Thanks for your entry and I hope you will join in on the next challenge
________________________________________________________________
What I liked/loved
You provide a great deal of imagery in this poem, allowing the reader to feel how much happiness this person brings you. The ending was very powerful. It relates back to the beginning of the poem and captures the readers attention. I love how it states that a presence soon gone is so strong within your heart that it leaves itself behind. Great Job The rhythm was nice as everything was brought together smoothly.
My suggestion (I come in peace )
The line that starts with "as if...", you may consider replacing "as if" with "like", something about that doesn't fit in with the rest of this beautiful poem.
This is a wonderful poem. You capture your readers attention in the beginning of the poem by using words that everyone can relate to and you keep their attention by vivid imagery expressed through your arrangement of words and by a great flow.
The many choices that we are faced with challenge us all to either do right or wrong.
This is a beautiful poem. You provide a great deal of wonderful imagery for the reader to understand your love. You chose very powerful words that are felt by the reader and surrounding these words with even more description
It had a wonderful flow, one that rings beautiful music to my ears. It is heartfelt and shared by me...the love for our children.
Thanks for your entry and I hope you will join in on the next challenge
________________________________________________________________
What I liked/loved
This was fantastic! It was filled with excitement from the very beginning. I love the cliffhanger at the end of the first chapter, my mouth dropped. The insight given for each character sets the reader up for whats to come, but doesn't tell enough to guess at its turnout It was written very wel, who doesnt like to read about crime and when it is twisted that the law protector is taking the law into his own hands, very interesting! I enjoyed this short story very much.
My suggestion (I come in peace )
I would love to read more on the detective, I think you should go on with a full story
This is a wonderful poem. In such few words you have not only captured your readers attention but also the delighful idea that people not hide who their are and follow the example of nature and its true beauty.
The flow is smooth and very harmonious, you have penned a great poem which is filled with meaning and food for thought
Thanks for your entry and I hope you will join in on the next challenge
________________________________________________________________
What I liked/loved
This story was very well put together and contains a good message, no matter what you go through your memories are always sacred. My family was much like the characters in this story, you never touched the album book only doing special occasions and an adult was present. That tradition has carried over with me...my kids are not allowed to touch without my presence. I enjoyed reading this story, very nice.
My suggestion (I come in peace )
I noticed two things that may need to be corrected: The line that reads, "No one knows why. Maybe she got bored of him..." I think "of" should be "with" and in the line that reads, "The sound of thudding glass outside woke me with a start", Did you mean "startle" instead of "start"?
Thanks for your entry and I hope you will join in on the next challenge
________________________________________________________________
What I liked/loved
I enjoyed the simple message within your words that express vividly how you have found true love and are ready to take that final step. The flow was nice and easy to allow the reader an enjoyable read. The title is very captivating, I think it will set the reader up for the message within the poem.
My suggestion (I come in peace )
Your punctuation was scattered, I think you should consider either deleting the punctuation completely or added the punctuation where needed. I strongly suggest that you add it where need it. Take for instance the line that read, "We love each other do you agree - the addition of punctuation here will allow the reader a second to pause and the question will add excitement. Doing this for the remainder of the stanza's will really enhance the overall read and appearance of this piece.
Also the last stanza, last line - I think if you replaced, "through good and bad weather" with "no matter the weather" it would be a much smoother read for this stanza.
Thanks for your entry and I hope you will join in on the next challenge
________________________________________________________________
What I liked/loved
This was a very nice story. It was filled with great details of the surroundings witch helped the reader with setting and characterization. You gave insight into each of the characters, good job The Cliffhanger at the end is very nice and leads the reader to want more.
My suggestion (I come in peace )
I noticed two small errors : Last paragraph, 2nd line "be" should be "been" and 4th line within the same paragraph, "that" should be "than"
Thanks for your entry and I hope you will join in on the next challenge
________________________________________________________________
What I liked/loved
I like this witty poem. It was very creative in how it delivers its message about those who hide within sarcasm. Very clever little poem. I enjoyed reading it.
Thanks for your entry and I hope you will join in on the next challenge
________________________________________________________________
What I liked/loved
This is an awesome poem filled with great imagery, pictures that allow the reader to see if not already touched by the madness in its words. But madness due to our own lifestyles. Your words are very explosive on the page, getting the point across perfectly The flow was wonderful as I read it aloud, adding emphasis to certain words...reading it how I would if it were mine You have penned an excellent poem!
Thanks for your entry and I hope you will join in on the next challenge
________________________________________________________________
What I liked/loved
I enjoyed the message in this poem, it was very powerful! It has a wonderful flow, very rich in word choice, and the title very unique You say so much in such a few words of how we each should be remembers and WANT to be remembered. This poem reminded me of something I say to my kids frequently....you cant take any of these worldly possessions with you when you GO! This is something that all will relate to if not agree completely.
My suggestion (I come in peace )
I think the stanzas should not end in periods as they are not complete thoughts, but instead use the ever famous (...) until you message is reached.
Thanks for your entry and I hope you will join in on the next challenge
________________________________________________________________
What I liked/loved
This was a very nice write. You did a great job! Nice incorporation of the prompt regarding Moth Balls... Good writing skills were all throughout the story.
Thanks for your entry and I hope you will join in on the next challenge
________________________________________________________________
What I liked/loved
I enjoyed reading this, I thought it contained a lot of thoughts about how our senses allow us to perceive what we will. But if all is taken away would we enjoy it the same.
My suggestion (I come in peace )
I think the use of punctuation would greatly improve the intake of the message within this poem. It would also allow the reader to see the breaks in each different situation the writer is pointing out.
Thanks for your entry and I hope you will join in on the next challenge
________________________________________________________________
In very few words you give the reader a feeling of determination. And that having faith and hope is the wise choice. I think the use of punctuation throughout this poem would add to its already meaningful message.
Thanks for your entry and I hope you will join in on the next challenge
________________________________________________________________
This was a very nice short story. It had me on edge most of the time, then to get to the shocking end...I was blown away. This story captures the readers attention and the situation keeps the reader focus, waiting to see what will become of this person being tormented every night with the fighting of his house-mates.
I noticed a few things that may help,so here are some suggestions (which are just my humbled opinions ):
The line that reads: To see what I’ve seen, and hear the horrible shouting matches I’ve heard takes remove this " a lot" more than a sunny day to forget.
The line that reads: She slapped him across the face a moment ago but that just made him madder, consider changing this line to avoid the use of "as if". Maybe: "something that didn't seem possible" as if it was possible for him to do so.
This is beautiful TexansBeatTheMiamiDolphinsBy3! It shows faith in our God. It also shows how we cant attempt struggles in our lives without Him. I appreciate the truth written in these lines. His power can be applied to all the struggles we face not just weight issued. He is the ultimate HEALER, and your words express that.
I enjoyed the flow of this piece, it allowed for a very easy read and the comsumption of its wisdom about our God.
Keep it up!
Cookie
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
I enjoyed this poem, it's words are very well put together as they explain the similarities between women and Eve. Its words made me think of a bible story I used to read as a child.
My suggestions:
I think most of the words you used can be descriptive of women and eve, alive. However the word "mother" i think would better fit during the beginning as a descriptive word of Eve as not all women are mothers, whereas history suggest that Eve is.
It has been a pleasure reading your entry and I hope you will enter the next Round, the prompt is: Compose a poem using the Palindrome form. Check out the form in the "Invalid Item"
Thanks for entering the "Invalid Item"
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** CONGRATULATIONS You have placed as 2nd Place Winner
Feel free to place the above sig at the top of your winning entry: {image:1048144}
What I liked/loved about your poem:
Your poem carried the reader from the conception to the birth and the ultimate blooming of a flower. The imagery it contains is fabulous. It allowed my mind to visual a seed being planted in the earth and the earth raising this seed until it blooms in its full radiant beauty. Fantastic!
My suggestions:
None
It has been a pleasure reading your entry and I hope you will enter the next Round, the prompt is: Compose a poem using the Palindrome form. Check out the form in the "Invalid Item"
This poem is beautiful, spiritual, and POWERFUL. It's words speak of our failures but also suggest inspiration to all to love and thus we will prevail. What a wonderful message to send.
Your word choices make this poem a work of art as it captivates the readers attention and heart and motivates to keep faith alive.
The flow was wonderful as you used the rhyme pattern of aa,bb. It allowed for a undisturbed smooth read!
This poem is a wonderful tribute to the law enforcements officers who protect us everyday. Your choice of words provides a clear picture as to who's side of the law we should all be on. You followed the form perfectly and used punctuation for a very enjoyable flow.
My suggestions:
None
It has been a pleasure reading your entry and I hope you will enter the next Round, the prompt is: Compose a poem using the Palindrome form. Check out the form in the "Invalid Item"
The subject of this poem is very interesting, its a great political poem. I find that I like your description of these two persons, very much in-fact. I really enjoyed the "condoleezing" part.
My suggestions:
None
It has been a pleasure reading your entry and I hope you will enter the next Round, the prompt is: Compose a poem using the Palindrome form. Check out the form in the "Invalid Item"
I enjoyed this piece, it's filled with emotions, which allow the reader to feel its message. I felt that a relationship between two people is but one is not as giving as the other who seems to always be there as friends should. The flow was easy and allowed for a great read. The refrain line adds power to the message and was used very well.
I enjoyed reading this poem, it words provide a sense of lonliness as well as love for the lost loved one. It had an easy read until I reached the 10th line. The poem has a nice rhyme pattern until reaching this line. I would suggest searching for another word to better compliment this poem. It makes the reader hesitate a bit while trying to get over it. I know you dont want it to sound forced, so maybe you could add in another line.
Overall, I liked the poem and its message of missing and how everything is so vivid and upfront in the poem except the loved one who has passed.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/crumbledcookie/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/6
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.38 seconds at 1:22pm on May 02, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
Thanks for your entry and I hope you will join in on the next challenge
The rhythm was nice as everything was brought together smoothly.
My suggestion 
) 
Congradulations on your published piece! 
CONGRATULATIONS 
sig at the top of your winning entry: {image:1048144}