Wow, This is such a vivid poetry filled with words that provide the reader with a clear picture of this woman who is tending to nature.
You have done a wonderful job with description especially for those of us, who not seen this veiw. If I closed my eyes and thought of the words you have used, I would feel like I was there. Excellent write!
This is such a vivid poem, the words speak to the reader as if the reader was there and nature was speaking to them in person. You encorporating so much of nature that you have composed a beautiful earthy poem. It's flow was smooth and very enjoyable. The title is catchy as well
This is a very vivid account of childhood through the writers eyes. It speaks to me of someone noticing the world and how control is not always in their hands, even when they initiat actions.
The flow was easy and provided for an enjoyable read. However I did stumble around the 7th line...not too sure I get it's connecting format. But taking that part out still gives the reader a feel for where the author is coming from. I would have to suggest it be taken out, divided, or using different words. And its only a suggestion.
Wow, I enjoyed reading this poem. It speaks truthfully of life as we can not escape it because it is within each of us. What we do have control over is how we live it and how we embrace all that gives us to learn. Whether good or bad, we just take from it and grow.
The flow was nice as well, easy for the reader to get its message and feel how the writer must. The words used provided a clear picture of how life just hits us and wont let go. GREAT JOB
Congradulations on your win first , and second this poem is awesome. The words make you think for a second, "we are all human and wear the mask like that of a clown." As we think we must hide our feelings to be appealing to the world, but if we just remember that those who we are hiding from also hide themselves from us. I really enjoyed reading this poem, infact I have saved it in my favs I love poetry that is deeply filled with words that can relate to others or make someone realize something about themselves or others and this poem is such a "truth telling" piece of art that it is bound to touch all who read it. EXCELLENT poem!
Title (Relevance to poem): Great title, it suggest everything that your poem says about this natural event.
Originality: The way the poem was written gives it a unique touch.
Imagery: This poem is overflowing with great visuals as the basis of it talks mostly of things we can see, feel, and enjoy.
Rhyme, rhythm, and flow: The flow, though non-rhyming, was very easy and provided its reader with an excellent enjoyable read.
Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation: No errors noticed and the way the poems seems to run on without periods it gives the reader a rush which better heightens the impact of the poems words.
Ending: I thought ending could have went a little better, it didn't close with linking the other stanzas together, but instead others additional info for the reason the writer feels this way about the subject.
Overall: I enjoyed reading this natural poem about nature (night cold specifically), from it's subject to it's words, everything was well written making this a great read.
My Suggestions: My only suggestion is to work on another stanza for the end, something that would bring all the stanzas together for a nice closing.
Title (Relevance to poem): The title of your poem is very nice for its contents, as you talk about forgetting a love and all "his" ways which are making you remember. Good Job
Originality: I didn't find anything unique about this poem.
Imagery: You provide clear visuals for what it takes to move on and that is forgetting all the special things which you explained in your poem.
Rhyme, rhythm, and flow: The first stanza of poem made me think it was free verse and it was a little unorganized with the rhythmic beats. The entire poem has no set pattern, even for free verse it should contain a natural flow. Your poem contains the following stanza rhyme patterns: 1st stanza - a,b,c,b 2nd stanza - a,b,b 3rd stanza - a,a,b,b and 4th stanza a,a,b,b,c. So the last two stanza are more uniformed other than the 4th stanza when you put in another line.
Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation:
None errors noticed and you were consistent in your use of punctuation
Ending: I liked the ending as it seems to bring closure to the thoughts of missing someone as its natural to remember good things and hard to let them go.
Overall: I liked the message in your poem but I think it would be an easier read if you organized the stanza's a little more. The last two stanza's were written very good and if the rest of the poem was brought on that level It would be an awesome poem.
My Suggestions: Try to arrange the poem a little better with consistency in the stanza's.
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Title (Relevance to poem): Your title is strong in relation to your poem. And you tied it in with the last line, which to me always provides as a source of reinforcement to the reader and may assist with them remembering the poem and the poet. Great job
Originality: The thought of this poem is unique as the subject is one that is not explored the way you have.
Imagery: Fantastic, clear imagery throughout the entire poem. Your word usage gives the reader a picture that is not often seen but one that the imagination takes us all. EXCELLENT
Rhyme, rhythm, and flow: The flow of this poem is very smooth and allowed for an easy read. I enjoyed the pattern of abcb, a very popular choice which worked well for your writing.
Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation:
None noticed
Ending: Very powerful ending as it was written in a way that brought the reader out of a dream and into reality. The reality that we do not live in a perfect world, though it sounds good in the mind.
Overall: I liked the imagery in this piece along with its words which also leads the reader to consider assisting in this perfect world makeup, if nothing more than to see if it can be achieved.
My Suggestions: None.
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Wow, That was tough. It reminds of a Slam poetry. I could feel the passion in everyword as I read it aloud, adding pauses where I thought they would go if you were reading it.
Its words were wise and educational. Taking a look within ourselves sometimes makes you think as we see things that make us either love ourselves or hate ourselves. Or would something that didnt bother us before, bother us if it was someone we knew (refering to the accident part)
I liked this one very much, you provide a clear needed message.
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Title (Relevance to poem): Your title fits your poem perfectly and its an eye catcher. I think a question mark at the end would make it a little more clear of your plans to explain about dreaming of a different life.
Originality: Your poems subject makes it very unique and creative. Thinking about life on a star is a fascinating topic offering imagination in your poem.
Imagery: you didn't provide a lot of visuals in the poem. If you add a few words describing the atmosphere of life here as opposed to there and vise versa, I think it would provide for a more visual read. If I closed my eyes I should be able to think of your words and let them take me to the place you are speaking of in your poem. Just a hint to imagery
Rhyme, rhythm, and flow: What you have created here is a Free Verse poem, which is one of my favorite forms of poetry. Free Verse is a non-rhyming form of poetry, but it should have rhythm and it should flow. To help with rhythm and flow a good starting place is to make sure you stay within a similar syllable count in most of your lines. Once you master it you can start to go outside of that box and have variating syllable counts but a good easy flow. Your syllable count ranges from 7-11 syllables, four can make a big difference. This made me stop at certain points in your poem trying to stay on track with the flow. Under suggestions, below, I have wrote a few things that may help your poem with its rhythm, check it out.
Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation: I only noticed: 3rd line - "mabye" should be "maybe". You didn't punctuate anything and that's find as long it your consistent, so great job.
Ending: The ending is very nice, it suggest that you cant do anything off of dreams alone. It pulls your poems message together added to its already cool message of, "don't too quickly assume that things are going to be better someplace that you no nothing about".
Overall: I am touched by the innocence of this poem. It subject reminds me of something you would see on the walls of a middle school. Something motivating people to go after their dreams not just sit around and think about them but at the same time don't be disappointed if it's not what you thought it was going to be.
My Suggestions: Ok, just a few suggestions that may help the flow of the poem:
4th line - add "maybe" to the very beginning of this line
10th line - add "be" after "would" and change "double" to "doubled"
12th line - take out the word "there"
Also, when reading the first line it suggest that your poem is going to be about how life may be different for people. I think if you rearranged the words to read, "Ever dream about life far away" or "Ever dream of a different life", it would better set your reading up to be about a life somewhere different.
It has been a pleasure reading your poem. I hope you will continue writing as I think you have a natural talent.
I love them, along with Haiku, because if done correctly they are so beautiful and convey a lasting thought to its reader. And that is what you have done here with this one, it speaks of things in our past that make us who we are, all we have to do is look at the memories in our hearts, reaching deep within our souls and so much is seen.
Syllable count was perfect also
Excellent Job Poet!
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Title (Relevance to poem): This title does nothing for the enhancement of your poem. The poem holds such a deep meaning and message but it is not descriptive enough for the poem. I would make it a little more special and befitting of its words.
Originality: I think the comparison of the writer to a lake makes this a very unique poem. As lakes are deep thus the writer is offering itself up to be one filled with deep movements in a relationship.
Imagery: The imagery was fantastic. your use of metaphors enhanced the entire essence of the poem. I especially liked - "I'll embrace you with warm waters and soft flowing streams" That was very nice
Rhyme, rhythm, and flow: There was no rhyme scheme however its flow was natural and unforced.
Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation: In the 3rd stanza, 2nd line: Contemplating instead of contemplate & In the 3rd stanza, 3rd line: Making instead of make
Ending: The ending was nice, I like it because it reminds me of a fairytale ending in a very romantic setting. Water is always a romantic setting and the fact that your poem was based on that, it heightens its meaning.
Overall: If you cant tell already I enjoyed this very much. If the corrections are made under spelling it would provide a very easier read and keep its reader focused and interested.
My Suggestions:
Just the grammar items and the title.
I liked the message in this poem. It points out that stress is hard on some of us and can lead to someone thinking that there only option is to end it. However, thats not the case at all, there are a million other avenues that can be taken before even considering this.
Up to the 7th line, I was into what you were saying and the flow was was nice. Then after this point the poem when the other direction and left me wondering...if its still a poem, as it is now reading like a short story. Its too much of your writing for me to offer suggestion without butchering your story, but just read over it and see if you can get back on to a poem.
Also noticed a couple of types/spelling mistakes:
Correct Spelling
1st line - something
8nd line - decide
11rd line - business
13th line - relieve
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I am including this is on the public review page in hopes that others who have no clue (like me)will find a way to you article and improve their writing.com skills as well.
Thanks so much for the much needed info! And for helping Newbies such as myself.
I liked this piece. It is very creative and is flowing with uniqueness, from its tone to its form.
It paints two pictures for its reader, both very clear...just allows you to decide which end of the picture you want to see. It could be that the father has left the home by his choice or that he was taken away from this life. Either way he left his daughter with grand memories of him that will forever linger in her heart and mind.
The love that Jesus has for each and everyone of us is a beautiful story, it is the best story ever told. It continues to hold families together and stop satin in his tracks.
Your poem gives a wonderful message of how we should live our lives as in the end none of these wordly possessions will go with us when we depart from this place nor do they help us get their any faster.
As i read it, I thought of a relationship gone bad and the memory of it was brought to surface by the downpour of rain. However I was lead to believe that I could be wrong in my thoughts as the placement of words did not support the feelings I got at first. I think more elaboration would allow for a clear picture of its meaning.
Keep the pen vertical and God Bless.
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I like the choices this poem offers to its reader and obviously to its writer. It covers many topics about one thinking too much and not acting out with their plans.
I could not fully enjoy the message of this poem too as the flow was interupted by various syllable counts and line structor that had no order.
I think with a little adjuting this poem would really impact its readers. Mainly in line formation.
Keep the pen vertical and God Bless
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This is a very beautiful poem. It is pleasurable on the eyes and in the mind. Its lends itself to be something we can all strive for...wishing happiness to all during this special time of year. You have created a lovely Concrete Poem (or picture poem), with an easy and enjoyable flow.
Keep the pen vertical.
God Bless,
cookie
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In so few words you have provided great detail of what its like to be in love and to be loved.
Your word choice is ver fitting for this poem as they give a powerful message which is very important with short poem. GREAT JOB
Lines 3 and 4 offer great imagery as they express using comparison on words that all can invision clearly. This was very eloquently thought out and composed.
Keep the pen vertical and God Bless
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This is such a sad poem but it is writen very nicely. You describe for your readers how you are feeling now that your cousin is gone and admite to yourself the things you were guilty of. But know this: everything is for a reason as it's God Will. Your family member is resting in the arms our God and smiling at you for composing this awesome poem!
It's a very emotional poem filled with confusion, which you provide a clear picture of in your words. And one that many of us can relate to as most of have lost someone and have wondered "Why" or "How".
Keep the pen vertical, poetry provides a great outlet for our feelings!
Gods Blessings,
Cookie
Wow! You provide great imagery in this read. This poem is very exciting...ever think about a part two or maybe even a short story?
The flow of this one was VERY nice, each line flowing smoothly into the next, allowing for a great read.
The imagery in this takes me to what it likes when my children are not home when they should be...hopefully mine doesnt lead to the end result of this one, hearing voices!
Excellent work of art!
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I enjoyed reading this poem, it paints a clear picture for its reader. One of disappointment in a relationship of no communication of feelings or sharing of emotions.
I like the style you wrote it in, how the three middle stanza's start with one word and you go on to give detail to support that error in the relationship. Very nice
I noticed a few errors which caused a change in flow, thus causing a distraction in the reading of the poem:
4th stana, 3rd line - remove the word "to" or change "to" to "too,". I think it would read better removing "to", but I dont know if you were trying to say something different.
Great Job, Keep the pen vertical
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