*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ghostranch/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/10
Review Requests: OFF
1,747 Public Reviews Given
1,900 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I would characterise my reviews as honest and polite. I try to approach each item as a writer and a reader. I keep writingML to a minimum as it is distracting to me. I am starting to experiment with templates, having never really used one before now -- please bear with me while I try to find one that suits my review style! I always try to be constructive, positive and encouraging in my reviews.
I'm good at...
Reviewing poetry, focusing on emotion, flow and imagery. I have a particular passion for short poetry.
Favorite Genres
Dark, Emotional, Experience, Nature, Personal, Psychology
Least Favorite Genres
Erotica (unless it's tasteful and non-clichéd!), Fanfiction, Religious, Sci-fi, Supernatural, Young Adult
Favorite Item Types
I prefer, and am most confident, reviewing poetry. But I do sometimes review short stories, essays and articles etc.
I will not review...
Erotica (unless it's tasteful and non-clichéd!), Fanfiction, Young Adult fiction, novels or novel chapters (unless I know you very well!), horror items rated above 18+ (though I am happy to review other genres with higher ratings), anything featuring vampires, anything written in "text speak" or any non-static or non-book items (except in special circumstances).
Public Reviews
Previous ... 6 7 8 9 -10- 11 12 13 14 15 ... Next
226
226
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Jakrebs ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.
.

Thank you for your entry.

I really enjoyed this thought-provoking piece of writing which explores the nature of man. The three-lined stanzas followed by the short, snappy lines is a very effective structure. You've come up with some clever examples -- I particularly liked the part about the artist. Some of them are quite emotional too and hit hard, for example the first and third stanzas.

The only problem I had with this piece really is that it reads more like cut up prose than poetry, especially the longer lines. You could try reading it aloud which might help you to identify where the rhythm is lost. I often find that works.

But still, I think this is a nicely written piece and it has got me thinking. Thanks for a great read.

Please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
227
227
Review of Dewdrops  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Christina~Thanks StoryMaster ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.
.

Thank you for your entry.

I think this is a beautifully written, poignant poem which seems to be about someone feeling too afraid to share their sadness with someone they love through fear of overwhelming them with the sadness too. There are many creative moments in this poem which I really enjoyed. I love the idea of 'soaking in comfort' and the warmth of someone's love melting a person's icy exterior, which they are desperately trying to hide behind. I felt caught up in the emotion of this poem and I could really relate to it. It tugged at my heartstrings.

I just have a few small suggestions. Firstly, the fifth line is a little cliché and it feels rather mundane among the other lines which are mostly very original. Secondly, I think in the twelfth line that the word 'I' would work better than 'just'. I think the flow is a little choppy here because the sentence doesn't read smoothly.

One last thing, I think the word 'eyes' gets repeated just a little too much. I know this was probably hard to avoid because of the subject matter but there might be a couple of places where you could use substitute words. Maybe 'for in your gaze' could replace 'for in your eyes'? I'm not sure!

Overall I think this is a sad and powerful poem and I really enjoyed reading it. Thank you for a great read. I hope you have found this review helpful.

(Please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded).

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
228
228
Review of Avenge my Weeps  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello AiEnma09 ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.


Thank you for your entry.

I found this to be a sad and dramatic poem about heartbreak and revenge. The emotion of this piece is very strong and I'm sure a lot of people will be able to relate to it.

I wasn't so sure about the structure of this poem. I feel the rhyme scheme is quite weak and you often use poor near-rhymes. Near-rhymes like pure/cruel don't work so well together in my opinion. Also, occasionally you seem to have stretched to reach the rhyme scheme and this has resulted in some weak lines, for example the second line of stanza four. The phrase 'long not brief' sounds awkward and the word 'long' really isn't needed at all as the reader will understand from the phrase 'not brief' that it's long, if that makes sense.

Also, I found the flow to be a little bit choppy. I often find keeping to consistent syllable count per line helps with the flow in more structured poems like this one. Also, reading a poem aloud can really help to identify the rough parts more easily.

It might be a good idea to watch out for clichés. This poem has a theme which has been explored many times before so to make it stand out you really need some interesting, fresh images to grab the reader's attention.

One last thing, there are some grammatical and tense errors in this poem so I really think it could benefit from a careful edit to catch those. As an example, I think 'promise' in the fourth line of stanza two should be 'promised'.

Overall I think this poem has a lot of potential. The emotion of it is very strong. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

(Please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded).

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
229
229
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello The Huntress ~ Finding Love ,

I am one of the judges of the "Invalid Item"  contest. Thank you for entering round 1.

I really enjoyed reading this interesting poem. There is some wonderful imagery in this piece and some very strong lines. The first stanza is beautiful yet almost disturbing in a way. The image you have created here is original and striking. I like your intriguing word choices. I particularly like the fourth line -- it grabbed my attention and I like the clever word play.

The second stanza is just as beautiful as the first in my opinion and I love your description of the moon in this part. The fourth line of this stanza is fantastic and I love the alliteration here.

The message is rather ambiguous and I'm not sure I want have understood it if I hadn't read your description line, but that's fine! I love poetry which hints at deeper meaning and makes me think. The striking imagery was enough to keep my attention anyway.

My only suggestion really is to be more consistent with your end-line punctuation. I personally think it is better to fully use punctuation or to remove it completely rather than just using it here and there.

That's just a small point though and overall I think this is an excellent piece of writing. The flow is great, the tone is rather unsettling and the imagery is incredible. Thanks for a great read.

I hope you have found this review helpful.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
230
230
Review of Sweet Sorrow  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon ,

I think this is a beautifully written, sad poem. I really enjoyed the emotion of it and I think a lot of people will be able to relate to it too. I love the simplicity -- it works really well. The poem flows wonderfully and the rhyme scheme is very strong.

The only suggestion I can think of really is to watch out for clichés and general, vague images. I think some more specific, concrete images could really help to enhance this poem and make it stand out.

However, I do like it as it is. As I said before, the emotion is very strong and conveyed effectively to the reader. Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
231
231
Review of Family Reunion  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello jaya ,

I found this to be a lovely poem about a family reunion. I really enjoyed the symbolism and imagery in this piece and particularly liked the 'moonlit lawn' description. This may be a small poem but you have packed a lot of emotion into and I really like the sentimental and nostalgic atmosphere you have created.

I just have a couple suggestions that you can, of course, use or ignore as you wish. Firstly, I found the flow of this piece a little awkward when I read it aloud. I think this might be because of the variation in line lengths. It might help to try and keep to a consistent syllable count. I also find that reading a poem aloud really helps me to identify any rough spots.

Secondly, I think your punctuation could use some work. You use end-line punctuation rather inconsistently so it might be a good idea to remove it completely. Of course this is just my opinion.

Overall I think you have a nice poem here and I enjoyed reading it.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
232
232
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello again, Harry ,

Thank you for bidding on my package in "SHERRI'S SIZZLING SUMMER AUCTION CLOSED" . This is 3/3.

This may be a short poem but it certainly packs an emotional punch as it has such a strong message. I think you have done a great job of getting that message across to readers in a powerful and creative way.

I found this poem a little awkward when reading aloud and I think that is because of the long line lengths. I often find in rhyming poetry that the rhythm becomes lost if the lines are long as the reader has to wait too long for the rhyme, so it loses its impact. I think this poem could be enhanced by cutting down some of the lines. Also, keeping to a consistent syllable count for each line could also help to improve the rhythm.

I hope you have found this review helpful. I have enjoyed my visit to your port.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
233
233
Review of Lest I Forget...  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Harry ,

Thank you for bidding on my package in "SHERRI'S SIZZLING SUMMER AUCTION CLOSED" . This is review 2/3.

I found this to be a comical little poem about aging and memory loss. I like the gentle humour of this piece. I particularly like the part about walking into a room and not being able to remember why you went in there in the first place. I don't think this just happens to older people though! It happens to me too and I'm twenty-three! *Rolleyes*

I think the flow of this poem could maybe use some work. Some of the longer lines seem to have a negative impact on the rhythm and I think the writing could generally be tightened. I feel there are a few unnecessary words in places, for example, in the eighth line I'm not sure the word 'rather' is needed and it draws the line out a bit, making the flow awkward. In the ninth line I think the word 'will' could removed to make the line read more smoothly and also as this word gets repeated in the next line. I think the word 'presently' from the second from last line could also be removed just to sharpen it a bit.

But overall I think this is a good poem and I enjoyed reading it. Thanks for the laugh.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
234
234
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Harry ,

Thank you for bidding on my package in "SHERRI'S SIZZLING SUMMER AUCTION CLOSED" . This is review 1/3.

I found this to be a nicely written poem about the seasons changing from winter to spring. I really like the opening line -- it is quite striking so grabbed my attention and made me want to read on. I think there is some nice imagery in this piece too. I particularly like the brown lawns tinted with green image. I also really like the third stanza and the idea that the trees 'shed their winter-bareness'. It is quite an unusual and striking idea.

I just have a few suggestions for this poem that you can, of course, ignore or use as you wish. Firstly, the flow of this poem is mostly very good but I feel it slips in a few places. I think in poetry it is important to make every word count and I feel a few words in this piece are not pulling their weight. As an example, the phrase 'to be sure' in the second stanza doesn't really seem necessary and I think the poem reads better without it. In the third stanza, the word 'sudden' isn't really needed as the word 'outburst' implies that it is sudden.

There are a few repeated words in this poem too that sound a little jarring when reading aloud. You use the word 'blossoms' twice very close together and also the word 'tulip'. I think varying the vocabulary a bit could help to enhance this poem.

One last thing, this is just my personal taste but I think that lines in a poem should always end with a strong word and not weaker words like 'a' and 'of'. This might just be something to bear in mind.

Overall I think this is a strong poem that maybe just needs a little polishing. Thank you for a great read. I hope you have found this review helpful.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
235
235
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Bikerider ,

I am one of the judges of the "Invalid Item"  contest. Thank you for entering round 3.

This is a fun poem about getting caught out in a downpour whilst on a fishing trip. I really like how the fisherman finds it funny and laughs it off when a lot of people would have been annoyed and let it spoil their day. You tell a good story here and it made me smile. I like the humour of it. I'd suggest selecting "comedy" as one of the item genres rather than just leaving it as "other".

Unfortunately you didn't meet all of the requirements for the form prompt. The syllable count for each line is correct and the repeated parts are great, but the rhyme scheme is incorrect. The Monotetra has a rhyme scheme like this: aaaa bbbb and so on.

I feel the punctuation could use some work in this piece. The part that most stuck out to me was the third line of stanza two. I think something like a dash or a colon is needed before the phrase 'a game' otherwise it is very hard to make sense of this line.

But overall I think this is a great, comical poem, which has a lot of potential. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
236
236
Review of The Climb  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello piewhackett1,

I think this is a very powerful and poignant poem and a wonderful tribute to your brother. I really love how you reflect on your positive relationship with him and not just the negatives of losing someone close to you. Your love for your brother is very clearly expressed in this piece.

For me, the emotion of this poem makes it a great read but there are few more technical things that could maybe use some work. Firstly, the punctuation usage is a bit erratic so I think this poem could use a careful edit.

Secondly, the rhythm wasn't quite there for me and I found some of the lines where words seem to have bee skipped quite awkward. As an example, in the second line of the first stanza, it would read more smoothly to me if the word 'the' came before the word 'back'. Again, I think maybe the first line of the third stanza would sound better if the word 'as' was placed after 'Army'.

Overall I think this is a very touching and emotional piece of writing. I am sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
237
237
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello BScholl ,

I am one of the judges of the "Invalid Item"  contest. Thank you for entering round 3.

I found this to be an intense and powerful poem about a tragedy which happened in Pennsylvania in 1889. I hadn't heard of the Old South Fork Dam so it was interesting to learn about something new.

I think you have done a great job with the form prompt, sticking to eight syllables per line and using a mono rhyme scheme for each stanza. I also think you have chosen an ideal subject for the form as the required repeated parts are effective and dramatic. The imagery in this poem is striking -- I especially like the 'wall of water' image. It conjures up quite a terrifying scene.

My suggestions are just picky things really. Firstly, there are a few commas in the middle of lines in this piece which aren't needed -- for example lines two and three in the second stanza and maybe line three in the final stanza too. Also, I wasn't too sure of the use of fullstops after every single line. I felt this made the flow a little halting. Of course this is just my opinion.

I found the last line of the second stanza quite awkward to read. I think all the Ws make this line hard to say aloud. That might just be me though!

Overall I think this is a very strong poem that stirred my emotions. Thank you for a great read.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
238
238
Review of I.O.U-I-LUV-U  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Lala ,

I think this is a very intriguing story you have here. Are you planning on expanding it at all? I think it works great as it is but also see there is room for more detail. I really love the beginning and how you show the passage of time. I think that part is very effective. I also think you have done a great job of conveying the main character's confusion.

At first I wasn't sure how the narrator could know some details of her life and then not know them at the same time. Then I thought she probably had some kind of brain injury which is why she was in a coma, so the information is still in her mind, just a part of her can't process it. Sorry if I am wrong but that is how I interpreted this part. Otherwise, I'm not sure I can make sense of it.

There are a few little things that I think could use some work. Firstly, the ellipsis near the beginning of the story should be made up of three dots. I was also confused by the capitalisation of the family's surname. I'm not sure this works.

Also, the last paragraph reads a little awkwardly to me. I think the first sentence of this paragraph is too wordy and could be cut down a bit. I feel the words 'to exist' could also be cut. I really like the last line though -- it has an emotional impact.

Overall I think this is a good, creative story and I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
239
239
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello moggiedog ,

This is an interesting poem that depicts the violence rife in South Africa. I have friends who used to live there and they too have described how violent it can be. The poem is pretty intense.

I'm not sure how to take the opening stanza. Are you being ironic here or are you really telling people not to be scared and to visit? If it is the latter then I think you need to do more to persuade people! Maybe you could describe some of the good parts of South Africa as I'm sure it can't all be bad.

I think you've got a good rhyme scheme in this poem but the rhythm was just a little off for me. Maybe keeping to a consistent syllable count for each line could help to improve the flow? I also find that reading a poem aloud really helps me to identify where the rhythm could use some work.

Overall I think this is a good poem. The message is quite harrowing and I think you have effectively conveyed that to the reader. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
240
240
Review of Mermaids  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Feywriter ,

I think this is a nice piece about mermaids that has a lot of potential. I like short, sharp poetry like this, which leaves the reader with a fleeting thought and image.

The main issue I had with this poem, really, is that a lot of the lines feel disjointed. I think connecting each line in a more definite way would really help the words to flow more easily. As an example, the third and fourth lines feel as if they have just been added in as an afterthought but they would work much better if you connected them to the previous lines in my opinion. Something like this might work:

'Children of Neptune,
with their love of trinkets
and fear of fishers,
feeling the constant pull...'

etc, etc. Do you see what I mean? It connects the lines which helps with the flow, also makes more sense and helps to give the poem an immediate feel.

I also think punctuation could really help with this poem. At the moment, it isn't clear whether the last two lines are one sentence or two separate thoughts and it is a little confusing.

One last thing, although I like the word 'sleek' to describe the mermaids, 'wet' is a little obvious and 'beautiful' is rather boring in my opinion. As this is the opening line I think the descriptions should be a little more vivid to really grab the reader's attention.

Overall I think you have a nice poem here and with a little work it could be a really great one. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found my review helpful.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
241
241
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Joy ,

I really enjoyed this poem and I like it even more with each read-through. It's a little ambiguous. but I like that, and the many unique descriptions held my interest all the way to the end. The imagery is fantastic and I love the almost mystical feel to the poem.

I quite like the layout of this poem. It is tempting to suggest making it more structured by breaking it into stanzas but I actually think it works well as it is. I feel the reader should be swept through the writing very quickly, leaping through each part like the lady you are writing about. I think you've done a good job with that.

I would suggest watching out for weak end-line words. Words like 'and' and 'of' don't work so well, in my opinion, and leave lines trailing. Also, I felt the word 'and' was overused in this poem. I can see a lot of them are necessary but maybe some could be cut. For example, perhaps 'tears of sorrow' would work instead of 'tears and sorrow'.

The last part of this poem, from 'She leaps from a father’s farewell,' is absolutely exceptional in my opinion. I love the description of his scalding cold shoulder and the assonance there is wonderful. The writing is tight and focused here. Nearer the beginning of the poem I think some of the longer lines give the poem a rambling feel which doesn't work quite so well -- the part about the medicinal tonic, for example, or the 'social rhetoric' part.

But overall I think this is a great piece and I like that it has really got me thinking. It is an unusual poem and I enjoyed it a lot. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
242
242
Review of Dream  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Bikerider ,

I am one of the judges of the "Invalid Item"  contest. Thank you for entering round 2.

I really like this poem about a couple who seem to have had a dream of a life together. Well, I couldn't quite tell if they really had had such life or if it was one person wishing it. But whichever it is, I like the story you tell and the emotions conveyed throughout this piece. Perhaps the reader isn't supposed to know! I think you have done a good job of following the contest prompt.

The poem may be a little clichéd but that seems to work for some reason. The smooth rhythm, strong rhyme scheme and beautifully expressed sentiments make this a very enjoyable read.

The only thing I can think to point out really is that the word 'and' has maybe been overused and is perhaps a little grating.

But otherwise I think this is a very strong poem. I enjoyed the simplicity of it and the gentle tone. Thank you for a great read. I hope you have found this review helpful.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
243
243
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Yellow Rose ,

Wow, there is so much emotion packed into this short poem. I felt genuinely moved by your words. Although there is a lot of sadness in this piece, there is positivity too about a very special love. I like the imagery and particularly liked the part about the bushes crying. It is a strange description but a very striking one too.

I think maybe the punctuation in this poem could use a little work. Personally, I think a colon after the word 'stood' in the first line would work better than a semicolon as it really helps to tie the lines together. But I absolutely love the two opening lines of this poem -- they grabbed my attention and made me want to read on. I think a comma would be fine at the end of the second line as the following two lines seem to be connected to it.

But overall I think this is a lovely, moving piece of writing. It seems to have come from the heart and that makes it a poignant read. Thank you very much for sharing this.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .{/b
244
244
Review of THE ANCHOR  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Yellow Rose ,

I think this is a beautifully written and inspiring poem about keeping faith during troubled times. I really like the simplicity of this piece. It has a subtle intensity about it though, which I think is very effective. It may be a short poem but it certainly packs an emotional punch. Although I am not a particularly spiritual person myself, I imagine a lot of people could draw comfort from your words.

I just have one very small suggestion to make. In the second stanza, the second line doesn't really follow on smoothly from the previous line, in my opinion. I think maybe you need to do something to connect the lines in this stanza in a more definite way. The only thing I can think to suggest is remove the word 'with' in this line and put something like: 'Our Father's arms are there to hold you' instead. I just feel that this reads more smoothly.

But overall I think this is a very nicely written poem and I enjoyed reading it. I hope you have found this review helpful.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
245
245
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Yellow Rose ,

This is such a sad poem. I felt moved by this and wanted to reach out and help the person who sits alone, existing not living, and forgotten by people who should care. I didn't understand why she is like this or what has happened to her but I don't think I am supposed to. I like this ambiguity -- I like poetry to get me thinking and asking questions. I think you have done an excellent job with the emotions of this piece, making it a very poignant read.

I can't quite put my finger on why, but I felt the flow of this poem was a little off. It might be because it is a bit wordy in places and reads more like prose than poetry but I'm not entirely sure. I personally think it needs more of a rhythm. Also, some of it is a little clichéd. I love the part about 'rocking the days away' and the window being 'her only friend' and think more original descriptions like this could really help this piece to stand out.

But overall I think you have a good poem here, which has the potential to be a great one. Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
246
246
Review of Dark Seasons  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello It's too hot already! ,

I found this to be an interesting and intense poem with a twist ending, which I have to say, I did not see coming! I really like the dark atmosphere you have created here, which builds with each stanza to the striking final line that has such an impact. I think you have done a good job keeping to the traditions of the form, using the 5/7/5 syllable count and including descriptive seasonal words in each haiku.

I just have one very small suggestion really, should 'was' in the third line of the first stanza be 'is'? As the rest of the poem is in the present tense, I think this line should be too.

That is such a minor thing though and overall I think this is a great, strong poem. I don't usually like this genre and subject matter but I did enjoy your poem. You put your own spin on it and I think it works well. Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
247
247
Review of Baby Powder  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Bikerider ,

I am one of the judges of the "Invalid Item"  contest. Thank you for entering round 1.

I found this to be a beautifully written poem about your granddaughter. The emotion of it is wonderful and I felt totally captivated by it. There are some lovely lines in this poem. I particularly like the part about the powder being left by 'a dream come true', and the part about a 'fairy brushing by' is stunning.

I just have a few suggestions to make if you wanted to work on this piece some more. Firstly, I really like the repetition throughout but wonder why you used a different form of the line in stanza three. I think it works fine for the last stanza to begin with a different line but I feel the repetition should be used consistently in the rest of the poem, if that makes sense.

Also, I personally think that the line 'There's baby powder on my shoulder' flows more easily than 'I have baby powder on my shoulder' and wonder if the poem would be enhanced if you used this line consistently instead. But I don't know! It's just an idea.

The rhythm was a little off for me in places. I think reading the poem aloud could really help you to hear where the flow is a little awkward. I often find that helps anyway.

But overall I think this is a wonderful piece of writing. There is so much love and tenderness in your words and that makes it a truly poignant poem. I hope you have found this review helpful. Thank you very much for a great read.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
248
248
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello BScholl ,

I am one of the judges of the "Invalid Item"  contest. Thank you for entering round 1.

I found this to be an interesting and thought-provoking poem about marriage and love. It has an unusual structure, which, for the most part, is very effective. I like the almost grand tone of the writing. I really like the flow of the first three stanzas and think your use of rhyme works well here to create a strong rhythm and sound.

The only thing I wasn't sure about in this part of the poem was the 'rings around their hands' line. It just sounds odd seeing has the rings would be on their fingers and not around their hands. Maybe the word 'upon' could work better than 'around' but then that still sounds like a bit of a stretch. Sorry I can't be more helpful!

Also, in the third stanza, I don't think the comma after 'pass' is necessary. I personally think the pause sounds strange.

Towards the end of the poem I felt some of the lines seem forced to fit your chosen structure. I think phrases like 'when passion was/not mild' sound unnatural. I was also a bit confused about why the youths would have grey in their hair. Sorry if I have misunderstood.

In the second from last stanza, the phrase 'Though said then they' is very awkward to read out loud and, again, sounds quite forced in my opinion. Maybe if you wanted to work on this poem some more you could try reading it aloud, if you haven't already, to help identify which parts don't flow so well and those that sound unnatural.

But overall I think this is a strong, striking poem and I enjoyed reading it. I really like how you came back to the first stanza at the end of the poem to really emphasise your point. Thank you for a great read. I hope you have found this review helpful.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
249
249
Review of Am I Free?  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello UniquelyMe ,

I am one of the judges of the "Invalid Item"  contest. Thank you for entering round 1.

I found this to be a poignant poem about the challenges and struggles of life. I could really relate to a lot of it as I have often felt like this. The emotion of this piece is very strong and that helped me to connect to your message.

I just have a few points and suggestions to make. Firstly, the poem doesn't really flow, in my opinion. I think some of the longer, drawn-out lines really have a negative impact on the rhythm because they are just too wordy. I would suggest trying to cut down some of the longer lines and see if that helps the poem to read more smoothly. Also, I have often found keeping a consistent syllable count for each line can greatly improve the flow, especially in a poem that contains rhyming couplets like this one.

Secondly, I personally feel the poem is a little general in places and doesn't really have anything to make it stand out from the many other poems like it. The theme you have chosen has been written about many, many times, which is fine, but to make your writing stand out, I think you really need to find a new way to approach the subject. I would suggest trying to avoid cliches such as comparing life to hell and describing time as slowing to a crawl etc. Of course this is just my personal opinion.

Lastly, I just noticed a couple of particularly awkward lines. In line 9, I think the word 'the' or 'a' is missing before the word 'cliff'. In the final line, the word 'ever' sounds quite clumsy and I really think this part sounds better without it. Also, like I said before, some of the longer lines are quite awkward too.

But overall I think this poem has a lot of potential. You have done an excellent job of conveying the intense emotions. This poem really tugged at my heart.

Thank you very much for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
250
250
Review of Riley's Lullaby  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Kelticmyst ,

I am one of the judges of the "Invalid Item"  contest. Thank you for entering round 1.

I really enjoyed this poem. It is obviously very personal to you and that makes it a poignant read. I like the emotion of it and think you have done a great job of conveying your love of your daughter to the reader.

I just noticed a few things that could use some attention, in my opinion, if you wish to work on this piece some more. Firstly, I may be wrong about this of course, but I don't think the word 'lullaby' should have an 'e' on the end of it. I've never seen it spelt this way anyway!

Secondly, there is a lot of repetition in this poem and it can sometimes become quite jarring. As an example, the word 'sleep' is repeated twice in the third stanza, very close together. I think maybe varying the vocabulary a bit could to help to strengthen the poem.

Lastly, some of the descriptions are a little vague and there aren't many specific images in the poem for readers to connect to. I do like the parts about the butterflies and kings and queens etc, so would have liked more things like this. An example where you could have more detail is in the third stanza. Maybe instead of describing the child as 'so lovely' you could write about what is lovely about her? Maybe you could pick out little details like, does she have cute freckles on her nose? Things like that. Do you see what I mean? I think this would just make the piece a little more interesting to the reader, but of course this is just my opinion.

Overall I think this is a lovely piece of writing. I particularly liked the first two stanzas and your use of assonance really helped the beginning of the poem to flow nicely. Thank you for a great read.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
532 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 22 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ghostranch/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/10