I found this piece in the Newbie Newsletter. Congratulations. The narration was strong, interesting, contemporary, and very realistic. I especially liked the characterization of Will. Nice job!
It's nice to make your acquaintance. Welcome to WDC.
Congratulations on the contest! A Dish Best Served Cold was an intriguing tale. I really liked the whole subconscious angle, and of course all the high-tech stuff.
I found it difficult to solve a case in 2000 words. But that's why I love SoCal's contest--it's a great challenge.
Hey, one's better than none. I really enjoyed this offering. Nice job; a unique take on the photo. I imagine this rings true for many. I thought a sequel would make things easy--I've been on page four for a month now. Funny, really funny.
This ia an effective prologue-- all-consuming, life-threatening, intriguing. The title itself add to the mystery of the piece. But add his crimes of growing and harvesting healing herbs, and the church bells ringing loudly in his ears, and you have accomplished your mission in trumps. Nice writing.
Bringing in a doctor with a degree in literature and psychiatry raises the stakes, most asuredly. Going into an in-depth analysis of the poem focuses the intrigue to great effect. I reread the poem twice and evaluated the doctor's opinions several times--very interesting stuff. The complexity is left up to the reader.
"Braving the Rapids" is a wonderful piece of flash fiction--a complete satisfying story with a message, an enjoyable read. This is great characterization in such a short piece.
I see you have recently arrived at WDC. Welcome! It's nice to make your acquaintance.
In my recent visits to Canada, I've noticed they know way more about us than we do about them. In a political conversation, I was embarrassed because of how little I knew abut their leaders. On the other hand, this chap was quite versed about ours.
This piece accomplished your goal--straught-forward, poignant, true. It declares the truth--reveals the ignorance--while also making a plee for sanity. Nice writing!
My favorite stanza:
To teach a child they should hate
A color or a creed,
Is just about the ultimate…
‘To poison your own seed!’
I found this piece in the Drama Newsletter, and I can see why. You slowly and surely bult the suspense/intrigue, while filling in the details, and brought the story to a satisfying conclusion. I like that you left what happened to the reader's imagination.
I always find short pieces the most challenging to write; it takes great care to tell a satisfying story. This was an excellent job.
I overemphasize certain aspects of the person's character that I've developed. In doing so, hopefully, i can make the reader better understand humanity, and bring us all closer together.
This is an enjoyable piece, but more importantly, for me, it is insightful and confirms my writing philosophy. I believe a story should move the reader to better understand human nature, to bring us all closer together.
You said a lot in a small piece of realistate. Nice job!
I found "The Refuge" in Adriani's Accolades. I understand her sentiment, completely. I thoroughly enjoyed it. The way you effectively executed this emotional and moving tale --through proper pacing, and allowing the piece to breathe-- worked to great effect. Example: You gave plenty of information in the beginning (but not too much), before you flashed back. In addition, the way you asked and answered was very clever--
Excerpt: It couldn't be a coincidence that she'd begun hearing his voice again. She had been living in St. Louis for the past decade. It was that time of the year, late winter. And the mist was again rising from the waters. No, it couldn't be a coincidence. Why the hell did she return?
But, she knew why . . .
I enjoyed your writing style and look forward to reading more.
This truly gets across your love for this special place. You accomplish your misson in an interesting and delightful way. I've never been to this particular piece of paradise, but as a traveler and lover of many simuliar spots, your descriptions make me yearn for mine. Thanks.
I found this piece in the Newbie Newsletter. Congratulations! Welcome to WDC. I'm sure you will find many people to support your writing, especially with the thoughfulness you've shown in this excellent commentary.
This piece made my day. It's so refreshing to hear someone speak to issues that really matter. Good luck at WDC and may the sun shine on your writing this year.
Your first chapter has enought intrigue to keep me interested (who is the beautiful woman, and of course, what will happen when the narrator gets back home) and your information about the Philipines is interesting.
What I liked best is your writing style. The pacing gives room to breathe, and It suits the narrator. An enjoyable read.
I will be reviewing your entry in The Classic Story Contest. My opinions matter in the judging of this contest, but, beyond that, only you can decide whether they are useful or not. As in any review, feel free to disregard any comments or suggestions you don't find helpful or agree with. I appreciate your participation and hope you and your writing have benefited in some way.
GREETINGS Jyo,
IMPRESSION: This was an endearing tale of a mother experiencing the empty nest syndrome. I enjoyed it very much.
CHARACTERS: The rabbit doll must bring back memories for many (I know it does for me), and Nanni was a delightful child with a great imagination. Of course this was facillitated by a wonderful mother.
PLOT/SETTING: You moved into the flashback effortlessly and the narrator's voice came ascross unassuming and authentic. I loved the detailed explaination for making lemonade.
STRUCTURAL/TECHNICAL/GRAMMATICAL: The piece was well written and I didn't notice any punctuation difficulties. The style suited the mother's character and made for an enjoyable read.
FINAL THOUGHTS AND SUGGESTIONS: For me, the strength of this piece was in the first person narration. The mother's remembrance was of her daugther, but it cleaverly revealed what a wonderful person/character the mother was. Great job! Good luck in the contest.
This was an enjoyable read, indeed. And the title was perfect! Although, obviously FUNNY, this piece also said much about the mother's character and personality, and indirectly spoke to raising children by joint-custody.
Besides you being an excellent writing mechanic, as always, it's your ability to come up with great concepts that impresses me the most. I can see why you're a screen writer.
For a minute, I thought the kid might get kidnapped, or something, which keep a little edge going. I don't know if you planned that, but it workrd for me. I'm glad the kid didn't, though. Great writing!
Well, I'll tell ya, I sure won't win this review challenge, because i can't think of anything to improve, correct, or jack my jaws about.
An interesting piece that captures a writer's feelings, ponderings, dreams. I enjoyed its clearity and rhythm. The fifth stanza brings your declaration to life. Great title!
This is only my opinion, but I would've left off the dark and stormy night. For me, the piece is much stronger without it. Also, lately, I've read a couple articles talking about not using that phase. But I certiantly know where you were coming from. Nice piece of writng!
I know exactly where you're coming from--or live, to be more exact. I've been a traveler my whole life and when it came time to settle down, I chose a place just like yours (only in Ohio). And I'm sure if you lengthened this piece, you'd speak to the bluesjays fussing outside your window, the friendly old neighbor across the street, the deer in the backyard at night, and the multitude of interesting and surprisingly honest subjects (whether you agree with them or not) available to tickle your muse. I find it all very fascinating.
I was looking out my window when I ran across your piece. Thanks. I enjoy your writing, amigo. Have a good day.
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