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945 Public Reviews Given
1,046 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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151
151
Review by Equilibrium
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Reading*What a sweet letter! It can almost be a love letter, only with descriptions of Paris. *Smile*

I spotted a couple of lines that might require your attention:

Shelley, you probably think I’m nut for starting my letter like so, but I am completely enthralled by Paris.
I think that you should add 'a' between 'I'm' and 'nut' or just simply write 'nuts'.

I took the well-traveled stairs from one of the feet, to the second level and then an elevator went to the top.
This line was a little confusing. Maybe you should rewrite or rephrase it a little so the meaning would be clearer.

The river is bit polluted, I won’t lie about that, but as I raked my eyes over the water, I saw a small little island.
There were two things I noticed here. First, I think you should add 'a' before the word 'polluted'; and second, the tense shifted. You used 'is' [The river is bit polluted], but then the rest of the sentence worked in past tense.

The opening paragraph was well-written and could hook a reader immediately. You used the words well and arranged them in such a way that made the letter interesting to read. *Smile*


Keep writing and God bless!

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152
152
Review by Equilibrium
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello Steph! *Smile*

This was an interesting nook of your port! I enjoyed checking out each of the items in here and had fun reading and knowing more about you.

Here, you mixed in a little of your WDC activities as well as your personal ones, and I must say that they jived. Keep up with the good work! *Thumbsup*


God bless,
Equilibrium

153
153
Review by Equilibrium
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Reading*This was a really nice piece about Christmas. I was immediately intrigued by this because of its unusual title and description, and I can now say that I'm glad I checked it out. *Smile*

*Thumbsup*Positive Points +
*Bullet*The mood you had set in the beginning was wonderful. It was happy, cheery, and full of selflessness.
*Bullet*The characters were all likeable.
*Bullet*The narration was good, and the descriptions you used were effective in making the readers visualize the scene vividly in their minds.
*Bullet*The almost playful aura in the story kept it lighthearted.

*Thumbsdown*Negative Points:
*Bullet*I noticed that there were some lines where the tense shifted. I took the liberty of highlighting pne for you:

Robyn's phone call from the car as they raced the many snowy miles towards the sanctuary of the mansion convinced him to make an exception in this case.

*Gift1*Suggestion(s):
*Bullet*I think this piece would be an easier read if only the title and the name of the author was bolded.


Keep writing and God bless!

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154
154
Review of The Last Guardian  
Review by Equilibrium
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Reading*This was a really good piece. At first, I had the impression that this was a serious tory and was confused by you tagging it in the satire genre. Then, when I reached the end, I just had to smile. *Smile*

*Thumbsup*Positive Side +
*Bullet*I found no grammatical/punctuation errors.
*Bullet*The use of WritingML (INDENT, CENTER) worked out favorably. It was a much easier read because of it.
*Bullet*The narration was good and the dialogue was interesting.
*Bullet*You provided vivid descriptions, and it really helped in creating the mood and making the readers feel like they could actually see what was going on in the story.

*Thumbsdown*Negative Side -
*Bullet*I really didn't find anything, for there were no errors and it was written well and with thought. THere were just some parts that I had to re-read to get its full meaning, but hey, that's just me. *Smile*


Keep writing and God bless!
Equilibrium

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155
155
Review by Equilibrium
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hey there!

I personally think that it's great the way you created your own item which explained your reviewing methods. We all have our different views, but making people understand why you thought his work was great or just the opposite could be very important.

You wrote some very valid points as to what rating corresponds to your view of the piece. I can say that much of them were similar to my won. *Smile*

I also checked out the links you added about reviewing, and I found them extremely well-written and helpful. You certainly picked them well.

Keep up your good work around the site; we all appreciate you for it! *Smile*

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156
156
Review by Equilibrium
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hey Steph,

This was a short but packed bio. I liked how you only picked out the most important aspects of your life and wrote it. This was certainly interesting and not boring, for as you may well know, some bio's out there tend to stretch on and on and on. This, however, could still work out fine even if you add more facts about you. Its length was ideal.

The use of WritingML and the picture at the top was also a nice touch. It made reading easier and colored things up. *Smile*

Thank you for sharing this with us!

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157
157
Review of Gifts  
Review by Equilibrium
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hey there!

This was a nice series, and a certainly enjoyable read, especially around Christmastime. *Smile* Through your stories you managed to convey a simple message to us all, and lessons that one could learn from the different family members.

A few suggestions:
*Bullet*There were some parts where you chose to capitalize the words to express stress. I suggest for you to italicize them instead.
*Bullet*Watch out for shifting tenses.
*Bullet*Add color to the stories by using vivid descriptions.
*Bullet*Make the readers feel connected to the characters by providing enough explanation and narration about the people around them.

Keep up the good work! *Thumbsup*

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158
158
Review of Gifts #6  
Review by Equilibrium
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
*Thumbsup*Positive Side +
*Bullet*This was a nice conclusion to the series. The idea of having another Masterson added to the family actually made me feel happy. *Smile*

*Thumbsdown*Negative Side -
*Bullet*The errors were the same as I had discussed in my past reviews.


Keep writing and God bless!
Equilibrium

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159
159
Review of Gifts #5  
Review by Equilibrium
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Thumbsup*Positive Side +
*Bullet*There was more narration in this chapter. It was good; you explained all of the relations the famiy have.
*Bullet*You provided more description when it came to the setting—good job! *Smile*
*Bullet*I like the new angle on Hope. She was immediately a likeable character.

*Thumbsdown*Again, there were some grammatical and punctuation errors. In the former, there were some incidents of shifting tenses while in the latter, comma placement was a problem.

*Gift1*Suggestion(s):
*Bullet*Keep editing and polishing your work; it would really pay off in the end. *Smile*


God bless!
Equilibrium

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160
160
Review of Gifts #4  
Review by Equilibrium
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*Thumbsup*Positive Side +
*Bullet*I feel like I'm beginning to know the Masterson family more and more, which is good since you need to connect with the readers.
*Bullet*You provided a fair play of romance in this story.

*Thumbsdown*Negative Side -
*Bullet*There were some grammatical/punctuation errors.
*Bullet*I felt like you didn't build up the moments in this story as much as I would like.
*Bullet*I think that there was not enough narration and description.

*Gift1*Suggestion(s):
*Bullet*Add in more adjectives, for they really define the 'moments' in a story. Also, in the part where the conflict was going on between the Mastersons and the Blackwells, build up the tension and make the readers feel like they, too, were there and seeing it unfold.Good narration would take care of that.

*Reading*Mainly, I think that the only thing that is lacking is explanations, presentation and narration. That was just my sole opinion, though, and you may or may not take any of my ideas and suggestions. *Smile*


God bless!
Equilibrium

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161
161
Review of Gifts #3  
Review by Equilibrium
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Thumbsup*Positive Side +
*Bullet*It's really sweet and cute how Terri was portrayed. Her childish behavior wasn't annoying but lovable, and you did a good job on presenting her to be like that. *Smile*
*Bullet*The length of the piece was ideal.
*Bullet*The possibility of having another Masterson added was good and a brought a smile to my face. *Smile*

*Thumbsdown*Negative Side -
*Bullet*I find it a little on the over side that Jessie's shock lasted until Mr. Masterson arrived to pick Terri up.
*Bullet*There were also some grammatical/punctuation errors to look out for when you edit.

*Reading*I liked the POV of this piece. You made me believe that this story was actually told by a real child. Overall, good job!


God bless,
Equilibrium

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162
162
Review of Gifts #2  
Review by Equilibrium
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*Thumbsup*Positive Side +
*Bullet*Again, the great side about this piece was the simple message and family warmth it exudes.
*Bullet*The latter part was good (the conversation of Mr. Masterson and his daughter).
*Bullet*Overall, this was just a sweet, family-friendly piece that portrays the characters a real person can have. *Smile*

*Thumbsdown*Negative Side -
*Bullet*I think that this lacks introduction and narration.
*Bullet*I felt that the fact that the Masterson family were millionaires were not presented well. They acted like normal, average people, but if that's the way you to present them, then state an explanation through narration so the readers won't be thrown off.

*Gift1*Suggestio(s):
*Bullet*Add in more narration. Go wild and add in some descriptions! It really helps to make the readers see and feel what your characters see, and good imagery would help you with that.


Keep writing!
Equilibrium

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163
163
Review of Eternal Light  
Review by Equilibrium
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey there!

Another well-written poem. *Smile* The rhyme scheme was well arranged and each line accentuates the next. Though a little long, the length didn't work negatively because the words were all picked well and their play was effective.

Favorite Part:
For whose right is it to be free?
To claim this prize for those who’ve died,

Suggestion:
Capitalize the word(s) pertaining to the Savior or to the Lord.

Keep up the good work! *Smile*

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164
164
Review of Gifts #1  
Review by Equilibrium
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello!

I enjoyed reading this story. It was a sort of everyday kind of plot, but there's lessons hidden in its message. It was nice to just sit back and read an easy and comfortable story.

Good Points:
*Bullet*There's heart in this story. It's what I really liked about it. *Smile*
*Bullet*I didn't find any grammatical errors.
*Bullet*It was not boring. Though it's a little long, it kept me interested and intrigued as to where the story would go.

Negative Points:
*Bullet*In some parts, there were not enough explanations. It seemed a little rushed, and one fact just jumps out without any warning. An example of this is their family being a millionaire; I suggest for you to put in that information at the beginning.

Suggestion:
*Bullet*Use an M-dash (ALT + 0151) instead of a dash and do not put any space before or after it.


Keep writing!
Equilibrium


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165
165
Review by Equilibrium
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello!

This was a really interesting story. You got me hooked, and I think you should definitely enlarge this into a bigger story—a novel, maybe?

The ingredient of history and fantasy with a dose of reality worked really well. The characters, especially the lead, was realistic, with him being sarcastic at first, but then believing at the end.

There were a couple of mistakes I noticed, but a thorough re-read would surely reveal themselves to you.

I also suggest for you to double space between the paragraphs; it would be much easier on the reader's eyes if you do.

I am really intrigued and interested in what you have come up here. I hope you do a follow-up. *Smile*


Keep writing!
Equilibrium

166
166
Review of PERPETUAL LOVE..  
Review by Equilibrium
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello there, Shara-vacationing till Feb 20 ! *Smile*

Another interesting creation here.

Good Points:
*Bullet*The readers are immediately drawn in because of the pretty image at the top; I think it's a really good idea to use pictures so you can convey the message not only with words but also with images.
*Bullet*Again, the use of WritingML was satisfying. The color fit well with the picture, and the centered text made the poem much easier on the eyes.
*Bullet*For the flow, it was smooth. The wordplay and rhyme scheme you arranged helped in that field, and I can say that you did pretty well in writing this piece. *Smile*

Favorite Part:
The mellifluous sound of your heartbeats
Embodies silent words that stir my heartbeats
Here in your arms I'll live an eternity
Not offended by breaths that slowly cease..

-I like the words and descriptions you used in this verse. Very pretty. *Thumbsup*

Suggestion(s):
*Bullet*I noticed that some of the words were capitalized, such as the word know in the line I dont Know what intoxication. I think it should be lower-cased.
*Bullet*Not all of the lines have to be started with a upper-cased words, such as
I know I am drowning in your love
But myself I do not wish to save,

The thought was continuous, so I suggest for you to not capitalize the word but in the second line.
*Bullet*Use an ellipsis (...) instead of just writing two (..).
*Bullet*The last line didn't sit well with me. I felt like the thought wasn't complete.
*Bullet*The link you posted after the poem was too close to its body; maybe you can put a few spaces between the actual piece and the link to establish the finality and ending of the poem.


Keep writing!
Equilibrium

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167
167
Review of Image Shelf  
Review by Equilibrium
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello StephBee - House Targaryen !

You have an interesting mix of images in this corner of your port. It's always nice to put a afce to the character, for the readers can identify with the roles they play more easily and can form their own conclusions more freely. Great collection! *Bigsmile*


God bless,
Equilibrium

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168
168
Review of All That Remains  
Review by Equilibrium
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello!

Nice collage! It's small, but the characters jive together well. The text also helps in adding something 'extra' to the image.

I find your character choices interesting, at the least. *Smile* Keep up the good work and keep on entertaining us all!


God bless,
Equilibrium

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169
169
Review by Equilibrium
Rated: E | (4.5)
This image is quiet interesting. I love the colors used and the 'shadowy' aura it exudes. The colors worked favorably and made it appear like the characters are really together and not separated. It is cleverly made.

Also, I liked the formatting of the text. Simple, yet effective.


God bless!
Equilibrium

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170
170
Review by Equilibrium
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey there, StephBee - House Targaryen !

Another interesting mix of characters you have here. *Smile*

I really liked how you formatted the text in glowing red—it makes it more visible and tells a little of the story in its own way.


Keep up the good work!
Equilibrium

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171
171
Review by Equilibrium
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello StephBee - House Targaryen !

I am not part of this said campfire, but I find the characters included in this image a mix of interesting characters. They exude conflict yet present compatibility with each other at the same time, and that is what makes it so effective. *Smile*

A suggestion:
I think it would look better if you just write the text directly below and omit the white space. In my opinion, it would look better with WDC's background on the text itself, but that's just a suggestion.


Merry Christmas!
Equilibrium

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172
172
Review by Equilibrium
Rated: E | (5.0)
Another fitting image! It's a little dark, but in my opinion it adds to the majesty and mystery. It made it more intriiguing.

I love the details, such as their dresses and jewelry. Their appearance fits the novel, and gives us readers a more definite view of the characters.

Again, where did you get this? I will be totally amazed if you made this yourself. *Smile*


God bless!
Equilibrium

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173
173
Review by Equilibrium
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey there!

These are interesting characters you picked, but it made me interesred in your novel. *Smile* It sounds intriguing and I think the characters were captured well by the actor/actress you chose. Good job, Steph. *Thumbsup*

My suggestion:
Link your novel "Destination:Berlin" at the description of this image.


Have a great day!
Equilibrium

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174
174
Review of Olga and Paul  
Review by Equilibrium
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello!

You picked the right faces for your novel, Steph. When Michelle Tractenberg puts on the dress of Olga's portrait in the previous item, she will be perfect for the role. The face of Agim Kaba is also the exact image of a face I envisioned for him. Two thumbs up for you! *Bigsmile*


Merry Christmas!


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175
175
Review by Equilibrium
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Steph!

I found this picture very fitting for Olga. I love the dress! It's just like what I imagined she was wearing when I was reading the book. The sash and the fan in her hand was also a nice touch, as well as the chair. It all look so very authentic and so Romanov. *Bigsmile*

I think this should be the picture of an older Olga, though. Her face in this image is a little mature, but still, it works. *Thumbsup* Did you make this image yourself? If you got it from the net I am really interested in the site you got it from. *Smile*


God bless!
Equilibrium


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