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Review of In death  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there!

Welcome to WDC! I noticed that you were new to the site so I wanted to drop by your port and give you a quick review!

Thank you for sharing your work! I loved this poem. I thought it was beautiful and a very telling expression of a wish that I think all writers aspire for. The wording was clear and concise, and I appreciated the meaning you were conveying.

I only have one critique, but take this as you will. It's just a thought.

In the last three lines of your poem, you wrote:

I create an illusion I can not live up to,
in death I shall be remembered,
as beautiful.

I think that because you set of the last sentence with a comma, it conflicts a little with the last two sentences. In my head, I envisioned it this way.

I create an illusion I can not live up to.
But rather in death,
remember me as beautiful.

Of course, this is just a suggestion. Take it or leave it as you will, no offense taken. Otherwise, good stuff! Keep up the good work and continued success with your writing!

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
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Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi there!

Welcome to WDC! I noticed that you were new to the site so I wanted to drop by your port and give you a quick review!

Thank you for sharing your work! This was an interesting poem. Certainly, I think any reader can appreciate the depth of emotion that you are trying to convey and can certainly relate. My only critique--and please, take this with a grain of salt--to perhaps try to shoot for more original or unique ways of expressing your love and affection for your beloved. Although I would admit that sometimes it can be difficult to find new ways to say "I love you", in the end I think it will make a more prominent statement for you and make your work stand out more.

In any case, thank you for sharing your work and welcome again to the site. Continued success with your writing and your future endeavors.

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
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#1718637 by Maryann
228
228
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there!

Welcome to WDC! I noticed that you were new to the site so I thought I'd drop in and give you a quick review!

Thank you for sharing your work. This was an interesting piece of prose. I thought that within the short context of your piece, you were able to clearly to define a beginning, middle, and end to your piece. I always appreciate writers who can tell a story--a good story--with a low word count. I have such a hard time with that!

In any case, I think that plot was firm; it was kind of like a "minute in the day of a life" kind of a thing, like a snippet into someone's day. As such, I thought you were easily replicate the normalcy of a conversation that anyone could be having in the early hours of the morning before someone starts their day, so good job there.

In terms of critique, I would tell you that you have a couple of typos here and there that you may want to identify and correct, and there were two errors in particular that I wanted to mention: you set of your dialogue lines with apostrophes as opposed to quotations marks, and there was something a little weird here:

You wrote:
Then, returning home, I want to be on my own, it’s a personal thing dying I say. I want to play my favourite vinyl record on an old fashioned record player and sit back in my most comfortable chair. Then to close my eyes and slowly drift away.

This part is not tagged for dialogue, and yet, at one point, you have the expression "I say", which tells me the narrator is speaking as opposed to narrating. Perhaps something like this.

"Then, returning home," I say, "I want to be on my own. It’s a personal thing, dying is. I want to play my favourite vinyl record on an old fashioned record player and sit back in my most comfortable chair. Then close my eyes and slowly drift away."

I changed it a little bit, but something like that.

Anyway, I hope this helps. Again, welcome to the site and continued success with your writing endeavors.

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
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#1718637 by Maryann
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Review of A Plain Life  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there!

Welcome to WDC! I noticed that you were new to the site so I thought I'd drop in and give you a quick review!

Thank you for sharing your work. This was a very good piece of prose. I enjoyed it very much, and I think you addressed something that a lot of people--certainly a lot of writers--can relate to. Sometimes people look at you one way, never knowing that you are something else entirely, never knowing that you are stronger, much stronger than they assume. I think this something that will resonate with any reader.

In any case, good job with this one. Take care, and again, welcome to WDC.

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
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#1718637 by Maryann
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Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi there!

Welcome to WDC! I saw that you were new to the site and I wanted to give you a quick review of your story!

Thank you for sharing your work! Your story was interesting, but I felt that it could use some more work. I wasn't sure what the point of the piece was. I understand that a young girl was daydreaming, and perhaps she liked to daydream constantly, but to what end? Is she escaping the realities of everyday life? Towards the end of your story, a comment is made that "a dream is only a dream until you fear it then it becomes your worst nightmare". I didn't understand this because I didn't see the truth of this statement manifest itself anywhere in the story. What was she dreaming about that became a nightmare for her? What was it that she feared? I was left with quite a few questions.

In terms of the writing, I think it is evident that you are making your way with your craft, but there were a few errors here or there in grammar or punctuation that you may want to revisit. In particular, there is a problem of tense shift within your story that can be jarring for the reader. In the beginning of your piece, the story starts in the present tense, but as it progresses (the second paragraph) it switches to the past tense. By the end of the story, it goes back to the present tense for a moment, then it ends with the past tense, so you may want to look at that and correct those issues accordingly.

In any case, I hope this has been helpful, but please feel free to disregard anything you disagree with, these are only my opinions, nothing more. Welcome again to WDC, and I hope you will continue to write and grow!

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
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#1718637 by Maryann
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Review of I Miss You  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi there!

Welcome to WDC! I saw that you are kind of new to the site, so I wanted to stop by and give you a quick review!

Thank you for sharing your work. I think this is a very nice poem. Certainly, I think any reader could appreciate the breadth of emotion that you are trying to express, and I'm sure we've all missed someone dearly at some point in our lives. As such, this is an easily relate-able topic that you have chosen to write about.

Thanks again for sharing your work!

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
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#1718637 by Maryann
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Review of Him  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi there!

Welcome to WDC! I saw that you were new to the site and I wanted to give you a quick review!

Thank you for sharing your work. You have a very interesting piece here. I liked the ambiguous nature of your character: "him". I liked trying to imagine who he was, why he was doing what he was doing, what he looked like, etc. I thought that was one of the best elements of your piece.

In terms of the writing, I would critique a few things. First, you have quite a few errors in punctuation and syntax that you may want to revisit because otherwise it's a little difficult to read. For example, you wrote:

“Like I said. I don't want to be here” “There's a reason for everything.” I looked at his light grey eyes. They're so friendly and inviting. They make you want to tell him everything. The others seemed cold and uncaring.

In order for the reader to better catch the flow of conversation, you need a new line for each person's dialogue. It should look like this:

“Like I said. I don't want to be here.”
“There's a reason for everything.”
I looked at his light grey eyes. They're so friendly and inviting. They make you want to tell him everything. The others seemed cold and uncaring.

By placing each line of dialogue on it's on line (as they are each separate and complete thoughts), the read has a better understanding of who is speaking. Additionally, a dialogue tag could be helpful, like this:

“Like I said. I don't want to be here.”
“There's a reason for everything,” he said.
I looked at his light grey eyes. They're so friendly and inviting. They make you want to tell him everything. The others seemed cold and uncaring.

Additionally, you also have some shifts in tense that you should review. For example, you wrote:

I looked at his light grey eyes. They're so friendly and inviting. They make you want to tell him everything. The others seemed cold and uncaring.

The first and last sentence of this little passage is in the past tense, but the second and third sentences are in the present tense. This can be jarring for the reader and make it difficult to read.

I hope this has been helpful, but please disregard anything you disagree with. In any case, welcome again to WDC. I hope you continue to write and grow here with us on the site!

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
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#1718637 by Maryann
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Review of Far Away  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hi there!

Welcome to WDC! I saw that you were new to the site, so I thought I'd give you a quick review!

Thank you for sharing your work! This piece was very interesting. Certainly, you can tell there is a lot of emotion in your writing and I think anyone can relate to the passion that you want to convey, so that's good.

I do have a few critiques though that you may want to consider to help improve your writing, however, please know that these are only my opinions, so use them as you see fit.

First, I wondered about the format of your piece. It didn't really read like a short story, but I think that's the genre that I found it under. But as there is no plot or action or conflict or resolution, I wondered if this could be really considered a short story. To me, it felt more like a poem, and I think that you could easily break up the passage into stanzas without having to do much re-writing of your content.

In terms of the mechanics of your writing, I found that there were quite a few spelling and grammatical errors that can be a distraction for the reader. If you keep your piece how it is, I would suggest that you fix a lot of the errors, mostly spelling. However, if you were to turn it into a poem, I think you could get away with a few things, because poetry tends to be less rigid and constrictive. For example, you frequently wrote "u" instead of "you". In a story, I would suggest you spell it correctly. However, in a poem, I think you could get away with it. In any case, you may want to peruse it again, looking for typos, spelling and grammar errors.

Lastly, I don't know how long you have been a member, but you may want to very seriously regard the rating of your piece. You have some overt sexual content in your piece, and this site works very hard to ensure that content is rated accurately for the appropriate audience it is intended for. You have this rated as "E" for everyone, but as there are minors who do use and frequent this site, you may want to change the content rating to 18+. This site is great because it doesn't censor, but it does want to ensure and promote a safe, reading environment for all participants.

I hope this was helpful. Again, welcome to the site!

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
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#1718637 by Maryann
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Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi there!

Welcome to WDC! I saw that you were new to the site so I thought I'd give you a quick review!

Thank you for sharing your work. This was a very interesting piece. Certainly, there is a lot of emotion represented here in your piece, and that is of course commendable. I think any reader could relate to the emotion you present here when the lose a loved one--no matter how that loss occurs: via break-up, death, etc, so good job there.

My critique of your piece really comes in the form of a question: is this a letter you're writing? A note? It doesn't feel like a story per se although that's the genre that this piece fell under, so I'm curious. There was no plot or conflict or resolution, so that's why I'm asking. I think that this would be better presented in the style of a letter; I think you would get more bang for your buck as such. In any case, it's just a thought.

Anyway, thank you again for sharing your work. I hope this has been helpful, but please feel free to disregard anything within this review that you disagree with or you feel is unwarranted.

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
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#1718637 by Maryann
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Review of A Mermaid's Tears  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there!

Thank you for sharing your work! This poem was absolutely lovely! I liked that you told an actual story in verse form. Especially one so romantic in nature. It was an absolutely refreshing read from the usual fare in terms of the structure and the content, and yet you were still able to keep and adhere to a concrete rhythm and rhyme scheme that I enjoyed very much. Additionally, the story itself that you crafted was absolutely brilliant. I thought the poem was filled with lots of concrete imagery and as such, it was very easy to visualize this couple at the beach, young and in love, enjoying their time together with tales of fantasy that help to reinforce their own love for one another.

Again, thank you for sharing your work. And congratulations on your win! It certainly was well-deserved!

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
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by Maryann
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Review of The Bell Tolls  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi there!

You reviewed a story of mine yesterday and I wanted to return the favor!

Thank you for sharing your work, this was very interesting. By the words in bold, I gathered that you had to write a short piece using all of those words. If so, you certainly did a good job meeting the challenge of the prompt by finding a clever and creative way to incorporate all the elements into the story in a way that sounded natural. I thought you created a great little scenario, and the story had a clear beginning, middle, and end. It did keep my interest, which I would think is difficult to do with such a short word count, so that's good.

My only critique would be that there are some issues in presentation as well as punctuation and capitalization. There are some places where italics would be appropriate and make the passage easier to read. For example, you wrote:

I sat down, thinking this is going to be good!.

My suggestion:
The sentence should look like this:
I sat down thinking, This is going to be good!

In any case, thanks for the read and write on!

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
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Review of Concert for One  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there!

You placed a request for a review of this item on the review page, so I wanted to help out!

You wanted answers to these two questions: Is it vivid enough? How could the vision be enhanced?

I thought you did will to paint a vivid portrait of the scene unfolding before the young man who was observing the flute player. It wasn't hard at all to see the action as you described it, and you made great use of verbs that were both vivid and active so that the reader is easily able to "see" the scene as it unfolds. I also thought that it was a lovely concert that was being held for this inauspicious audience of one: a young boy plays the flute for a kitten. That was very sweet.

My only critique of your piece would be this: at one point, you begin to repeat a certain pattern, and it begins to wear on the ear a little. You said things like: his plump cheeks, his jeans, his slender arms, his chin, his childish fingers, etc. In such a short piece, these phrases are in very close proximity and it becomes a little repetitive. I would have changed a few things; for example, instead of "his jeans" perhaps you could say something like "The jeans he wore, rolled up to the knee, revealed....." It would help to break up that pattern somewhat.

I hope this was helpful!

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
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Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there!

I know that this is the prompt for today's Writer's Cramp, and let me just say, I thought you did an awesome job meeting the challenge of the prompt, especially in verse! When I saw the prompt, all I could think was "Ugh!" Now I see your entry and I see the potential...albeit too late. Anyway, I think the best thing about this poem is the end, which I thought to a very noble turn and ended on a high, almost moral, note. I liked that very much; it was a lovely surprise at the end of this poem.

Not to be forgotten however, let me also mention the rhythm and the rhyming scheme: I thought they were both on point. Additionally, your wording was pretty strong, I thought. Helped to set a great tone.

Anyway, good job with this, and good luck tomorrow!

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
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Review of The Hollow Keys  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi there--

You reviewed a story for me earlier this week and I wanted to return the favor!

Can I just say--WOW! In terms of the writing, this was beautifully written. You have great control of your pen, and it shows with every word, sentence, and paragraph. I thought your word choice was very concise but also very visual and descriptive, and I was easily able to see the action happening around me as I read. I especially thought the first paragraph was fantastic; this is important because it really gives the reader a reason to continue reading. It was like an invitation, and I was happy to receive it and keep reading.

In terms of the plot, I was intrigued, but I would say that I was left wanting a bit more. What happens to Lief? Is he now able to write stories for the Scribes? Is witnessing and being party to a horrific, ghoulish act of murder--however mystical--enough for him to become a success? Actually, my interpretation lead me to believe that ultimately, Lief would not write horror; in fact, I felt that he might well turn away from that genre altogether due to his trauma with this girl and her trials. The story ended a little too abruptly for me, and as I already indicated, I would have liked to read more. Certainly, there is room for further development, but this is just my opinion, of course.

In terms of errors in grammar, spelling and/or punctuation, I only saw two teeny, tiny errors:

You wrote:
“Yeah, I uh. I heard this place..."

My suggestion:
I would place elipses after the "uh". It would help manifest that sense dragging it out like in normal speech.

You wrote:
“Yes, I-. They’re fantastic.”

My suggestion:
I think the punctuation is a little off. I would put it like this:
“Yes, I---they’re fantastic.”

Otherwise, excellent work proofing your story.

Anyway, great work with this one. A lovely read.

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John

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Review of Time Stand Still  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi there!
I was curious to see what someone came up with this title, and I have to say, I thought this was lovely. It was very emotive, and I truly felt that this poem exuded a great bit of warmth and tenderness. I got the impression that this was expressly written for someone close to you, and I am sure that someone will greatly appreciate.

The wording was simple, but I nthought that given the nature of your poem, it was still kind of eloquent.

Thank you for sharing!
Elizabeth John
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Review of Way Home !  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there--

You reviewed something of mine earlier this week and I wanted to return the favor!

Thank you for sharing your work. I liked this poem very much. For me, what appealed to me was the story-like nature of your verse; I'm finding that as time goes on, that's the kind of poem that appeals to me personally. I also thought that a reader could easily find deeper meaning in the last line, given that this is a poem about Ghandi. I could see the argument being made that on a grander scale "finding home" could be finding ourselves, our nature, our identity as a people, and not just the obvious meaning stated. I guess that's the wonder of poetry: it lends itself to interpretation and people can find all kinds of value in your words.

In any case, good job with this one, and write on!

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
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Review of Better days  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi there--

You reviewed a piece of my work earlier this week and I wanted to return the favor!

Thank you for your sharing your work. Clearly this is a very emotive poem, but if I could make a suggestion...? (Although I would tell you that I am very new to writing poetry, so please take my suggestion with a grain of salt and an open mind.) I would flesh it out a little more, and perhaps work to make it a little more unique. I think that although the sentiment you are trying to convey is common, your wording should be extraordinary in order to make it really stand out.

Lastly, there's one small "technical" problem: in the second to last stanza, there is no rhyme scheme. All the other stanzas end in rhyme, and because this one stanza does not, it seems a little awkward.

Anyway, that's all. I hope this was helpful, but please feel free to disregard anything you disagree with or that you feel is unmerited. These are only my opinions, nothing more.

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
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Review of Crowned Clown  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi there-

You reviewed something of mine earlier this week and I wanted to return the favor!

Thank you for sharing your work! I liked this poem, and I liked the notion of a poem about a court jester. I found him to be evil, and while his audience is laughing at his antics, his wreaking havoc and destruction on the kingdom.

I did find one typo:

You wrote:
I cut of his head.

My suggestion:
I think you meant to say OFF.

Thanks again, and write on!
Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
** Image ID #1795159 Unavailable **
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Review of Beautiful Girl  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello there!

You reviewed something of mine a few days ago and I wanted to return the favor!

Thank you for sharing your work. Although I have just began dabbling This was a very interesting poem, I especially liked the beginning of your poem. I was always a little lost though from the middle of the end, mainly because for me the switch in subjects were a little disconcerting (from "she" to "you" and back again). However, I think I got the gist of the sentiment being conveyed, and I liked it.

There is one small typo in the piece:
You wrote:
Even though your still so far away

My comment:
your should be you're

Thank you for sharing your work and write on!

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
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Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello there!

You reviewed something of mine yesterday and I now wanted to return the favor!

This little passage was just lovely, especially the first two paragraphs. They are beautifully written, and wonderfully descriptive. I liked the emotion that you evoked in this passage, and as the reader, I could really get into Deja's joy and love for train travel. I also liked this piece because it was a great shout-out to that era of train travel and the experience of it. It is something that is becoming lost here in our country; abroad, train travel still has the pulse of the people as it is a prominent way to travel, but not here. It's a shame also, because when you read something like this which can depict such beauty, you wonder why it isn't so here. And mind you, I say all this to you, and I absolutely hate to travel by road or rail---go figure! *Rolleyes*

In any case, thank you for sharing your work! I thoroughly enjoyed this.

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
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Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there!
I just wanted to say that I really liked your poem! Certainly you met the challenge of the promt very well, and I loved that you answered so many questions about so many creatures, goblins and ghouls. If I had any questions before, I think you answered them all!

Also, although I'm no expert on poetry, I thought your poem had great rhythm and rhyme. It made it very easy to read and increased my joy of it a tenfold.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on!
Elizabeth John
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Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Why, hello there, my tied for first place friend! *Bigsmile*

I just read your poem and I really liked it. I loved the message you were trying to conveying, and I think you have a lot of brilliant stanzas in your poem. And I loved, loved, loved the ending. I liked that the one telling the tale was actually probably the greatest demon or monster of all, and the irony that he is warning the reader that he himself is the danger that they should fear! Very clever!

My only critiques are with the punctuation and line presentation. However, before I start, let me say that I am also very new to writing poetry, especially using strict rhyme and rhythm schemes, so please consider my words with a grain of salt if necessary. But I get the impression you have the same problems as I do with rhythm, if that's not too presumptuous. In any case, I think you want to reconsider some of the commas you have dispersed throughout your piece. For me, when I was reading, when I got a comma, of course I paused, but then the rhythm would be thrown off. Same for the line breaks. There may be some spots where you might consider combining two lines so the rhythm is not halted by the slight pause that is built in to a line break. I'll give you an example of each:

You wrote:
So, come, venture out- if you dare.

My suggestion:
I don't think you need any of the commas in this line, but I would keep the dash. The pause created by the dash adds that element of drama and mystery.

You wrote:
They see pleasure where others,
Despair.

My suggestion:
Here I don't think you need the comma, and actually, I think I would put despair on the previous line. It might read better and catch the rhythm as intended.

And finally, I just wanted to point out the parts that I just loved:
You wrote:
We're all flawed,
Of course,
But we feel remorse;
While they feel a lust when they err.

I just thought this was very very cool.

You wrote:

To the sights that are seen-
Unclean and obscene-
These sights
On this night,
So beware.

Also very awesome. *Smile*

Anyway, that was a fun, great read. I thoroughly enjoyed, the content of your message was right up my alley. Congrats on your share of the win!

Oh, and Happy Halloween!

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
** Image ID #1816944 Unavailable **


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Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi there--

Thank you for sharing your work! I think you met the challenge of the prompt very well. Your story was well-written and a good pace and flow; I have to tell you, I'd be curious to see what your long version looked like. I know what you mean about the 1k word limits; very often, I have two versions of a story, the 1K version and the expanded (original) version. Usually after a contest, I post the original as soon as I can because usually the cut version tends to be richer with details and story.

Anyway, I liked the characters you created. I thought they were realistic characters that anyone could relate to, and the story you created about the club and the hotel was great. I don't know if it was super-original, but I think you ended the story on a note that kind of gave it a fresh feel, so kudos there.

Thanks again for the good read. Write on!

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
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Review of Snow White  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello--

You reviewed a piece of mine earlier and I wanted to return the favor!

I thought the ultimate premise of your story really has some teeth to it. I liked that the main character is stuck in this horribly dangerous situation, literally risking life and limb, and in his deteriorating state, begins to hallucinate about what will ultimately a prophetic vision of his health. So good job there!

I do believe, however, that your writing could be stronger. There are a few typos throughout your piece here and there, and in terms of the writing, there are some passages that are muddled and unclear. As the reader, I didn't understand why the character was going out into the blizzard, and why the car was three hours away. Generally, I would assume that a blizzard or storm of this magnitude didn't just "pop-up" so to speak, without warning. Surely the character should have known that this bad weather was coming. I guess my point here is that his or her reason for being out in the cold is both unclear and unreasonable, and so it's a bit difficult to "believe" that this person went outside. Perhaps something like the guy is on his way home, trying to beat a blizzard and perhaps his car breaks down. To that regard, s/he walks out, looking for shelter and can't get to it....something like that.

In any case, these are just my opinions. Please disregard anything you disagree with!

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
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Review of Terrible Beauty  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello there--

Thank you for sharing your work! I thought this story was brilliant. Certainly, you met the challenge of the prompt extremely well. The story itself is written beautifully, with a rich, lush language that helps make it easy to imagine everything that is going on: every scene, every emotion. Interestingly enough, I liked this entire story, but my single favorite paragraph is probably the one that had the least amount of action: the first one. I thought you did a great job in this single paragraph, setting the scene, the tone, and the mood. The descriptions were dead-on, and I felt like I myself was able to look upon a downtown city street with a new awareness of what makes up that city street, what elements actually bring it to life and give it personality. So bravo there!

The other cool thing about the story, I thought, is that it felt really complete. Usually you write a store for one of these contests, and because of the word count, sometimes it's easy for it not to feel complete. You get caught up in having to cut, cut, cut and heavily edit to make the word count. At least, that's how it goes for me. But your story felt absolutely finished, and if it were me, I wouldn't add or touch a single thing.

Anyway, great work here. Thank you for the read and write on!
Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
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