This has great potential. Maybe consider moving the second paragraph to the first, it would help make more more sense. Also, maybe you could break it down more, giving more or better description? I had to reread a few sentences to understand what you were saying. Once I understood what you were describing, I really liked it.
Nice story filled with so many emotions. I could feel each one.
I might be reading this wrong, and it's not a big deal, but it looks like Edgar is sitting and Grace is standing but then, he walks over and offered a hand to help her up, is that right? Other than that question, very well written.
Thank you
This is a very touching piece. Being very familiar with photography, I understood what you were saying and the ideas/points you writing about.
This is always a type of article/writing that could be expanded upon by adding examples. Your writing is good and I could see you including descriptions of a photograph as you describe photos could be.
What a beautiful, sad and yet heartwarming story. I felt each emotion from your written descriptions.
My favorite part is your story is of the quilt. This is mainly so because I have one of these quilts I made over 50 years ago and so I know how dear they are.
Your writing has a lot of feeling and emotion. Very well written.
Thank you for sharing.
This is sooo good! I love this story, you had me on the edge of my seat waiting to see what was going to happen. Well done! I can't wait to read the rest!
It's always so heartbreaking to hear of so much loss of life, property and many times hope, when Nature inflicts it's wrath. I think this is a good description of all that can be done by that wrath and how this small child wants answers as to why did this happen. In the last phrase Rini asks, "But why did it Happen?", is she also making the next to statements or are those by her mother?
I'm not very good with poetry, actually, I don't get it at all. I would have made this into a short story where I would describe Rini in more detail as well as her world, where she lives, her family, etc. I would then write in events leading up to this horrendous storm and all the damage it inflicted. I would go into detail describing her feelings and emotions because of all that happened. To often children's thoughts and feelings are never taken into account.
I might then follow up with, because of this event, Rini then became involved in Global Warming and learning how to protect our beautiful plant.
Overall, very good. Keep writing, you definitely have talent. This site has so many wonderful tools to help get you as far as you would like to go in the world of writing.
A very inspirational story. It's incredible how many truly amazing women there are in this world and so few get this kind of recognition. Seeing one woman who is recognized and honored like this, to me, opens up our eyes to look and see the many others there are, including ourselves.
Thank you for writing this, a story written by another amazing person.
Very nice, I liked this story/writing. It was very inspirational and moving. Good job with showing the transformation from a person who was considered perfect, with everything going for her to someone who lost everything and yet bounced back even better.
This is a heart breaking story. The really sad part of this, is that unfortunately, it is one that is all to common and especially tragic because we live in this age of "so much of everything".
It is a good start for a story. I would break it down, what kind of place was the grandfather night guarding? Why was his nose bleeding and why did he have to pee his pants, what were the conditions to cause this. When you write about what you saw or felt, use words to put the reader there. I know these conditions so I can feel and picture them but there are many who have no idea what this is like.
Also, the child, writing about her world is another part of this story that could be written about. Her feelings about losing her parents, having to live with elderly grandparents, not having choice, etc.
You have a talent for writing and I look forward to seeing more.
This is very inspirational and well written. You definitely are a good writer and do a wonderful job at putting forth you thoughts/lessons/ideas/suggestion. This is something I would hope to see in a classroom. These would be a great starting point for teaching anyone who is curious to learn just about anything.
Well done, can't wait to read more of your writings
Very interesting concept/idea that is very well presented. I enjoyed this quite a bit, probably because I agree with 99% of it
The beginning starts off really well. The middle still strong but not a strong as the beginning, still good. It is nearing the end that I had to read and reread over a few times. I had trouble trying to understand what it was that was being expressed. I'm still kind of stuck on the paragraph describing fiction. I'm afraid I must be a little dense because I got lost on this one and still can't figure it out (that's on me).
Anytime I can read a story that has me asking questions, like of this one; is it all a dream or is she really experiencing a scary situation, to me is a telling sign of good writing skills. You have me wanting to know where Sarah is and wanting to know what is happening. I'm looking forward to finding out.
This is a lovely story of two friends enjoying each others company while fishing. Great give and take with a hint of possibly a romantic relationship developing between these 2 young, long time friends.
Your story was very well written from beginning to finish. I smiled, laughed and even cried reading this. It inspired so many different emotions and truths. Reading your work was a pleasant gift. Being able to have another feel your words is true writing.
Thank you for your beautiful story, I'm looking forward to reading more of you works.
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