your heart well. Keep writing, it will only get better and better.
This is a very good analysis of many ongoing, as well as past situations/environments/thought processes. The battle to any war is knowing the enemy and then strategizing to conquer. In this article, you have described the enemy, there is half the battle. Next would be writing something that shows how this enemy can be conquered.
I can read the anger and frustration in your words, all well founded. I'm looking forward to a follow up, using those same emotions, for possible solutions.
Technical issues, I could see a few places where punctuation is needed or the sentence possible rephrased. But all in all, you are a good writer with so much going for you. It is not everyone that can put these types of emotions and observations into words. Please keep writing and I look forward to reading more of your work.
I like your story and how your words describe what you are feeling. I was able to feel what your words were saying. I believe a big part of being a good writer is to get the reader to experience the words that are written, even though the reader may or may not have experienced/lived or been in the same circumstances which were written about.
If there is one critique, it would be that there is no spacing between paragraphs or sentences. It was a little difficult for me to read as I would accidently be missing the next line and jumping ahead. I'd have to go back and find the end and then the next line. By spacing paragraphs, it not only makes it easier to read, it helps emphasize what was written. At least to me and I could be completely wrong.
Either way, please keep writing, your words are very important. Your thoughts are very important.
This is interesting and all the points are excellent points as well as the observations and facts. That said, for me, it is really difficult to read. In the story, a thought is presented and not really followed though before it jumps to another thought. Some thoughts are repeated farther down the story line and then again it jumps. I'm not sure if this was intentional? If so, again, it made it difficult to read, at least for me. Maybe it's more in the format of a poem? I'm not sure what poem guidelines are but to me they look like this. In that case, maybe it's alright?
If it is to be presented as a story/report/statistic or a personal observation, then I think it could be organized better. By doing so, it then could be a great read. Possibly describing where some of these facts and observation were derived from.
Your story is a description of so many people who experience this exact circumstance. It happens far more than it is ever talked about. I believe, generally, not always, the difference is that many people choose to ignore the reality of this happening and that is where there is a true loss.
Reading your story is a lesson to everyone, take the time, make the time. Life passes us all by very quickly. Things can change in a heart beat or slowly and quietly. Before you know it, nothing is as you would like it to be. When either of these happens, I believe, it helps if from these lessons we can learn and move forward. We can become a kinder, more loving person who not only takes the time to love those around him/her but also themselves.
In this story, it sounds as though there is still one parent living, maybe this is where all these lessons can come be most beneficial.
This started off a little shaky, got pretty good and then was really scrambled. I got your point from the good part (a couple of words might be changed) and it's a very valid point that you are making. If you can clear the last half, leave out the anger and replace it all with your rewritten, valid observations, I think this would be really well written.
Being honest, I would have to say this is something that those who are very religious would love to read. This is a piece that would be perfect in a religious setting, read by very devout people.
For the rest of us, who are not, it gives a view of how such a religious person perceives the world and how they think it should work.
The writing itself is well done and easy to understand.
Love it! I could picture both girls flying down in their sled. Very well written. I liked how you developed a potentially tense moment and turned it around to something of joy. I liked how you left it open to continue the story by suggesting there would be hell to pay from the father.
Really enjoyed this. Can't wait to see what else happens!
This is really sweet and sad. I could picture a closeness with a granny now gone. I could feel feel myself hurting, longing, wishing for that elusive "happiness", everyone had/has always searched for, yet never found.
Very heartfelt, thank you for sharing. Keep writing, you are very good.
This was an interesting description of a bad spell in a person's life. It was a little difficult to read as it had a lot of side describing of things. I was just getting into what had happened, when a long description began of something else It was as though the author suddenly had a side thought. The descriptions are good, I got/get it, it was just a little distracting.
Then the story ends with finally seeing the fox. I had forgotten all about the fox by the time I got to the end. It seems as though the fox was the antagonist and maybe it could have been incorporated some how throughout the story with little inserts of a possible siting or sign.
Again, your descriptions are really good. This has the makings of a really good short story. Thank you for sharing.
This is a short story describing the overwhelming love q woman can feel for her man. The story describes how the love she is experiencing for him is all consuming for her. .
There are a few grammar and punctuation errors and sentence structure could be enhanced in a couple of instances. Otherwise, this is a romantic view from someone deeply in love.
A good start to a story.
There is so much to build on here. Lots of potential.
I could see it be written as a child/person with severe psychological problems and then show how that was created. ie, family abuse, neglect or trauma.
It could be a child/person who is truly haunted or visited by demons or monsters, in which case, that could be written to include witchcraft, sorcery, or magic.
Good start, keep writing, would love to see where this goes.
This is an interesting take on the thoughts of a young person in search of a life long partner.
When I read the title, I assumed this story to be a somewhat guide of sorts. A guide to finding a life long partner.
As I continued reading, I felt it's more like reading a diary.
So, looking at it as entries in a diary, rather than an article, these are the things I read.
This is written by a young woman who put schooling and education first and foremost while most of her friends married and had kids. There had been good relationships with both men and woman, but only as friends, not as potential life partners. She as well has a very supporting family. There seems to be an inner conflict. She wonders if she did the right thing? Should dating and marriage have been considered? She understands that what she did was important, it got her to stability and self reliance, yet, there were sacrifices to accomplish this. Dating or searching for a life long partner was set aside. There is a sense of whether that should have been done, especially since she is now approaching her thirties and seeing most of her friends married and with children.
The question of "how to find the right person", is now seriously being looked at. When there has been no real experience in the past, it feels as though this is a somewhat daunting task. Yet, she uses her education and makes a list of her requirements for what she thinks her future partner should have, things that she feels would make her future partner the ideal mate.
Other than a couple of missed words, it's really good.
Exciting story of a magician in a hostile Kingdom. Does he end up saving the doomed witch or not? Or, what is his true mission there. Leaves me wanting to find out.
Your story has me in tears, I find myself wanting your brother back also.
You description of the transformation from a fun loving family into a troubled, hurting, wanting one was done really well, you covered all aspects.
Loved your story, thank you
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