Congratulations on the contest. This is a provocative and well-planned piece of writing. The intrigue slowly builds and aply reveals the sad realism through Savannah's eyes.
"Stay away from the light, my precious Savannah. You must stay away from the light..." This ending ties in the prompt with great effect--terrific character development for this size piece and an excellent story!
I will be reviewing your entry in The Classic Story Contest. My opinions matter in the judging of this contest, but, beyond that, only you can decide whether they are useful or not. As in any review, feel free to disregard any comments or suggestions you don't find helpful or agree with. I appreciate your participation and hope you and your writing have benefited in some way.
GREETINGS Clint,
IMPRESSION: If I'm to suppose that the narrator isn't you, and this truly is a work fiction, it is certainly an interesting piece. Regardless, either way, it is an engrossing tale.
CHARACTERS: The narrator is someone that "we" writers can identify with. And Sally sounds like a perfect muse. Heather gives the story intrigue.
PLOT/SETTING: The exchange in the bar produced exactly what you were going for.
STRUCTURAL/TECHNICAL/GRAMMATICAL: The writing is straightforward, clear, and practically error free. Only nne typo that I noticed: diner/dinner.
FINAL THOUGHTS AND SUGGESTIONS: An enjoyable read. I would like to read the novel. Good luck in the contest.
I will be reviewing your entry in The Classic Story Contest. My opinions matter in the judging of this contest, but, beyond that, only you can decide whether they are useful or not. As in any review, feel free to disregard any comments or suggestions you don't find helpful or agree with. I appreciate your participation and hope you and your writing have benefited in some way.
GREETINGS Dermit,
IMPRESSION: This journey took me from the dawn-of-days through the emergence of life. The odyssy was filled with vivid, detailed descriptions, travail, as well as an insightful panoramic glimpes of what all this must feel like-- truly an engrossing piece of literature.
CHARACTERS: This unknown, unnamed plant monopopized the characterization. "He" was an intelligent, sympathic soul that had me rooting for him.
PLOT/SETTING: The setting was magnificant and the plot straight-forward, until the end, of course. I felt what was coming, but wasn't sure how you would accomplish it.
STRUCTURAL/TECHNICAL/GRAMMATICAL: I saw no errors or problems of any kind.
FINAL THOUGHTS AND SUGGESTIONS: I can see this ( all but the last section about the boy) as a prologue to a sweeping novel. This is an extraordinary piece of work; although, its placement in this contest makes it a long shot.
Nice piece. You did excellent! I've never tried only writing dialogue. I love diague, though.
This was a clever choice ( set-up) for this exercise. The focus is all on the conversation--a man committing suicide and talking to his dead wife certainly demands attention. Nice.
Valentine's Day is quite a story to be so short. On a thin dime, your accomplished a tremendous shift in emotions. I'll never look at Valentine's Day the same way again. You certainly have a flair for the twisted.
The Eye Of The Window is an interesting piece. You pulled me into the story--the woman's surroundings and self-torture--and then hit me with the twist. The dead woman, strange as it sounds, sort of gave me a another point of view. Edgy stuff.
Even in this haunting tale, you end on a positive note. The world is beautiful. Nice writing!
I will be reviewing your entry in The Classic Story Contest. My opinions matter in the judging of this contest, but, beyond that, only you can decide whether they are useful or not. As in any review, feel free to disregard any comments or suggestions you don't find helpful or agree with. I appreciate your participation and hope you and your writing have benefited in some way.
GREETINGS Oliver,
IMPRESSION: Relish is an appropiate title for a unique tale. A witty yarn told in the first person rings true.
CHARACTERS: The last hotdog on earth fought his battle until the bitter end. He was a sympathetic soul.
PLOT/SETTING: I enjoyed the main character's observations and musings. Showing the crudness of those around him worked well to forward your plotline.
STRUCTURAL/TECHNICAL/GRAMMATICAL: The piece was well written without any noticeable errors.
FINAL THOUGHTS AND SUGGESTIONS: Good luck in the contest.
This is a well written and powerful piece of flash fiction. I liked how you took in the reader in one direction, and then tuned it all upside down. Nice writing!
I found this piece in the Newbie newsletter. Congratulations! It's nice to make your acquaintance. Welcome to WDC.
I will be reviewing your entry in The Classic Story Contest. My opinions matter in the judging of this contest, but, beyond that, only you can decide whether they are useful or not. As in any review, feel free to disregard any comments or suggestions you don't find helpful or agree with. I appreciate your participation and hope you and your writing have benefited in some way.
GREETINGS DRSmith,
IMPRESSION: This piece immediately felt like a classic story and garnered ny interest. The transitions were clear and concise, and the pacing allowed breathing room for soaking up your eloquent descriptions and creative and thoughful language.
CHARACTERS: Mike's voice came through effectively. He made for a realistic character and was very believable relating the story to Robby, who listened well and was a good friend to his boss.
The Grandfather had the family's best interest at heart; his insightful yarn of the window pane provided the vehicle for your moving tale. His wisdom was handed dowm to his son and grandson. Elements that make for a strong theme.
The diamond, of course, is Moses. An endearing soul, down on his luck, who demonstrates true insight and know-how, friendship and loyality, and above all an integrity that gives me hope for the human race.
PLOT/SETTING: The plot was straight forward and the setting perfect. Your knowledge of horseracing and its lifestyle stamped this piece with authenticity and down-home flavor.
The thought provoking ending worked to great effect. The two friends gazing a the windoew pane, wondering what their futures held, tempts the reader to do likewise.
STRUCTURAL/TECHNICAL/GRAMMATICAL: The piece was techncally and grammatically sound.
FINAL THOUGHTS AND SUGGESTIONS: This story was filled with powerful themes: the randomness of life, chance, hardship, friendship, family, honor and integrity. And it certainly answered Mike's question to Robby.
"... has any event , or perhaps something a person might have said or done, ever made such a strong impression that it influenced your feelings, or in some way changed your life?"
I believe Moses effected Mike's life exactly how this story may affect its readers.
I will be reviewing your entry in The Classic Story Contest. My opinions matter in the judging of this contest, but, beyond that, only you can decide whether they are useful or not. As in any review, feel free to disregard any comments or suggestions you don't find helpful or agree with. I appreciate your participation and hope you and your writing have benefited in some way.
GREETINGS Bran,
IMPRESSION: The tale was a good one and reminded me of Rod Sterling narrating the Twilight Zone. The story was used as a warning/message, as it were.
CHARACTERS: Ms. Eldridge was quite a character, living alone on Dubuque Street. The two boys were realistic and reminded me of days gone by.
PLOT/SETTING: The plot was straight-forward and the storage shed was just what the doctor ordered.
STRUCTURAL/TECHNICAL/GRAMMATICAL: I noticed a few formatting problems: separating dialogue and paragraphs, but the piece accomplished its intended purpose..
FINAL THOUGHTS AND SUGGESTIONS: This was an enjoyable read. The narrator's voice was the highlight for me. Good luck in the contest.
I will be reviewing your entry in The Classic Story Contest. My opinions matter in the judging of this contest, but, beyond that, only you can decide whether they are useful or not. As in any review, feel free to disregard any comments or suggestions you don't find helpful or agree with. I appreciate your participation and hope the experience will benefit you and your writing in some way.
GREETINGS Sir M. Gathers,
IMPRESSION: The Glorious Death of Wilber Strode was an interesting tale, and very enjoyable. Old age, loss, depression, imagination, renewal and the cycle of life are all powerful themes.
CHARACTERS: Wilber Strode definitely fits the bill as a classic individual. Your characterization worked effectively; I saw the old coot scooting around his apartment talking to Backward Wilbur and mumbling to himself.
PLOT/SETTING: The introduction of the creature Macon, and ensuing action, enabled you to move the story to its resolution, with quite a bit of pizzazz I might add.
STRUCTURAL/TECHNICAL/GRAMMATICAL: The piece was planned well and I didn't notice any grammatical mistakes.
FINAL THOUGHTS AND SUGGESTIONS: I enjoyed the images of Golgotha, Hiroshimi, and so on. This was a unique story. Good luck in the contest.
I will be reviewing your entry in The Classic Story Contest. My opinions matter in the judging of this contest, but, beyond that, only you can decide whether they are useful or not. As in any review, feel free to disregard any comments or suggestions you don't find helpful or agree with. I appreciate your participation and hope your writing has benefited in some way.
GREETINGS Jaye P,
IMPRESSION: The story was masterfully executed from the hook to the jury's verdict. It was as if I were watching a Law and Order episode.
CHARACTERS: Candice Davis came across extremely sympathtic; her reserved, genteel nature gave her adult experience more validity. Her dialogue and interaction with her husband was realistic and believable.
PLOT/SETTING: The opening with Candice looking into those cruel, mocking eyes worked very well. The flashback went smoothly, and in the retelling of the event you maintained the theme of those cold, cruel eyes.
The added twist of the undercover policeman was a nice touch, as well as having the other victim testify. The major setting of the courtroom focused the drama and suspense. For me, the subtle gesture of Candy wanting to see the expression on her husband's face ties it all together--from cruel eyes to loving eyes.
STRUCTURAL/TECHNICAL/GRAMMATICAL:
No suggestions. Your prose is flawless, easy to read, and enhances your straight-forward style. If there is a grammatical mistake, I can't find it.
FINAL THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS: I enjoyed making this journey with Candy and was glad it all worked out. I think it was a good choice not to focus on the attacks, with the gruesome details, bur rather on Candy's emotions. A very nice piece of writing. Good luck with the contest.
I found this in the Newbie Newsletter. Congratulations! Welcome to WDC.
This is a well written piece, emotional and heartwarming. You have placed tender and glorious thoughts into this child's mouth. But that is exactly the way they think. There's something about flying a kite. Nice writing.
Congratulations on the contest! I really enjoyed "Death of a hero." The first person worked to great effect. The narrator's voice gave the story a realistic feel, the dialogue was great, and he pacing was spot on.
The story was well conceived and written--a really creative take on the prompt, too.. I like your style. Nice job!
Best regards, Coolhand
My new contest might be right down your alley.
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Your piece is well planned, clear and concise, and written with conviction. You don't preach, you explain why you feel the way you do, The essay is professional, and, in my opinion, should be used as a primer for WDC members.
I agree that one should very carefully consider whether a review should be made private or public. I've had reviewers give me helpful criticism--in great lengthy detail--but I would have rathered the review been private.
I was looking for someting to read and ran across this. I haven''t been to your port lately. Interesting poem! It's one of those that tells the truth. The best kind I think. It was Buddha who talked about embracing the contradictions in life. This piece is filled with them. Nice work.
This was an interesting piece. The beginning quietly hooked me and slowly unraved the sorrowful tale. You utilize the neighbor effectively, reinforcing the sad state of Hilda's reality. In the end, tying in the photograph was perfect.
Suggestions for your consideration:
I would have separated the dialogue and the paragraphs.
Attempt to control that nasty word "had". For instance--your first two sentences use it four times.
One possible change: Hilda watched the photograph fade over the years. When her husband had taken it Lenny was just five years old--a black and white print, worn brown with age.
I like your writing style. This was an enjoyabe read. Write on!
I thoroughly enjoyed To be Young Again. The language had a comforting feel; the prose exquisite. The piece developed natually, no rushing. Its intrigue and appeal increased with each line, taking me to the unexpected resolution for the old man, and the twist with the boy. Nice work!
In this simple encounter with a child, you raised questions pondered by humans since the beginning us time. And you left the reader to their own devices. Very effective.
Welcome to WDC! It's nice to make your acquaintance.
This is a good story and an excellent piece of flash fiction. You begin with intrigue, add in conflict, build the anticipation, and then hit us with a great ending. Nice!
You reminded me how much I love Confucius.
My only suggestion would be to separate your dialogue and paragraphs.
I found this piece in the Mystery Newsletter. It began with plenty of intrigue and I had no idea what was coming. The set it up was well planned and you carried through nicely for such a short piece.
Your writing style is clear and easy to read; I didn't find any errors. Nice job!
Best regards, Coolhand
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