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What I liked/loved
The thoughts which go along with the poems meaning is nice. It allows the reader to visualize what it would be like to fly and the peace of freely letting go.
My suggestion (I come in peace )
In the last stanza last line, it throws the poems rhythm off just a bit. It's also a little confusing to understand what is meant by "A short stop, and peace evermore". Where is the stop and how is it peacful. I think the addition of another line or stanza providing insight into this stop would greatly enhance the last thoughts of this poem and deepen its message/meaning.
Congratulations on your win in the "Invalid Item" MY REVIEW #24 OF 29 (Complete Poetry Port Raid)
What I liked/loved
This is a wonderful poem, pointing out the strengths of a United Nation and our home in the Lord. The title accurately describes the message within the poem, and ties well into each stanza for a wonderful message that will be remembered. The flow was very nice and allowed for an enjoyable read. I applaud you for writing such an honorable poem.
Congratulations on your win in the "Invalid Item" MY REVIEW #23 OF 29 (Complete Poetry Port Raid)
What I liked/loved
This is very powerful. The title is grabs the reader and by the time your through the second line, your hooked! You express with deep emotions how one has been taken advantage of after putting their all into. The flow was great and allowed for a delightful read. I loved the entire poem but the line that reads, "Leaving pillaged shell of mother and wife?" was by far, a very heart hitting line. Great write.
Congratulations on your win in the "Invalid Item" MY REVIEW #22 OF 29 (Complete Poetry Port Raid)
What I liked/loved
This is such a beautifully written poem. It's loving words give thanks in the most humblest way, using perfect descriptive words for the reader to visualize why this person is being thanks. And that thought they are moving on, what they passed on to you, will forever be remembered as well as them. Wonderful imagery! The words are perfect and all in harmony, allowing for a superb read.
Congratulations on your win in the "Invalid Item" MY REVIEW #20 OF 29 (Complete Poetry Port Raid)
What I liked/loved
Oh, how I love this. It written perfectly to your daughter on the day she entered the "real world". It's words are tender and assuring, reminding her to never give up and always go for her goals. This should be the insert of card...as a mother, I would run to buy it. This covers everything you should to your children all the time. I loved the flow, which was musical. The refrain adds memory to its words and meaning. Beautiful wording and wonderfully composed
The flow was wonderful and the imagery is vividly there!
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What I liked/loved
This was a fantastic story! It is filled with well written words which allow the reader to go deep into the plot and the characters for a wonderful read. I love how you incorporate the language of the land, using words like "nay", which show setting. Very well written! Great job.
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What I liked/loved
This was a fun story. I think it also contains a good message for the child reader; if you are warned by an adult take heed and dont listen to your own curiosity. I like the subtle mystery that was added, you just didnt know what was going all the time. As they started going into the darkened area I was sure it was going to be the end of Hoppity. Then the other "kids" seemed to not be worried about him, which made me think they really did just want to play with him. The ending was great, no one was harmed and he learned something. Wonderful and I enjoyed reading it and would refer it to children
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What I liked/loved
I liked the message; I'll give you a chance but once you mess up, I'm leaving. I thought the writer provided good wording to assist the reader along in getting a clear message. I liked the rhyme pattern used it allowed for a good smooth flowing read.
My suggestion (I come in peace )
Provide more details as to how the person felt or what was being done in the relationship to make the person feel that way, doing so will provide a little imagery and thus heighten the poem as it allows the reader to visualize and perhaps feel what's making the person feel this way.
This was a delight to read. In so few words you manged to paint an image of pure happiness to the reader. Your choice in words, though simple, were so meaningful and well arranged. All the words seemed to join together to form the perfect harmony, even in it's Free Verse form.
I enjoyed this poem, it seems to be filled with emotions and very VIVID imagery. You allow the reader to be a part of a situation that is a hazard to their health, the desire to love someone who does not know the full meaning of love. I enjoyed the flow as well, thought it was freestyle it still had a wonderful flow.
Suggestions from the heart :
With regard to flow, consider the following line adjustment in the first stanza.
The weight on my shoulders is crushing me,
Like an elephants foots coming down on me. Remove "s" from foots.
Insert "you" in the following line: Being with you has weakened my soul
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What I liked/loved
I thought this was a very interesting and bold write. It was handled very delicately as though trying not to offend. I think you provided a wonderful story line and offered great supporting details within the story, such as history on each of the characters backgrounds. Race can be a very touchy subject for some, but this story comes off embracing the difference's among people while showing that all are similar in actuality. And the characters courage to stand up for her love and not give into society and thier ignorance, letting nothing interfere, not even race, with her true love for a her man. This was enjable to read and very well written.
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What I liked/loved
This is a wonderful account of your life on the farm. It was very educational for a city girl like me. I enjoyed the humor along with the emotional feelings due to the birth of your animals and the sadness I felt at the lost of one. Welcome to the wonderful world of journaling, you are dong a fantastic Job!
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What I liked/loved
This was a very nice poem to read, it reminded me of a fairy tale love....a happy ending I enjoyed the amount of detail the two charactered had, that made the reader understand the title and the background on the two. It was fun to read, especially around this time of year. Very well written.
My suggestion (I come in peace )
The last line of the 1st part (where the first set of *** appear - remove the word "he" after the word "but".
The line that reads, "She not knowing because she wasn’t sure where their conversation had ended up while..." - remove "not knowing"
The line that reads, " So, they both said at the same time. They laughed nervously and their realizations each..." - change "that" to "at" and insert "of" between "realization" and "each"
The line that reads, "Her parents had said that she was stupid to just be with one person because she young and ..." - insert "was" between "she" and "young"
The line that reads, "His work was almost too realistic and he needed that that chance to lose the tight grip..." - remove one of the "that"s
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What I liked/loved
This was a very unique and interesting story. I could see it in the movies! It is written very well, in logical order and provides a lot of little detailing that heighten the effects of the story. I literally had to get up at one point just to make sure I had read that, kind of chilling to find out that someone's bones had been written on. Wow, great story line!
My suggestion (I come in peace )
I thought the ending could have provided a little more insight as to what will happen next, how did the writing get there and what exactly did it mean. I understand that there was writing on parts of the feet, but what of or about? I think the incorporation of the message would have been wonderful in this story. I would like to see a part to, also.
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What I liked/loved
This is a special and wonderfully written story. I like how you give childhood situations that allow the reader to see personalities in the characters, your dad's "evil eye" reminded me of my mothers, and your mom's bonding ability. This provided great imagery for the reader to relate.
My suggestion (I come in peace )
Insert a comma (,) after "asked" in the 3rd paragraph, 2nd line. 4th line of same paragraph, change the word "so" to "for".
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What I liked/loved
This was a very nice poem which reads like a harmonious story. I like the free Verse form it took, being a lover of free Verse It was very interesting and holds it's readers attention, even if not familiar with a crew ship. But it gives great tribute to the captain and compliments the old saying, "A captain must go down with his ship". He did a very heroic deed which cost him his life but saved that of others. Very nice and well written.
My suggestion (I come in peace )
Only one small, which does not hinder the poems too much, but does cause a small hesitant on the readers end: remove the word "now" in the 6th stanza, 1st line. The sentence stands alone well without it.
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What I liked/loved
Very nicely written string of haiku which form one beautiful poem. The title gives justification to the words of your poem, as it speaks of the seed from its birth through its growth. Wonderful use of words to paint a beautiful image of seasons. The flow was easy and thus the rhythmic tune was heard as it was read. You followed the form of a haiku perfectly.
My suggestion (I come in peace )
I think the incorporation of hidden ideas would allow the reader to visualize for themselves instead of you telling them of these things.
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What I liked/loved
This is a wonderful autobiography but into the form of a poem I think that is a very unique take on combining the two writings. Your word choices were well selected and provide the reader with an inside look at the writer we know. The flow was nice allowing for the read to be done with ease and understanding of it's writer. I love how you mention each stanza's subject then give a description of it and a meaning for it's presence. Great Job
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What I liked/loved
Very nicely written piece. It's words are food for thought, as the reader ponder over it't message you can imagine how we are embraced and the feelings that go along with it. It, good physical contact, sends a message to the heart that someone cares about us. And even thought it can be tainted, we give it a change hoping for the better of many outcomes. Wonderful use of words which provide an image of love and acceptance.
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What I liked/loved
This was a cut story and VERY humorous. It was written well using good descriptive words that help the reader get a picture of the two dogs interaction's. The story line of one dog who has no patience for another dog was very interesting and provided for a good read.
My suggestion (I come in peace )
I would have loved to read more on the frustration that your dog went through. Perhaps more on the details of how the visiting dog got on Maggies nerves, which would ultimately lead to her being blamed, but still without actual proof.
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What I liked/loved
This is hilarious! I like how you took an original story,, gave the readers an "off scene" image which lends itself as what really happened next The incorporation of them taking a family outing allows the reader to be carried through the story with great imagery of what was already planted in us after reading/watching this story unfold during childhood. It picks right up with the original story and keeps up with the bears living much like us humans. The last paragraph gave a dose of reality in the fairy tale world, that they act human too. Very enjoyable grown up version to the popular children's version.
Title (Relevance to poem): This title is of paramount meaning in your poem! Each of lines speak of the continuance of love between two who are in love and a desire to stay there.
Originality: I think the beginning two stanzas were very unique as you relate the way you feel for this person to that of being intoxicated.
Imagery: This poem is filled with imagery, each of it's stanza focus on something that the reader can visualize, such as "drinking the wine of love" & "drowning in love". Both very powerful statement that provide the reader with a feeling of being smothered with love or feelings thereof.
Rhyme, rhythm, and flow: There was no rhyme pattern but it was very rhythmic, allowing for a wonderful overall flow.
Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation:
None noticed
Ending: Very powerful and meaningful ending, BRAVO! You provide another account, during the ending, of never ending love as you speak on your love even holding you when you take your final rest. This was a wonderful ending!
Overall: I enjoyed reading this, from your word choice to its usage within the poem, everything was written very nicely. The most impactive part for me was in the 2nd stanza when I read, "Cause I deem the Alpha and Omega. All lie in your embrace." For me this speaks great volumes, it suggest to the reader that this person is the only one who will be there from beginning to end and this couple's love will last forever.
My Suggestions:
None
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What I liked/loved
This was a very unique poem, I like how you refer to the images as though they are creations of something new. The rhythm was very nice, allowing for an enjoyable read and punctuation was used effectively.
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What I liked/loved
Very visual of something dealing with a thriller or causing one to be scared. This was little confusing for me, though you provided a lot of detail with regard to feelings and surroundings, I could not manage to make this relate to anything.
My suggestion (I come in peace )
expand on meaning by lengthening lines to allow the reader to associate the feelings within the poem with actual events.
Thanks for your entry and I hope you will join in on the next challenge
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What I liked/loved
I like the title, offering curiosity it draws the reader in. I enjoyed the indirect message in this poem, which seems to encourage its reader to never give up on dreams though its a tough road to achieve them. The ending was also very nice, it confirmed that the character has not given up on their dreams.
My suggestion (I come in peace )
I noticed a rhyme pattern change within the last two stanzas, the beginning stanza's had a pattern of a,b,c,b. That pattern was completely lost during the stanza's I mentioned. I only mention this because consistency enhances the poem for the reader, had this been Free Verse, it would not have mattered.
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Thanks for your entry and I hope you will join in on the next challenge
My suggestion 
) 
Congratulations on your win in the "
and your mom's bonding ability. This provided great imagery for the reader to relate.