VOICE & TONE:
The voice of this poem is from someone who is disgusted in the way material things over power things that really need attention. Its tone is very strong and it comes to the reader in a teaching manner. You remain consistent in your attempts to make the reader see how greed takes over man.
FORM:
In most of the lines the form was well done, however I am battling myself with the sixth line as "on-looking" is formed by joining two words. If this was not for a particular form of poetry, I would have no problem with but because it is for a form that specifies a word count per line, I am hesitant to say it's acceptable. The less complicated or confusing the words of a poetry form, the better. I strongly suggest rearranging this line. Other than this the rest of the lines are on target with the form.
RHYME & RHYTHM:
No rhyming in this poem, but this is normal for the form. The rhythm in the poem is very nice, it reads with power in a slow strategic way; a flow that is complimentary to the message within the poem.
IMAGERY & RELATION TO PROMPT:
The imagery in the poem is very descriptive in what its like when people take material things, mainly money, for more than its worth. Some of the words are good with giving good descriptions on money, how it attracts people like a shinning twinkle. Other images are one that is being destroyed, such as in the word, "consuming". Very good use of words to convey a message of greed to your readers.
SPELLING:
I noticed no spelling errors.
OVERALL THOUGHTS:
I enjoyed reading this poem, I think you did a wonderful job with the form and with giving the reader a good image of greed and how it takes over people. I think if the changing are made in the one line, it would be more representative of the Pi.
It has been a pleasure reading your entry, winners will be announced soon. I hope to see your entry in the next Round, which is to compose a Pleiades Poem.
Hello Billi, here is my Review for the into of your story.
You did a good job with explaining to everyone the background - what little there was - of Phoenix and how his character relates to the story. This is very good for setting up Plot - by employing the whereabouts most of the other characters have run into him at. It flows in a logical way and the reader can follow along with the events well.
SPELLING & GRAMMAR:
I noticed the following things that need to looked at, but these are just my suggestion, its your story.
Combine those beautiful eyes with his shaggy black hair and he could've been a rocker or a headbanger, I think this should be one word, “head banger”
With his trenchcoat This should be “trench coat”
Pheonix had to show them Should be Phoenix
Pheonix would sit in class and write Should be Phoenix
Another kid once stole Pheonix's Should be Phoenix
Bad idea. Pheonix Should be Phoenix
OVERALL THOUGHTS
I think you've done a wonderful job preparing the reader for the story. Nice set up to explain how this person must be taken by others who is surrounded by. I didnt notice anything they would greatly enhance this piece other than the small errors above.
PLOT:
This first chapter is about the "school bullie" claiming his turf. Pointing out to a new kid who is trying to act tough, that he really is tough and has earned his. Its very interesting and provides excitement early on in the story; good job with plot and story structure.
CHARACTERIZATION:
The reader can visual see each character and how they would be in this situation, you do a wonderful job creating interesting characters. A boy who has history in a school, though its bad history, the reader is aware of his mean personality. The other character is meek but trying to fit in by throwing in a tough guy act, which isnt working. Both of these character are realistic and fascinating, I'm sure as the story moves, more will be revealed of their personalities.
FLOW
The story flows in a logical way. It starts with an introduction of the characters and their places in the story. You take the read through a typical lunch break scene allowing more characters to be introduced, such as the girls that enter and is noticed by the new kid.
SPELLING & GRAMMAR:
Few suggestions on grammar and spelling, but these are just my opinions which you are free to use or not.
One day, though, there was a new student in Phoenix's classes. Consider rewording this line or deleted the word “though”, as it baffles the reader, makes them think they are missing something.
At that school, there was an outdoor place where students could eat their lunches. Consider replacing “that” with “the” or “their”, “that” makes it seem distant as if he was not a part of the school.
As opposed to Deacon's fake voice in an attempt to be fear-inducing, Phoenix's voice was carefully composed to sound calm, yet villainous. should be “villainous”
OVERALL THOUGHTS
I think you have a nice start to an exciting story here. Your sentence structure was very nice and allowed for an enjoyable read. I also noticed that you mention in your description that it goes along with the introduction, I suggest you post the intro if more info is given in with regard to the start of the story. I enjoyed reading this. Write On!
VOICE & TONE:
This poem has a voice of one who is positive in there attempts to discover the effects of nature. It's tone is eloquent tone as the reader compliments the different aspect of life in different forms.
LINE & STANZA STRUCTURE:
You jump right in with the first line and make the reader aware of the discover that has been made, very nicely done. In it you give a clear image of what the poem will be about. Your first line draws the reader in with good choice words. The length of your lines are little contradictory, long lines are normally written to convey emotional release. Your poem does not give off that much emotions as the person is not going through a struggle nor are they experiencing anything that is emotional...nothing that will bring tears or cause heart pounding reactions. It is however conveying an idea or thought, these poems lines should be medium in length, between seven or eight words per line. Most of the sentences end with a strong word, and this is good for keeping the readers attention and not making your words drag on; very nicely done. The refrained line at the end is nice as it reminds the reader that the writer has indeed made a discover and the end result is clear.
RHYME & RHYTHM:
No rhyme pattern but instead a Free Verse poem, very nicely composed. It still hums a tune, which is largely due to the consistency of the line lengths. Each line has the same amount of words or syllables and that provides the reader with smooth harmonious flow. The last line of each stanza is very impacting, as it stops with the flow and gives a dramatic recollection.
IMAGERY & RELATION TO PROMPT:
Very nice words in this poem which convey clear images for the reader to focus on, instead of words drowning the poem, the reader effectively is drawn a picture of one who is making a comparison of their life with that of nature and matter.
SPELLING:
I noticed no spelling errors.
OVERALL THOUGHTS:
I enjoyed this poem, I think it was written well and provides great visuals. If the changes regarding line structure are made, I think this poem with be even better as it will convey a true idea. Thanks for sharing this with us.
PLOT:
The story of a man who loved a women for what reasons he had not understood, a women who was not attractive to most years ago but something about her stood out and grabs his attention, so much that a rose was the beginning of a relationship. The plot is strong, interesting, and well thought out and executed.
CHARACTERIZATION:
You bring the reader into the lives of two completely different people. A man who was more than likely attractive and well liked and a women who was not physically attractive nor desirable in any other way. But she had personality and he had guts. The characters are completely believable and arouse curiosity.
FLOW
The story flows in logical order with the admiration to the flattery to the marriage and the ending is just splendid.
SPELLING & GRAMMAR:
I noticed no spelling or grammar issues. However the line that reads, "Valentine’s Day arrived, and as usual the school was a hive of excited girls, squealing and screaming in delight at the boxes of chocolates or bunches of flowers they got from their boys." - consider adding "friends" after the word boys here, as it seems incomplete without it or delete the word "their". I could be completely off with this thought, but I had to point it out. And in the line that reads, "No one was going to get anything for her, and she didn’t expect anything…except for the single long-stemmed red rose that sat waiting for her on her desk that warm Monday morning." - consider deleting the word "except" and replacing it with "let alone the.." or "escpecially the..". In its present form it is suggestion that even though she knew no one was going to get her anything she still expected something That's kind of contradicting.
OVERALL THOUGHTS
This was a "Wow" story for me, it is filled with emotions of how someone can love someone even though they are not "socially accepted". The love that two people have is a beautiful thing and this story spells that out. I think this is fantastic, it was well thought, well needed, and well written.
PLOT:
One friend reveals to another that they will be leaving for another country in pursuit of there dreams. While the air is clearing with good-bye it is revealed that the friend being left behind also has deep feeling for the friend leaving. The plot was strong, interesting, and intense; as I read through this I could feel all of the emotions from both of the friends. Nicely done Kiya.
CHARACTERIZATION:
Enough is told in this story so the reader understand a little history of both of the characters; Steve admits his fears of saying good bye which tells us he is a sensitive guy when it comes to his close friends. And he also hints on his feeling when he found out about Tony, this gives us background on how he has felt about her for some time. Brenda is a career driven person who is inspired by her childhood dream.
FLOW
The story flows in logical order, from their meeting together in a chosen place to the history of their friendship. You allow the reader to gradually see where the story is going.
SPELLING & GRAMMAR:
I noticed no spelling or grammar errors.
OVERALL THOUGHTS
I enjoyed reading this, it was intense, filled with emotions and a strong plot. I think you did an excellent job with the prompt and giving it excitement and meaning. I think many will surely relate to the story as we all have had to say goodbye to a friend either through moving away and abroad or through other life changes. Very well written.
PLOT:
A girl visits the grave site of her once boyfriend. There she recalls the trials that they went through before they were in a relationship, then she gives him the answer he has been waiting for, which was a very intense moment in the story. It was filled with sadness, joy, and regret.
CHARACTERIZATION:
This story is flowing with characterization as she talks of the times they shared with together, the reader can see that he was probably a joker or a popular kid while she on the other hand was in the less sociable "club". She could have been more laid back and quiet up until she could not take it anymore and she became stronger and defended herself.
FLOW
The story flows in logical order and you did a wonderful job with a one sided conversation. I can really relate to this because I've had a similar one sided conversation with those who have passed. The ending was powerful and gives the reader a little more insight into why she has really come; besides saying her final goodbyes, she also needed to give him closure.
SPELLING & GRAMMAR:
I noticed no spelling or grammar errors. But I do have a suggestion/question with regard to the last line of the story. "I have always loved you and if I could turn back time, I’d walk down the aisle with you until my dying day." I was a little confused by this last statement, is she stating that she would walk down the isle with him over and over again until she died, or is she saying that she will be with him forever?" This could just be me and my mind playing tricks on me, but it seems a little confusing.
OVERALL THOUGHTS
This was a very nice story, you completely show all of the emotions involved with love; fighting as much as we dont like it, many of us have argued with our mates, joy is in many lines of the poem of how these two became friends, sadness and regret. You used the prompt to create a wonderful story that all will enjoy.
PLOT:
The story of a young girl looking at the life she now has and how she was forced to grow up and become a mother of a child that is not her own. The responsibilities she is now plagued with along with not having a life of her owns has her explaining this situation to an infant who does not know what in the world she is talking about but she is reassuring herself in a under hand tone that its the right thing to do.
CHARACTERIZATION:
You explain so much of the life of her sister that the reader gathers that her sister was chasing behind a boyfriend and eventually got involved with all that he was. The main character is a very strong person as she takes on the rolls of mother to this child and before her sister died she also played mother to her. She was very popular in school and had many friends whom she has had to stop socializing as much with due to the baby. You create a strong relationship with the reader and the characters in the story, one that allows the reader to understand the complete situations of this young girls life.
FLOW
The story flows in a very realistic, logical way as you explain to the reader how she first lost her parents, to the time she spent not around her sister to her death to the baby being left at the house with the note. The reader is taken trough the struggles of this young with very strong emotions and visuals.
SPELLING & GRAMMAR:
I noticed no spelling or grammar errors, but instead a small suggestion. The second to the last line reads that the baby is stuck with her, however all the details of the story tell that she is stuck with the baby. Though I know this may seem harsh to say but it goes so much better with the other sentiment she is speaking to the child.
OVERALL THOUGHTS
Another wonderful story from you Kiya, I am overwhelmed with your talent for writing short stories. This story has inspired and motivated me to create a well written story, one like you have demonstrated here.
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Hello reneaiscool, Here is my review for your entry.
VOICE & TONE:
The tone of this poem is very relaxing. Its word provide comfort and delight to the reader. Its voice is from someone who is experience a peaceful moment and is basking in its ease.
LINE & STANZA STRUCTURE:
The Haiku is written well, each line has the correct amount of syllables. The combination of three stanza's adds a unique touch to the poem, it delivers more imagery. It also changes it very much, so much has been changed with regard to the formation of a Haiku, that I now wonder if it is still a Haiku. All the elements that make it Haiku have diminished: the one stanza, the non rhyming form, and the nature subject...all are gone, so is it still Haiku?
RHYME & RHYTHM:
I enjoyed that you through in a rhyme pattern with the Haiku, which normally does not have to do that. It is a very smooth reading poem, having each of the stanza's rhyme instead of individual sentences leaves a lasting impression on the reader. This also gives it a harmonious rhythm, nicely done.
IMAGERY & RELATION TO PROMPT:
Very nice imagery you take pieces of natures as well as human nature - Senryu combined with Haiku - and paint a vivid seasonal poem. In relationship to the prompt, I can see hint of the picture but not as clearly as I can see a bright sun in a clear sky with one looking into the trees, swarmed with bees.
SPELLING:
I noticed no spelling errors.
OVERALL THOUGHTS:
I thought this was a nice poem, with good imagery. I dont think it is Haiku anymore I would allow have liked to see more of the picture prompt in the poem. I enjoyed it, its composition, and uniqueness.
It has been a pleasure reading your entry, I hope you will join us in the next round. Remember you can enter the contest, receiving 200 GP's and a detailed review, every month until you have been a member of WDC for six months.
PLOT:
This chapter is nice, a story of a women who is obviously in a different society which is governed by cruel forces is racing to get her daughter. It was an interesting chapter and I hope to read the full story.
CHARACTERIZATION:
Good characterization, from the descriptions to the sentiment of the characters you show each character distinctly. Each character has a different personality, the main character a polite married mother who loves a bargain, the very insensitive men of the government who lack emotions, and the sweet child who has a vivid imagination.
FLOW
The story flows in a logical order as you capture this event.
SPELLING & GRAMMAR:
This was not a symbol of her faith, more one of her practical nature." Consider rewording this line for a smoother read to, "This was not a symbol of her faith, but more revealing of her practical nature."
In the line that reads, "If only she could have skipped the shopping until later." Delete the word "the" in front of "shopping", it is not needed and does not work with the line.
In the line that reads, "She suspected that he was one of the ones who were more then happy to take on a leadership role and let counseling and comforting take a back seat." Consider replaces "one" before "who", as it is a little distracting. Maybe replace it with "soilders" or "men".
In the line that reads, "Any thing had to be better then just laying here terrified." "here" should be "there", due the the tense and POV of the remainder of the story.
OVERALL THOUGHTS
Very nice beginning chapter, you set the reader up for an interesting story.
VOICE & TONE:
This poem has a joyous tone to as the author describes her adored pet, it's voice is strong throughout the poem. It gives the reader the feel of love and adoration for one of the best pets around.
FORM:
The rhyme patten is very nice, your rhyming words are matched wonderfully and provide the reader with a smooth consistent read. The refrained line is very nice, reminding the reader what the subject is about. Your stanza arrangement is well and is consistent and in logical order. The syllable count is a little off in the first stanza, last line, there are seven syllables instead of six. Same thing with the second stanza's forth line, one two many syllables.
RHYME & RHYTHM:
I love the rhyme pattern of this poem, its not too complicated nor is it simple, its just right for the subject and the for the Monchielle form. It is very nice and carries the reader through a very melodic read.
IMAGERY & RELATION TO PROMPT:
Nice imagery throughout, most of the lines contains very strong descriptive words that give the reader good visuals of your dog and how life is with him and what he does for you; what you do for each other.
SPELLING:
I noticed no spelling errors.
OVERALL THOUGHTS:
This was a very nice poem to read, it has great visuals and a wonderful flow to it. I think if the suggestions as far as the syllable count is followed it will be a much better form, while maintaining the rules for the Monchielle.
It has been a pleasure reading your entry, winners will be announced soon. I hope to see your entry in the next Round, which is to compose a Pi Poem.
VOICE & TONE:
This poem had a sad tone at first, but as I got to the end I saw it is more of an awareness. It's ending speaks that of someone determined to not let the past upset them but instead renew their outlook.
FORM:
The form is followed wonderfully in your poem. Each line is marked with only six syllable and the refrained line is nice and has a powerful quality about it that will make the reader remember it. You have the concept of the rhyme pattern, but I felt it was a little off.
RHYME & RHYTHM:
The rhyme pattern in the second stanza is off; your choice words, "twelve" and "itself" are not rhyming words. Consider adjusting one of these stanza to better adhere to the rhyme pattern called for, it will enhance the poem and allow you to remain on target with the form.
IMAGERY & RELATION TO PROMPT:
Very vivid imagery in this poem, your descriptive lively words allow the reader to connect with the poem if they have similar backgrounds or if they do not. The reader clearly sees the pain that was caused and the desire to renew. Wonderfully done.
SPELLING:
I noticed no spelling errors.
OVERALL THOUGHTS:
I really enjoyed this poem, I think it is something that many will relate and can also be an inspiring poem to anyone who has gone through a rough childhood. I think with the suggestions this would be a very well written motivation poem.
It has been a pleasure reading your entry, winners will be announced soon. I hope to see your entry in the next Round, which is to compose a Pi Poem.
VOICE & TONE:
This poem speaks of someone who is deeply in love, someone who is appreciative of the affection shown by their significant other. There is passion in each stanza, along with pride and desire.
FORM:
You followed the form of the Monchielle perfectly. Stanza arrangement is on point and the rhyming line is perfect, allowing for a smooth read. All syllables remain consistent with the six the form calls for.
RHYME & RHYTHM:
I enjoyed the rhyme of this poem, it was smooth and enjoyable. Each word is matched well with its corresponding rhyme line. The poem has a slow, deep rhythm that enchants the readers with its words.
IMAGERY & RELATION TO PROMPT:
Most of the lines either end or start with a strong word, which is very good because the poem carries the reader through a story, captured by your descriptive words. Though they are not necessarily action type words they paint a clear image for the reader.
SPELLING:
I noticed no spelling errors.
OVERALL THOUGHTS:
I enjoyed this poem, the image that it gave me was similar to that I remember of my own weddings day. I can see a couple united in a strong union through your words.
It has been a pleasure reading your entry, winners will be announced soon. I hope to see your entry in the next Round, which is to compose a Pi Poem.
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Hello Dr M C Gupta, here is my review for your entry.
VOICE & TONE:
This poem has the voice of someone who is aiming to get a point across, one who wants to give a wake up call. I could envision my grandmother saying similar words to me. The voice stemming from one who is wise and aims to lead those who are off onto the right path. You remain consistent throughout the entire poem, with good wording to support your message.
FORM:
The form was written perfectly. Your syllable count is consistent with the form of 6 syllables per line and the stanza arrangement was on form as well. The refrained line (the first line of each stanza) was very nice, I enjoyed it very much. It's meaning is good enough to stand on it on and that you support it with wonderful poetic lines is awesome.
RHYME & RHYTHM:
The rhyming was nice, though I think that if more contemporary words were used, it would have been much more forceful and smooth. The rhythm of the poem was nice, I enjoyed it very much. When I read it allowed, I did so in a slow low voice, which seemed to give a richness.
IMAGERY & RELATION TO PROMPT:
I think this poem could have contained a bit more active words which would have enhanced the image I got from the poem. The poem seemed to be centered more on telling one a lesson than showing them a picture.
SPELLING:
I noticed no spelling errors.
OVERALL THOUGHTS:
I enjoyed the subject of the poem as well as its structure, you have composed a wonderful Monchielle. It has such a powerful message, that all can relate to.
It has been a pleasure reading your entry, winners will be announced soon. I hope to see your entry in the next Round, which is to compose a Pi Poem.
PLOT:
Very nice plot, a story exploring what's it like for a women who is in a comma and hearing things which she feels are with her in her present state, then to discover that these voices were coming from those surrounding her in a hospital as she is coming too. I thought the plot was very nice and the pieces that led up to it keep the reader in suspense and sitting on the edge of their seat.
CHARACTERIZATION:
Not much on characterization, other than the fact that she does have a relationship with her mom. But for the focus of the flash fiction, I dont think too much more needed to be addressed. You can clearly see her fright and her will as well as her mothers support; all believable characteristics of people in such a situation.
FLOW
The story moved in a logical fashion. I enjoyed the descriptive beginning, creating a nice scene for the reader then leading the reader flawlessly into the real atmosphere of her surroundings. You take the reader on a short, dramatic read at a very nice pace.
SPELLING & GRAMMAR:
I noticed no spelling or grammar errors.
OVERALL THOUGHTS
I enjoyed this short exciting story, it was nicely filled with images and emotions. My only suggestion would be to separate your lines (where paragraph breaks are needed), it would make it so much easier on the eyes.
VOICE & TONE:
The voice was very calming, soothing, and at piece. Your choice of words gives the poem the tone of one who is trying to clarify an often misjudged force in our world. Using an uplifting voice, you express clearly that their is life in the fire.
LINE & STANZA STRUCTURE:
The organization of your stanza's are very nice, their placement in the poem shows movement and change. The first line of of your poem was kind of shaky for me, I think it has its strengths and weaknesses: When you write a poem off you want the first line and last lines to be very powerful. You need the first line to draw your reader in and your last line to make the reader think and remember your entire poem. You start of the poem with an opinion and to get a readers attention you want to make it something that they can relate to, not only you. I would suggest changing a few of the words around to something that will make the reader relate to the poem. This may be just removing "I" or replacing it with "you". The last line of the poem was very nice, it serves the purpose of showing what the end result will be.
RHYME & RHYTHM:
Your rhyme pattern is wonderful, there was no hesitation and you selected words that rhyme harmoniously. The flow was natural not seeming forced at all and allowed for a smooth enjoyable read. Great Job with making your words sing on the page.
IMAGERY & RELATION TO PROMPT:
The poem makes the reader see a strong blazing fire which keeps its community together. You bring the fire to life in this poem, the reader does become one with the visuals. With relation to the prompt, I'm not sure if I would see a fireplace as apposed to seeing a fire in the woods but your strong use of words does paint a vivid image for the reader just not that of the prompt.
SPELLING:
I noticed no spelling errors.
OVERALL THOUGHTS:
I enjoyed this poem very much, I like how you turn the fire into a life, you give it a mind and a support system which puts a new meaning to the word. I was blown away by the rhythm and the visual effects of the poem. Thanks for sharing such a wonderful well composed poem.
It has been a pleasure reading your entry, I hope you will join us in the next round. Remember you can enter the contest, receiving 200 GP's and a detailed review, every month until you have been a member of WDC for six months.
VOICE & TONE:
This poem has a very nice tone, written in the voice of one who is observing a scene, it captures the essence of the prompt very well. The tone also carries the reader through a calming read.
LINE & STANZA STRUCTURE:
The first line works well in getting the readers attention in that it contains descriptive words that highlight the main purpose of the poem. Each line that follows carries the same attractant as the first. Together the lines form a wonderful written poem.
RHYME & RHYTHM:
Outstanding! The rhyme pattern of a,a,b,b was harmoniously written and smoothly leads the reader through its soft spoken words. The rhythm of course was just as pleasing as the rhyme.
IMAGERY & RELATION TO PROMPT:
Wonderful images throughout the poem, it line contained a scene that is describes perfectly what one must see in the prompt.
SPELLING:
I noticed no spelling errors.
OVERALL THOUGHTS:
If there were words that went hand and hand with the picture prompt, your words would compliment the picture very well. Your words were chosen well and that made this a good poem and very enjoyable read.
It has been a pleasure reading your entry, I hope you will join us in the next round. Remember you can enter the contest, receiving 200 GP's and a detailed review, every month until you have been a member of WDC for six months.
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Hello Lauriemariepea, Welcome to WDC and here is my review for you entry.
VOICE & TONE:
In this poem I hear one who is unsure of the decisions they must make, one who is confused about the path that lies ahead. It has a desperate tone to it, as if one is dodging something in life. You remain consistent with the voice of the poem, there is no change in direction and the reader is allowed to stay on coarse with the atmosphere of the poem.
LINE & STANZA STRUCTURE:
The first line of a poem should be its strongest, it is with this line that readers determine if they will stay or go. Your present line works good for setting up the scene and enhancing the imagery, however it does nothing for the meaning of your poem. You are trying to convey a message of one constantly moving in attempts to not be discovered. Make your first line grab the reader and make them want to learn the outcome of this situation.
You used the word "the" 10 times in this very short poem and more importantly you used it along with other weak words to start 9 of the 15 lines. Using more vivid nouns or verbs will make your sentences stronger and thus you will have a better poem.
RHYME & RHYTHM:
There was no rhyme pattern nor was their a structured rhythm to the poem, however the flow was not hindered; the pace of the poem was found through your sentence arrangement. I think it could be much better if you consider meter in this poem.
IMAGERY & RELATION TO PROMPT:
Closing my eyes and envisioning your poem being played out would give me a similar image of the prompt picture. You convey an image of one weaving in and out of unfamiliar grounds. It speaks of one who does not want to be discovered which is the reason for their constant change of coarse. I loved the line, "A blur of mystery green.", this was a very strong line in the poem as it is imagery filled and also speaks on the message of the poem: a mystery of choices.
SPELLING:
No spelling errors noticed.
OVERALL THOUGHTS:
I enjoyed this poem, it was written with a good subject in mind, how we often dont know if we are coming or going. And whichever we are, do we really want to? In relation to the prompt, you did a very nice job of taking that picture and making it very meaningful.
It has been a pleasure reading your entry, I hope you will join us in the next round. Remember you can enter the contest every month, recieving 200GP's and a detailed review, until you have been a member of WDC for six months.
Hi TexansBeatTheMiamiDolphinsBy3, long time no hear from , but I'm here now and I fell in love with the poem. It seems to be my life in a nutshell, especially recently. My children are growing up and I dont want them to. Though my pain is just because I dont want to give their independence , I still feel the emotions of any torn hurting mother who knows that everything will be alright because our Father always works it out. During the beginning of the poem, I had no idea that you were going to incorporate God into it...though I should have known but when I reached the stanza that did, I chill ran through my body at the powerfulness of your words. I fell in love with the poem and all it stood for. It has a rhyme pattern that sings you a great story of our God and just how he prevails every time WE are in battle with the devil. Each of words are engraved in my mind and heart; great choice words providing detailed imagery! I noticed no spelling or grammar errors and punctuation was used effectively. It's always a pleasure stopping in your port Storm, I shall return.
My only suggestion
The line that reads, "I'm also confused ... just what I should do." - Consider rewording this to: "I'm also confused about what I should do". By inserting "about" and deleting "just" in this line you allow the flow the piece to go on; in its present wording the flow is compromised and wording a little difficult on the reader's thoughts.
Hello Newbie, welcome to WDC
I hope you are finding your way around the site ok
If you need any help, feel free to send me an email My review of you piece
Hello dreamweaver59, this is a wonderful poem dedicated to friendship. Is speaks of what true friendship is all about: good time and bad. I really enjoyed the flow of this piece, enhanced by your rhyme patter of a,a,b,b. This combination provided a smooth enjoyable read.
I noticed no spelling or grammar errors. My only suggestion is to consider adding punctuation to the piece which will provide a much stronger impact on the readers.
Write On!
Check out my Newbie's only Contest
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My Review of your poem:
Hello Dr M C Gupta, your poem has a wonderful message of giving in the name of love. It conveys that no matter how often we give but never receive anything in return, the true reward is that we give and that is filling in our souls. The subject of love is one that always offers its reader an interesting outlook on the writers state and one that is often chosen by others to read; it being something that we can relate to and understand its meaning. I liked the last line of the 1st stanza, as it seems to be a very power statement for the rest of the poem,showing where love steams from instead of material things received. You give your heart when you love, trusted it to be treated equally but often times its not the case, but you are still happy with what you have done. The second stanza expresses all that I just said in so few words, wonderful imagery.
The last line of the poem, should have been in quotes which is traditionally done with this form. Also the last line has one syllable too many: "Buy, yes, love it was gratifying" - this has 9 syllables instead of 8. I suggest removing "it" from that line. Once it's removed you will also see a better flow in this line and more of a direct meaning. It's one of those words that really doesn't enhance the poem, so removing it will greatly improve the overall poem.
It has been a pleasure reading your entry, winners will be announced soon. I hope to see your entry in the next Round, which is to compose a Monchielle.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1047326 by Not Available.
My Review of your poem:
Hello BeHereBook, I like how you show that life moves by quickly. Some the words of the first stanza do a great job with showing quickness. The second stanza was filled with imagery, allowing the reader to relate to this peace and see how time is taken for granted. The quoted line at the end was very nice and well placed within the poem. It shows that no matter how quickly time escapes us it is how it is lived when we have it, used properly it can be enjoyed instead of feeling rushed and like we are running out of it.
In many other poetry styles I would have appreciated the word "fleeting" as it is a wonderful image filled word. However this form called for synonyms of the first word and I did not see a this word as being a strong synonym for "brief". While "fleeting" does suggest a brief position at one point or another "brief" does not suggest "fleeting" . So my suggestion is to consider another word in place of "fleeting"
It has been a pleasure reading your entry, winners will be announced soon. I hope to see your entry in the next Round, which is to compose a Monchielle.
Wow! This is wonderful Thank you so much for creating it and sending it. It is much appreciated and well useful to all writers; no matter what genre, this is the perfect helping tool.
Everyone on this site should check out this item because we are all writers and there is sure to be something here that can help you. TRUST ME! I learned something useful during the 1st suggestion.
Check it out guys and David E. Navarro, all I can say is thank you, thank you, thank you.
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My Review of your poem:
Hello Jeanette, what a lovely poem; a absolutely adored its subject, meaning, and composition. You manage to take the reader on a short due to the strong vivid words you chose. The first stanza provides the reader with the subject and the many forms it comes in, then the second stanza describes perfectly that which we go through during this time, and finally the one true solution: God. Each of your words is with purpose, you waisted not one word trying to convey, you did convey and with such ease. I didnt stumble through trying to figure out the meaning. You follow the form perfectly from beginning to end. You poem compliments the Clarity Pyramid. Great job Poet. I noticed no spelling or grammar errors.
My only suggestion is to consider adding punctuation to the second stanza:
"Heart Wrenched with remorese" insert comma here
"to the Father I deplore" period here
It has been a pleasure reading your entry, winners will be announced soon. I hope to see your entry in the next Round, which is to compose a Monchielle.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1047326 by Not Available.
My Review of your poem:
This was a nice poem targeting on our environment and how its destruction takes away from the Paradise we were meant to live in. You convey a strong picture in this poem due to your word choices. Each line has gives the reader something to think about; great line structure. You remained consistent in the form and there was a harmonizing rhythm, once that is calming to the point where it makes the reader reflect on our environment. I liked the line, "Unchecked growth, trffic" witch to me signifies our lack of attention and nurturing and what we do to break nature down: building highways (traffic). The ending was very nice; a little sarcastic which is very powerful in delivering a message. This was a wonderful tribute to Earth Day and I enjoyed reading it.
I noticed not spelling or grammar errors and punctuation was used effectively.
It has been a pleasure reading your entry, winners will be announced soon. I hope to see your entry in the next Round, which is to compose a Monchielle.
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It has been a pleasure reading your entry, winners will be announced soon. I hope to see your entry in the next Round, which is to compose a Pleiades Poem.
That's kind of contradicting.
, but I'm here now 
, I still feel the emotions of any torn hurting mother who knows that everything will be alright because our Father always works it out. During the beginning of the poem, I had no idea that you were going to incorporate God into it...though I should have known 
My review of you piece
Thank you so much for creating it and sending it. It is much appreciated and well useful to all writers; no matter what genre, this is the perfect helping tool.