Yeah, this is comical, in it's own sort of way. I always blame those sort of things on Murphy.
Anyway, down to business... I enjoyed your story, and found it simple and refreshing to read. I did however find it could use some editing, so have a look below an see what I have found.
I find myself at a loss for such a simple thing. I swear, I promise you(,) it was just right here. I didn't need it when I saw it, but now it has disappeared. I would give anything for a pen that would be there when I need it(,) and gone when I am through. Ah! Here it is!
No Ink. Strike two! Now what am I supposed to do.(?) With no Ink the pen is useless. With no ink it won't write the words I wish to remember. Why oh why(,) does this seem to happen.(?) When you don't need a simple thing it's all around the room, but should you need this simple thing(,) in hiding it has gone to.
Hurray(,) another pen with ink in abundance,(.) but <--- But alas, now strike three,(.) no - <--(No) paper which to write on. Oh well, the info I've forgotten(.)
I enjoyed the read, and wish to thank you for sharing your work with us.
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Well this was different and interesting. Even rather amusing in it's own sort of way.
Most of it seems to have a good quality flow to it. Rhyme scheme seemed to match, but I think I might have used a few different words. This stanza could use a little work. It felt kind of like you were at a loss for words near the end. Horrid computer,
I hate you so!
You hid my paper;
I stubbed my toe.
I think you
Are a big bimbo.
Ask me to type it,
I’ll say no!
But all in all, it really was cute, and refreshing to read, especially after so much big port raiding. I needed a little break, so I thought I'd catch up with all you parrots and send a thank you your way.
WoW, where do I begin? This is such a sad story, but a well written one. I can only imagine how much strenght it took to write something like this. It is well balanced, and the story flows evenly along.
Paragraphing, dialog, and narration were also very well done.
You used visual speaking throughout most of it, which is a really big plus.
I also see it was in the folder labeled: Writing.com Idol competition. Is there a reason why you dropped out of the competition? You do write very well.
I only noticed maybe a handfull of typo's, but nothing another read over couldn't fix, and we all do it. Especially me. I'm the typo queen I think sometimes.
Anyway, I just wanted to stop over in your port and check out your work too. After all, you've been watching over me raiding all them ports.
Thanks for being there, by the way.
I will try my hardest to come back, when I'm not quite so busy.
Oh my goodness, I'm not too old yet, but you have undoubtedly made me feel like we are living in the world of the jetsons. My, after reading all this, rocket scientist comes to mind.
The most amusing of all the parts to read was this one:
Automobile manufacturers are also seeking to ensure my peace of mind. The 2003 model vehicles are boasting dual front airbags, canopy airbags that fall from the ceiling upon impact, and more durable frames with more efficient crumple zones all meant to guard my family and me against our companion drivers. If an accident does occur, the OnStar system will automatically notify the local police and medics of my position while calling the cell phone of my choice to check on my health and condition. Also included with OnStar is a roadside assistance service that will send a handy man to change my flat, free my keys from inside the locked car, jump start my car after I have left the light on the vanity mirror on all day, and tell me that my self-inflicted acts of stupidity are perfectly acceptable as long as I continue to pay their monthly fee. Only because it is so gastly true, it makes you wonder, what's next.
Oh, and this one too: After all, we do live in an era of convenience. Our tools and toys help us to achieve goals that a nation of over-achievers has set for us by giving us more time to work. However, I don’t have to worry about all this convenience making me fat and lazy. I have an exercise machine to help me avoid that.
But who is going to push our arms and legs to do these things? Robots? Something to think about.
This was a fun and interesting read. Everything looked good, paragraphing, and all that other good stuff. <-- Had to make sure I got that part in there.
Thank you for sharing this with us.
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A-1! You have narrowed this all down so well, and even neat and tidy too I might add. The presentation to this story (or is it a sequal? ), is so....what's the word, ....neatly done. It has total orginization, each catagory in it's proper setting. What more could you ask for?
My favorite part to the whole story was: The only hangers that grace his memory are the ones that he secured the muffler of his classic Chevy with and the one he used to unlock his sister’s car. This husband’s only hope for order is his wife. If she is opposed to this lifestyle, and not an active participant, she will spend every waking minute cleaning up after this man. I found this intriguing because my hubby used to be like that, at one point in time. But, somehow, we have managed to convert him to: He does not always place his dirty clothing in the hamper, but it is normally found within the general vicinity. His clothing is mostly wash-and-wear, as he does not see the point of paying someone to dry clean something that he could clean himself. <-- I seem to like this way much better.
This was a really fun read, and thank you for sharing it with us.
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I loved every single paragraph, and line of this. It was created with much beauty and thought, and even grace. It captures the reader, and pulls them in for more, what did they do...where did they go.
Rhyme and rhythm were at it's best here, it flowed as if it were a song.
I found nothing at all, that I didn't like in here. It was magnificent! No grammer modifications need, nor punctuation. Not even a typo!!
Thank you for sharing this lovely piece with us.
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I knew for a fact, that when I seen this, I had to come and read it. It is one of the hardes things to have to sit and write about. I know, I've done it.
Your words are beautifully written, with a lot of meaning, tendernes, and love. It shows the reader your pain, and how difficult it is to cope with.
I do think it will look better and stand out more if you could put more life to it by adding some punctuation. Look below:
I've got your picture on the wall(;)<--
(But) (but)<-- I no longer will be able to hold you(.)<--
No longer able to see you laugh(,)<--
and watch you with my children(.)<--
Nor will I be able to call you(,)<--
and ask you for your motherly advice(.)<--
You left me today and life has once again(;)<--
(Found) (found)<--- another way to bleed my soul away(.)<--
This is a very lovely poem you have shared, and thank you for sharing it.
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This poem is flooded with emotion, love, care, and even beauty. It sends the reader a sense of closure, and maybe even a little bit of understanding as well.
This is very beautifully written with words that warm the heart and soul, of the servivors of our dearly departed loved ones.
But I do feel as though this could use a little punctuation. Sometimes punctuation helps to give depth and meaning. I found no typo's nor grammer problems really, so I give it a big 5.
Thank you for sharing this lovely piece of work with us. Bless you and I hope you are doing wonderful.
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I am so glad that I got to read this. I have always been big on donating to the cancer foundation, because of loosing my mother to it. I guess I won't be any more. I do however help to support the hospice foundation. I so hope they are not together on this. I did have very good luck and support from them, when I needed them the most. They were always a phone call away, even in the middle of the night. I know this for a fact, because I have had to call them on such late hours. They sent a nurse to me, to help with my mother within 30 minutes or less. They were a God sent, and a blessing.
This was an interesting letter to read, and I wish I could learn more about how it became. But I see it is filled with anger, yet written very clearly.
AllI got on this piece is....Thank you for sharing this with us, and letting us know that there is trouble with this orginazation.
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Aww, this was so perfect. I admired every inch and single word of it. I even had mist forming in my eyes right after I got to the part:I told her: “This is The StoryMistress ”
“Oh what a beautiful name!” the nurse replied.
I said, ”Yes, it is, and someday she will meet her prince SM: Convention Host and
they will run a land together called: Writing.Com.” It all came together so perfectly.
I also got a good laugh at: After a few more hours I asked for the pain medication. By this time, I had been in labor all night and I realized…”Oh my god…I’m going to give birth to a Friday the 13th baby!!” It sounds so much like something I would have said, and yet, I have never been afraid of the number 13, nor the day Friday the 13th. I'm not much of a believer of superstitions, but yet I do believe in preminitions. Go figure!
Anyway, I totaly fell in love with this story, it was really great. Thank you for sharing this.
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I was almost going to suggest entering this in the gripe contest. But after reading it thoroughly, this is not a grip. Infact, it is the total opposite. And wow, how original! For me, it would definetly be a grip. I myself look into the mirror and see my mother staring back at me. Which is not a bad thing. But what is bad,is I know how she felt when she looked like this, and it scares the $#@& out of me.
I give you much credit for the way you perceive life. I wish I could be like that.
This was a joy to read, and by the way, I did not find any err's or typo's. Thank you for sharing your story with us.
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I am sorry I may not be like others, but I am very much me. I have so got to rate this with 5 stars. I would give anything to be able to sit down and tell others who I am, what I am like, and all that other stuff I had found in here. Sometimes, I do take the time to try, but never seem to be able to finish the process, due to the fact that even I would find myself boring to read about, much less write about.
I have read biography's, and wonder...How do they do that?
My favorite part of this awsome read was: In religion, I am my own preacher and I accept all forms of religion as long as they enlighten mankind and lift him up from the clay of his creation. Enough said. That sounds exactly like me. Oh I believe in God with all my heart, but when I pray, I pray alone, somewhere closed off and to myself.
The other part I liked was: I was restless and wanted to know and understand about this thing called life and this thing called death and this thing called soul/spirit. Who am I, why am I here, and where am I going?
I think I have read every book imaginable on these subjects.
I really enjoyed reading about you, and thank you so much for sharing this with us.
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This was kind of cute to read. It is comical, and yet nerve rackingly true for some people.
It really did feel like reading a mini book or something. But I felt it really need some more scenery, and sensory perception.
Things like: What things could you see as you walked down towards the park? Or what did Ginger look like after she fell into the water fountain? What did the clown man that was walking behind them look like? What was he wearing? Things like that.
I ran across a few minor typo's,
Richard walked over to the tree while Ginger placed the camera to her face. She began to back up. I noticed the park fountain too late to warn her(,) and (the) camera went flying as she sat with a splash into the shallow pool. There are a couple of places like that, but they don't stand out drasticly unless you are really looking for them.
The overall quality, it was easy to follow and really get into the story with the characters. I had fun reading this. Thank you for sharing it with us.
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Aww, this is pure beauty within it's words, itself. I felt as if I was reading a journal or diary section. I could feel the pull of the love, the desire and emotion, as it enwrapped itself into this writing. It was laid out soft and gentle, kind of like rose petals being plucked and dropped to the floor.
It has style and grace. And from what I seen, all punctuation properly placed, and grammer was well defined. I loved it, and see no visable reason to give it less than a 5. Thank you for sharing this wonderful work with us.
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I love how this and lots of your other poetry stand out with flair. It has style and grace, and everything in it's place. I love the performance of how you can make it glide into a pattern, and still make sense of it all. That's the kind of poetry women swoon over.
Your presentation is wonderful. Flow, rhythm, and rhyme are all where they need to be.
This is a lovely piece of poetry and well worth 5 stars. Thank you for sharing this work of art with us.
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This was pretty awsome! I enjoyed your stylish layout of this lovely poem. It has character, and the presentation of it is so different. At first I was going to comment on how some of your sentences start from the previous stance and then continue to the next one. But after I got reading it all the way down, it follows the same order, leaving it in a patterned effect. Your style has a hint of grace and poise, and it makes it stand out.
Punctuation seems to be in order, so does grammer and spelling. A really great job and wonderful read. Thank you for sharing this with us.
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Ohh, how I had a good laugh reading this one. So sorry, but it really was comical. I admire how you just (poured) yourself out there for all to see. No hesitation, just let it rip.
The reader can climb right into this story and actually witness it first hand.
Above all things, I found this to be well written for the reader. Paragraph structure and the use of grammer where great!
Style? All I can say is, I love your style. It leaps with style. I can honestly say that it is (spilled) right out there, nothing to hide.
A really great read, and thank you for sharing this with all of us.
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This was really cute and fun to read. It has humor and witt, and a sense of love and emotion within it's dwelling.
I found it's style and presentation very tastefull, and it flowed with ease and even some grace to the readers eyes. You could not only sense the love that this portrays, but also feel it deep inside. It pulls the reader in, and puts you into the experience.
I found no grammer nor typo problems, so in my eyes it gets rated with 5 stars.
Thank you for sharing this delightful story with us.
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I thought this was completely hillarious, and marvelously written. The entire presentation was wonderfuly laid out and constructed. It also added flare and color, by placing the authors names as you did. It had very nice structure, and paragraphing was perfect. I could see it was well thought out before the manufacturing of it took place. It had comic and witt, and the reader is able to climb into the story as it is being read. Great job!!
I will be completely honest here. I have difficuly with poetry that doesn't have a rhyme scheme. It all falls out in a story format for me. But I liked how this flowed. It was graceful with it's emotion, and yet you could almost feel the sorrow it portraid in it's words. I found this to be very lovely, emotional, and heartfelt. A very nice job. Thank you for sharing this with us.
I have to give you an A+ on this one. It conveys all of the emotions and even some of the senses. This piece is well structured, and flowed freely with rhyme and scheme. Grammer was well in order, and no typo's did these eyes find.
I liked how you could explain your state of rage in a poem format. I havn't quite got that one mastered. I just blurt it all out in one big blaah paragraph or two. Anyway, a job well deserving of 5.0. Thank you for sharing your work.
Aww, This is marvelous! So beautiful and lovingly written. I have always enjoyed reading poems or even short stories about the different seasons. The flow, rhythm and rhyme were right to the money. You made the reader visualize the settings you put them in. Great Job!! I like your work!!
Flow and rhythem are really great in this poem. It stands out with true feelings, heart, and hurt. Structure and punctuation all seem to be in place. I thought this to be beautifuly written. I did happen to come across one typo you could say, but an honest mistake. Two words I think need to be switched, but I could be wrong. I have pointed it out below.
Gone is now joy from my life,
Lord! Why we met at all;
It is only two years,
Many more are yet to scroll!
I thought this was beautifully written. It shows heart and soul. It captures the readers heart and brings forward your senses. This is lovely and well deserving of more viewing.
This is a beautifuly written, small master piece, of work. It's inspiration was uplifting and joyful. The words and reality of the story brought me right into it. I see it has a 4.5 rating, but I found no typo's and I truely enjoyed the feeling it brought to me, so I have rated it a 5.
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Well this was different and interesting. Even rather amusing in it's own sort of way.
<-- Had to make sure I got that part in there.