I will be reviewing your entry in The Classic Story Contest. My opinions matter in the judging of this contest, but, beyond that, only you can decide whether they are useful or not. As in any review, feel free to disregard any comments or suggestions you don't find helpful or agree with. I appreciate your participation and hope you and your writing have benefited in some way.
GREETINGS Jerry Mouse,
IMPRESSION: Your story took me inside the head of a fighter pilot and revealed the totality of war, in all its heights. depths, glory, and heartaches.
CHARACTERS: Captain "Horrid" Harrod was a fully-developed, complicated character who displayed all the needed elements for a compelling protagonist in a classic story: human frailities, great courage, and the ability to evolve.
You did a good good with the anti-protagonist, The Red Baron. The Baker's Bloodhounds also helped the story, and your mention of the Hounds of Baskerville was clever.
You accomplished your goal when you killed Lieutenant Sanders. I was sad to see him go.
PLOT/SETTING: France in World War 1 was a good choice for delivering the fights scenes. You didn't have to deal with the modern technology of todays aircraft. That said, you displayed an excellent knowledge of aircraft and military life. You set up the battle between good and evil and then gave us the twist--Harrod not killing the baron's brother.
Harrod's eye problem was an effective plot device and added suspense.
STRUCTURAL/TECHNICAL/GRAMMATICAL: You story was well written and full of interesting information, especially for war buffs. Your action scenes were action packed, but not laborious.
FINAL THOUGHTS AND SUGGESTIONS: THis was an enjoyable read and a solid entry. My only suggestion to improve on this fine story might be to start off with some action, or event that pulled the reader in a little earlier on, and sprinkled in the background information as you went along.
Your story was very interesting, and you certainly are blessed to live in such a beautiful place. I really enjoyed how you have displayed the photos. I especially like the one of Ross lake!
I see that you have you hands full. You have a lovely family.
I enjoyed your entry. It's an excellent use of the prompt. I especially liked the third stanza, because it forces the reader to witness the contradictions in this rambler's life. He has no friends, but when he plays guitar on every heart a spell desends. Then the sad reality ties the piece together: he feels he must choose between his music and a relationship. Nice writing!
I'm glad you found the time to enter and that you made the deadline. This is a wonderful piece. I could picture you walking through the woods in awe of its majesty, and the sandy roadbed squishing through your toes. Imagining the Indian was a really nice touch.
Best regards, Coolhand
Hey, you have stories featured in two newsletters this month. I'm going to read when I get the chance.
Your poem is direct and uses simple language to get across your message: we never stop growing. You illustrate the progreesion of life by comparing it at different times. Nice job!
I notice your new here at WDC. Welcome! It's nice to make your acquaintance. I'm sure you will enjoy you stay. Write on!
Funny. Very funny. This could have been written yesterday, by mothers all over America. For me, the third stanza was the most insightful and spoke to me the most. "Nothing sacred. . . with headbanger bands. The combination here is very telling, and interesting.
I must confess that I like short, rhyming poetry over all others types. Nice how ya got in WDC!
I will be reviewing your entry in The Classic Story Contest. My opinions matter in the judging of this contest, but, beyond that, only you can decide whether they are useful or not. As in any review, feel free to disregard any comments or suggestions you don't find helpful or agree with. I appreciate your participation and hope you and your writing have benefited in some way.
GREETINGS Jaye P,
IMPRESSION: This is the kind of down-home kind of story I enjoy. It definitly had the feel of the fifties.
CHARACTERS: Your introduction of Eileen Nelson gave me a real sense of who she was, when she found out the Pruitts were no longer around.
Willy.of course, is the most sympathic character; he had me rooting for him until the end. Although, I had a sickly feeling things weren't going to work out. I liked your line--how the time passed with intolerable slowness for Willy. Effective writing!
Willy's mother came across very realistic and reminds me of my granny back on the farm.
PLOT/SETTING: A rural setting on the farm supplied the function you needed for your plot. The extended scene where the calf is born is the high point of the story. Much is learned through "showing" of this event.
Having Willie whittling in the beginning, and then the house being full of rings in the end was heart-breaking.
STRUCTURAL/TECHNICAL/GRAMMATICAL: The piece was well planned and written. I saw nothing to quibble about.
FINAL THOUGHTS: Unrequited love is a powerful and sad theme. Life is that way more often than not. Good luck in the contest.
Your excellent descriptive skills, and you pacing (the way you slowly revealed what was going on). made "Professional Courtesy" an enjoyable read. The story was focussed and felt like a scene from TV crime drama. Although, I hate when the bad guys win. Nice job!
I noticed one small oversight: they "get" wind of them
I will be reviewing your entry in The Classic Story Contest. My opinions matter in the judging of this contest, but, beyond that, only you can decide whether they are useful or not. As in any review, feel free to disregard any comments or suggestions you don't find helpful or agree with. I appreciate your participation and hope you and your writing have benefited in some way.
GREETINGS Wiggy,
IMPRESSION: I enjoyed you story very much. It was well written. Your mixture of action with the expository information was balanced effectively and moved the story forward. It made for an enjoyable read.
CHARACTERS: James was a believable and likeable character. Mrs. Miller was a little less fleshed-out, but the fact that she was attractive really made the story happen.
PLOT/SETTING: The title was spot on! James being a janiter was a perfect setup. Her coming in for the experiment was very believable. And, of course, her action made for a titllating and unexpected ending.
STRUCTURAL/TECHNICAL/GRAMMATICAL: Your story was properly designed and carried out. I have only a few comments. "No, I insist, Jim claimed." I would use "exclaimed" instead of claimed, or something else.
You should also consider your use of numbers. Like: 37 and 7th graders. In fiction, these are usually spelled out.
FINAL THOUGHTS AND SUGGESTIONS: This is a likable, solid story with a twist. With the high word count available, in my contest, you could have developed James more fully. I do know this was a portion of a larger story.
I thoroughly enjoyed your Lost Story. Not only did it take me places I've never been, but your youthful, enamored voice--from yesterday--came through and showed me the way. Tying in Krugor's Millions with the notebook was inspiring. Nice writing, amigo.
This instructional article--How to Write a Query Letter-- was packed full of clear, concise information. It covered all the bases in an down-to-earth manner: what to do and what not to do, and the bullets highlighting your ideas was a nice touch. I especially liked the "good" and "bad" examples.
I found this in the Writer's Circle Newsletter. My opinions are meant to help. Disregard what you don't find useful.
This was a classic, socially significant story--told by a narrator looking back on the event. She revealed her struggle, and her honest reasons for the struggle very well, which was, mainly, not wanting her father to find out. This cleverly illustrated the power of good parenting.
My only suggestions would be for a little more dialog. Also I have a pit peeve of writers not revealing the narrator's name. Of course, this is a personally desision.
I think this was a well-written, delightful story. Write on!
I enjoyed this. It began my morning like a meditation: short, clear, precise. I've done a better job letting loose of the future than forgetting the past. It's good advice.
Embracing the contradictions in life is not a easy thing. Nice work!
This review is for Jennifer's Yellow Birthday Celebration.
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Greetings Acme,
Overall Impression: I always enjoy your work, and this was no exception. Your title was spot on. I liked the way you delayed revealing exactly what was happening to heighten the suspense. Your characterization of the old man was very realistic, and, for me, the young guy really put the story over.
I think both men grew because of the experience. You handled that quite well in such a short piece.
Suggestions: I don't know if it's one of those "over the pond" sort of things, but, normally, we call it a twelve-gauge shotgun.
An enjoyable read as always--nice job!
Remember, this is only my opinion. My only intention is to help. Take what you need and discard the rest.
This was the most touching story I've read in a while. Viewing the memoery chip was very clever, and the scene with the old man was well done, on so many levels. The fact that he fixed bikes and had been in love with a robut was perfect. But the bottle cap (and the ending) really put the frosting on top.
The story was devised and your use of imagery was striking at times. Example:
"She took off the visor with a fierce yank and gulped for air, feeling as if she had been sent into a spin cycle and her emotions completely wrung out of her."
I've always enjoyed your fiction (I nominated The Lisa Lansing story in the Quill Awards last year}, but today I've branched out. I read one of your poems, and this piece of non-fiction. I found it extremely interesting. The jail thing is very mysterious. Now, I'll have to read Evil Wind and Hogs n Hens.
It certainly is scary looking at our first attempts, but we get better with time. I don't know your background (how far you've come), but I've come a long way and still have far to go. But that's what makes it interesting! Along these lines, if you get the time, take a look at this piece I wrote for a contest.
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The Thrill was Gone is a sensitive, poignant look at reality. The first-person voice rings true without melodrama, which would have been easy to do with this piece. Linda handles the letter evenhandedly--a great piece of flash fiction. The whole story is laid out very well, with an ending that shifts everything in a completely different direction. Nice writing.
I enjoyed your essay. It was excellent advice; however, regardless of how proficient we become, there will always be revision, revision, revision. It is the "way" my friend. It is thee only way. If we are to complete our mission, we must all finish the ditch. Yes. Keep digging. The joy is in the digging. And one day, we'll look up and the job will be finished. Ah--the sound of one hand clapping.
Technology is my Achilles Heel. I searched for a long time for a site that I could navigate. WDC fits the bill, perfectly. If I can do it, anyone can. Beyond that, everything else is more than I could have hoped for. You get out what you put in.
I found your story in the Mystery Newsletter. Congratulations! Good job, and technically perfect, as always. Nice suspense and a twist. I'd thought for a minute you were ending it too easily and possibly going to leave the reader without a punch. But no, you took care of that. Nice touch with the undercover cop.
I noticed you wrote this for a crime contest. There probably was a word count limitation. Do you find these efforts challenging? I find it really difficult to develop a character in such a short span of time.
One of my stories was also featured. If you get the time, take a look and give me your opinion. You're one of my go-to people for an honest assessment. I've been working on this character and thinking about putting him in a novel.
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This was well told and fit the prompt extremely well. I though the flashback really made the story happen--the big "what if" was perfect. The scene provided enough intrigue to carry me to the end. I love a happy ending. Nice job!
I'm not clear whether this is fiction or non-fiction, but I love it, either way. It was a great story. You walked that fine line of speaking as an adult, looking back at a childhood experience. The voices merge very well. You definitely accomplished your mission of revealing a child's perspective.
Best regards, Coolhand
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