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377 Public Reviews Given
380 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Lost  
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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I would like to hear this with music. The words are excellent. I like the way you say "I'm lost in this world but free in my mind" and "Wishing that I could just stop time." I think we can all relate to that.
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Rated: E | (3.5)
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The subject is nice and I like what you said about the "twinkle in the corner of your eye". Here, however, are some things I feel need to be changed to improve the poem:

You lost the end rhymes on the last three stanzas.
"Nightsky" should be two words.
In stanza three on the last line, I would change the wording. take out that "But. I was going to suggest saying they just don't see, but you used the word just already. Think of some other way to say this. Actually, This stanza should end with the fourth line like your first two stanzas. Then, I would fit the extra lines into one of the other stanzas where the words aren't rhyming and delete two lines In the next stanzas,
In your fourth stanza, if you write It is, the words will fit the rhythm better and you do have end rhymes there so that is good. None of the rest of it fits the pattern though. You need to reword these thoughts.
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Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
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This image fits your poem. I can't say that I liked it because of the subject matter. I also do not know what your use of Autumn Leaves means. Is that a character in a horror movie? I don't watch them, so I would not know that and many other readers probably would not either. Your technique was good and the words well chosen for the idea you were presenting.
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Review of Washing Dishes  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Wow! This was great. I always put off washing dishes and have a sink full of them now but I will never think about it the same way again after reading this.

I always did like playing with bubbles as a child, both the kind you play with outside and bubbles in the bathtub. But, I never thought of watching them as I do dishes. They can be just as much fun to play with.

I hate using rubber gloves when I am doing dishes because I want to feel the water; not just the heat from it and I want to feel what I am holding. Now I will remind myself that I enjoy that.
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Review of A Day in the Life  
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Life and people have not changed much and you show this well by making it sound contemporary even though you were writing about an ancient Roman. As one of my friends says, "only the scenery changes," human nature does not, except when one becomes a Christian and becomes a new creation. That is not an immediate transformation either but a growing process of becoming more and more like Christ each day.

You do have a couple of minor errors. You said no where and it is one word, drag should be dragged and in the sentence where you say that that, you can remove one that and still keep the meaning.
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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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This is really well done. I like your description of the rubber walls and paper shoes of the first paragraph which was too long. I think you could break that up into at least two. I would end the first one after they might hear me and start a new paragraph with Then where the fantasy begins. If this is a accurate picture of what goes on in the minds of the "insane" it must be very difficult to go through. The questions would indeed always be there regarding how you got where you are, where are you, and what is going to happen to you?
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Review of One By One  
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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It's a very nice poem with lovely imagery. I like your repetition of one by one rather than little by little, which would have been trite. This serves the same purpose of showing that this is a growing emotion and not one that just suddenly springs up on you.
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Review of Different Power  
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Rated: E | (3.0)
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You have an interesting message. I agree that opposites can make good partners if they learn to use each other's strengths to compensate for the weakness's. You did not edit your piece, however. I found many errors.

1. In stanza two the word is spelled sophisticated.
2. In stanza five it should be succeed not success.
3. Stanzas six and seven, what do you mean match and truce?
4. Stanza nine, they combined in first line, not the; hide, not hid, each other and each other's, they are two words. "to accomplish in life," accomplish needs a noun, accomplish what?
5. Stanza ten, see comment above on each other's.
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Review of Last Gift  
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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This is a sad but beautifully romantic story. Your description of the tenderness of his caress was very moving. I would only suggest that the paragraphs be indented. I know with the electronic media often they are not and I do not concern myself with that when I do a blog or essay online, but stories are different and they look best if typed in the standard manuscript format.
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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
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This is a very nice description of art. It is indeed from the heart and I like that rhyme. My favorite line is "To express what's inside, that I normally hide." I also express myself most in my writing. There are some ways in which you could make this poem even better and here are my suggestions:

1. Take out periods at the ends of the lines. Many of your thoughts are carried over to the next line and each is not a complete sentence.

2. There are two places where you spelled the word "too" and it should be to.

3. You use unnecessary words. I think all of us do that on our first drafts. I know I do and that is one of the reasons we need to edit. Here are the ones I would take out:

A. In stanza two, "who are."
B. In stanza three, (my favorite) "there are" and "that."
C. In stanza four, "that's" and "but."

4. The fourth stanza needs to be put into lines and I am confused by "common too few'? Do you mean too few people have the common experience? If so, it is not common is it? I would take this out or fix it The words "not just me" do not sound right to me. I would say as well as instead, and if possible avoid ending the last two lines with me.
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Review of First Day  
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Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
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Was this a true story? If so, I hope you learned to humble yourself. The story was well written but you have too many spaces between paragraphs, it should be double spaced not triple or whatever it is you have. Also, in the first paragraph you don't need to say "in" downtown unless you are going to add the name of the city. I would say in downtown Chicago, for example, but I would not say the business was "in" downtown. Other than those little things, I can only say that I like your writing style and want to see more work from you.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a very nice story to encourage children to be kind to kids who may be a little different, rather than picking on them. They could be the answer to another person's prayer like this child was, in fact that is something many adults need to realize too. If we all would reach out to someone who is alone and lonely, we would be rewarded for our efforts because as Jesus said, what we do for the 'least" of our fellow man, we do for Him.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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Review of Paper World.  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I don't understand your reference to the world of paper bonds, but I thought this was very good for being written in so few words for the contest. I especially find the last line about God smiling too, but it makes me wonder since his was a forced smile were you implying that God was teasing him, or was He trying to reassure him that all would be well and his son be healed? Naturally, I would think the later since God is love, but there are people that doubt that and sometimes it looks like they have good reason to because He does not always do what we want Him to do for us and He does let loved ones suffer and die, and does not prevent tragedy from coming into our lives. But many years later we often see that something good happened as a result which would not have happened if that event did not occur. That is what is meant by the verse that says all things work together for good to them who love Him and are called by Him.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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Review of Angel  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a beautiful poem. Your request for a review of your items went into my inbox as being from me, so I don't know what you did wrong with that, but as you say, you are learning. One of your poems is on our Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers list for this week so you will be getting more reviews. Keep up the good work. Some of my stuff has not been reviewed either and it took some time before I got my first one. Enter contests when you can because that will also guarantee that someone will read what you submit and most of the time the judges comment even if you do not get chosen as a winner.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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Review of Deceived  
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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This is a very nice poem. I like the way you show that each of the parties is suffering emotionally and the concern shown for the other person, when you ask "How long will you have to weep?" and "You have not gotten any sleep." On the last line, however, did you mean to say is rather than "it"?
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Review of You're Crazy  
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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I could not say I understood the poem but that makes it interesting. The contrast between leaving and coming to you and happiness hurting and pain being pleasant sounds like a confused mind trying to keep from going mad, as you say, so that was good. Poems though, unlike other writing, are single spaced except where you have a stanza separation.
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Review of My gentle promise  
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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This is a very nicely written piece and I admire your devotion to your sister. I know that must be difficult. I had a cousin who was mentally disabled, could not speak but only make noise and was unable to walk and in a wheel chair all her life, but her mother and then her sister took care of her until she died somewhere in her 40's or maybe she was even 50. I don't think I could have done it.
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Review of Every Time  
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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This was a beautiful romantic expression, but there is no such word as everytime. It should be two words. I like the way you say you are becoming closer and then I pull you close and I pull you closer. And the closer you get physically, the closer you get emotionally as wel in your description.
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Review of mothers love  
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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This was beautiful. It is a decision I would not want to have to make, but I would not make such a choice. As you said, I would leave it up to God. Doctor's do not know everything about life and death. They are only human and can only diagnose based on what they can see, but it is the unseen and unknowable that God specializes in working out. What was the outcome?
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Review of God, Who Are You?  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a wonderful poem. I only disagree with one point of it, "What I am, so are you-" We cannot be what God is while we have physical bodies because God is Spirit. We will become what He is when our bodies go back to the dust out of which they were created. But so often we forget what it means to be created in the image of God, the thoughts of our minds, the emotions we feel, the creativity we have are all His image. When we want to know Him, we need to look into the best part of human nature because that is His reflection.
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Review of Silent Love  
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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The teddy bear looks like he feels sad because he misses someone too, so I think it fits the emotion of your poem. There are very nice thoughts in this poem and it just needs a bit of trimming to improve it. Here are what I would suggest:

1. Remove the word so in every line you used it. The word does nothing for the meaning, it is only in the way.

2. In stanza 1 I would also take out the and I in the last line.

3. In stanza 2 take out the word and; maybe say must face the coming day.

4. Stanza 3 take out I feel on the second line. Take out all and maybe say rage inside my head to shorten the line.

5. Stanza 4 take out and. The rhyme here is good.

6. Stanza 5 is the most off. You could simply say Be who you want to be, take out the words a, always and and so it will fit better and flow more evenly.
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Review of Trapped  
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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I chose this image to give your poem because in spite of the name of our group that image looks pretty negative to me, like a fallen angel. I think it expresses the negative emotions of the poem. It must feel good to get those feelings out. i certainly would not want to encourage to keep feeling that way and if you still are, I pray you will find a way out like your emotions did. My only criticism is that poems should be single spaced. It would make it easier to read that way too.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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This poem is very romantic and spiritual at the same time, a very nice and not often seen combination. I like the repetition of the question Can I ask? I would single space it, however, as poems generally are done.}
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Review of So she wrote.  
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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This caught my attention as the newsletter which recommended it said a good opening should do and I am curious to know what she actually wrote. Will there be more to this?
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Review of Black Hair  
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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What a wonderful tribute to a loving companion of a dog and your grandfather, who I thought at first was the one you were describing. Then I thought you meant the description to apply to both and in the end it was the dog you were describing. That was very clever to keep the reader unsure until the end, at least this reader was.
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