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Public Reviews
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51
51
Review by Charmin
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Snow2* Season’s Greeting’s *Snow3*

*Gift1*
Style: Overall presentation of the story/poem, the authors voice, and development.
This seems to be off to a good start. It presents itself rather well, and mostly easy to comprehend. I say mostly because sometimes I find that words and names not frequently or normally used are frustrating at times. Especially when I'm not even sure how they are pronounced. The authors voice seems to be clear and understandable.

*Gift4*
Content: Theme, plot, and dialogue-
Too early for a plot yet, but that's no big deal. I do feel that the dialogue would do better seperated from the narration part of the story. Only because in most cases, it's easier to follow along with. But this is just my opinion. You are the author, and should do as you feel would make the story your own.

*Laugh**Shock**Worry**Delight*
Your Characters/ Storyline / Story Scenes
I can visualize the characters for now, but I can't feel them as of yet.

*Gift5*
Mechanics: Flow, rhythm, and rhyme scheme-

*Gift2*
The Basics: Spelling, grammar, paragraph structure, and punctuation-
From what I could see, the spelling looked good. The grammar used seemed to fit well with the story and with the characters. Paragraphing was good, with no long runon sentences, but I think my idea of adjusting would really help a lot.

*Gift3*}*Idea*
Suggestions/Ideas
Only the idea of seperating the dialogues from the narrations.

*Bigsmile**Thumbsup*
Things Which I Enjoyed
Havn't really seen enough to comment here yet.

*Reading*
Overall Comments
I think this is off to a great start, and I hope your muse lets you continue on your project. *Smile*
Keep writing, and thank you for sharing with us.

Best wishes,
Terrie
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52
52
Review by Charmin
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Flower5*
Style: Overall presentation of the story/poem, the authors voice, and development. This article presents itself well with neatness and clarity, making it easy to read and understand. The comments are justifiable, precise, and easy to understand and comprehend.
*Flower3*

*Star**Idea*
Suggestions/Ideas This is just a suggestion along with my little opinion, but I think this article should be placed into the sponsored area every so often. Mostly because it may jog some memories of how it was a few years ago, and also give the new comers a deeper glimpse into what it's all about.

Also: the part and sections about the excerpts being in italics, could be better noticed if color coded also. Even black would be fine. The reason I bring this up is because I speak for those who have trouble seeing. I am one of them. Sometimes the italics don't always stand out, especially when they are colored to begin with. I enjoy using the italics myself in many of my pieces, but I find I have to either keep the wording black or have to make it more enhanced with bold. It's not a really BIG deal, because by all means, italics are a great way of expressing or highlighting things. But like in the case with this article, putting them in bold type or a different color would help them stand out better. *Smile*

*Bigsmile*
Things Which I Enjoyed My favorite part was where you mention about the site being bigger, and that it takes more work, more time, and more dedication to be noticed. It is so very true, and yet that's what gets the adrenalin flowing, to get out there, step up and show your stuff.

*Reading*
Overall Comments Your standards of how you run the site are very well upheld with your rebuttal to the accusations that have been made. This is a well written piece and deserves to be seen. Thank you for sharing it. *Smile*

Best wishes,
Terrie aka:Charmin
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53
53
Review of Just Describe!  
Review by Charmin
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello again Carrotguy, *Smile*
Now this here contest you have is very interesting. It is well thought out, constructed well, brief and to the point. It is also very different and unusual, especially where you have listed what not to use within the story/poem. I find it to be very challenging, and think I just may give it a try. *Bigsmile*

Terrie
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54
54
Review by Charmin
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Flower5*
Style: Overall presentation of the story, the authors voice, and story development. Most of the presentation looked well. All except for the continued use of the same 2 words on each paragraph. The authors voice is clear and easy to follow along with.

*Note1*
Content: Theme, plot, and dialogue- I know for right now, that this story is only in the beginning part of the makings. But in my own opinion, it felt kind of dragged out, and reading (The artist) at the beginning of each and every paragraph really got annoying.

*Laugh**Shock**Worry**Delight*
Your Characters/ Storyline / Story Scenes The characters so far seem real. I would have liked to seen a better picture of (The artist), but the senses and other visuals helped the story to keep going.

*Exclaim*
Mechanics: Flow, rhythm, and rhyme scheme-

*Flower3*
The Basics: Spelling, grammar, paragraph structure, and punctuation- Most of this area looked pretty good. But in most cases, (" ") are usually used for when people have spoken. Why not try using italics or even bold italics in these areas, instead of the the quotes.

“Floor One”. “Clank, Clank, Clank…”
Floor One. Clank, Clank, Clank...

*Star**Idea*
Suggestions/Ideas I think (The artist) should have a name, and maybe you could use the word she/he once in awhile, just to break the sequence. But this is just my opinion, an you may take it use it, or just toss it away. You are the author. *Smile*

*Bigsmile*
Things Which I Enjoyed I enjoyed the visuals and senses throughout the story. They made it easy to actually see and hear some of what was happening.

*Reading*
Overall Comments This seems to be a good beginning of something much greater. It has a few bugs to be worked out yet, but it has a bundle of potential. *Smile* Keep writing, and thank you for sharing.

Best of luck,
Terrie
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55
55
Review by Charmin
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*Flower5*
Style: Overall presentation of the story, the authors voice, and story development. Every little piece to this story was so exciting. It really truely made me wish I was there. Your descriptions were wonderful and visionary, and even what wasn't visual, was enough to get ones brain really in gear.

*Bigsmile*
Things Which I Enjoyed I got the biggest kick out of: In fact, the entire convention was like being on a cruise ship: munchies available morning, noon, and night. I noticed in a lot of the pieces that there seemed to be tons of endless food. But your unique description made me laugh the best.


*Reading*
Overall Comments I completely enjoyed this marvelous read. Everything was exciting and vivid, and has my brain really thinking about next years event. *Smile*

Thank you for your entry,
Terrie
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56
56
Review by Charmin
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Flower5*
Style: Overall presentation of the story, the authors voice, and story development. A very unusual and unexpected story story to come out of this. It is very different from your normal works and I loved every paragraph.

*Bigsmile*
Things Which I Enjoyed I mostly enjoyed reading how this in some small way has made you think differently about yourself and things around you. It seems to have brought you into a face of a new reality and comprehension. I am also glad to see that inspite of what you may had been going through, it turned your thoughts and fears around, if only for a few days.

*Reading*
Overall Comments This read was different, yet overwhelming with different thoughts while still seeing into what an unforgetable couple of days with friends can bring.

Thank you for your entry,
Terrie
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57
57
Review of Making It Real  
Review by Charmin
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Flower5*
Style: Overall presentation of the story, the authors voice, and story development. This story is manufactured so splendidly. Not only does it have the highlights of the convention, but also shows the realism of you before the convention. At first I was wondering, ok, when does the convention stuff come in. But by the time I read the last paragraph before all the convention stuff, it made me think and realize how down to earth it all was. *Smile*

*Bigsmile*
Things Which I Enjoyed I so much enjoyed the enlightment of this here paragraph,*Right*The Writing.Com Convention experience provided me with the opportunity to meet the most wonderful, entertaining, talented, hysterically funny, generous people, as well as the opportunity to experience a kind of fellowship that is just not possible in cyberspace. Now when I read a poem, a story, a review, or a forum comment that anyone of my fellow Convention attendees post on Writing.Com I will be able to hear their voice, to recall the sound of their laughter, and picture their smiling faces as I venture through cyberspace on the Writing.Com website. It really brought out the reality of what we are missing, just reading the screen.

*Reading*
Overall Comments I enjoyed every word of every paragraph in this story. You made it all real and rememberable. p.s. While you are still in the midst of editing this piece, how about sneeking in some of the things that happened at the masquarade ball. *Smile*

Thank you for your entry,
Terrie
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58
58
Review of Just Like That  
Review by Charmin
Rated: E | (3.0)
*Flower5*
Style: Overall presentation of the story, the authors voice, and story development. This is not a bad start for a story, but it has many issues. It is very hard to read and comprehend without the paragraph structure. The voice seems clear, but not always understandable. More on this below *Down* in the suggestion area.

*Note1*
Content: Theme, plot, and dialogue- We seem to have a theme going here, but nothing on a plot yet. The dialogue between the characters is hard to follow along with, without the propper break down of sentence structure and paragraphing.

*Laugh**Shock**Worry**Delight*
Your Characters/ Storyline / Story Scenes The characters seem strong and are visable, but hard to pinpoint in most areas. Some of the scenes are hard to follow along with because the paragraphs are broken in the wrong areas. Here is an example:

Right when she was touching up on her make-up she heard her Mom at the bottom of the stairs yelling
“Raleigh Ann McCain, get your butt down here right NOW!”
Sighing she headed to her door “Always the same thing.”

“Then Mom starts fussing at me cause I yelled at the brat. He was the one hiding in my closet but in Mom’s eyes its all my fault.”
Here's my change.*Down*
Right when she was touching up on her make-up she heard her Mom at the bottom of the stairs yelling.

“Raleigh Ann McCain, get your butt down here right NOW!”

Sighing she headed to her door. “Always the same thing.Then Mom starts fussing at me cause I yelled at the brat. He was the one hiding in my closet but in Mom’s eyes it's all my fault.”

*Flower3*
The Basics: Spelling, grammar, paragraph structure, and punctuation- I found this area to need some overhaul. I found quite a few typo's, punctuation and grammar issues. But don't frett, all is not lost. With a little clean up, some editing, and spell checking, it could be great! *Smile*

Examples:

Grammar issueBut one look in his honey-brown eyes you know (you got) to at least try. Try using: you've got, or you have.

typo's and spelling issues Tru and Josh look at each then at Raleigh with her head down. Tru broke the silence this time asking where Wade is.

Tru and Josh looked at each other then at Raleigh. With her head down, Tru broke the silence, this time asking where Wade was.

distinguishing between thoughts and actual speaking. “Who knew this day would finally come.” Raleigh thought to herself.

“Now my life can finally begin,” she said to herself.
...................................................

Who knew this day would finally come. Raleigh thought to herself.

“Now my life can finally begin,” she said to herself.



*Star**Idea*
Suggestions/Ideas Here is a break down of paragraphing and sentence structure like I mentioned earlier.

Who knew this day would finally come. Raleigh thought to herself. She stood in front of her mirror that evening after graduation. She is free from high school and now maybe, just maybe she can leave Parksville, North Carolina. Raleigh McCain has been waiting and dreaming of this day since she was a little girl.

“Now my life can finally begin.” She looked at herself in her cap and gown one last time before she removed it then moved to her closet to pick out something cute and sexy to wear to the party tonight.

As she was opening the door, she started daydreaming about Ryan Scott. Ryan is the kind of guy that you just know will break your heart. But one look in his honey-brown eyes you know you've got to at least try. Still lost in thought, Raleigh didn’t see anything fall out of her closet till she was laying on her back and it was on top of her.

“Wade, you’re such a brat. Get off of me,” She cried.

Wade McCain is the type of brother you love to hate. Everyone thinks he’s sweet and innocent with his light blonde hair and blue eyes. A lot of people think he looks like Dad when he was twelve. Hopefully, Dad wasn’t the devil like Wade can be. Her thoughts were wandering as the monster rolled off of her laughing.

“I scared you big time Rye-burger.” He laughed and fell onto her canopy bed.

Pushing herself off the floor she asked, “Why do you feel the need to call me that?”

“Cause I know you hate it.” He said matter-of-fact.

“Which is why you shouldn’t.”

“Nope.” he said while shaking his head.

“Well its stupid.” She said, rolling her eyes.

You will also noticed that I changed some of the wording within these sentences to give them some form of propper grammar and structure. These are just simple suggestions on how you can make this much better and easier to read. You are free to use my ideas, or not use them. It's up to you, for you are the author. *Smile*

*Reading*
Overall Comments I know this is only chapter 1 so far, but I think with a little brush up, a little doctoring, and patience, that this could turn out quite well indeed. *Smile* (I'm still doctoring some of my own) *Bigsmile*

Thank you for sharing, and keep writing.
Best wishes,
Terrie
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59
59
Review of Why Do I Write?  
Review by Charmin
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Note1*
Style: Overall presentation of the story, the authors voice, and story development. I think this presents itself well. The authors voice is strong and clear about getting points across.

*Exclaim*
Content: Theme, plot, and dialogue-

*Laugh**Shock**Worry**Delight*
Your Characters/ Storyline / Story Scenes This is a fairley well written monologue description of what the author wants their readers to know. It holds some means of a story within it's original question and answer. I thought it was rather clever of the story leading up to as why you write. It gives the reader a deeper definition about the author.

Mechanics: Flow, rhythm, and rhyme scheme-

*Star*
Suggestions

*Idea*:

*Flower3*The Basics: Spelling, grammar, paragraph structure, and punctuation- This piece does have a few typo's and punctuations out of place, but I think with another look through and a spell check, you could spot them easily enough. *Smile*

*Bigsmile*Things Which I Enjoyed I enjoyed how the author gives a small glimps into their life, style, happenings, and causes as to why they come up with the answer to their question.

*Reading*Overall Comments This is a good read into what the author is somewhat about. Everything seems to be evenly worked and doesn't drag for the reader to want to end the session. It was clean cut, and mostly to the point. Just give those typo's another look over. *Smile*

Thank you for sharing, and keep writing.
Best wishes,
Terrie
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60
60
Review of Me vs. chairs  
Review by Charmin
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello again Chris,
If I didn't know any better, I'd swear you have my Murphy. But beings I know my Murphy is securely tucked away in my pocket, (even washing don't bring him out) that you must have his sister, Murphette. *Smile*

*Flower3**Flower4*Style: Overall presentation of the story, the authors voice, and story development The story is told well, neatly written and paragraphed nicely for easy reading. The authors voice is clear, (despite to comical interuptions) and easy to follow along with.

*Laugh**Shock**Worry**Delight*
Content:Your Characters/ Storyline / Story Scenes A well narrated story with vivid description of lifes mishaps. The story was written in great detail of events that took place from an up close and personal point of view.

*Star**Idea*Errors/Suggestions for Improvement:

*Delight**Frown*Things Which I Liked/Disliked: This will probably sound mean, and not entertaining at all, but it is so humerous to read how someone else goes through the same ordeals as me. I laughed, scratched ny head, and even had to get up and fix another cup of coffee while being entertained by anothers complications. *Laugh*

*Reading*Overall Comments: I admire your witt and understanding of what life offers. I have always stated that the meaning of life is just one big stress test. *Bigsmile* As bad as this sounds, I really enjoyed this read. I even put it in my favorites so my hubby can read it too. *Smile*

Thank you for sharing,
Terrie

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61
61
Review by Charmin
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Flower3**Flower4*Style: Overall presentation of the story, the authors voice, and story development This story presented itself well. Everything is neat and paragraphed well and in line with events taking place. The authors voice is clear and understandable, and really makes you think, "Gee, do I really want to try and create one of these things?"

*Laugh**Shock**Worry**Delight*
Content:Your Characters/ Storyline / Story Scenes The story is well narrated and pieced together nicely to give the reader a vivid idea of the events that happened to achieve the outcome.

*Star**Idea*Errors/Suggestions for Improvement:

*Delight**Frown*Things Which I Liked/Disliked: I turely loved the antics you had to go through to create this masterpiece! And all with truth and hands on experience. I myself own two of these things. The evaporating water happens no matter what, and even my cat slurping all the water out of it doesn't bother me. What got the better of me was no matter where I decided to put these things, the cord was too short to fit any outlet in my house. The instructions say not to plug into an extention cord. The only thing I had left to do was have my hubby install a new outlet , in reach, with which to plug these things into. *Bigsmile*

*Reading*Overall Comments: This was a pleasure to read and a great piece of entertainment for the soul. I admire your effort. If this was me that tried to explain all these great details, the item would have an awful lot of squigly lines and stars and other non letter digits. *Laugh*

Thank you for sharing,
Terrie

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62
62
Review of Nightfall  
Review by Charmin
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Flower3**Flower4*Style: Overall presentation of the story, the authors voice, and story development I thought this presented itself well. It's neat and paragraphed well for easy reading. The authors voice is clear and understandable. Everything seemed realistic and believable.

*Laugh**Shock**Worry**Delight*
Content:Your Characters/ Storyline / Story Scenes The main character was great. The other characters were good, but we can't see them. The storyline itself was very good. I could picture most of the scene taking place. More on the characters and such, below.*Down*

*Star**Idea*Errors/Suggestions for Improvement: I think if you could bring the ladies into view, maybe a little of what they were wearing, we could get some added visuals there. Also the saloon. What was the saloon like, other than all that noise? Maybe you could add in some smoke from all the cigars, or have the floors sound a bit old and creaky as he walked across them.

*Delight**Frown*Things Which I Liked/Disliked: I enjoyed picturing the clouds of dust and the tumbling tumble weeds. *Smile* And I liked how he basicly left, the same way he came in, quiet and steady.

*Reading*Overall Comments: This was very nice to read. I'm not much into reading westerns, but I do like to watch a few on the tv now and again. You seem to know this area well. *Smile*

Thank you for sharing,
Terrie

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63
63
Review by Charmin
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*Flower3**Flower4*Style: Overall presentation of the story, the authors voice, and story development This was very well written. The presentation is neat and paragraphed well for easy reading. The authors voice is clear and understandable. Dialogue between characters was easy to follow along with.

*Laugh**Shock**Worry**Delight*
Content:Your Characters/ Storyline / Story Scenes The characters, (mice) played absolutely well. I just have one question. Of the two boy mice, one is named Tommy. Is the other one George or Buddy? Both names were listed.

*Star**Idea*Errors/Suggestions for Improvement:

*Delight**Frown*Things Which I Liked/Disliked: I mostly enjoyed the antics and how they were going to cleverly go about doing some of the tasks. I liked the vivid descriptions of how they did them also. It reminded me of school days, when the teacher asked us to describe how to do something.

*Reading*Overall Comments: This was fun. It kinded of reminded me of watching Cindarella and watching all those busy little mice. *Smile*

Thank you for sharing,
Terrie

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64
64
Review of Just One Chance  
Review by Charmin
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Flower3**Flower4*Style: Overall presentation of the story, the authors voice, and story development This story has a very nice presentation. It's neatly written, and paragraphed well for easy reading. The authors voice is clear and understandable.

*Laugh**Shock**Worry**Delight*
Content:Your Characters/ Storyline / Story Scenes The characters played well, but I would have liked to seen a few more visuals on them. What were the team colors? Did they even have uniforms?

*Star**Idea*Errors/Suggestions for Improvement: How about something like this?: Clouds were looming overhead. It was the bottom of the ninth, and it looked as though it was going to downpour any minute....(and so on)


*Delight**Frown*Things Which I Liked/Disliked: I liked the surprise ending it had. The way things were looking, it seemed as though the worst that could have happened, had. But it didn't. What a really good bait and switch. *Smile*

*Reading*Overall Comments: I was half expecting to see Todd becoming the pitcher beings he couldn't walk well. But the story had a nice ending the way it turned out. *Smile*

Thank you for sharing,
Terrie

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65
65
Review of A Laughing Matter  
Review by Charmin
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*Flower3**Flower4*Style: Overall presentation of the story, the authors voice, and story development The presentation was good here. Paragraphing nicely done and easy to read and get into the scene changes. The authors voice is clear, and the character changes were easy to recognize.

*Laugh**Shock**Worry**Delight*
Content:Your Characters/ Storyline / Story Scenes The characters were very believable and real. The story had wonderful visuals and senses, and the reader can climb right into the story as it takes shape.

*Star**Idea*Errors/Suggestions for Improvement:

*Delight**Frown*Things Which I Liked/Disliked: I loved the natural clumbsyness of Ginger. I had a girlfriend like that. Made me laugh continuously. *Smile* I especially liked it when she fell into the fountain and the man behind them thought it was the greatest thing.

*Reading*Overall Comments: I truely enjoyed this read as much as the last. You have an art for comedy. *Smile*

Thank you for sharing,
Terrie

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66
66
Review of By the Book  
Review by Charmin
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Flower3**Flower4*Style: Overall presentation of the story, the authors voice, and story development The authors voice was clear and easy to follow along with. The presentation could use a little touching up. More on this below. *Down*

*Laugh**Shock**Worry**Delight*
Content:Your Characters/ Storyline / Story Scenes The characters were great, easy to follow along with, and very realistic. The scenes had some great visuals and a few senses that are a must for a good read. I could actually place myself into the scene. *Bigsmile*

*Star**Idea*Errors/Suggestions for Improvement: About the presentation section above, *Up* I think this story would be a lot grander if you could seperate the paragraphing. It is really hard to read with the paragraphs all scrunched together as they are.

*Delight**Frown*Things Which I Liked/Disliked: I enjoyed reading/watching how the evils of the book were felt by Sophia.

*Reading*Overall Comments: This story was fantastic. I enjoyed it from beginning to end. I do however feel that it would be even better if you seperate those paragraphs for better reading. *Smile*

Thank you for sharing,
Terrie

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67
67
Review of Collateral Damage  
Review by Charmin
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Flower3**Flower4*Style: Overall presentation of the story, the authors voice, and story development I found the presentation to be neat and the story easily read. The authors voice is clear and understandable through change of characters. As the story evolved and was retaken back to the actual scene by the killer himself, I sort of lost track as to what was going on. After reading repeated segments but from a different angle, then I caught it. Maybe if there was some sort of hint added when the killer took over as the narrator, it would be of some help.

*Laugh**Shock**Worry**Delight*
Content:Your Characters/ Storyline / Story Scenes The characters seemed to have played well, and the story had enough visuals to make it feel real. I was able to put myself into most of the scenes that took place.

*Star**Idea*Errors/Suggestions for Improvement: Here I have pointed out a couple of typo's. There are others along the way, but I decided to show you what I meant only because a spell check would not be able to pick up on these beings they are actual and proper words. *Down*

“Wright, would you mind watching the rest of the types and noting any other times this guy shows up?”
“I just want to talk to you. Man, if we’ve going to go, don’t you think we should at least introduce ourselves?”

*Delight**Frown*Things Which I Liked/Disliked: I was dissappointed that they missed getting the right guy as the killer and that someone else took his place. But I did enjoy the scenery of all those officers running around doing their job. It was like watching a movie.

*Reading*Overall Comments: This is a well done and thought out story. Sounds like a piece that could be added to and turned it into a complete movie.

Thank you for sharing,
Terrie

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68
Review by Charmin
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*Flower3**Flower4*Style: Overall presentation of the story, the authors voice, and story development The presentation is good here. It's paragraphed well for easy reading. I did have some confusion when the characters were racing back and forth through the tunnels of the cave. More below.*Down*

*Laugh**Shock**Worry**Delight*
Content:Your Characters/ Storyline / Story Scenes The characters played out okay, but there were a few places when I lost tract of who was who, and who was where. Maybe you should have had who said what when they spoke. The storyline itself was good. I could actually picture the antics taking place within the tunnels.

*Star**Idea*Errors/Suggestions for Improvement:

*Delight**Frown*Things Which I Liked/Disliked: I didn't like how the rest of the crew left the body of their friend/friends inside. I'm still not sure if the last girl stayed or left with the rest.

*Reading*Overall Comments: This was an interesting yet erie storie. I could picture most of it happening, but it also felt like some of the realism was missing. Maybe by adding the names when they spoke, the visualizations would come out more. *Smile*

Thank you for sharing,
Terrie

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69
69
Review by Charmin
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*Flower3**Flower4*Style: Overall presentation of the story, the authors voice, and story development I thought the presentation was okay. But the authors voice didn't seem to match as the scene evolved. It was the author doing the narration, but the fright that should have been there, wasn't. More on this below.*Down*

*Laugh**Shock**Worry**Delight*
Content:Your Characters/ Storyline / Story Scenes The story didn't feel real to me. I think it would have turned out better if it was narrated in a third person tense. Also, I felt it could use some more senses. Tell us more about the scenery of the neighborhood. Also, I don't think a neighbor is allowed to go into the crime scene with the police. *Smile*

*Star**Idea*Errors/Suggestions for Improvement:
This here paragraph reads all kinds of out of sorts.

The day came when I finally decided that I Would do a little investigating of our own. After-all, it looked like such a nice home, on the outside. My curiosity has overcome me. I just had to see if there was any history to this home. Why was the owner not seen in weeks? Why was he not eager to rent the little home on Spencer St.?

How about something like:
My curiosity had overcome me. The day came when I finally decided that I would do a little investigating of my own. I just had to see if there was any history to this home. After-all, it looked like such a nice home, on the outside. Why was the owner not seen in weeks? Why was he not eager to rent the little home on Spencer St.?

There was also a few other typo's, but I think they could be picked up on with another editing.


*Delight**Frown*Things Which I Liked/Disliked: I did like the fact that this story had somewhat of a good ending. The police really did get involved.

*Reading*Overall Comments: This isn't a bad story. There are a lot of good parts to it. I just think it needs a little doctoring up is all. *Bigsmile*

Best wishes,
Terrie

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Review by Charmin
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Balloon4* *Balloon5* *Balloon6* *Balloon5* *Balloon4*

Thank you for submitting your fine piece of writing to "Invalid Item" , and joining in our party.
We asked for everyone's best pieces, so we may choose what we feel is The Best Of The Best! *Bigsmile* Everyone who has entered will have earned a goody bag.
Thank you again, for participating.

Wow! What an awsome piece of poetry! *Smile*


*Flower5* Style: (Overall presentation of the story/poem, the authors voice, and development which includes little things such as putting a space between paragraphs to make reading easier.) I find the presentation to be great! Neat and tidy, easy to read. The authors voice is clear and understandable. The visuals were really great. I could see it as a beautiful picture book as the pages were being read to me. *Smile*

*Note1* The Basics: (spelling, grammar and punctuation) (proper use of quotations in dialogue paragraph structure) All of this looked wonderful. Nice editing work. *Smile*

*Balloon4**Balloon5**Balloon6* Mechanics: (flow meter/rhythm rhyme scheme) I thought this had a great rhythm/rhyme scheme to it. It was almost like reading...Now I lay me down to sleep, but yet not quite. I think if it was exact, it would have made it boring. Nice job!

*Reading* Overall Comments: This was a lovely little poem to read. It was upbeat, it held soul, and great imagery. Thank you for sharing. *Smile*

Thank you for entering.
Best of luck,
Terrie

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Review of The Watercourse  
Review by Charmin
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Balloon4* *Balloon5* *Balloon6* *Balloon5* *Balloon4*

Thank you for submitting your fine piece of writing to "Invalid Item" , and joining in our party.
We asked for everyone's best pieces, so we may choose what we feel is The Best Of The Best! *Bigsmile* Everyone who has entered will have earned a goody bag.
Thank you again, for participating.


*Flower5* Style: (Overall presentation of the story/poem, the authors voice, and development which includes little things such as putting a space between paragraphs to make reading easier.) I thought the presentation was very well done. Neat, tidy, easy to read. (Forgive me, for my mouth is still agap) The authors voice is clear and understandable. Paragraphing is done very well and easy to read.

*Note1* The Basics: (spelling, grammar and punctuation) (proper use of quotations in dialogue paragraph structure) All of this looked great!

*Balloon4**Balloon5**Balloon6* Mechanics: (flow meter/rhythm rhyme scheme) Does not apply

*Reading* Overall Comments: All I can say is wow. This story was deep. It was scary, yet held my attention like I was being forced to read it. I could not only see the story, I could feel it. Even almost smell it with the visuals and senses it had within it. Still wow.

Thank you for entering.
Best of luck,
Terrie

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Review of Angelic Voices  
Review by Charmin
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Balloon4* *Balloon5* *Balloon6* *Balloon5* *Balloon4*

Thank you for submitting your fine piece of writing to "Invalid Item" , and joining in our party.
We asked for everyone's best pieces, so we may choose what we feel is The Best Of The Best! *Bigsmile* Everyone who has entered will have earned a goody bag.
Thank you again, for participating.


*Flower5* Style: (Overall presentation of the story/poem, the authors voice, and development which includes little things such as putting a space between paragraphs to make reading easier.) The presentation is ok, but could use a little doctoring up as well. It's nothing bad, probably something that you hadn't even noticed. The sentences are stragling off a bit within the paragraphs. The authors voice is strong, clear, and understandable, and easy to follow along with.

*Note1* The Basics: (spelling, grammar and punctuation) (proper use of quotations in dialogue paragraph structure) Most of this looks really good as well. There are a few minor typo's strayed about, but those could probably be spotted with a second look over.

*Balloon4**Balloon5**Balloon6* Mechanics: (flow meter/rhythm rhyme scheme) Does not apply here.

*Reading* Overall Comments: This was a nice story to read. It kind of reminds me of an after school special on tv. *Smile* It held a lot of truth about what goes on in the world today, and yet it had it's happy ending as well.

Thank you for entering.
Best of luck,
Terrie

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Review by Charmin
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Byron, I'm here to snoop through your port. *Smile*


*Note1*
Style: Overall presentation of the story, the authors voice, and story development. I found the presentation to be very nice. Everything is in a neat an orderly fashion, and easy to read. The authors voice is clear and completely understandable. I thought it developed well in a timely mannor and was able to hold my attention.

*Exclaim*
Content: Theme, plot, and dialogue- The theme was spooky, interesting, and held it's ground throughout the story. The plot started to emerge when it needed to, in just the right place, and then at the end was able to slip in what I didn't expect. Good Job!!

*Laugh**Shock**Worry**Delight*
Your Characters/ Storyline / Story Scenes The characters played well, even though there was only one main character, and the story was narrated. The scenes had some great visuals and senses thrown in. However, I didn't see the one I was expecting. I was waiting to see some of the supernatural guests appearing before him.

*Star*
Suggestions None that I can think of, unless now that the contest is over, maybe you could try to lengthen this out a bit. *Bigsmile*

*Flower3*The Basics: Spelling, grammar, paragraph structure, and punctuation- All of this here section looked great!! You do good editing. *Smile*

*Bigsmile*Things Which I Enjoyed I totaly loved the scenery and visuals, especially: As it fell away from its rusted iron hinges it opened up a path of darkness, broken only by the stray rays of orange light streaming through the broken skylights as the sun began to set.

*Reading*Overall Comments I really thought this was good! You should really try to do more short stories. You're better at it than you may think.*Smile*

Keep writing, and thank you for sharing.
Best wishes,
Terrie
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Review of Come Back  
Review by Charmin
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello again RarGoesMeh

*Flower5*
Style: (Overall presentation of the story/poem, the authors voice, and development which includes little things such as putting a space between paragraphs to make reading easier.) I find the presentation to be well done here. The poem is neat and easy to read. The authors voice is clear and easy to understand. The developement is sadfilled with bitterness and emotions. True words and yet a loss for words.

*Note1*
The Basics: (spelling, grammar and punctuation) (proper use of quotations in dialogue paragraph structure) Spelling, grammar and paragraphing all looked great here. I did feel that it could use punctuation though. Some poetry is fine without it, but in this case I felt it really could use it. This is only my opinion, and you're free to use my idea or just let it go. You are the author. The only reason I feel it could use the punctuation is because it's like a mini story.


Mechanics: (flow meter/rhythm rhyme scheme) This does seem to have a hint of a rhyme scheme to it, yet it still flows like a mini story. This is not a bad thing however. Not all poetry has to rhyme to be good.*Smile*

*Reading*
Overall Comments: Even though this is a very sad poem, I so much enjoyed the emotions set within it. It really brings out the heart felt pain, love, and compassion within. This is good work and well done.

Keep writing, and thank you for sharing.
Best wishes,
Terrie
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Review by Charmin
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello RarGoesMeh , welcome to the site, and I hope you are having a good time, and learning your way around.

*Note1*
Style: Overall presentation of the story, the authors voice, and story development. I found the presentation to be well done. Neat and tidy and easy to read. The authors voice is clear and easy to understand. The story evolved rather well. It had a few slow areas, where it seemed like it was dragging a bit though.

*Exclaim*
Content: Theme, plot, and dialogue- The theme is wonderful. There really wasn't much of a plot, but a small one did seem to come out in the end. The old man was more well off than what others gave him credit for. Not a lot in dialogue between characters, most of the story was narrated.


*Laugh**Shock**Worry**Delight*
Your Characters/ Storyline / Story Scenes There was really only one main character that sets the scene for this adventure. The story line was good, but I really thought it could have had a little more depth and less wandering. Maybe something like having the old man an his dog going on a walk adventure when they got to the island.

*Star*
Suggestions Try adding a few more visuals to the story. Especially the little island. What kinds of trees where there? There had to be more than just berries that they found. Maybe they could stumble across someone elses old little camp site or something. How about some sounds or the smells that different plants or berries had on the island. Things like these put the reader into the story with the character.


*Flower3*The Basics: Spelling, grammar, paragraph structure, and punctuation- From what I could see, I would say most of this area looked rather good. Nice job!! *Smile*

*Bigsmile*Things Which I Enjoyed I enjoyed the fact that the grocer was concerned about the old man and sent people out to look for him.

*Reading*Overall Comments This is a very good story. I just think it needs a little more depth to put the reader into it. Keep at it. *Smile*

Keep writing, and thank you for sharing.
Best wishes,
Terrie
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