This is a fascinating study. Your anxiety is coming through loud and clear. These rapid fire questions tell a story of futility and frustration with the cards that life has dealt. They are presented in a logical sequence. This is a very nice poem. It has a good cadence to it. There is tension and a good beginning, middle, and end. Nice work! Write on!
A very nice story indeed! Chrystal's frustration comes through loud and clear. It is very difficult to care for a dying family member. My wife did it and so did my mother-in-law. Anyway your character is in a tough situation. I was able to pick up hints along the way. As soon as i saw Angel of Light I had it anyway. Still the way he spoke down to her the whole time was quite clever. I hope this won a contest for you because it should have. GREAT JOB! WRITE ON!
An interesting point of view to say the least. You have certainly done a good job of engaging the sense of sight. I love that your poem accomplishes so much with so few words. It's like each word has a job to do and the whole piece wouldn't work without it. Great job!
Okay, I do understand that this is just the summary like on the dust cover flap or the back of the book. To be honest, I would like to share some suggestions, and they are only that to help improve your summary. The concept on the surface does intrigue me. It is the type of thing I would enjoy reading. Near the end of the paragraph you refer to "the person who plays the lead role in her dream . . ." This sis somewhat impersonal and that person needs to be named here. Also I am not feeling a "hook" to draw me into the story and that is a much needed element. Other than that I think this is a fine idea and would look forward to reading it! Keep at it and drop me a note when you get going! It sounds like a wonderful idea! Good job! Keep it up!
This was a delightful read. It is a nice tight piece of flash fiction. It flows well from beginning to end with no gaps in the story. You stick to your point of view well. The main character, though unamed comes through fine as does the little goblin (Nilbog) himself. The little twist at the end was also very well done. All in all, a great job!
StoryMaster: I rather enjoyed reading this most informative article and will be referring back to it. I know I was gone from WDC for a couple of years but I am back now and I intend to stay. Mostly I was gone for health and financial reasons. But with coming back I have a whole new attitude and am willing and ready to work. I am now more determined to focus on my own writing and being an upstanding member of the community here. Thanks for all you and your family do for this site and the community and family you have formed!
What a nice piece of fan-fiction! This was a wonderful moment with the Doctor and Rose. I am a great fan! The characters were accurately portrayed. The phoenix was wonderfully represented. The setting was also well represented and good visuals were well communicated. All in all this was a very nice piece and I really enjoyed it. Didn't spot any grammatical problems or spelling errors. Just several minuts of good reading. Thanks for sharing this with us! Great job! Keep it up!
I could be just a prejudiced father but your story is very, very well done! It flows nicely from beginning to end. The characters are believable. Interesting the level of insight that children are capable of and you have captured this well. I am sure you have drawn from life experiences. GREAT JOB!
Tragedy, sadness, and loss; this is my superficial impression. There is also depression, helplessness, and hopelessness in this very short poem. You manage to convey so much emotion in so few words. Depression is indeed a raging sea and those that suffer from it are tossed about with no control. Thank you for sharing this with us.
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Hey WebWitch! What can be said about perfection? This is a wonderful poem. Full of wonderful imagery. It is truly engaging. I believe you have presented your "character" (the Wolf) in a very logical progression that is both poetic and gives us a story. I truly enjoyed this! Have a great day!
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This is nice work. I didn't spot any spelling errors. You do bring out very romantic feelings but would you consider trying to engage some of the senses as well. You stare into her eyes but there is no color to add sight. How does her smell make you feel/ Is her skin soft when you touch, and what does that do to you? This is just an observation. It is intended to give you an idea to expand on. It is not intended to criticize the quality of your work. I did enjoy the poem and I think you are doing great work! Take care!
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Hi Raja: First let me say that I enjoyed reading this. The initial style is somewhat like that found in Proverbs in the Bible: a statement followed by an expanding comment. This is very nice. I also note that the expanding comment is somewhat more grand than the statement itself. This makes for deeper understanding. The only one I really don't understand is line #3 the use of the word vocal. Not sure that particular word is appropriate as used but this is your poem so you may be the judge of that. Also in the second segment of the poem where your style changes drastically I'm not sure i understand the second line. LOVE the ending.
Overall this left me with a longing and loving feeling. This is very nice work. Thanks for sharing it!
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This was really fun! I truly enjoyed your little twist at the end of the poem. Going through it I just wasn't quite understanding where the poem was going but now I can clearly see that there is a set-up here. Your work flows well from beginning to end. I believe there is a logical progression from beginning to end also. Didn't really spot any punctuation or spelling problems. Your words provide nice pictures. Thanks for sharing!
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The sentiments expressed here are striking and it would do us all well to notice the small sacrifices of those around us each and every day. Your work flows well from beginning to end. It is not choppy. It is presented in a logical order and has visuals to it. It also engages memories of sounds and smell. This is very nice work. thanks so much for sharing.
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What a perfectly lovely Christmas memoir. You have a beautiful style in telling the story. I can see the lights and smell the tree. The story is presented in a logical order that is very pleasing to read. Your description of the setting is very well done as is your build-up to the actual story you want to tell. I found this sotry to be constructed well in that it flows smoothly from beginning to end and holds the reader's attention very well. I do not really pay attention to grammar and such when I critique a story but I did not spot anything obvious either. All in all I enjoyed reading it very much. Thanks for sharing.
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Hello Courtney, and welcome to WDC! I would like to start by saying that i really enjoyed this poem. It is clean with crisp images. It flows well from beginning to end. It is not choppy. Your word pictures are crystal clear. The entire piece has a nice rhythm to it. It speaks to the duality that all of us experience within ourselves. This was very nicely done! Thanks for sharing it!
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WOW! Do I sympathize with this dilema. How many times has that been me? Well the central character is quite well done. The emotion and tension are coming through quite well in this short gem. I believe your use of prompt was also quite well done in that the story is centered on the words of the prompt. Nicely done! Thanks for sharing!
A rather engaging little tale with an interesting twist! It seemed her predicament would doom her evening's performance but the performance that occurred in this upper room was clearly a very nice warm up. Your use of the prompt provided was excellent. I think your characterization was very well done also. Interesting that she proved to be her would-be killer's worst nightmare! The story flows well and holds attention from beginning to end. I really enjoyed it, thanks for sharing.
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This was a quite amusing word portrait. This is not only a description of a place (the character's bedroom) but a description of both the character and the character's self perception. It is interesting that it would occur to her to think of her bed as a rest stop and make another interesting analogy to a flea market to a yard sale. I was most impressed with your work! Write on!
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MOST IMPRESSIVE! This story is engaging and is truly well-done. The girl is very well described. The narrator and main character's desire coms through very clearly. I am sure this was very well thought out and carefully planned. It is stunning in its form and a wonderful treat to read! Thanks for sharing!
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This is an interesting story. The central character is somewhat unidentified in that the reader only knows that she is a female, no ohter identification is given. The story has a nice flow from beginning to end and progresses nicely. It interesting that what the story communicates to the reader is that all actions have consequences. I did enjoy the story and even though it is brief I do feel it is complete. The only suggestion I have is that perhaps it could be divided into a few paragraphs. Other than that, GREAT JOB!
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Your introduction is interesting and thought provoking and i believe it does carry a hook into the story. I believe the synopsis is well thought out and planned. I guess Erin is in fact irish and therefore is probably quite sassy as well. I may decide to commit to reading this. Take care, thanks for sharing and WRITE ON!
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Well, i'll say this for you, you certainly know who you are. That is a rare accomplishment in someone your age. Your monologue has logic in the presentation. It states facts. I supposed what would make it better is to describe some of the emotions that you feel and how they affect you and your life. Whether or not one day you decide to get in touch with your feminine side (my daughter kind of went through this and she eventually did) at least you know who you are and make no apologies for that. Nice job, welcome to WDC, WRITE ON!
What an absolutely interesting poem you have here and what an interesting concept. There is a good rhythm to your poem and it flows nicely from beginning to end. I find myself considering the plight of little white mice everywhere. That is until you realize that they are really the embodiment of super-intelligent interdimensional beings from another reality, then they actually become something a little more sinister! Hey! Nice job! Write on!
Eerie and chilling. I have considered other options but am glad to say that I really just enjoy life! And life is too short! Your poem has a rhythm to it and it flows smoothly. There are no problems with grammar and its wording is somewhat haunting. Would you consider possibly exploring the moment of death? That might add somewhat to what you have here, just a thought. All in all, nicely done! Good job! Welcome to WDC and WRITE ON!
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